quiet

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Comfort can be found in the quiet.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Loud Is Strong

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Quiet Mind

Does The Quiet Scare You?

When I was living the dark I surrounded myself with a lot of noise. I didn’t realize I was doing it, or that I had stopped doing the things that used to ground me, or allowed me to find peace. My disease didn’t want me to find that peace, it wanted to keep its negative voice running constantly in my head. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to get better that I realized that the quiet scared me because when things were quiet, my negative voices got louder and it was terrifying.

Thinking back to the way things used to be, I always had music on, and loud, in the car, earbuds in while walking, the TV on at home, or stereo, there was always something on to drown out the silence. The silence held many truths, the truth of my situation wasn’t good, or something I was ready to face, there still was good in the silence, in the distance, but it was still there in between the negative chatter. When I made the decision to face my demons and get better I was faced with finding that peace again in the quiet, but at first, it was far from peaceful. Just thinking about sitting, for even a minute, in the quiet made my anxiety spike. It was like, each time I stopped and found some quiet, I was treated to a slide show of all of the things I was ashamed of and all of the ways was I was not enough, or a horrible person, turning that around took some work.

I had to learn to breathe through the uncomfortableness of the quiet, and I had to learn to distinguish between productive positive feedback and my disease trying to pull me back down, hitting the delete button on those negative thoughts became very liberating, but also accepting that they will come up, and still do, and not giving them any value, or judging myself for them. I remember being told in a meditation workshop to acknowledge those negative thoughts and then watch them pass by like a cloud. That imagery helped me to start to let them go. So much of my progress in learning to enjoy the quiet came from practice and patience, and, not judging myself when I wasn’t able to sit in silence, there were going to be good days and bad days, but really, as long as I was trying, none of them were really bad. Again, stopping the judgment and expectations of what I thought it was supposed to be. That was something that I carried over to all aspects of my life, at least, I work to do so. To observe, and if it doesn’t help me, move me forward or nourish me, to let it go. Now, some things are easier than others to let go, and sometimes the process takes time, or, I just get exhausted hanging on for far too long, but it always feels good to let it go without having to fix it or make sense of it, or make it look perfect. Even if it’s messy or unfinished, if it doesn’t serve you, let it go. Watch it pass by like a cloud.

Now I am able to sit in the quiet, in fact, I enjoy it, because, as I’ve shared before, I find many answers there. It is very rare today that I have music on in the car, or earbuds in as I walk outside, I enjoy the time alone, listening for answers and signs that are meant to guide me to where I am supposed to be, I missed many of those drowning out the quiet. Today the quiet is one of the best tools I have to connect with something greater than myself and to feel connected to what’s out there, it is part what anchors me and is a part of my foundation.

If the quiet scares you ask yourself why. Ask yourself what frightens you there, and also ask yourself what you may find there. I assure you, if you can find a comfortableness in the quiet it may become your biggest ally. Let go of preconceived notions of what you think it should be and just let it be, let it be your own experience and your own sacred space, a space where you can settle in and make it your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make time for quiet in your day, or do you constantly bombard yourself with noise to drown it out? Why do you think you do that? Have you ever enjoyed the quiet? If so, what changed? What do you experience in the quiet? What would you like to experience in the quiet? What can you do to change what you experience in the quiet? How can you become more comfortable in the quiet? Our quiet space is our space, we can make it anything we want to, as long as it is contributing to our peace and positive direction in life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary where you can retreat at any time and be by yourself.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Silence

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The most important time in the world is the time you make for yourself.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Spend Time

Make An Appointment With Yourself

Before walking this path the last thing I wanted to do was check in with myself. My goal each and every day was to hide, to shut off the negative self-talk in my head and to not feel anything. I was in such terror of my own thoughts that I had even stopped going to yoga in fear of being alone in my head for an hour without any distractions, something I hadn’t even realized I had done until years later when I was on a path of recovery. Everything in me worked to get outside of myself and the torture of my own thoughts. But when I made a commitment to get better and seek treatment, the running had to stop and the honesty had to begin. The thought of that terrified me. I knew all of the things that I had stuffed down and was trying to hide from, how the heck was I now just going to let it all out and what was I going to do with it all? That’s where the support and help came in, and as previously mentioned, the honesty. I wasn’t going to be able to do it alone and I needed to reach out for help.

It was through the honesty and help of others that I was able to slowly let go and allow myself to feel. I’m going to be honest, it was scary at first, and at times, very overwhelming, but I was able to tap into my thoughts and feelings, and, started to learn the truth from the fiction. My head always wants to paint me as a victim, but that isn’t true, it wants to me to stay sick, so it will still tell me lies, I have learned, over many years, not to listen to those lies, but sometimes I can still fall into old behaviors and believe them for a short while, but most of the time, now, I can sift through the truth from the bullshit. And, it’s important for me to do that. To take some time and make an appointment with myself and check in. That can be in meditation, sitting quietly for a short time, it can take form in a walk or spending time nature, it can be laying down quietly, or perhaps, yes, taking a yoga class. But it’s important that I check in to see where my head and thoughts are at, because they tell me a lot how I’m doing, and what may need to be worked on or fixed. Our thoughts, even the bad ones, can also show us what we need to work on, or address, they’re like that light that comes on in the car when it needs service, they’re nothing to be afraid of, just should be looked at. Taking time for and with yourself also is an act of self-love, it is a loving gesture to yourself to show you care and want the best for yourself.

We all have busy lives, and sometimes our thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming, or maybe something we don’t want to feel, but it is important that we do feel them and look for a way to acknowledge them and find the root of them so the real issue can be dealt with. It’s also important to share our thoughts and feelings with those we trust or a professional who may have some advice or a way to work through them, it’s important to find a solution and let them go.

Find some time in this week to make an appointment with yourself. Whether it be for 5 minutes, an hour or a whole day, that time is always time well spent, and you may just thank yourself for it later. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take time for yourself? What do you do to make time to honor yourself? How do you do that? How often do you do that? If you don’t, how can you make some time to honor yourself and check in to see how you’re doing today? Are you afraid of doing so? If so, why? Do you have people in your life you can share your honest thoughts and feelings with? Do you have a professional person you can do that with, or someone within a religious or spiritual community? If not, how can you go about finding someone who you can feel comfortable with to share your thoughts and feelings? Look for opportunities this week to take some time for yourself, or perhaps check in with yourself today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?

I was with a group of people yesterday and we were talking about how the greatest gift, or way of being of service to someone, is to listen. Many times that’s all anyone wants, to be heard, and yet, too many times we chime in with our opinion or experience before they’ve had a chance to finish. One of the people in our group had said that he used to have that problem, of interrupting before someone was done, but he uses the acronym W.A.I.T! Now, before he speaks up he asks himself why he’s talking, if it’s important to interrupt what’s being said, is it adding to the conversation, is it useful, it’s helping the other person or people in the group, and is it the truth, or, is it his ego speaking for him to look superior to the group or in front of that person. I smiled. I used to be guilty of interrupting, especially when I knew I was wrong. I figured if I didn’t give the other person time to finish and finished it for them I would appear to have all the answers and already knew what they were going to say, or, that I knew better, so to save time they should just listen to me and stop talking. The truth is, I had a lot to learn by staying quiet and listen…and still do, we all do.

When we allow someone to finish what they’re saying, and may need to say, we are showing them respect, a respect we all deserve, and by pausing and listening to them we may also learn some new information, what we’re also saying by not saying anything is that we are still teachable and open to new ideas, something that is imperative for our continued growth, intellectually and spiritually. By pausing it also allows us to do a quick spot check, in terms of what we’re wanting to say, to ask ourselves why we feel we need to say it, and if it’s something that will move the conversation forward, or are we speaking up for different reasons that only serve us? Or, are we responding out of fear, anger, or jealously? Again, if we take a moment to pause and get in touch with our intentions for wanting to speak up, or respond, it gives us that moment to let those immediate emotions calm down so we can make a better decision about what and if we’re going to respond.

When I started on this path I had to basically throw out most of what I knew. I had to start from scratch. And I had to question my motives and instincts always at the start. My reactions to things were almost always fear based, so I was often quick to respond and jump in, many times regretting what I said and did later. I too, was told to W.A.I.T. and it was that pause that helped me not to hurt others by stepping all over their conversation and trying to sound smarter and better than they were. I also learned how important it was to be heard. I had a lot of questions, feelings and emotions at the start of this journey, many I had trouble making sense of, and if someone took the time to sit to listen to me, even when it didn’t make much sense, it meant so much to me, and most times, even just by saying it out loud, even without a response, I would figure out the issue, but also, many times, it allowed someone else who had been where I was to share their experience with me and offer some suggestions. Those exchanges helped me heal, and I learned a lot from them, not only by finding answers to my questions, but also it taught me how to be a good listener myself.

Everyone wants and deserves to be heard, make sure you’re not taking that moment away from someone who really needs it to feed our own ego. You might just learn something yourself by pausing and making yourself W.AI.T. and asking yourself, why am I talking? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let others speak or are you always quick to chime in? Why do you think you do that? When you think about not doing that, what comes up? What do you feel? Where do you think that need comes from? What can you do to change it? When someone takes the time to listen to you, how does that make you feel? What do you think you can learn by pausing and not immediately jumping in a conversation? Try to pause SLAYER, and W.A.I.T., ask yourself, why am I talking? If it’s not adding something positive to the conversation, then maybe just listen and see what you can learn.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we’re able to quiet our mind it allows our soul to speak.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Soul