lies

People Show Us Who They Are

We’ve all heard the saying, “talk is cheap,” and I’ve found as I’ve moved forward on my journey that not only is it cheap, it has no value at all without proper action. Just saying something doesn’t make it true, right, or worth anything at all. It’s all in the action. People will tell us what they want us to hear, they will say what they think makes them look good, or to tell the narrative they want to tell, I know, I used to do all of those things, in fact, those were my three top reasons for speaking before taking responsibility for my own well-being and mental health, so I know from first hand experience. But there are good people out there, I would like to think that I am one of them, people who speak their truth, even if it’s not what may be popular or what someone wants to hear, people who are honest, caring, compassionate and willing to listen to someone else’s point of view, people who aren’t walking around with a secret agenda and consider anyone they meet just pawns in their latest scheme. No, there are people who can be trusted and confided in, and who speak with love in their hearts. But, it’s up to us to really listen and watch for those people, and not get fooled by the ones who may not be transparent in their intentions.

When I made a commitment to live my life with rigorous honesty I had to pull the curtain back on my bad behavior from my past. I had to live my life with integrity and learn to speak my truth with confidence and without fear of my perceived consequences. Part of that process for me was learning to trust myself, and learning to love myself enough to be true to my thoughts and intentions, and to be clear on what those intentions really were. That took some time. As I said, my intentions in the past were murky at best, there was usually some self-serving reason behind it, even when I masked it behind charity or doing something for someone else, I was always looking to get something out of it. So to shed all of that and to work to live only with good intentions, and not just for myself, and to be open and clear about those intentions, I felt pretty exposed. This was an area where that rigorous honesty came in, what were my true intentions? And, if they weren’t true, I was not allowed to engage. That put the breaks on some things. But putting my actions through that filter kept me honest, and it kept me on the right track, it also caused me to start looking at the people I was choosing to engage with and what their intentions really where, and had me questions if I really knew, and instead of just watching myself and how I was going to manipulate the situation, I was now really watching and listening, and learning what those intentions and who those people really where. Sometimes it took me more than a few times to really believe what I was seeing and hearing, and having been hurt by those times when I chose not to believe my own eye and ears, I started to believe faster. People do always show us who they are and many times we excuse it away, or we give them the benefit of the doubt, instead of taking them at face value. Now, that’s not to say we can’t misunderstand, or give people another chance, but we typically do know, we get that feeling, when something isn’t right, and it’s up to us to trust that feeling and heed it as a warning.

My life expanded a lot over the past year, I made some big moves and changes, and that’s always a time to reflect back, and in doing so I can see where I may have gotten fooled, but I also see where I did not believe what someone was showing me and as a result got hurt. Moving forward through this year and new people coming into my life I will not make that same mistake, some leeway was made, but ultimately what I’ve been shown is who they are, and who they are is not who they presented themselves to be, so, as someone who continues to practice rigorous honesty and engaging with people who I can trust, honor and respect, I need to protect myself from these people for my own recovery and mental health, and as sad as that feels, it also feels good, that I know I’m worth more than lies, manipulation and misleading intentions, and I know how to spot the truth.

As we move through our lives we encounter many people, some good, and some, well, not so good. It us up to us to be honest with who we are and what we want, and to believe people when they show us who they are in return. Words can be deceiving, but actions always tell the truth. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe people when they show you who they are or do you tend to make excuses for them? If you make excuses and choose not to believe them, what is typically the result? Have you been one of those people in the past who may have not been forthcoming with your true intentions? Why do you think that was? Are you still that person? What scares you from living your truth? What can you do to be more honest? What can you do spot when someone else isn’t being honest with you? The signs are always there SLAYER, you just have to believe them, take them at face value and make a choice whether you will continue to engage under those circumstances or not. As you continue to practice rigorous honesty in your own life, you may find that you become more in-tuned with the truth of what’s around you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find the courage to tell your truth, every bit of it.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dangerous Lies (1)

Deny Denial

When I was living in my disease I was totally in denial about how sick I was. I would tell myself stories about how it was everyone else’s fault or that things weren’t really that bad, they were. No matter what happened, or how bad things got, I never admitted the truth to myself until I couldn’t deny it anymore because I couldn’t ignore the place I found myself. I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, and in grave danger of taking my own life. I think for me, because of my stubbornness and cunning ability to deny my truth, it took me falling down that low for me to finally see the problem, and to be willing to do something about it. I don’t suggest waiting that long, because things very easily could have gone a different way during that time, a more permanent way, one where I no longer had the choice to get well, but I was granted some grace, and a tiny bit of hope, to reach out my hand and finally admit the truth. And, even now, over 13 years later, my mental illness will tell me I don’t have it, that I’m OK, it still actively wants me to fall back into denial.

I wrote recently about being rigorously honest, it’s imperative for me that I live in that place, because if I start to bend the truth, or leave things out of my story, I start to deny what is really going on, of who I am today, and where I came from, and once I start doing that my disease sits up and takes notice. It waits for me to get a little lazy, or back off on my recovery and when and if I do, it peppers denial into my thoughts without me even noticing it and then starts to open the door wider to more and bigger denial, if I allow that to happen, I am in danger of falling back to where I was, or worse.

Life can be painful. There are things that can be hard to face, or admit, but if we don’t live in our truth, admit our faults, and make amends or apologize for what we’ve done denial takes over and tells us all kinds of lies that keep us sick, or isolated, or in our own heads. The truth keeps us well, healthy, and in the light, there is no place for denial in truth. Denial may feel like the safer place, especially if it’s a place we’ve lived in for a while, but it’s deceptive, denial does not keep us safe, it leaves us exposed and in harm’s way, we are only safe when we know and live in the truth.

But first we need to have the willingness to live in our truth, and to see things as they really are, not as we’d like them to be, or prefer them to be, or the story we’d rather tell. Perhaps our story is that we’re not like everyone else, even though we would prefer to be, and so it may be about finding acceptance in ourselves and who we are, and, for some of us, that we do live with some kind of mental illness, or some other health issue that may cause us shame, or difficulty, or may separate us from those around us, if we let it. We may have gotten so good rationalizing our denial, or coming up with alibis for our behavior that living in our truth may seem like a tall order, but it can be done, and needs to be done if we are to live in any kind of healthy loving way. And that brings us back to self-love. When we learn to love ourselves we learn to accept all of who we are, even those parts we used to deny, and when we are able to shine love in those places we used to hide we can truly live in the light and become our true selves.

Denial only leads to more denial, more lies, stories, and untruths. We as SLAYERS live in the light, our truth, we deny denial, we take responsibility for our actions, and we own who we are and what we do. Denial only brings us more pain, and possibly leads us down an even darker path than the one we already find ourselves on. Let go of the fear you may hold of telling your truth, and find the freedom in accepting the truth, and sharing that truth with those in your life. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live in denial? What specifically do you refuse to accept? Why do you think you refuse to accept it? What’s stopping you? What are you afraid of? Do you see how living in denial is keeping you sick, or making you sicker? What evidence is there of this in your life? What can you do to get more honest? Write down 5 things. Find acceptance for who you are and what you may struggle with, it’s only then that we begin to step out of the shadows and start living the life that we are meant to, and are capable of having.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Feel Like Shining A Flashlight, Pick Up A Mirror

There are times when we all judge people in our lives, we think we have a better solution, or better way of living, or we don’t agree with the decisions they are making. Before stepping on this path, I often had opinions of how others should be doing things, but never wanted anyone to do the same to me, and I certainly didn’t want to do it to myself. It made me feel better about myself to tell others what they should be doing, what they were doing wrong but that behavior was really must a smokescreen, what I was doing in my own life also could have been done better, and I was doing plenty of things wrong, even though I wouldn’t have admitted it then.

What I’ve learned on this path is that when those urges to direct other people’s lives comes up for me, that’s an indication that I need some direction myself. That I’m not practicing my own self-care and because of that old behaviors are coming up to deflect those feelings that I am not doing the work to give myself what I need to live a healthy life. For me, my mental health hinges on me taking care of myself and when I don’t, those voices, that negative bullshit committee, starts to chime in and get rowdy. It will tell me that I’m fine and have me look out instead of in. I used to fall for those voices, listen to them, and even though there were times I knew they were lying to me, it seemed easier to focus on everyone else’s life and what I thought they were doing wrong, than turn the spotlight on myself. Now, having been on this path for over 12 ½ years, I know when I start to have those thoughts or urges to direct others today, I need to look back at myself, because there is probably some work to do there.

What we typically find wrong with other people’s lives are the same things we also should change or look at within ourselves. We find those things in others so offensive because we recognize our own behavior in them and want to fix them, but may recoil at the thought of applying those same fixes to ourselves. We may have gotten comfortable being stagnant, we may have dug ourselves in there, thinking that’s where we belong, but to truly be happy, to truly reach our full potential and to truly live authentically we need to be constantly checking in to make sure we’re doing all the things we need to do to give ourselves what we need to be happy and healthy, and that does require some work. It’s funny how, when we’re in a lot of pain, we’re willing to be to great lengths to find a solution, but when things get good we can get lazy, and that’s when the bad sneak can sneak back in and find a home, because as much as we’re learning so is whatever drives the negativity of our mental health, it’s learning right along with us, and it’s always trying to figure out the workaround and how to crash that bus.

In those times when you feel the need to tell others how to fix their lives, pause, and use that opportunity to look within and make sure that all those things you like to do tell others to do, you are doing yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to show or tell people how to run their life? Why do you think you do that? Do you take your own advice? How well do you receive direction or suggestions from other people? How does it feel when someone does it to you? Do you think about what is said? Do you take action on what they suggest? Do you see how your need to tell others what to do can be a deflection of work you should be doing and are not? Write down some examples of when you’ve noticed this. What was the result of not doing the work? Did you finally do the work? How did that feel? When you recognized what need to be done, was it the same work that you have suggested others do? When you have the urge to look out SLAYER, use that as an indicator to look within, to take inventory and see if there is work there that you have been putting off, or should do to be your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fears are not facts, they lie to us and hold us back from reaching our potential. You hold the key to setting yourself free by walking through your fears to freedom.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fears