Good morning SLAYER! It takes time to get familiar with new thoughts and situations, don’t let it stop you from changing.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
self care
Even Though You Might Not See It, Things Are Changing
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has been going through a difficult time as she recovers from a trauma. She felt discouraged at her progress, and didn’t feel like she was moving forward fast enough. She had been feeling disconnected from her friends and family and had been afraid to leave her house. I was grateful that we had made a plan to meet up and she was able to join in on a group discussion with friends.
I related a lot to how she is feeling. When I started my journey in recovery I started out feeling great, like a weight had been lifted off of me, just admitting I had a problem and making a commitment to seek treatment for that problem set me off on a high I hadn’t ever felt. I rode that high for a while until one day I fell flat. I was told it was common for this to happen, and then there it was, happening to me. I felt let down, scared and confused. I was working so hard to better myself and get well, so why did I feel this way?
For me, one reason why is that I had taken away all of the crutches I had used in the past to get through the day. I couldn’t rely on any of things that I had and felt like I was standing out, exposed and alone with an empty tool box, not sure how to navigate through these new waters, but I knew I had to hang in there and learn new ways, healthier ways, to deal with this new life, and my fears and insecurities. And as time went on I did learn new ways, and I started to fill up my tool box with better tools. I started to live this new way of life and feeling good about it, and then, that’s when the anger set in. At first it confused me. Why was I feeling angry when I was doing so many things that were good for me, and was making progress in leaving my old destructive habits behind? Well, the truth was, and it took me a while back then to realize it, is that now that I had taken all the distractions away I was now left with the actual problems, not just the ways I used to hide or cope with them, those issues were much bigger than what I thought the problem was. It was during this time I had to dig deep into what I had already learned and lean into the support around me, things had gotten really real.
I remember feeling like my friend yesterday, feeling like the pain was insurmountable, that it was never going to go away and that it was taking too long to work through. There were many days I felt defeated, or that there may be no hope, but I was encouraged to keep going, that the change was happening, I just wasn’t seeing it yet.
You can’t put at timeline on change. Especially when it comes to those deep rooted traumas we may have suffered. It will take the time it does to get through it, and, it may be a lifelong journey to walk through it with grace. For me, the toughest parts have past, but there are days when it flairs back up again and slaps me in the face. Old wounds are like onions, they have many layers, and I now know to expect that there will be times, and typically unexpected ones, where another layer will peel away to reveal another piece of the trauma that I will need to deal with. But having the ability to look back at where I started, much has changed, and most of that anger and resentment has been long gone because of the work I did early in my recovery. We tend to see the change in ourselves last, everyone else has a clearer sense of where we are because we are living it, and are hoping and expecting it to dissipate at a speed of our choosing, but it will when we are ready and when the work has been done.
As I said to my friend yesterday, find some comfortableness in your uncomfortablenss, an impossible sounding task I know, but when I was able to find some comfort in that place my journey to the other side it became easier, less tortured, it was still difficult, but I found some acceptance there until I was able to reach the other side.
When you’re doing the work to better yourself and to get well, there are changes every day, some may be smaller than others, but they’re there, and even if they’re all small, when they’re added up, they make some pretty big changes. Trust the path you are on, and keep moving forward, even if it’s only an inch at a time, one day you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you going through a difficult time? How so? What are you working on or through? What have you been doing to work through it? Looking back at where you started, what has changed? What would you like to see change? How can you go about achieving that change? If you don’t know, who can you go to to assist you in this change? You are capable of anything, as long as you continue to move forward, to work as hard as you can and as honestly as you can each day, knowing that the days will ebb and flow, some days will be easier than others, but if you keep going, and trusting you are where you are for a reason, you will find some peace on the other side. I speak from experience, and I am here in that place waiting for you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re putting your energy in the right places.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…. SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Rejection is nothing more than direction, make it work for you!
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good afternoon SLAYER! It’s not the weight that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Not Everything That Weighs You Down Is Yours To Carry
This week has been heavy.
Not just in the day-to-day busyness, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
And as I took a step back, I asked myself a question I’ve learned to come back to again and again:
Is all of this mine to carry?
The answer?
No.
But that hasn’t stopped me from dragging it around—tight-chested, overwhelmed, and bone-tired.
Like many of us, I juggle a lot every day.
And most of the time, I believe I can handle it all.
Until I can’t.
Until I hit a wall.
And when I do, I don’t always meet myself with grace.
Sometimes, I meet myself with frustration and shame.
Even when I know better, I still find myself slipping into old habits—trying to carry it all.
No one is asking me to.
Help is there if I reach for it.
But there I go, dragging the weight of the world across some invisible finish line I made up in my head.
It’s time to pause.
To take a breath—or a few—and ask myself what I’ve picked up along the way that never belonged to me in the first place.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
We Learn to Carry What We Don’t Need
Before recovery, I carried everything.
It never occurred to me that I could set anything down.
The emotional weight.
The resentment.
The guilt.
The responsibility for people and problems that were never mine to begin with.
I just kept going—until I couldn’t.
Eventually, I hit a wall.
Hard.
And that wall was the wake-up call I needed.
I couldn’t live that way anymore.
It was slowly destroying me.
So I asked for help.
Not just with what I was carrying—but with how I lived.
Learning to Let Go of What’s Not Yours
Through recovery, I discovered something profound:
A lot of what I was carrying wasn’t mine.
Some of it was inherited—passed down through family, expectations, trauma.
Some of it I volunteered to carry—because I wanted to feel helpful, needed, or in control.
And some of it… I carried on purpose to sabotage myself.
To stay small.
To stay exhausted.
To prove that I couldn’t do more, be more, live more.
That’s the hard truth.
Sometimes, we don’t just carry what’s not ours—we choose it.
But once I got honest with myself, I realized I had a choice.
To let go.
To say no.
To only carry what actually belonged to me.
And that changed everything.
What’s Yours—and What’s Not
There will always be people who would gladly let you carry their weight.
There will be moments when you try to carry someone else’s pain, fear, or responsibility—uninvited.
But that doesn’t mean you have to.
Being helpful doesn’t mean taking on someone else’s journey.
Being strong doesn’t mean carrying more than you should.
Being loving doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.
We are responsible for ourselves.
For our peace.
For honoring what we need.
That starts with putting down what was never yours to carry in the first place.
SLAY Reflection: What Are You Carrying?
- Do you tend to carry more weight than you need to—physically, emotionally, or mentally?
What does that weight feel like? - What are you carrying that doesn’t actually belong to you?
Who gave it to you—and why did you accept it? - Are there responsibilities, emotions, or expectations you’ve taken on to feel valuable or in control?
How are they serving you? How are they hurting you? - What would it feel like to put that weight down—even just a little?
What would change? - What can you do today to lighten your load and honor your limits?
Where can you say no, ask for help, or simply rest?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one burden you’ve been carrying that isn’t actually yours—and how are you learning to let it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s overwhelmed by weight they were never meant to carry, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Protect your peace by eliminating what disturbs it.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Be Stronger Than Your Strongest Excuses
I never considered myself a weak person. I had overcome a lot and had always considered myself strong. But in certain areas my excuses were stronger. Even though I knew what I should be doing, and sometimes set out to do those things, sometimes my excuses would be stronger and I would stop, or I wouldn’t even start, convincing myself there was no point, it didn’t really matter, or it wasn’t worth the work anyway. It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of, even when doing the work is the clear cut answer. A lot of the time, before I got well, those excuses usually got in the way of my health. It never failed, when I needed to take action for my own well-being that the excuses would take steroids and bulk up. And truthfully, the stronger they got, the weaker my resolve would be and in the end I did feel weak. When I got on the road to recovery I needed to pump my strength back up. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but I needed to be stronger than the excuses my head was going to throw at me. I had to also learn that that struggle was the key to getting better.
We all have struggles and have certain areas where our excuses have been lifting weights and have the strength of a million men. But, that strength is only based on the power we give them. They have no strength alone. It is us that gives our excuses their power, which means that we also have the power to take it away. Now, that can be challenging, especially when we’ve allowed yourselves to be bullied by our excuses for a long time, or, have convinced yourselves we’re not worthy of anything better. We are. We just have to show those excuses who’s boss.
For me the key to getting my strength back came as I started to practice self-love and self-care, I practiced these things by practicing loving acts toward myself, by making a conscious effort to change my thinking to positive thoughts and choosing esteemable acts. As I started to change gears into a daily routine of what was best for me and my ongoing physical and mental health, my excuses started to lose their strength. They became weaker. My strength got stronger as I got better and started to leave behind my old destructive ways, and those excuses that I used to let stand in my way, no longer made sense to me. I was not only feeling stronger, but feeling better, and no excuse was going to take that away from me.
We don’t have to let excuses get in the way of what is best for us. We are the ones who can kick those excuses to the curb and get ourselves on track to our best selves. When we live in the now, when we think in terms of just doing next right thing and make a commitment to ourselves love ourselves enough to do what’s best for us, our strength beats out the strength of our excuses. Time to start showing those excuses who’s boss! SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let excuses bully you into not taking action? What do your excuses get in the way of most? Why do you think that is? How can you change that? What’s an example of something your excuses have taken from you, or prevented you from doing? How can you overcome those excuses the next time that same opportunity comes up? How do you think overcoming that excuse will benefit you? Why do you think those excuses come up for you? Well, it’s time they stop running the show. We get to decide what is best for us, and we can also tell, whatever might be standing in our way, to stand back, we’re running this show.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for what you need the answer will always be no.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Our minds are like water, when it’s turbulent it’s difficult to see, when it’s calm everything is clear.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
