Good morning SLAYER! The difference between who you are and who you want to be is, what you do. Silence your inner saboteur.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
self-esteem
Are You Leaving Trap Doors For Yourself?
Even when we step into the light and start to forge a new path for ourselves, a path that honors who we are and where we want to go, a path that allows us to build self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, we can leave trap doors for ourselves to fall through. There are sometimes places inside of us that want to keep us where we were, that want to keep us back, that want us in the dark. We succumb to these places, and sometimes tell ourselves we belong there. And sometimes, we believe it. Why would we set ourselves up to fail?
There are many reasons why we do this to ourselves. We may still feel undeserving of success, or better things, so we sabotage our road to success, not believing we truly deserve it. Believing we should hold ourselves back from where we want to go, or feeling it’s safer there, because that’s what we know. So even if we do rack up accomplishments and succeed, we feel worse, believing we don’t deserve it, so we sabotage our success and keep ourselves from moving forward.
We may also set trap doors for ourselves as a way to feel in control. When we try new things for the first time, or set new behavior patterns we weren’t practicing before it can feel like we’re spinning out of control, we’re in unfamiliar territory, and if we’re feeling unworthy on top of feeling like we’re not sure what’s coming next our need to control can take over and sabotage the good we’re doing.
If we’re lacking in self-confidence as we walk our new path we may feel like a fraud as we gain success, we may feel like we may be found at as not deserving, not talented enough, and not worthy of the place we find ourselves. We may feel that if we’re found out sooner than later, we have a shorter distance to fall, so why not pull the rug out now and save ourselves some pain of a fall later.
There can be many reasons why we leave trap doors for ourselves and get in the way the of our own success, but at the root of the problem is owning our own self-worth, believing that we deserve good things and deserve to succeed in what we are working for, without that we will continue to believe that we don’t deserve to be in the winner’s circle and we will continue to get in our own way. When we stand tall, take contrary action, doing what’s good even when we may doubt we deserve it, taking the compliment, humbly, even though we may not feel it, and accepting the success, even when we may not feel we deserve it, something happens, something changes, the good starts to come in, little by little, we start to live in a place of yes, a place that allows us to grow, to succeed, to win, and, we start to believe we deserve to be there. Step around those traps doors, even better, dance around them, and stand firm in who you are, what you offer, and what you believe, stand tall and allow yourself to be your best you, and continue to work towards what you want. You have the power to make your dreams come true, just make sure you step out of your own way so you can find them. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you set trap doors for yourself? Why do you think you do this? How do you think it hurts you? Why do you think you don’t deserve to have success in your life? What if you believed you should? What if you could? What steps could you take to allow yourself the freedom of allowing success or good things in our life? Write them down. When you find yourself in a place of self-doubt, or self-sabotage, look at that list SLAYER, read it out loud, and stop yourself from getting in our own way and believe that you deserve all the things that want for yourself. Get to work SLAYER, dream, believe, achieve.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Live your life, and ignore the negativity.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
When Someone Tries To Shame Us, It Only Shames Them
Most of us have experienced it at some point.
Someone calls us out for not knowing something.
Mocks a decision we made.
Ridicules us for a mistake.
Speaks with just enough condescension to make us feel small.
Shame has a way of landing fast and hard — especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable. And in that moment, it can trigger an old, familiar ache: the part of us that once believed we were “less than,” “different,” or “not good enough.”
But here’s the truth we often forget when shame is directed at us:
When someone tries to shame you, it says far more about them than it ever does about you.
Shame is not strength.
It’s insecurity in disguise.
Shame Is a Projection Not a Truth
People who are grounded in themselves don’t need to humiliate others. They don’t gain confidence by tearing someone down. They don’t feel threatened by curiosity, learning, or different experiences.
When someone tries to shame you for not knowing something or for making a choice they believe was “obvious,” what they’re really doing is projecting their own discomfort.
It’s the need to feel superior.
The need to be right.
The need to appear knowledgeable or important.
And more often than not, that behavior is rooted in low self-esteem — not high confidence.
Shame is rarely about education or growth.
It’s about power.
Why Shame Hurts Even When We Know Better
Even when we intellectually understand that shame isn’t about us, it can still sting.
Why?
Because shame targets our most tender places — the parts of us shaped by past experiences, criticism, rejection, or moments when we were made to feel wrong for simply being human.
On the wrong day, at the wrong moment, someone’s words can slip past our logic and land directly in our nervous system.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
And it’s exactly why compassion — for yourself first — matters so much in these moments.
We All Come From Different Places And That Matters
No two people arrive at life with the same background, education, experiences, or opportunities. We learn different things at different times, through different paths.
That’s what makes conversations interesting.
That’s what creates diversity of thought.
That’s what keeps us growing.
It is impossible — and unreasonable — to expect anyone to know everything.
There is no shame in learning.
There is no shame in asking questions.
There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”
In fact, there is far more strength in curiosity than in pretending you already have all the answers.
When I Realized I Had Been on the Other Side
I can say this honestly: I haven’t always handled this perfectly.
Before I was living the life I live now, before I found self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, I had moments where I tried to elevate myself by putting someone else down.
And if I’m being truthful, I know exactly why.
I felt insecure.
I felt less than.
I felt like I needed to prove something.
Belittling someone else gave me a temporary sense of control — a fleeting boost that never lasted. And afterward, it always felt worse. Heavier. More disconnected.
Once I started living in alignment with who I truly am, that behavior didn’t just stop feeling good — it felt wrong.
Because when you build real confidence, you no longer need to steal it from someone else.
Compassion Without Tolerance
Understanding why someone shames doesn’t mean excusing it.
You can have compassion and boundaries.
You can recognize someone’s pain without accepting their behavior.
You can see the truth without internalizing it.
I don’t tolerate shaming behavior anymore — but I also don’t take it personally.
Because I know what it looks like when someone isn’t in a good place.
And I know it has nothing to do with me.
You Are Not Required to Know Everything
Let this be your reminder:
You are not required to know everything.
You are not required to be perfect.
You are not required to justify your learning curve.
There is power in humility.
There is power in growth.
There is power in owning where you are without apology.
When someone tries to shame you, remember this:
If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
That tells you everything you need to know.
You Control What You Carry Forward
You can’t control how others behave.
But you can control what you absorb.
You get to decide whether someone else’s insecurity becomes your burden — or whether you set it down and walk away lighter.
And here’s the truth that matters most:
Knowing who you are is far more powerful than knowing whatever someone thinks you should know.
You don’t need to shrink.
You don’t need to defend.
You don’t need to explain your worth.
Just be you.
That is enough.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Have you ever been shamed for something you didn’t know or a decision you made? How did it make you feel?
L: Looking back, can you see how that moment reflected the other person’s insecurity rather than your worth?
A: Have you ever been on the other side and shamed someone else? What was going on inside you at the time?
Y: How can you choose self-respect and compassion the next time shame shows up — whether from someone else or within yourself?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you experienced someone trying to shame you — and how did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s carrying shame that isn’t theirs, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Always remain teachable.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When we know the facts we are safe.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You’ve seen better days, but you’ve also seen worse. You may not have everything that you want, but you have what you need. You may have woken up with aches and pains, but you woke up. Your life may not be perfect, but you are blessed.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes, walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! When we have hope, we can do anything.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Hope: The Greatest Gift Of All
I was sharing recently on SLAY TALK LIVE about giving the gift of hope and that it was that gift, that someone gave me years ago, that saved my life. It was the tiniest of sparks, but it was enough to get me to reach out for help. To reach for more than what I had, and to believe that it was possible to get it. I’m not talking material things here, I’m talking life, I’m talking self-esteem, I’m talking self-love. I hated myself and didn’t think that I deserved anything good in my life. The voices that I was listening to, the voices that had gotten so loud, told me I wasn’t worthy of more and because I wasn’t sharing my truth with anyone, those voices, even though they were lying to me, became my truth. I was lucky to receive that gift of hope from a friend, and I was lucky I was able to see that light in him, and that I recognized the darkness from where he came. There is no greater gift, to see that there is a solution, a way out, from someone who found it themselves. And as incredible as it was to have gotten that gift, it is also a gift to give that away. By being someone else’s light, their torch, and that tiny bit of hope that gives them a glimpse of what may be possible for them.
We do that by sharing ourselves with others, by being honest about our own story, or journey, and what we overcome, or have overcome, to get where we are today. We can listen to them, encourage them to speak their truth, and show them kindness. For me it took someone who had walked the path before to share his story for me to see that there was a solution for the way I was living my life, that he had done it, and maybe, so could I. My outlook had gotten so dim, but the light was just enough that I picked up the phone one morning and asked for help. It is by sharing that we connect with others, it is by sharing that those things we think are our deepest darkest secrets lose their power over us, it is by sharing that we start to get well. But offering someone hope can be as simple as listening to someone. As simple as letting someone know that they matter, that their voice is being heard and that their experience is valid. Sometimes it’s just listening, looking someone in the eye and saying, “I know,” or “I hear you.” In the end we all want to be loved, we want to know that we are not alone, and we want to connect with others we feel understand who we are, or where we’ve been. We want our dignity back, and we want to know how to get it back, even if we were the ones that took it away in the first place. Hope allows us to open the door to a better life, to a better us, to the possibility of doing things differently, and the possibility of different results. When we have hope and we see it in action, we start to fight for it, we start to fight for what we want, and when we do our path gets brighter, and when the light starts to come in we start to see things for what they are and not what we’ve told ourselves or built up in our heads. From hope comes healing.
People have overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles because they had hope, whether internally themselves, or because it was given to them from others, but when we have hope in our hearts we have a fire burning inside of us that can propel us to make change, to fight for what we want, to resolves issues, to survive, and, to flourish. Hope won’t do it alone, because along with hope we have to roll up our sleeves and get to work, but it’s hope that will get us through when things get tough, when we get tired and when that voice tells we can’t win, hope tells we can. Hope is the greatest gift, hope saved my life, and I know the power in giving that away to someone else, in fact to keep it, we have to give it away, to see that spark in others, to see that light start to get bright for those who were living in the darkness. How can you SLAYER, pass on hope to someone in your life? To someone in your community? To someone in need of your light?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life that hope got you through a tough time or a difficult decision? List those times. Have there been times that your hope burned brighter from helping someone else, and giving them hope? How did it? When you feel in need of hope, what do you do to find it? Or, how can you find it? Who or what in your life gives you the most hope? How can you share your hope with others? How do you feel when you do? Shine on SLAYER, and share the light that burns inside of you with those around you, when we give hope we get even more in return, and it turns our flame even brighter. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
