You Are Not Alone

I used to feel so alone. I could be in a stadium full of people and feel completely alone. I didn’t realize that it was because of my actions that I felt alone. I had family, friends, and people I looked forward to seeing at work, but I always felt alone. It wasn’t until I started to work on myself and started to open up that I realized I could change that.

I was feeling alone because I wasn’t opening up to anyone, so even though I might be out with friends, and even having a good time, I had put up a barrier to keep people at a distance, again, I didn’t think that you would like me if you saw everything, so I had to keep the act going of everything being fine so you wouldn’t ask too many questions. After doing this for years and years, and things being anything but fine, that barrier seemed like an ocean, and I was standing on an island all by myself watching a ship go by full of people have the time of their life.

This ties into what we’ve already touched on, I had to let go. I had to stop worrying what people where going to think if I said I wasn’t OK, that I needed help, and needed someone to listen, I had to stop worrying that if I didn’t appear to be “perfect” people would still like me. I took a leap and trusted that the people I had so carefully allowed into my life would understand, that they wouldn’t judge me, and it would be OK. So I took the leap. I was terrified. I had never really told anyone anything that I perceived as “bad” about myself, I really didn’t know how this was going to go, but I knew that if I continued on the way I was, keeping everything in, that it would kill me, literally, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and there was just too much to stuff down, it just wouldn’t stay down.

I was shaking, but I reached out to a friend and spoke my truth. This was new territory for me, and I waited for a response. What happened was an outpouring of love, and because I let down my walls I felt closer, more of a connection to this friend, someone who had been in my life for many years, and I had never really let in. It felt so good to come clean and be honest that I called all the people in my life and told them what was going on, I suddenly felt like all of those people had formed a circle around me, supporting me, and offering me their strength when I needed it most. I realized that letting someone in and sharing, what I may think is something awful or challenging, helps us to connect to those around us, whether it’s because they’ve also shared that experience, or they just can understand. It’s those human experiences that connect us and make us stronger. It felt freeing to let it all go, and for those who didn’t understand or backed away, there weren’t many, but they weren’t meant to continue to be a part of my life, our story together had come to an end, but my journey was to continue surrounded by people who did want to listen, who cared, and loved me no matter what. It has been through their strength, and others, that I have been able to walk through some really challenging times because I know I have an army around me, and, I really am not alone because I choose not to be.

It can be difficult to find this in our lives, sometimes circumstances, or geography, make that hard, but we have so many ways to reach out nowadays, and so many ways to connect with like-minded individuals, it’s easier than ever to go and find your tribe, if it’s not already in your life, or expand the one you have, whether bonding over common interests or hobbies, or joining groups who share your goals. I also hope we can start our own circle of SLAYERS, to share our common experiences and support one another. As I’ve said, there is strength in numbers, we alone can accomplish a lot, but we as a group are unstoppable!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What stops you from reaching out to others? What do you think will happen if you do? Is this a fact or a fear? What can you do to overcome that obstacle? If you have a difficult time opening up I encourage you to do it here, to reach out, we are just like you and, we want to welcome you to the fold.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

5 thoughts on “You Are Not Alone

  1. It took me YEARS to finally realize that I had control over who was in my life, that I didn’t need to try to please everyone to make everyone else happy at my own expense – living a life for others and not myself.

    This stemmed from tons of self-esteem issues that I could never own up to, let alone tell anyone else.

    But like you said, Carrie – once you open up and let the truth out – it’s freeing as hell.

    It’s not an overnight fix but it’s a HUGE step in the right direction to live authentically.

    We feel alone in a crowded room when we are truly alone in our minds. We can get so wrapped up in ourselves and our insecurities that we forget how to just BE. And as you said, those who stay, stay. Those who reject us – well, they weren’t meant to be a part of our journey.

    Such a huge step to the healing process to know that there are so many others out there that have the same struggles as I do, and that we can choose to make things better.

    Thank you, Carrie!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it’s so easy to blame others for how we feel but we need to take responsibility for our own lives, happiness, and self-worth. Until we work on that, and truly believe it, nothing will ever make us feel whole, it can’t, it’s our job to do it, it’s an inside job.

      And, yes, absolutely, it takes time, goes back to patience again, we have to remember that we are trying to undo, or change, years and years of behavior we thought, or were told, was right, it takes time to make positive changes, allow yourself the gift of mistakes or slips, we are all human, but we’re trying, and if we keep trying, we will succeed.

      You alone are enough. You are special. You have value. You deserve to be heard. Learn that. Know that. Share that. And if you don’t, we’ll remind you until you do.

      Surround yourself with like-minded people. People who are on the same journey, or may have come before you to show you the way, those are people you give your time to, the others may fall away, but as you said Eldwenne, if they are meant to be in your life they will be, now, or down the road.

      Don’t be afraid to make positive changes for yourself because you’re afraid of upsetting the people in your life. YOU need to live YOUR life, they can live theirs.

      Much love to you today SLAYER on your journey, I, along with all the other SLAYERS, are travelling along with you.

      SLAY on!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I remember when I finaly had the courage to open up to people I was so suprised at their reactions. The reactions were not negative or dismisising ar all. My mind always told me that people would think or say: why are you bothering me with that. Turns out nobody thought like that at all. It was me, my mind making assumptions.
    Now, when my mind is speaking loud, I ask myself that one question. Am I making an assumption or is what I am thinking based on facts.
    And you are right Carrie, old habits die hard. I catch myself falling back on old behaviour in difficult situations or emotional moments. But the fact I catch that myself and find a way to turn it around, that for me is a huge win.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Acknowledgement is a huge win! The fact that we are aware of it is a victory in itself, then it’s just the practice of contrary action, of doing the opposite of what we did before.

      Our perception is off, what our head tells us is the truth is simply not most of the time, and 100% of the time if it’s telling us to stayed quiet and suffer alone.

      It does take courage to change our thinking and to step out and reach out, but the more we do it the more we see that we’re alike, and the more we feel connected to other people.

      You are a warrior Willeke, a survivor, a SLAYER, keep stepping forward and know you have an army to back you up.

      SLAY on!

      Liked by 1 person

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