Good morning SLAYER! If you live to only make others happy, your happiness will suffer.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
self care
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Fill your heart with your own love and positivity, then, share it with someone else.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Good News Is Contagious – Pass It On
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who shared some good news with me. She had been going through a tough time lately and so it was great to hear something unexpected and positive had happened and it brightened my day to hear her good news. Good news is contagious that way. When we hear of something good happening for someone we care about it like it’s also happened to us, that good shines on us as well. Good news has a ripple effect, it spreads out from the person sharing to through to all of those who it’s shared with, and yet, there are times when we hesitate to share our good news in fear of being judged or the excitement not reciprocated, which is an indication that we might not have chosen the right people to have in our life, or, the ones to share in our good news. We should always share our good news, and should not hesitate to, our good news should always be celebrated, and because it feels good to all it is shared it, it seems selfish to not share it.
When I was living in the dark I hesitated sharing anything good, first off, because I didn’t believe I deserved anything good, and second, because I didn’t trust that anyone would be happy for me. That trust issue was my issue, because I was walking around with so much shame and guilt, I thought people could see who I really was and wouldn’t be happy for me, or would be jealous that something good had happened to a piece of garbage like me, so I held it back, or would share it but would follow it up with something to downplay it so it didn’t sound as good. I never let myself fully enjoy the good, or allow others to fully enjoy it with me.
When I sought help and was on my road of recovery I learned to appreciate the good, to look for it, and I got to work getting over my fear of sharing it with the people in my life. First I had to start believing I was worthy of the good and that others weren’t looking at me enviously for getting something I didn’t deserve. I had to also look at the people who I had chosen to have in my life, were they true friends who did want the best for me, and was I a true friend to them? I had to get honest with not only who the people were in my life but why they were in my life, and, did they have a place in my new life now that I was living rigorously honest. Most of the people I had chosen remained and it was changed behavior on my part that let them in and began to share with them what was truly going on in my life, and that included sharing good news. I began to see how sharing my good news brightened someone else’s day, and may have given them hope in their own life, and I noticed that when someone did the same with me that it brightened my day as well, and, I learned to celebrate along with them instead of thinking that they may have gotten something that I wanted for myself. It was about learning to think in a new way, that allowed me to see the good in my own life and feel grateful but also do the same with others. Their good news didn’t take anything away from me, in fact it gave me something I could use to lift my own spirits and continue on in my own journey.
Never be afraid to share your good news, if you’ve chosen the right people in your life, they will be just as excited to hear it as you were, and they’ll cheer you on as that good cheer will be shared with them in their life. We can spread positive energy through each other and it becomes like a light beam that connects us all, and when someone needs that light it may illuminate their path and create their own good news to come. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your good news when you have it? How do you do this? What is the result? How do you feel when you share your good news? How does it effect those around you? When someone shares their good news with you, how does it effect you? Do you feel that positive energy from someone else’s good news? Does it brighten your day or spirits? Anytime we share something positive with those around us, it sends out light to those we share it with, which not only lights up their day but brightens ours as well. Send out your beams of light when you share your good news and watch it light everyone up. That’s good news… pass it on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! When we change the way we look at things, the things we see change.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Everything we see is our perspective, not necessarily the truth.
SLAY on!
Perspective: It’s Not All About You
We don’t typically see things how they are, we see things as we are, and we all have a different perspective depending on what we want or were expecting to happen. Ask a group of people to recount witnessing the same incident and you’ll get as many versions as there are people. We tend to look at things through our own lens and that can cause conflict with those around us.
When I was living in the dark everything was all about me. Even when I was doing something for someone else, it was still all about me. I always wanted something in return, even if it was just the recognition for doing it. In my own perspective back then, that wasn’t true, but when I was able to look back with honesty, I had to admit that all of my motivations for doing anything back then were self-centered and self-seeking. I also walked into many situations with the intention, whether intentional or not, and making that situation about me. Even when I would say or think that the last thing I wanted was to stand out or be the center of attention, I would still manipulate the situation so that it became about me, even quietly behind the scenes. And, in those occasions when I knowingly was walking in and wanting it to be all about me and I didn’t get what I wanted, it typically resulted in some bad behavior on my part. And, even in those situations, I could always justify that bad behavior in my mind, or stuff it down like it didn’t happen, or I was deserving of it. Well, it did happen, and I wasn’t deserving.
As I got better that behavior stopped, and because of the tools I was learning to use I was able to spot my old behavior as it was rearing it’s ugly head, and spotting it in myself also gave me the perspective to see it in others and have a better understanding of why things can get derailed into different directions. The holidays is the perfect example. So many times it becomes about everyone else’s expectations or agendas that we lose the true meaning of the holidays, and instead of it being a time of good cheer, of celebrating with friends and family, it becomes about other things that are selfishly motivated. It’s important to remember what the point of each gathering or event is, and work to keep yourself in line with that, to share in the joy of the purpose of why you are there without trying to steer that event or gathering into a purpose that suits your own needs or fits your expectations. You’re purpose is to add to the purpose of the gathering or event and put your own needs and wants aside. A quick way to get out of your own motives is to ask yourself how you can be of service where you are. How can you help or make, wherever you are, better and more enjoyable, what can you add to a situation and not take away from it? Take a step back, remove yourself from what you see and see it for what it is. When we are able to take ourselves out of the equation the perspective becomes clearer and then when we step back in we are better able to be a part of something, and it’s intended purpose, without pulling the focus to us.
It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, office politics or family dynamics of a situation, but it’s important for your own peace of mind and overall mental health to not involve ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t, or not step on someone else’s toes to look better in the eyes of those around you. Keep yourself right-sized and a part of the solution, not the one causing the chaos. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find it difficult to see things from a different perspective other than your own? How has this gotten you into trouble in the past? Do you find you are able to look at things through an objective perspective or can you only see things through your own point of view or intentions? Do you, whether intentionally or not, attempt to make situations about your and your objectives? Give an example. When we are able to let go of ego and look at every situation as one where we can be of service, many times it puts us in the right frame of mind and gets us out of self. It is important to keep our own expectations and agenda out of the mix when there is generally a greater purpose, and if we are able to stay out of the way of that purpose and even help with it, we are in the right place using the right perspective.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Thank those who walk with you on your journey.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Thank You Is An Action Word
Saying thank you can mean a lot, to acknowledge what someone has done and to let them know they’ve made a difference, but saying thank you just isn’t enough, just as saying sorry isn’t enough without changed behavior, thank you isn’t where your gratitude should end.
When I started on my journey of recovery I was freely offered a lot of help. I realized that I needed that help, as going it alone had gotten me to a personal bottom and I realized that asking for help was not only not a sign of weakness, but was required to find a solution to the way I had been living my life. I was never going to succeed on my own, and as much as that was a bruise to my ego, I had to learn to humbly accept the help and guidance from others. When I did that my road became less treacherous and became filled with others like myself working toward the same goal. I learned to walk with them, to listen to them and to lean on them when the road got tough, and as I began to feel better I started to think about how I could ever repay so many who gave me their time when I needed it. I was told to give back, to share what I had learned with others who may need to hear it as they walked their journey, and that was how I repay them and say thank you.
I think about that in my life daily, no matter what the situation or who it is, what action can I take to say thank you because the words aren’t enough. To truly say thank you you should demonstrate it in your life, every day, that is the truest way to say thank you, to show it in your actions. When we think of thank you as an action word it changes our thinking, it causes us to pause and think of how we can say thank you by what we do, not just saying the words, and how showing kindness to others is a way we can say thank you to someone else who helped us past just seeing ourselves and our own problems and sharing ourselves with someone else. Thank you is a way of life, not just something we feel in a moment and then move on, when we live in a place of thank you we carry gratitude in our heart and we look for ways to share that in hopes of allowing someone else to find peace, or support or acknowledgment, and when we do that we are also sharing that thank you, or gratitude, with ourselves, that we are in a place today where we are able to find some compassion for others and share a positive message or moment.
Next time, before you simply say thank you, think about what what action you can take to show how thankful you are, to not simply say thank you in a moment, but let that thanks continue from that moment on. How can you take action and say thank you today? SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often say thank you when you want to acknowledge something someone has done for you? How do you do that? Do you just say the words or do you find a way to show how you thankful you are? Are there people in your life who have, or continue to support you, throughout, or for a portion of your life? How do you say thank you to them? Do you have a difficult time saying thank you, or finding a way to say it that measures up to how you feel? Many times we can say thank you just by living life as our best selves and giving back where we can. We can show our gratitude by sharing it with others and by living our life in a positive, healthy and thankful way, that may be the best way, and many times is, to say thank you to someone who has helped you during a tough part of your journey, or through a difficult time. Like many things in life, thank you, comes full circle, it doesn’t just stop with the person or people who directly helped you, if you take the action, it can be spread out to anyone in your life and continue to work through you as you continue from here.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Either you run your day, or you day runs you.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Don’t Count The Days, Make The Days Count
When I was living in the dark I would look for outside things to try to create some light. Whether it was buying something new, planning a trip or finding something, anything, to escape the daily mental turmoil I was going through, I was constantly trying to find a quick outside fix to solve an internal problem. I would be heard saying often that I needed to find something to look forward to, never wanting to live in the moment of where I was because it was easier to try to distract myself than deal with the problem itself, but, and each time I did that, the problem just got stronger. Being in denial and fear of what I might have face if I stayed present and in the current moment, or day, I kept placing things ahead of me to look forward to and then would count down the days to that thing or event. It wasn’t until I finally found myself in paralyzing fear of where my denial and distractions had taken me that I finally stopped and humbly asked for help.
Even in my recovery it became all about looking forward to milestones, and as it was great to have goals to work toward, I had to make a conscious effort to stay present and make better choices for myself one moment at a time. Each day was important to my daily recovery, and I had to use each day to it’s fullest and learn healthy ways to mark increments of time, and, stay present, even if it was uncomfortable to do so. When I felt lost, or overwhelmed, I was encouraged to reach out to someone else and ask them about themselves. At first I didn’t really understand why it was suggested I do that, but when uncomfortableness got to be too much I picked up the phone to give it a try, and, lo and behold, it worked! Reaching out to someone else got me out of my own head and gave me an opportunity to find compassion for someone else and form a connection, and it did each time I did it had the same result. From there I was encouraged to help others, to share my story and to support others on their journey, which helped me on mine. As I began to do that more often my days began to count more, and the more I focused on how I could be of service to others my days counted even more, it gave my days value that they had never had, and it them a purpose. Instead of living a life in isolation, as I used to, I was living a life, actually living it, engaging with others, trying new things, and, getting better, and before I knew it, those days turned into months, and then years, but each one of the days in between have counted and brought me right to where I am today.
It’s easy to surf off into the future in our minds and wish for what we don’t have, or wait for something that’s coming, but when we do we miss out on what’s right here and now, and even though we may not place much value on what we have, it’s value becomes apparent when we focus on making each day count. How can you make your day count today? SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often look to get out of the present day by looking at the days ahead? Why do you do this? How do you do this? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How have you, or do you, try to escape the day ahead? What do you use to get out, or stay out, of the present? What can you do to get yourself back to the present? How can you make today count? What do you have to offer that may make someone else’s day better or brighter? What if you just made a phone call to ask someone how their day was going without starting the conversation by unloading yours? Just the act of taking interest in someone else other than yourself gives your day for meaning, and, can bring some perspective of what may be weighing you down or troubling you. Everyone we encounter can bring us insight into our own lives as we may do the same for them. We are all connected and walk through each individual journey with many alongside us, so why not invite them in and share what you have and allow them to do the same. You’ll be amazed how each day begins to count and you stop counting those days when each day is filled with value.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
