Good morning SLAYER! Don’t take things personally. Rarely do people do things because of you, they do them because of them.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
relationships
Let Go Of Labels
I used to let labels get in my way of thinking outside the box, I thought they kept me safe, so I would neatly label others to keep them all in order, but I certainly did not want others to label me and put me in a box. As I’ve mentioned before, I was a walking contradiction of ego run wild and me thinking I always knew better, and thinking of myself as garbage the same time. It was a really fun mix to juggle. Putting labels on others was a way for me to keep things organized, a way to quickly identify who everyone was and what they could do for me. As for me, I would vehemently deny I could be labeled, but behind closed doors would label myself as useless, less than and a horrible person. Labels. Who wants to be labeled? Who wants to be told they are one thing and only that one thing? I think what makes us all so incredible as that we are all multiple things, multiple ideas, energies, we have multiple layers, all of us. There is so much more to all of us than that one thing, or label someone can put on us. So, not wanting others to label us, why do we label others? And, what if we stopped doing that and just excepted people for who they were on any given day? What if we did the same for ourselves? What if we let go of who and what we thought we were supposed to be, and just allowed ourselves to be our best selves each day? Sounds kind of freeing right? So, how do we do this?
1) Don’t Compare. No two people are alike. We are all different. We may share some character traits, or ideas, but we are all multi-faceted people with a lot to offer in a lot of different areas. This goes back for us to self-love and self-worth, we have to find that in ourselves, and when we do, we don’t compare ourselves with people as much because we are happy in our own skin, happy with who we are, or the progress we’re making on the way to becoming who we would like to be. Also, when we have a strong sense of self, we tend not to judge others as much, we are more excepting of them and their journey, as well as our own. There is no comparison between two people, because no two people have the exact same journey, we all are exactly where we are supposed to be and learning things as we are meant to learn them, we can’t compare our journey with another, we’re not playing on the same playing field. Accept where you are, and who are, and, if there are changes you’d like to make, make them. Everyone else’s journey, is their business.
2) Focus On Relationships. When we tend to label we tend to focus on individuals rather than the relationships we have with them. When we shift our focus to our relationships it stops being about you vs. them and becomes about the two of you, and who the people are in our lives, who they are to us. When we’re focusing on our relationships we tend not to label the people in them, we look at them as people we are connected to, partnered with, or share common interests or a part of our lives with. So when thinking about the people in your life, and yourself, start thinking about the relationship you have with them, who they are to you, who you are to them, and what that relationship means to you. When we focus our thinking this way, we tend not to think of labeling that person, or ourselves because we’re thinking of what’s most important, our relationship with them. That also rings true for ourselves, when we focus on the relationship with ourselves, the one we have or working on having, a healthy loving relationship with ourselves, we tend to judge ourselves less.
3) Be Curious. I’ve talked quite a bit about wearing your detective hat, and this is a great time to take it out and be curious about things you don’t know about, or things that make you, or the people in your life, different. Go explore. Ask questions. Maybe even try some new things. The more knowledge we have and the more experiences, the less likely we are to label others and ourselves and start seeing how we are all well-rounded individuals who have many different interests and layers that make up who we are.
4) Try Different Labels. If you’re stuck, feeling like you need to label someone, or yourself, try on different labels, like putting on a different coat, try something new on and see if it fits. As much as we can limit those around us by putting a label on them, we can also do it to ourselves, so why not try something new and see what it feels like . Maybe try some things that are the complete opposite of what you might label yourself and see how it feels. Practice a little contrary action. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself. Give yourself permission to try different roles, different ideas, different perspectives and see how much you grow.
When we label ourselves, or those around us, we stay stuck. We don’t challenge ourselves to try new things, to meet new people. Try losing the labels we’ve allowed to hold us back. Break free of old ideas and get rid of all the labels that keep you in a place of stagnancy, let go of labels and set yourself free to be who you are, and let others do the same.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you label yourself? What label or labels do you use? Why do you use them? Do you think those labels let you be your true authentic self? What do you think will happen of you let go of those labels? Do you label others? Why? What if you didn’t label others and just let them be themselves? What if you didn’t label anyone or anything? What if you just lived in the moment, and accepted who you are, what you’re interested in, and what the other people in your life where doing? I challenge you this week SLAYER to do it. Let go of labels and just be, and let those in your life be as well. Focus on the relationships you have formed, and know that is what’s important above what label you would put on it, them, or yourself. Get out there and explore, tearing up your labels, and letting yourself free of the boundaries and fences you have placed in your own way. Let go and be free SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Trust: It Starts With You
I have always had an issue with trust. I have never really trusted people. I’ve always wanted to, but have always been wary of their words, motivations and intentions. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I realized that first and foremost, I didn’t trust myself. Just like with others, I had given myself reason to question my own words, motivations and intentions, because I had done things I had said I would never do, I had done things that harmed myself and I certainly didn’t always have my best intentions in mind before taking action. When I realized that I had broken my own trust I thought, how in the world can I learn to trust myself when I view myself as untrustworthy? The answer was to start being accountable to myself in my thoughts, actions and words, to figure out who I was and what I stood for, and stick with that, to not waver, even if it was the harder route, or the tougher path, to honor myself and my word no matter what. When I starting to do that, I was able to trust, and when I was able to trust myself, I could begin trusting others.
Only we know what are true intentions are, and only we can hold ourselves to stick to those intentions. It’s about being consistent, and yes, it’s OK to realize what we thought we wanted isn’t at all what we wanted, or needed, and head off in a new direction, it’s about being honest with ourselves and learning to listen to our ‘gut’ as it were, the voice that guides us and tells us when we’re headed in the right direction, with the right people. Don’t know what voice I’m talking about it? Then perhaps it’s about getting to know yourself, truly knowing yourself, warts and all. Who are you? What do you want? Who do you want it with? How are you going to get there? Start a relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Ask yourself the tough questions. And, don’t be afraid of the answers. The answers are you. As I keep saying over and over, when we know the facts we are safe, so never be afraid of what comes up, it’s you, and if you don’t like it, change it, or trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in that given moment. If something is coming up, it’s coming up for a reason. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have, and learning who you are allows you to figure out how you want to interact with the world, who you want to be, and from there learning to trust yourself. You can’t trust someone you don’t know, there are too many question marks. So, how do we fill in the answers about ourselves where there may be blanks?
1) Slow Down – stop keeping yourself busy, take some time for you, and stop over-scheduling yourself to keep yourself busy, give yourself time to catch up to yourself and check in to see how you’re doing and what’s going on.
2) Get Quiet – once you’ve slowed down, find some quiet time. Does that scare you? It doesn’t have to, and, the more you do it the more you’ll crave it. If you are afraid or reluctant, ask yourself why, that’s a good place to start. Connect with your truth. What’s it telling you?
3) Own Who You Are – no one knows you as well as you do, or at least as much as you’re privy to. So much importance is placed on what other people think of us sometimes, it doesn’t matter, what matters is what you think of you, and if that’s not positive, what can you do to change that? Take back your power, owning who you are gives you power, you may not be perfect, but you are you, and you are the best you you can be. If you’re not, why not? How can you work towards a you you would be proud of? Fight for you, you’re worth it.
4) Question Yourself – continuously check in, ask yourself what you want, how can you get it, who you are, who the people are you’ve chosen to be in your life, keep asking, things may change, and that’s OK, but only you can get the true answers to what’s happening inside, and what makes you tick.
5) Connection To A Higher Power – find a connection to something greater than yourself. Whether you call that God, or The Universe, or nature, or whatever that may be for you, connect with it and listen, because along with your inner voice comes the faith and guidance from something that may help you on your journey, and may give you comfort when that journey becomes difficult.
6) You Are Not Alone – this one goes two-fold, if you’ve found a connection to something bigger than you you’re halfway there, but along this journey of self-trust you’re also becoming a friend to yourself, that ensures you are never alone.
7) Don’t Let Others’ Fears Become Your Own – it’s easy to listen and take on what other people are saying and letting that stop, or paralyze you from doing what you are drawn to do, you are only accountable to yourself, not what other people are saying, again, this is about trusting yourself, so follow your path, and not the one laid out by someone else who may not have your best intentions at heart, or truly know you. Stand tall in who are you and what you want to do.
8) You Can Do It – if you’re practicing the principles above you’re well on your way to finding the trust within yourself and the more you start to realize that everything you’ve been looking for you have inside, you’ve just need to ignite that fire. Believe, and trust.
When we are accountable, to ourselves and to those around us, we not only learn to trust ourselves but we also learn to trust the people in our lives. And if we’ve chosen the right people to surround us, then we have no reason not to trust them, and we continue to build trustworthy relationships. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble trusting people? If so, why? Do you trust yourself? If not, why? How do you think you can find more trust within yourself? Do you consider yourself trustworthy? If not, why? How can you change that? What are 5 acts that you can work on this week to begin to trust yourself? Do them SLAYER, self-trust is the foundation to a stronger healthier life, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust? It starts with you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We are in charge of our anger, if we are feeling angry it’s our job to figure out why before we act out on it and possibly do or say something we can’t take back. Pause before you act.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We can’t be possibly be there for everyone all the time, so why do we expect others to always be there for us? Many times we create our own heartbreaks through expectations.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be
We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.
When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.
We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Expectations vs. Reality
It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.
When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.
And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.
Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations
The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.
But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.
- Let them know how you feel.
- Ask for what you need.
- Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.
This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.
When They Can’t Be Who You Want
Here’s what I discovered over time:
- “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.
- Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
- When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.
I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.
You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You
Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.
Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.
You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.
Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace
How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?
- Stay open to love, even when disappointed.
- Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.
- Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.
- Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.
- Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well
You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.
You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.
SLAY Reflection
- What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?
- How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?
- What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?
- Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?
- How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?
S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.
And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Place Importance On Important Things
We see this all the time, people in dire need of something or someone, reaching out frantically, putting up emergency posts, IN ALL CAPS, with lots of punctuation, only to find that it’s just something they want, not a necessity. Or, they make a big deal out of something that really isn’t, causing themselves anxiety, heartache, and pain needlessly because it shouldn’t be given so much weight in the first place. Or maybe we are guilty of those things. Causing drama, panic among our friends, when it really isn’t necessary. I think we all can be from time to time. We get used to something being a certain way, or we convince ourselves that it has to be one way or everything is off, or will go wrong, or something catastrophic will happen, but will it? Or are these just things we put too much importance on in our lives?
What is important? Things we need to live, food, water, family, loved ones, a roof over our heads, safety, these are some of the things that are important. For many of us, it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important, and what we deem as important because it’s the way we want it to be, or the way we’d like to be, or because everyone else seems to have it or is going where we want to go. But what is important is not loosing sight of what really is important.
The important things in life change for all of us, but there are four simple ones that apply to everyone, and when we focus on these things, the rest fall into perspective.
Your health. Not taking care of yourself and your health will not only limit the time you have to live your life but it will impact the quality of life you have, and your ability to enjoy it and those things you love. Ultimately, your heath, mental and otherwise, is most important thing in your life, and should be protected and nourished daily, making sure you are getting what you need to thrive, grow, and live the live you want to live. Make sure you are taking care of you, in every way that you need to to be your best, most effective, useful you.
Your self-love. Finding and owning your self and loving yourself is also one of the important things in life. Self love is a major part of our foundation as human beings. It grounds us. Gives us strength. Confidence. We make stronger, better choices, because we are doing what’s best of for us, not what’s expected, or what looks good from the outside, or what will impress others, we do what works for the lifestyle we want to live, and for the people we are and who we strive to be.
Your relationships. Life is about relationships, the connections and communication we have with others, whether it be friends, family, or co-workers, invest in the relationships in your life, or, find some worth investing in. Spending time with actual people, not the computer screen or phone, getting out and connecting, socializing, doing things that you love, sharing, is what makes our lives richer, and reminds us that we are not alone, it add to our foundation and fortifies us when life gets tough, relationships teach us who we are, who we want to be, and, take us to where we want to go. All important.
Living your purpose and dreams. When we’re taking care of our own needs, finding love in ourselves, and surrounding ourselves with supportive, like-minded people, we are on track to finding out who we are and what our purpose is in life. I know for myself, it was through my journey of self-love and healing that I became aware that my purpose was to be of service to others who may be struggling, I never would have figured that out had I not found my way through the first three things on this list. When we feel good, when we feel love, and when we give love, we become open to finding a meaning in who we are, in finding a purpose and how we can be most effective. We learn what values are most important to us and how we can apply those to our dreams, or find new ones. It’s important to dream, there is a reason we are drawn to certain people, places, and things, question that, pursue that, and use the knowledge you have gained about yourself and those around you to go after your dreams and make them a reality.
Having all of these in place, it’s time to take action, and to remember, what is really important in life, it’s not the stuff, it’s not the activities you feel you’re missing out on, it’s not something only having to be one specific way, it’s your health, self-love, relationships, and your purpose and dreams, everything else is gravy, so put the importance on life on the important things and with everything else, go with the flow and let things go, you’ll be happier when you do, and, you just might learn a thing or two about you.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you place importance on unimportant things? Do you think everything you want and need is important? Do you see that perhaps not everything on your list is important? List the important things on your list? List the things that may not be important but are nice to have or you like to have? Do you see the difference? It’s easy to get caught up in wanting and having things, but life is actually really simple SLAYER when you allow yourself to see it that way, and when you focus on the truly important things, you’ll probably find that many of those things you would like to have may just come your way as a result of you taking care of yourself and investing in your relationships and your hopes and dreams. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When we act on self-righteous anger we are in danger of hurting ourselves, and those around us. You are in charge of how you react, and who you choose to engage with. Choose wisely.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Before You Do Something, Say Something
I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.
It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.
My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.
No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.
If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
