Just because it’s the way you’ve been taught, or it’s the way it’s always been done, doesn’t mean you can’t break the cycle. Most of the time we are taught a way to do things, or a set of rules are put in place, as children, how of to navigate our way through life, whether these things are specifically taught to us or we’ve picked them up from those around us, typically they are passed down from generation to generation as to what is acceptable behavior. As children we don’t realize that those older than us are just passing down, or showing us by example, what was passed down to them. We accept these practices or examples as the truth, as the best way to behave, or communicate, or way to have relationships. Sometimes these examples, or the perceptions we have gotten, are not healthy and we carry them with us into adulthood thinking that’s the way it should be, doomed to pass them down to our children or a younger generation to continue the cycle. But we have a choice to stop that pattern.
When we find ourselves unhappy, or in relationships that don’t satisfy us, or disrespect us, we have the power to change that. As adults, we get to decide how we move about this world and how and what is acceptable behavior from those around us. For me, I was a sensitive child, but I kept everything bottled up, never expressing how I truly felt, and then in my teens, looking to find that voice, I would act out, finding a voice that I thought expressed the real me, but with a dash, or two, of rebellion thrown in. As I grew into adulthood that voice got quiet again, and I began to stuff down my feelings and found ways to numb my thoughts, just wanting to get by without too many questions. In all of those scenarios my true voice was never heard, there may have been traces of it in among my ramblings, but I was trying to make sense of what I was seeing and hearing without ever having a true conversation about it. Consequently many of my relationships suffered, as did I.
We get to decide who we are and how we conduct ourselves today, and if something isn’t working, we have the power to change that, to make things work for us, to ask those in our lives to honor who we are and to interact with us in a way that is in line with that, we also have the power to not engage with those who like to provoke us, who may tear us down, or who may take advantage us. It’s that destructive behavior, ours, and how we respond to others, we can change. And even thought it may be the way it’s been done for generations and generations, in no way did you sign a contract to say you would continue that bad behavior, you can stop it at any time. I know for myself, when I found a better way, a way that was in line with my path in the light I was able to practice making better choices for myself, and when I began to do that a weight was lifted off of me, I stood taller, I began to have pride in who I was, and I learned to find my own voice. For me, that came as a result of therapy, surrounding myself with like-minded people, and, a lot of practice, and soon that new way began to feel less foreign and so good that the old way didn’t seem appealing anymore. My relationships got stronger, I made better decisions about who I let in my life, and I used my voice to share my true self. I broke the cycle. And so can you.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ever ask yourself why you do the things you do, or do you just continue to do them because that’s what you’ve been taught? What behaviors or relationships do you engage in that don’t make you feel good, or don’t honor who you are working to be? Why do you continue to do what you’ve always done when you’re working to be your authentic self and those old behaviors don’t honor that? What can you do to change those behaviors or relationships? Make sure that you are not just following the cycle or path of those who came before you, if something doesn’t feel right then it might not be right for you, if a relationship always results in the same frustrating destination, how can you change to make it a healthier relationship for you? We don’t owe anyone anything except to be our authentic selves, so if you keep finding yourself in a place that doesn’t honor you, use your power to change it. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you