I used to feel so alone. I could be in a stadium full of people and feel completely alone. I didn’t realize that it was because of my actions that I felt alone. I had family, friends, and people I looked forward to seeing at work, but I always felt alone. It wasn’t until I started to work on myself and started to open up that I realized I could change that.
I was feeling alone because I wasn’t opening up to anyone, so even though I might be out with friends, and even having a good time, I had put up a barrier to keep people at a distance, again, I didn’t think that you would like me if you saw everything, so I had to keep the act going of everything being fine so you wouldn’t ask too many questions. After doing this for years and years, and things being anything but fine, that barrier seemed like an ocean, and I was standing on an island all by myself watching a ship go by full of people have the time of their life.
This ties into what we’ve already touched on, I had to let go. I had to stop worrying what people where going to think if I said I wasn’t OK, that I needed help, and needed someone to listen, I had to stop worrying that if I didn’t appear to be “perfect” people would still like me. I took a leap and trusted that the people I had so carefully allowed into my life would understand, that they wouldn’t judge me, and it would be OK. So I took the leap. I was terrified. I had never really told anyone anything that I perceived as “bad” about myself, I really didn’t know how this was going to go, but I knew that if I continued on the way I was, keeping everything in, that it would kill me, literally, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and there was just too much to stuff down, it just wouldn’t stay down.
I was shaking, but I reached out to a friend and spoke my truth. This was new territory for me, and I waited for a response. What happened was an outpouring of love, and because I let down my walls I felt closer, more of a connection to this friend, someone who had been in my life for many years, and I had never really let in. It felt so good to come clean and be honest that I called all the people in my life and told them what was going on, I suddenly felt like all of those people had formed a circle around me, supporting me, and offering me their strength when I needed it most. I realized that letting someone in and sharing, what I may think is something awful or challenging, helps us to connect to those around us, whether it’s because they’ve also shared that experience, or they just can understand. It’s those human experiences that connect us and make us stronger. It felt freeing to let it all go, and for those who didn’t understand or backed away, there weren’t many, but they weren’t meant to continue to be a part of my life, our story together had come to an end, but my journey was to continue surrounded by people who did want to listen, who cared, and loved me no matter what. It has been through their strength, and others, that I have been able to walk through some really challenging times because I know I have an army around me, and, I really am not alone because I choose not to be.
It can be difficult to find this in our lives, sometimes circumstances, or geography, make that hard, but we have so many ways to reach out nowadays, and so many ways to connect with like-minded individuals, it’s easier than ever to go and find your tribe, if it’s not already in your life, or expand the one you have, whether bonding over common interests or hobbies, or joining groups who share your goals. I also hope we can start our own circle of SLAYERS, to share our common experiences and support one another. As I’ve said, there is strength in numbers, we alone can accomplish a lot, but we as a group are unstoppable!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What stops you from reaching out to others? What do you think will happen if you do? Is this a fact or a fear? What can you do to overcome that obstacle? If you have a difficult time opening up I encourage you to do it here, to reach out, we are just like you and, we want to welcome you to the fold.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you