happy

Believing In Yourself May Be One Of The Most Daring Things You Can Do

Believing in myself wasn’t something that came easy for me. I spent most of myself doubting my abilities, talent and worth. I may have started the day, or even a task or goal, with all the intention in the world of believing I could do it, and not just do it, excel at it, only to let the voices in my head talk me down and tell me I wasn’t good enough to get it done. And then would begin the vicious circle of beating myself up for not doing something to my ability or being to afraid to let myself shine as I knew I could. I would then slip into a depression believing I would never get what I want or achieve my goals because I was too afraid to reach for them or I wasn’t good enough to get it. It would take days, weeks, sometimes months to work up the courage to get back out there and try again, and sometimes I would find the success I was looking for, but even when I did I would label it as luck, not really believing I deserved it and would then worry it would be taken away. That fear, that disbelief in myself only grew stronger as I got older, and my disease grew along with me, it was harder to overcome, even paralyzing at times where I would freeze not able to do anything because of the overwhelming fear of failure.

When I made the decision to seek out help, when I found the courage to admit I was in trouble and was willing to make changes in my life to live a healthier and happier life, I did hear those same voices telling me it wouldn’t work, or I would fail, but this time it wasn’t just something I wanted, this was my life that was on the line, and walking through that fear of failure was necessary for my own survival, so I just started to walk.

I learned as I began my journey on uncharted waters to trust myself, to trust that I was being guided to where I was meant to be, and that there was a reason why things were happening in my life, good, bad or otherwise. Looking back, yes, I had let many opportunities pass me by, and even though those missed opportunities frustrated me, or made me angry for letting them go, they helped me learn acceptance, no matter how I felt, I couldn’t change the past, so I had to take what I could learn from it and let it go. And, remembering how I felt about those missed opportunities, I would not let myself miss those opportunities from now on so I didn’t have to feel like that again. That was something I had control over, doing the best I could and then letting the results go, because if I had done my best, that’s all I could have done, and can ever do, the rest isn’t up to me, and once I did that I was able to find love in myself, even in who I had been because she didn’t know better, I was able to start believing in my own self-worth. That seemed impossible when I started this journey, but it slowly came as I continued to forgive myself for my past and began making loving decisions for myself each day.

When we don’t believe in ourselves we make it almost impossible for us to succeed. We need to believe. We need to believe we are worth it, we are capable of it, and we need to believe we deserve the good we seek out. That may seem like a tall order, but it can be done, you’re reading the words of a believer right now, one that used to not believe so much she got in her own way most of the time. Find the love within yourself to believe, find the forgiveness to let go of mistakes from the past, and find the life you truly deserve, dare yourself to believe. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe in yourself? If not, why not? Does this come from actions or decisions in your past? Does this come from what you’ve been told by others? How do you stand in your own way? Why do you do this? Why do you think it’s OK? Give an example of something you didn’t accomplish or get because you didn’t believe in yourself. How did you feel after? You have the power to change that SLAYER. You are capable of anything you decide to do, you just have to believe you can and set out to do it. Anything is possible if you think you can. Start by learning to love who you are, and honoring that person, learning to trust what you want and look for opportunities to go get it. You can have those things you dream about, with some work, and, a belief that you can.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up the loneliest, focus on making yourself happy, and loving who you are.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Wrong

If You Only Knew What The Other Side Looked Like

I know things can be tough. Dark. Hopeless. And full of pain. I know because I’ve been there. I lived there for many years. I lived there thinking there was no way out. Well, I only thought there was one way, to end my suffering. I’m glad that the way I thought of wasn’t the way, that the universe had plans to show me the right way, and guide me to the light.

I was speaking to someone today who had been where I was, who had attempted to take her own life, and now she stood before me, three years removed from that experience, happy, healthy and celebrating the day. We talked about the way it was, for both of us, and those who are still out there struggling, sitting in the dark, and we both said, if they only knew what the other side looked like.

I do know, I’m typing this from the other side right now. And let me tell you, it’s great over here. Now that’s not to say that everything is just rainbows and unicorns, there are some of both though, life still happens, but I have changed, and because of that I continue to be blessed with people and things in my life, and beautiful experiences I never would have had had I not fought my way out of the darkness.

When I was living in the darkness that is all I saw. There were beautiful things and beautiful people in my life, but I couldn’t see their beauty, not like I do today, my mind would put a cloak of darkness over everyone and everything so it could keep telling me the story it wanted to, that there was no way out, that no one really cared about me, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I believed those lies, I believed them for as long as I could stand it, and when it became too unbearable I was brought to me knees, and in that moment I reached out for help, to whomever or whatever may be listening, I had nothing to lose by asking, so asked for help and I surrendered my willpower and let go. What happened is nothing short of a miracle, but I couldn’t just rest on that miracle to get me better, I then had to roll up my sleeves and get to work. I was given a look at what was on the other side, through people who had gotten there, and with their direction, and others, I was able to get there myself, I wasn’t sure I could, but I fought like hell to get there, and I made it.

I now speak to you from that place, and I want you to know if you haven’t made it yet that we’re here waiting for you. It is possible. There are many of us here who were once like you, I was like you, and if I can do it so can you. First, you have to believe, believe it’s possible, find the little bit of light within you and hold onto as you step forward out of the dark, trust me, you won’t fall, and even if you stumble, we’ll be there to pick you up until you learn to walk on your own. Fight to find the light, fight to find your way to the other side, it’s there, and it’s even more beautiful than you can imagine. Come join us here, we’re waiting for you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel stuck in the dark? Why do you feel stuck? What can you do to find the light where you are? Are there others in your life who have the light? Stay close to them SLAYER. Ask them to walk with you, to help you out of the dark. Do you believe you deserve to stay in the dark? Why? Are these old stories from your past or a belief here in the present? Why do you believe it? What if it’s not true? What if you made it not true? What if you fought to find our way into the light? What do you think that looks like? How can you get there? You can. You can SLAYER. Find those people in your life, or seek out new people, who live in the light, ask them how they got there, let go of old ideas that keep you in the dark, and be open to new ideas that will bring in the light. Dig deep, find the humility and allow yourself to be teachable to new things and new ways of living life. It does get better, it can better, if you work for it. The good news is, you hold the key to your happiness, no one else, you have the power to set yourself free.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes what you are most afraid of is the very thing that will set you free.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set Free

Everything Good Takes Maintenance

Not to rain on your parade, but with all the good we put into our lives, the work involved in making positive changes, the work doesn’t stop there. Good things take maintenance. We live in a world full of distractions, negativity, and busyness, and the good we put into our lives gets chipped away by these things, so if we don’t continue to maintain them, they will eventually become so depleted they will waste away. It takes work to get the good, and it takes work to keep it. It’s also keeping up with the evolution of who we are. As we continue to work on ourselves and grow, the good we once needed may change or evolve along with us, so we may need to do some tune-ups or upgrade, to it as we upgrade ourselves. It may seem daunting to think the work is never done, but once we get in the habit of looking for and working for the good and doing what’s best for us, that work just becomes acts of loving yourself and not so much work most of the time.

Like anything, we have to always check-in with ourselves. It’s easy to rest on our laurels and coast. Especially when things feel good. Even if things feel good it’s important to still make sure they are good, because we can convince ourselves that just because things feel calm, and in reality may have become stagnant, that we’re OK where we are, even if that place isn’t challenging us, or making us happy. Just because there might not be any drama, or negativity, doesn’t mean we can sit back and stop doing the work. Especially for those of us that have come from such places of darkness, and may have had to fight so hard to get out, into the light, we can stop working when we’ve overcome the resistance of our past, and stay somewhere longer than we are meant to.

I like to think of the maintenance as a gift to myself. Work that will give back to me, and those around me, ten-fold, because when I am in a place that lets my true self shine I am able to be at my best and possibly inspire or help others to do so as well. So I look at it as selfish if I am not doing the work, because I am not only cheating myself out of being my best self, but possibly others as well because I am not able to shine my light as bright on the path ahead. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m always excited about doing the work, there are days when I may stomp my feet and wish the work would do itself, but I know when I do get to it, it’ll be worth it, and that work will take me to the next place I am supposed to be. Everything we do and everyone we meet is meant to take us to where we are meant to be next, or prepare us for what’s ahead, so when we keep doing the work, we’re always ready for what may come our way, good, or bad, we’ve got the tools for that particular job.

Our lives are in perpetual motion, life is always happening around us, and hopefully within us, so it’s important to keep up with it and not stall or stop our growth and enjoyment of it. Open your heart and follow it’s direction, feed it with what makes it sing, and make sure you’re giving it enough fuel to give you the gas you need to keep your positive tank, your good tank, full to take you to your next destination. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you shy away from doing the work you know you should be doing to be your best self? Why do you do that? Is it a way to punish yourself? Do you think you’re not worthy of good? Are you hoping it’ll fix itself? It won’t SLAYER. When you do something good for yourself, do you feel good? How exactly do you feel? Write it down. When you don’t want to do good things for you look at what you just wrote, remember the feeling and let that inspire you to get to work. When we do more good for ourselves we attract more good. That good starts a fire inside of us and the heat and flames grow higher as we keep putting more good into it, and when it’s burning we can share those flames with someone else who may be sitting in the dark. Ignite that spark in you, and keep feeding that fire.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t like the way you feel, how do you want to feel? Think about that feeling until you feel it, then, take action to make that feeling your reality.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happiness 3

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s healthy to admit you’re not OK. It’s brave. But don’t let it win. Be sad. Have your moment, your day or week. Then do something about it, do something for you, and find your happy again.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Broken

Avoiding Happiness Is Not The Road To Happiness

Now, this one seems obvious right? But for many of us who don’t think we deserve the good, or make choices that sabotage the good in our lives, whether consciously or unconsciously, we may find ourselves in a state of frustration that we haven’t found happiness. We have to seek out happiness to find it, and to live a happy life.

Happiness is different for all of us, we all have our own definition of happiness, and there is no right or wrong, as long as you haven’t defined happiness as something that is destroying you…it happens, but we get to design and designate what our happiness is, but, to find it we have to let happiness in. And not only do we have to let it in, we have to go after it.

For me, when I first started to walk on this path I don’t think I even knew what happiness meant for me. I probably would have just rattled off a bunch of outside things that I thought I needed to be happy, I had no idea, really, of what the concept of happy was for me. As I started to get better I started to see it, I think I saw it first in others, that shine, that sparkle, I  would call those people the Shiny Happy People, and I certainly wasn’t one of them, but I wanted to be, they intrigued me, so I started to hang out with them to find out their secrets. What I learned is that they had found a way to love themselves enough that they overcame the ugliness of their past, of who they were and what they had done, they had learned to forgive themselves and those around them, they had found peace, and even though that didn’t mean life had stopped happening to them, bad things still come to everyone, even to the Shiny Happy People, they had found enough happy that they were able to walk through it without throwing it all away and falling back down the rabbit hole of depression and despair. See, when you’re living a happy life, and letting happy in, that may get tarnished a bit from time to time, but life can’t take away your happy unless you give it the power to, and the key to that is continue to seek out happiness even through the tough times, and eventually those tough times will pass and you’ll fall back into a state a happiness, although, you never really left it, it just might not have been as shiny and happy as you would have liked.

We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to have good things. But we have to let them in, go after them, believe we do deserve them for them to come to us and manifest in our lives. It can be hard, at the beginning, to ignore the negative chatter in our heads that tell us we don’t belong there, we don’t get to be happy, and to avoid happiness when we see it, but we can get there by practicing contrary action and going after it anyways, by acting “as if” and by taking action in a positive way our own mindset may change and we may just start looking for the happiness on our own, I know I did. That happiness you imagine or want yourself is out there, you just have to take the necessary steps to get there, and realize that your own happiness is whatever you deem it to be, it’s yours and can be found in most places, so get out and get it SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you avoid happiness? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to be happy or deserve good things? Why? What if you did? What if you made the decision to go after your happy, what would that look like? What can you do this week to let some happy in? To work towards your happy? No matter how small if it leads you to your happy it’s a big step in the right direction. Instead of avoiding happy, seek it out, go after it, embrace it, it may feel strange at first but soon you’ll find it feels good, and you want more of it, and before you know it you may just find yourself, well, happy. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the work. Be the prize.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy Ending

You Are Not Entitled To Be Happy

Yeah, I bet that got your attention. It is up to each and every one of us to find our happy. Within every circumstance. Being happy is a choice. It’s about being open to new things, different things than the things we thought were going to make us happy. It’s about releasing the constraints of what you think you need to be happy, to let happy happen even when it doesn’t look exactly how you think it should, or needs to be.

I’ve heard people around me say, many times, “well, I did all of these good things for myself, cleaned up my life, played by the rules, and I still didn’t get what I wanted,” and I always say, “you’ve gotten what you’re supposed to have gotten, when you’re supposed to have gotten it.” Sometimes The Universe, God, whatever your belief is, saves us from ourselves, because what we think we want, isn’t what is good for us, or best for us, or, we’re just not ready for it. I always try to look at opportunities I thought I missed out on as exactly that. Things I wasn’t meant to have, or may not have been in the right place for, even though I thought I should be there or get those things. It’s about trusting you are where you’re supposed to be, and knowing that, life hasn’t forgotten about you, if you feel stuck, that’s a time to ask yourself how you can move forward, or if there is something you are doing that’s keeping you stuck, how can you contribute to yourself moving in the direction of what you want, of, well, happy. I mean, we should be finding happy exactly where we are, but it’s also OK to want to keep going, to get to the next step or level in our lives to a place, or places, we’ve always wanted to go. Just don’t forget to appreciate where you are right now, and what you’ve overcome to get there. Don’t get so caught up in the future that you can’t appreciate the now. The now is important, and it’s important to find happy in the now.

We, as human beings, only know a little, we can only see what’s in front of us, and where we’ve been, but we only have our own perspective, we can’t see the bigger picture, how our lives fit into the overall tapestry of lives all around us, and even beyond, because we are all connected in many ways, and everything we do, as it does with others, affects those around us and far beyond, beyond we even realize, or could ever know. Each decision we make, each action, has a ripple effect, and it keeps rippling out, maybe for a lifetime. I know myself that, there are many people who have affected my life and their actions still are active in my life today, even though it may have been many many years since that interaction. Trust, that the people who are and are coming into your life are meant to be there for a reason, some for a long time, and some for a short period, but no one comes in without a reason, good, bad, it’s all about learning, loving, and well, finding our way to happy, even in the moment.

My favorite word that is used to define happy is buoyant, which means able to stay afloat or rise to the top. That describes my happy. When I think back to the unhappy time in my life, the years and years of unhappy, I was sinking, I was not afloat, it took me shedding the pain, shame, and anger of my past to learn to float, and today I float at the top, and I am happy.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you get angry that you are not happy? Do you feel like life owes you happiness? Why? Why do you think you can’t find happiness? Have you ever felt happy? When was that? Why were you happy? How do you think you lost it? How do you think you can get it back? Do you trust that you are where you’re supposed to be? If you are not happy in that place, is there something you can do to get yourself out that you are not doing? Why haven’t you done it? Do it SLAYER, find your happy, and if you are getting in the way of your own happiness, let it go, go get your happy, it’s worth the work, because you deserve to be happy. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you