Mental Health

Mental Illness – THAT Label

When I was suffering in my disease I didn’t tell anyone what as going on with me. I carried a lot of fear and shame for how I was living my life and thought that if I did tell someone the thoughts that ran through my head, and the things I was doing daily just to get by, that I would be locked up and labeled crazy. I had watched others in my life suffer with mental illness, and I was determined not to be like them, but determination wasn’t going to change the facts, I was in the throes of mental illness and I was loosing the battle.

I was fortunate that someone came into my life who had been where I was, someone who didn’t judge me or preach to me, he simply shared his story with me and lead by example. It took several months for that story to really resonate with me, but thankfully it did, and I recognized myself in that story and knew that that person was safe to reach out to and share my struggle with. It was that phone call that saved my life and started me on the path I live today, I have never looked back.

Why are we so afraid of the term mental illness? It wasn’t something I particularly liked as I set out on my path of recovery, but it put things in perspective for me. I had an illness. It wasn’t a lack of willpower or not being good enough that had caused me to get to such a bottom in my life that it brought me to my knees, and, nearly cost me my life, I was sick.

Mental illness covers a wide range of conditions that affect our mood, thinking or behavior. Some symptoms include:

  • Feeling sad or down

  • Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate

  • Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt

  • Extreme mood changes of highs and lows

  • Withdrawal from friends and activities

  • Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping

  • Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations

  • Inability to cope with daily problems or stress

  • Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people

  • Alcohol or drug abuse

  • Major changes in eating habits

  • Sex drive changes

  • Excessive anger, hostility or violence

  • Suicidal thinking

I experienced all of these before reaching out for help. Sometimes symptoms of a mental health disorder appear as physical problems, such as stomach pain, back pain, headache, or other unexplained aches and pains. It’s cunning, baffling and powerful, and depending on what exactly you may be experiencing, it may also tell you you don’t have it. Mine certainly did, and on some days, still can.

But here’s what I’ve learned on this path of over 13 years. It can get better, and does if you seek help, and, are willing to be honest with yourself and others about what you are struggling with, if you are willing to do the work to get better, and can stop beating yourself up for something that is not your fault. We don’t criticize someone for being diagnosed with cancer, so why do we think we will be criticized for a mental health diagnoses? And if someone does criticize, it’s from their own fear or ignorance. There is nothing to be ashamed of. 43.8 million adults in the US deal with symptoms of mental illness everyday, and, with a diagnoses and proper self-care, many, like myself, lead happy and productive lives.

We need to change our perception of what mental illness means, and, what it does not mean. It does not make us weak, it does not make us less than, it does not make us losers, unable to cope, lazy, not equipped for life, it means we have certain obstacles we have to navigate around and we have to make sure we are doing what we need each day to keep ourselves in good health, mentally, physically and spiritually, that is all.

For those who dislike the label, labels do not define us, it is only a way to distinguish what is going on and what needs to be dealt with. For me, even though I didn’t like that label to start, it made what I was experiencing make sense, once I accepted that label I was able to do my homework and seek out the right kind of help I needed to get better, for me, shying away from that label would have only prolonged my suffering, and, in the end, may have kept me from getting well and which would have put my life in danger, the key to my getting well was being rigorously honest with myself and that meant I needed to accept the truth so that I could get better. I was told at the beginning of my journey that when I had the facts I was safe, even if they weren’t what I had wanted to hear, when I new what they were I could make sound decisions for my own well-being. The fact was, and is, I suffer from mental illness, except, I don’t suffer anymore, I thrive with it, overcome it and allow it to now connect me with others who may be struggling with it. Something that I once thought of as a curse is now the reason I started this blog, the reason it’s important to me to give back, to share my story because within that story and within my disease is hope, something I didn’t have when I was in denial about my mental illness.

No one wants to be different, no one wants to think of themselves as not capable, but suffering in silence is not the answer, not when there is an abundance of help out there, much of it free, to help you discover your best you, and to help you realize that a mental illness diagnoses is not anything to be ashamed about. May is mental health awareness month, a good time to look into what mental illness is and what it may mean to you, a great time to get honest and get some education around what might be troubling you or someone you love. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have an issue with the term mental illness? If yes, why? Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? Do you think you have symptoms of mental illness? What are they? Where can you go to seek help or guidance? Do you talk about your symptoms with others? If yes, who? If not, why not? Do you stand in your own way of getting help because of your how prejudice of what you think mental illness is or means? What if you looked into it anyway, let go of your fears or ideas of what you think it means and just look into the facts? Mental illness does not make you a bad person, 1 and 5 adults has some form of mental illness, you are not alone and you are not at fault, but you hold the key to finding relief and finding a way of life that allows you to be your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life has no remote, get up and change yourself.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Taller

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you are still trying, you have not failed.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stumble (1)

If You Slip Up, Get Up

Before walking this path if I slipped while trying to work on a goal or practice a new lifestyle I’d throw the whole thing out. One mistake to me meant failure so what was the use in continuing? It would take days, weeks, months, sometimes years before I would try again. If ever. It was all or nothing, and even with the willpower I had, I wasn’t immune to mistakes are slips, and the moment they happened the negative bullshit committee in my head would pipe up, telling me I was a loser, wrong for thinking I could do it and I would never accomplish what I was setting out to do. I would believe those voices and slip back into my depression, undoing what I had begun to accomplish before the slip.

What took me a while to learn was that a slip wasn’t the end of the world, in fact, it is part of the process, or journey, and that sometimes we learn the most, or what we need to from those slips to move forward. Many times when I slipped back into old behavior I realized that it didn’t feel good anymore, or it wasn’t the place I wanted to be, so even when, out of habit or default, I slipped back there, if I didn’t give up, it helped me to keep moving forward, and the further away I got from that old place, the less I wanted to slide back there one more time.

No one ever does things perfectly, the slips are part of the process, and a way we test ourselves to see if we really want what we’re working for, some of us too are a little more defiant than others, and we, even though we know better, rebel against positive changes and try to self-sabotage what we’re working so hard for, and that’s OK too, as long as you get back on track and are able to be honest about the actions you chose to take that slid you back. There is no real timeline, we work at our own pace, and some of us work faster than others, quick or slow, it doesn’t matter, as long as we get to where we are working to get to, or, where we are meant to be.

I used to carry shame when I slipped up, but that was only me punishing myself for not being perfect, no one else was judging me or thinking less of me because I made a mistake, so I had to learn to love myself through the slips, acknowledge them, what my part was, and get up and keep moving on. I have done that for over 13 years now, and each time I’ve gotten up I’ve taught myself that a) I can get up, and b) there’s no shame in the slip up, and that maybe that was something I need to do in order to motivate me to really make some of the bigger changes I needed to make to get me here.

We all have our own journey and own path. No two journeys are alike, and none of them work on the same timeline. Move at your own pace, with love and grace, do the best you can, or what you can, each day, each moment, and never let yourself believe that if you slip you can’t get up again. That slip may just help you get up and get to that place you’ve been working so hard to get to all along. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend throw away all the work you’ve done if you’ve made a mistake or slipped? Why do you do this? How does that make you feel? What do you tell yourself when you slip? Do you encourage yourself to keep going? Or, do you hurl all kinds of negative insults at yourself? If someone else in your life slipped, what what you say to them? Why don’t you tell yourself those same things when you slip? Do you have a support group, or trusted friends or family, who can support you in those times you slip? Reach out to them if you’re having a time of doubt or negative self-talk, let them love and support you as you get up again. We all slip, that’s not anything to be embarrassed about, but make sure you remember that the important part isn’t the slip, it’s how you got back up.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Respond; don’t react. Listen; don’t talk. Think; don’t assume.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Response

Don’t React, Respond

My life before was one full of reactions. I reacted to everything around me and I reacted in record time. It’s like I thought I was going to get bonus points for reacting the fastest. As a result, many times, people got hurt or my rapid fast reaction was one from misunderstanding or my own warped sense of perspective. It never occurred to me to pause and actually take in what was being said or done, or, ask questions if I thought I may be a misunderstanding, it was all about reacting as soon as possible.

I was taught early on, when I began walking this path, that I wasn’t going to get any bonus points for reacting the fastest, in fact, all I was ever going to get was hurt feelings, mine or the other person’s, for making a quick judgment instead of thinking things through. I was encouraged to practice pausing, to taking a moment, or maybe 10, to ensure I wasn’t just reacting to what I think I heard, or assumed I knew without investigating further. This was truly something I had to practice. As I set out to try this new method I realized how much of a hair-triggered tongue I really had, it’s like I had an itch and the moment someone was saying or doing something I was already figuring out how I was going to react before they had even completed what they were doing, and then, many times, I would replay my reaction in my head and critiqued how I could have made it better or faster. Never once did I take into consideration how the other person may feel to have that kind of energy I hurled at them, many times, I was completely out of line.

We’ve heard the saying, that we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it, and walking this path I have seen incredible examples of people responding to horrible shocking things with dignity and grace. I too have at times, have responded in a way that in the past would have only exacerbated things, but have responded in a way that smoothed things over and even brought some new understanding, a miracle in itself. But we are capable of such things, all of us, if we put some thought into what comes out of your mouth before we open it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint, there are times that fast tongue of mine does get away from me and the words just start flying out, but it’s rare now, and I know that if that does happen and I am in the wrong that I can apologize for it and make a pledge to amend that behavior for next time, because now that I have been living this better way of life, those quick reactions don’t just hurt the other person, they also hurt me, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that.

There will always be those situations or people who get under our skin or irk us, but it’s important to take a moment and respond in the appropriate way, not just react. Not only will those around us thank us, but we’ll thank ourselves for conducting ourselves with dignity and respect, even if those around us aren’t capable of doing the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to react to things or respond? What’s an example of a time you reacted when you should have responded? What was the result? What’s an example of a time you responded when it would have been easier to have reacted? What was the result? Have you always taken a pause before responding or this new or learned behavior? How or what prompted you to make that change? How has this benefited you? How has it benefited those around you? How do you feel the effects of that change personally? When we are able to think before we act we are better able to honor ourselves in our response, and many times, not only make a difficult situation, but always not make a situation worse, sometimes even changing the outcome completely by our favorable response. It is not about what is said and done to us, it’s about being the example of how to interact in a way that shows respect, to others, but most of all, to ourselves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you speak your truth with compassion, your words have more power.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Gently

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Couldn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE today, well, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

Telling The Truth In A Way It Can Be Heard

I have never been accused of being subtle. My mind works at a fast pace and my mouth is just as fast, and at times, even faster, and can belt out quick comments or opinions as I move about my day. As I’ve walked along this path I have made a conscious effort to use a filter of compassion and understanding on my mouth, but sometimes the unfiltered truth comes out as I’m running out the door, or late because of someone else’s actions or out of my own frustration, and someone gets hurt. What I say typically is the truth, or the truth as I see it, but can probably be said in a softer and gentler way. It seems that the unfiltered truth often gets used on those I love the most, perhaps my immediate response to something I have already had a discussion about or think they should know. But what I should always know is that my words can hurt, and when I feel that rush of hitting my limit of the softer and gentler way, that’s likely when I should double-down on finding that filter instead of just letting the words fly out of my mouth.

Most people are open to hearing the truth, if it’s said in a way that they can receive it. People don’t hear us when we make them wrong. People don’t hear us when when we attack their weakness. People don’t hear us if we’re if we’re telling the truth by making ourselves sound better, or when we assume they don’t understand what we mean. They will typically always hear us when we speak from the heart. That in itself can be the challenge.

Patience is something I work on every day. I have gotten a lot better with it, but when my brain gets it’s gallop going and it’s heading toward the finish line, patience can fly right out the window, and anyone that slows me down or gets in my way sometimes gets trampled on. It’s in those times I need to speak the way I would want to be spoken to. Even if I may be in the right with the truth I am saying, I need to make sure I am carefully choosing my words and the delivery of how I’m saying it or I can be just as wrong. In fact, many times, the moment someone feels spoken down to, criticized or judged they will likely shut you out, and no amount of truth will be getting in once that happens.

We may be right, but it’s not just about being right, it’s about telling the truth in the right way, in a way that can be heard, and a way that you would want to hear it. It’s then, that a conversation can take place, and progress is able to happen in that area. Also, making sure that we’re not holding back our truth until we just can’t anymore and it just come blurting out. Saying it in the moment, or when it’s appropriate, and not just appropriate for us. When we hold back the truth that frustration, resentment or anger can grow and when it finally lands on our lips it can come across much harsher than it was every meant to be, so making sure we are speaking up when we should, so that fire doesn’t burn both of you later on. Work on speaking from your heart, and thinking of the other person as a part of yourself, from that place the truth is often a lot easier to digest. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to be quite direct when speaking our truth? Do you speak your truth in the moment or wait until you can’t hold it in anymore? What is the result of that? How can you improve or shorten the time it takes for you to express your truth? Are people generally open to hearing your truth? If yes, why do you think that is? If no, why do you think that is? What can you do to change your delivery so people may be more receptive to the truth? How do you like to hear the truth? Do you like to hear the truth? Take into consideration how you best receive the truth and work on sending out the truth that way, there may always be someone who isn’t receptive to hearing it, but when we are able to to say it in a way that they don’t feel attacked, they may be better able to recieve what you say.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

AIR™ Share With Daphne

It was great to join Tricia Baker of Attitudes In Reverse® at Red Bank Regional High School to speak to the freshman on a recent break from filming in the New York area. I always look for opportunities to share my experience, strength and hope with those who may be struggling with mental health and suicide, and it was great to join Tricia and share my story.

Daphne made her first official AIR™ appearance and enjoyed meeting all the students and sharing therapy dog duties with Henry.

For more information on Attitudes In Reverse® and how you can help click this link: Attitudes In Reverse
Carrie Genzel with Daphne and Tricia Baker with Henry at Red Bank Regional High School
Actor/AIR Advisory Board Member Carrie Genzel Joins Tricia Baker at Red Bank Regional High School
When AIR Co-founder Tricia Baker recently presented Coming Up for AIR at Red Bank Regional High School, she brought a couple surprise treats for the students: actor/writer/ producer Carrie Genzel, who recently joined AIR’s Advisory Board, and her dog Daphne.
“I am grateful to Carrie for sharing her personal story of recovery. Young people need to understand that there is always hope for healing,” Tricia said.
“I had a great time joining in on Tricia’s programming at Red Bank Regional High School. It was great to share my story and message with the freshman class and bring Daphne in to meet and connect with the students afterwards. We both had a great afternoon,” Carrie said.
Carrie is most recognized for her work as “Skye Chandler” on All My Children, as well as two memorable Supernatural episodes, “Bugs” and “Just My Imagination.” Some of her credits also include Wizards of Waverly Place, Smallville, Watchmen and
Jennifer’s Body.