We’ve all heard the saying, “talk is cheap,” and I’ve found as I’ve moved forward on my journey that not only is it cheap, it has no value at all without proper action. Just saying something doesn’t make it true, right, or worth anything at all. It’s all in the action. People will tell us what they want us to hear, they will say what they think makes them look good, or to tell the narrative they want to tell, I know, I used to do all of those things, in fact, those were my three top reasons for speaking before taking responsibility for my own well-being and mental health, so I know from first hand experience. But there are good people out there, I would like to think that I am one of them, people who speak their truth, even if it’s not what may be popular or what someone wants to hear, people who are honest, caring, compassionate and willing to listen to someone else’s point of view, people who aren’t walking around with a secret agenda and consider anyone they meet just pawns in their latest scheme. No, there are people who can be trusted and confided in, and who speak with love in their hearts. But, it’s up to us to really listen and watch for those people, and not get fooled by the ones who may not be transparent in their intentions.
When I made a commitment to live my life with rigorous honesty I had to pull the curtain back on my bad behavior from my past. I had to live my life with integrity and learn to speak my truth with confidence and without fear of my perceived consequences. Part of that process for me was learning to trust myself, and learning to love myself enough to be true to my thoughts and intentions, and to be clear on what those intentions really were. That took some time. As I said, my intentions in the past were murky at best, there was usually some self-serving reason behind it, even when I masked it behind charity or doing something for someone else, I was always looking to get something out of it. So to shed all of that and to work to live only with good intentions, and not just for myself, and to be open and clear about those intentions, I felt pretty exposed. This was an area where that rigorous honesty came in, what were my true intentions? And, if they weren’t true, I was not allowed to engage. That put the breaks on some things. But putting my actions through that filter kept me honest, and it kept me on the right track, it also caused me to start looking at the people I was choosing to engage with and what their intentions really where, and had me questions if I really knew, and instead of just watching myself and how I was going to manipulate the situation, I was now really watching and listening, and learning what those intentions and who those people really where. Sometimes it took me more than a few times to really believe what I was seeing and hearing, and having been hurt by those times when I chose not to believe my own eye and ears, I started to believe faster. People do always show us who they are and many times we excuse it away, or we give them the benefit of the doubt, instead of taking them at face value. Now, that’s not to say we can’t misunderstand, or give people another chance, but we typically do know, we get that feeling, when something isn’t right, and it’s up to us to trust that feeling and heed it as a warning.
My life expanded a lot over the past year, I made some big moves and changes, and that’s always a time to reflect back, and in doing so I can see where I may have gotten fooled, but I also see where I did not believe what someone was showing me and as a result got hurt. Moving forward through this year and new people coming into my life I will not make that same mistake, some leeway was made, but ultimately what I’ve been shown is who they are, and who they are is not who they presented themselves to be, so, as someone who continues to practice rigorous honesty and engaging with people who I can trust, honor and respect, I need to protect myself from these people for my own recovery and mental health, and as sad as that feels, it also feels good, that I know I’m worth more than lies, manipulation and misleading intentions, and I know how to spot the truth.
As we move through our lives we encounter many people, some good, and some, well, not so good. It us up to us to be honest with who we are and what we want, and to believe people when they show us who they are in return. Words can be deceiving, but actions always tell the truth. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe people when they show you who they are or do you tend to make excuses for them? If you make excuses and choose not to believe them, what is typically the result? Have you been one of those people in the past who may have not been forthcoming with your true intentions? Why do you think that was? Are you still that person? What scares you from living your truth? What can you do to be more honest? What can you do spot when someone else isn’t being honest with you? The signs are always there SLAYER, you just have to believe them, take them at face value and make a choice whether you will continue to engage under those circumstances or not. As you continue to practice rigorous honesty in your own life, you may find that you become more in-tuned with the truth of what’s around you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
4 thoughts on “People Show Us Who They Are”
“Moving forward through this year and new people coming into my life I will not make that same mistake…” (C.G.)
This hit me right in the gut like a soccer punch. I have been for the past several years working through some tough shame and guilt gremlins. Gremlins that were born from things people I once trusted, honoured and respected said to me in the heat of emotions. Those same gremlins scarred me and wounded deep parts of me that I have difficulty sharing with those around me.
This question you posed: “Have you been one of those people in the past who may have not been forthcoming with your true intentions?” I totally have been one of those people. I totally think everyone wears a mask, a persona, partially out of self perservation and survival. Over the years, I just hate masking who I am. I am whoever I decide to be. Recently my therapist and I have been working through my very real need to connect with others and where my trust issues stem from, so this is really great advice.
“As we move through our lives we encounter many people, some good, and some, well, not so good. It us up to us to be honest with who we are and what we want, and to believe people when they show us who they are in return.” (C.G.)
Up to a couple years ago even, I had been very careful about who I trust and who I allow into my space. I didn’t want to get hurt again. I have had some relationships where I encountered and kept only certain people around me because I thought they were safe. I didn’t realize until later how isolated I felt as it almost felt like I was being kept away from new friends or experiences. I also didn’t realize, how I started turning to those same people for validation that I was actually being a decent human.
This phrase you wrote: “…I know I’m worth more than lies, manipulation and misleading intentions, and I know how to spot the truth.” (C.G.) I am working my way towards that. I want to be honest and truthful, above all safe to feel vulnerable within myself. I want to embrace who I am becoming without masks or personas. I want to know what my shadows look like the light I receive from the love of those around me and the light inside myself – can shine more brightly into those dark spaces. Finding self-worth is such a rigorous journey. It’s not for the faint of heart and it feels almost reckless. My therapist said I was so brave when I just think I’m stumbling about – poking at things to see which one will work for me to make me be stronger. Thank you again for an insightful blog Carrie, again you always speak to the heart.
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Continue your journey and continue being brave, the results will pay dividends for the rest of your life.
Thank you for sharing, and, SLAY on!
Reblogged this on Coaching by Shawn Bellon, LLC.
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Thank you SLAYER ❤