Not alone

Slay On

Good morning SLAYER! You are not alone.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Let In

Back To Reality, Back To The Dark

We all have things we look forward to, maybe things we’ve built up in our heads, anticipated, or worked hard for, and when they happen we feel that high, that rush of excitement, of accomplishment, and we’re lifted up. But what a lot of people don’t talk about, or label, is the crash when we get back home and it’s over. It happens for me after I finish a project, I get that super rush of adrenaline, the endorphins kick in, and all is good, and then, it’s over and that all falls away. Things go back to normal, and things can, in comparison, seem dark, quiet, and the fear kicks in that I will never have it again. I see it, and hear it, in others, whether they’ve come back from a convention, a vacation, or have finished something they had been working on for a long time. They feel down. When this used to happen to me I didn’t know what it was for a long while, that let down, the blues, or the grays, and I wasn’t hearing anyone else talk about it, so I thought it was just me. I realized as I started to talk about it, that it’s not just me, it’s you too.

When you think about it, it’s only natural that coming back home, finishing a project, or just returning to our every day lives, that we would feel down after the excitement and exhilaration of what we had been doing. I wrote about this from a different angle in my blog, Are You Addicted To Excitement? There is a high associated with these types of events in our lives, of having something to look forward to, or being able to participate in something, or seeing a project come to life, so it seems only natural once it’s over we would feel a void. Now, if we’re not careful we can fall into the rabbit hole of depression, not labeling it for what it us, the come down from an event or job we enjoyed, it’s easy to let the negative self-talk kick in and tell us that we’ll never had what we just had again, that we are alone, that no one cares, and this darkness will never end. But it will end, we know it will because it has in the past, and, we can put an end to it. How do we do that?

Well, first we acknowledge it is what it is and not make it anything more than that. Don’t give it anymore power than you coming down from a high. Also, don’t let it tell you that you’re the only one that suffers from this, you’re not, and the more you talk about it for what it is, the more you’ll realize that we all go through this once something is over. So, how do we get ourselves out? Acknowledging it helps, and then we need to take some action. We need to get out and continue to participate in life, find ways, in our daily life to get that little shot of excitement we experience on a bigger scale during one of those events. Find things to do that you enjoy that make you smile, that challenge you, that allow you to give back. Find all the ways in your life that you can fill your heart, so when you come back home and are feeling down, you have a list of things you can take action on to get you moving out of the dark and back into the light. Life is not just a bunch of big events strung together with darkness in between, we need to fill those days up with light each day, and not depend solely on those bigger events in our lives to carry us through. And, also, to prepare for the crash after those events because we know it’s coming.

We can’t remove the come down after a big event in our lives, it still will happen, but we can lessen the impact it has on us by preparing for it in advance, knowing it’s coming, and making sure we are ready for it when it goes. I still feel it after something big, but I now know what to do to kick things back into gear and get life rolling again. Life doesn’t stop after the party, or job, or vacation, in fact, it’s after those things that we need to work harder to keep moving forward and keep from sliding back to something we can’t relive.

SLAY OF THE DAY: After a big event in your life do you tend to slip into a depression, or darkness? Have you realized this about yourself in the past? Or, do you just keep finding yourself there without the understanding of why? Think back in the past few years, to the events that stand out for you, did you find you crashed when you got home and back into your normal life? How did you feel? Why do you think you felt that way? Those feelings are normal SLAYER, we all feel them to some degree. It’s natural to feel down when we’ve felt so high. So, when you know you have something coming up, something you’ve been looking forward to, write down 5 things you can do when you get home to make that transition easier, brighter, and more productive, so when the darkness hits, you can look at that list and get into action. Trust me, that action will bring in just the right light to get you shining bright. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Does Happy Hurt Your Hurt?

We all have the choice to be happy, to find the good in any situation, or at least something to take away from it, to learn, to not dwell in the negative but strive to find happiness, even in situations that didn’t favor us, or turn out the way we would have wanted. Happiness is always a choice. But, have we put so much time into our hurt that happiness hurts our hurt? Are we not willing to let our hurt go? Has it become our identity, who we are, something we wear like a badge of honor? There are those of us out there that it is.

For me I used to wear my hurt like a dark cloak, I used it to hide behind and I used to protect me from more hurt, or so I thought. What it did was keep me in the darkness, and it kept me isolated from people, and when I wasn’t connecting with the people in my life I was left with only listening to the lies my head was telling me and I sank deeper into my hurt. I put a lot of time into that hurt, many years of work had gone into it, so when I made the choice to get better and live in the light, it was hard to say goodbye to it. It was a place that felt safe to me, even though I knew it was killing me. I knew that place, I thought I deserved that place, and I knew no one else could come into that place and find me. When I was finally able to reach out for help, when I began to share my hurt with those around me, I realized that there were many people who shared similar hurts, who were living in similar places, and were fighting similar battles, I wasn’t alone, but, was I ready to shed my hurt?

My hurt had become my identity, and I used to it to my advantage when I thought I could. I used it to manipulate, to gain sympathy, to lower people’s expectations of me so that I could disengage in life, but also still get what I wanted. I was a walking contradiction most of the time, I thought I was a piece of crap who deserved only bad things, but I also thought I was better than you. So essentially, the most unique, most incredible piece of crap you were every going to meet. Think about that. And try imagine living in that space. Some of you know that space. It was pure torture. Torture I was administrating to myself.

When I stepped on this path, I’ve said this before, I outed myself to everyone in my life. I called them and told them everything I had been doing and I explained to them what I was planning to do to get better. It was scary, I didn’t know how people were going to react, but my life depended on me lifting back the curtain and sharing my truth. What did happen was an outpouring of love and support. Of understanding. Of friends sharing their stories with me, stories I had never heard because I had never bothered to ask. I realized that we all have hurt, but it’s what we decide to do with it that sets us apart.

Our hurt is not who we are. It’s not the best of us. We all deserve to be happy, or find our happy, and know that that looks different for everyone. And yes, our happy will hurt our hurt, and it should, because our hurt is hurting us. In some cases, killing us, it was killing me. Let the happy in, or find it, look for it, and let it kill your hurt, let it die, it’s not who you are, not at your best. Your hurt is from the past, it is not your present unless you let it be, you have the power to stop it. Find your light, shine bright, and let it take away all the shadows and darkness in your life, let your hurt go, because when you do, there’s a whole beautiful world waiting for you on the other side, I know, because I’m there right now. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your hurt define you? Are you afraid to let it go? What frightens you? When you think of yourself, what do you think about? How would you describe yourself? How would you like to describe yourself? Why can’t you? What actions can you take so that you are able to describe yourself that way? What can you do this week to allow more light into your life and let go of your hurt? Do it SLAYER, let it go, and let your true self shine for all of us to see, nothing is worth dimming your light, especially those things from our past we cannot change. Live for today, live in this moment, and live for yourself. Choose to be happy. Choose to be you. Choose to be bright.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  No matter where you come from, where you are, or what you’ve done, we are here. You are loved. You are worthy. Your voice will be heard. If you are suffering, reach out from the darkness, you are not alone.

New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!

State Of Slay Not Alone

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYERS!

When we love ourselves we exude love, we are able to share our love with others, love is all around us, and the love we share starts a ripple effect of love that touches everyone, even those we don’t know or have actually met.

I had someone come up to me years ago at a support group I attended weekly. This man walked up to me and said, “I want to say thank you.” I couldn’t remember ever really seeing this man before, it was a big group, and I knew we had never been introduced. I asked him “for what?”  He told he wanted to thank me for always being there. That for the first few months of coming there, the group, and me in particular, were the only consistent things in his life. Everything in his life was unpredictable and unstable, but that he knew if he made it there I would be here and that I would share your truth, and that gave him hope that everything was going to be alright.

It was a reminder how we affect everyone around us, even those we don’t know. Without even knowing, when we’re living as our authentic selves and giving out the love we have and want for ourselves, we can change someone’s day or life, without even knowing it.

New blog goes up Friday morning, until then….SLAY on!

State Of Slay Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

I used to feel so alone. I could be in a stadium full of people and feel completely alone. I didn’t realize that it was because of my actions that I felt alone. I had family, friends, and people I looked forward to seeing at work, but I always felt alone. It wasn’t until I started to work on myself and started to open up that I realized I could change that.

I was feeling alone because I wasn’t opening up to anyone, so even though I might be out with friends, and even having a good time, I had put up a barrier to keep people at a distance, again, I didn’t think that you would like me if you saw everything, so I had to keep the act going of everything being fine so you wouldn’t ask too many questions. After doing this for years and years, and things being anything but fine, that barrier seemed like an ocean, and I was standing on an island all by myself watching a ship go by full of people have the time of their life.

This ties into what we’ve already touched on, I had to let go. I had to stop worrying what people where going to think if I said I wasn’t OK, that I needed help, and needed someone to listen, I had to stop worrying that if I didn’t appear to be “perfect” people would still like me. I took a leap and trusted that the people I had so carefully allowed into my life would understand, that they wouldn’t judge me, and it would be OK. So I took the leap. I was terrified. I had never really told anyone anything that I perceived as “bad” about myself, I really didn’t know how this was going to go, but I knew that if I continued on the way I was, keeping everything in, that it would kill me, literally, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and there was just too much to stuff down, it just wouldn’t stay down.

I was shaking, but I reached out to a friend and spoke my truth. This was new territory for me, and I waited for a response. What happened was an outpouring of love, and because I let down my walls I felt closer, more of a connection to this friend, someone who had been in my life for many years, and I had never really let in. It felt so good to come clean and be honest that I called all the people in my life and told them what was going on, I suddenly felt like all of those people had formed a circle around me, supporting me, and offering me their strength when I needed it most. I realized that letting someone in and sharing, what I may think is something awful or challenging, helps us to connect to those around us, whether it’s because they’ve also shared that experience, or they just can understand. It’s those human experiences that connect us and make us stronger. It felt freeing to let it all go, and for those who didn’t understand or backed away, there weren’t many, but they weren’t meant to continue to be a part of my life, our story together had come to an end, but my journey was to continue surrounded by people who did want to listen, who cared, and loved me no matter what. It has been through their strength, and others, that I have been able to walk through some really challenging times because I know I have an army around me, and, I really am not alone because I choose not to be.

It can be difficult to find this in our lives, sometimes circumstances, or geography, make that hard, but we have so many ways to reach out nowadays, and so many ways to connect with like-minded individuals, it’s easier than ever to go and find your tribe, if it’s not already in your life, or expand the one you have, whether bonding over common interests or hobbies, or joining groups who share your goals. I also hope we can start our own circle of SLAYERS, to share our common experiences and support one another. As I’ve said, there is strength in numbers, we alone can accomplish a lot, but we as a group are unstoppable!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What stops you from reaching out to others? What do you think will happen if you do? Is this a fact or a fear? What can you do to overcome that obstacle? If you have a difficult time opening up I encourage you to do it here, to reach out, we are just like you and, we want to welcome you to the fold.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you