Good morning SLAYER! When you’re too caught up in what’s happened in the past, you miss what’s right in front of you.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
compassion
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your power comes from living in the present, it is in the present that you can take action.
SLAY on!
Do What’s In Front Of Your Hands
I talked about this last week on SLAY TALK LIVE, in regards to anxiety. I used to suffer from a lot of anxiety, and typically it was because I was living in the past, or I was living in the future. I wasn’t living in the present. When we worry about things that have happened already, or fixate on circumstances or situations that have already happened, we can feel anxious, we feel anxious because there is nothing we can do to change the past, we just keep rehashing what’s already happened, or we let it dictate what will happen because we haven’t take the necessary steps to correct the behavior or situation so we worry about it happening again. There are also times we live in the future. We fear what may or may not happen, we worry about things that again, we have no control over, because just like the past, we cannot control the future either. What we can control is right here and now. So when I would feel anxious it was suggested to me to focus on what’s in front of my hands.
When you focus on what’s in front of your hands you are present. You are looking at what is right in front of you, and that is something you can control, well, most of the time, but when you’re looking at what is right in front of you you are able to take action, it’s also a way to focus when you’re feeling overwhelmed and have a lot to do. Many times we get side-tracked, or we can procrastinate because we don’t know where to start on our long list of things to get done, but, if you focus on what’s in front of your hands, and start there, you can work your way down your list and it doesn’t seem so daunting.
For me, when I first started my journey on this path, focusing on what was in front of my hands was that magic trick that got me through my day, and it taught me how to zero in and focus on an activity even if there was a lot going on around me, or if I had a lot to do, as I practiced being present the rest of my worries or tasks started to fall away and I got the first task done, and I learned to get it done without feeling anxious. One thing that always quashes anxiety is action, when we take action and do what we can in any given situation our worries about the past or future start to fade away because we are doing what we can in the present moment, also, we are occupied with the doing that we lose the worry.
Our hands are always with us, when you feel anxious, when you are worried or overwhelmed, look at your hands and ask yourself, what is in front of my hands, what can I do to take action right now? It’s a simple trick to tackle a substantial problem.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often feel overwhelmed or anxious? What causes you to feel that way? Are these things you have control over? Are these things that are active in your present life? Or, are these things have already happened, or have yet to happen? What can you do to take action in your present life to address these things or issues? Do you often get overwhelmed by your to-do list? What happens when you get overwhelmed? What do you do to overcome it? Do you see that by focusing on what’s in front of your hands that you may be able to focus on the task in front of you rather than letting your thoughts hijack you and paralyze you? I challenge you SLAYER to focus on what’s in front of your hands, that when you feel anxious or worry, right that down, acknowledge it, but go back to what is in front of your hands. Tackle each task one at a time, take action where you can, let your past teach you as you move forward in your present day, and keep your thoughts out of the future, none of that has happened yet, and your energies are better spent on the things that are happening right in front of you. Do what’s in front of your hands. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Rock bottom has built more champions than privileged. Use the tough times to build strength, and knowledge for the next time.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You never know who else you may help just by sharing your truth, but it will always help you.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You can only get better through action.
SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYER! Didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, here’s what you missed!
Are You Afraid Of The Solution?
We can get so used to living in our own darkness that we let fear keep us from a solution. Our brain tells us that we can’t get better, our fear backs that up with unhelpful thoughts that are based on old information and stories that don’t have to be, or may not be, our present, but if we let them dictate our lives, they will continue to hold us back, and they’ll keep telling us those same old stories and those same old fears will keep us from getting well. We have the power each day to make better choices for ourselves, to take positive steps that will walk us into the light, to give us tools to live a life we deserve, and one that can be our “new normal.” It’s incredible how much pain many of us endure, at our own hands, because it’s what we’ve come to know, and even though we may not be happy there, we stay, because it’s the normal we do know, the thought of stepping out of that normal into something healthier, brighter, and better may be so scary we’d rather stay in the dark and continue to suffer there, even though there may be solutions all around us, and, people to help us get there. We are the only ones standing in our own way of recovery, or a better way of life. And as hard is it may be to believe for someone looking in at us, we might even be hanging on to that part of our life, not wanting to let go and set ourselves free. We may identify with it so much that the thought of it no longer being a part of our lives may leave us wondering who we would be without it. Who we would be, and could be, is our authentic selves. The people we were meant to be, who we aspire to be, who we can be. We can have all of the things we would like, it is going to take work, likely a lot of it, but there is no better person to invest in than yourself. Change can be scary, but look at it like you are giving yourself a software update, you are still you, but with some upgraded features to make you run more smoothly, more secure, and maybe with some new apps, or bells and whistles to make your life run easier.
All sounds good right? So what holds us back. Our friend fear. I talk a lot about find out the facts, well, fears aren’t facts, they are feelings, and feelings aren’t always accurate information, feelings can have all kinds of things attached to them that we’re not even aware of, things from our past, things that haven’t even every happened. When we live in fear we are not living in the present moment, we are living in the past or the future, when we live in the present moment, and are always looking at the facts we have, what we know to be true for sure, we are safe, we can make sound decisions, and we can start to let go of those fears that haunt us. Our brains like things to stay the same, they like to know what’s coming next, or what the outcome will be, and when things are changing fear likes to jump in and tell us it’s protecting us, but it’s really holding us back. It’s when we walk through those fears that they start to lose their power over us, and when we practice walking through those fears, our brain stops telling us to be afraid because it now has proof that when we’ve made changes everything is still OK, in fact, it’s probably more than OK and is better, so it stops trying to, well, stop us. The trick is to walk forward even if you’re in fear and trust that if you’re doing something that is for your greater good, that it’s going to be OK, and if it’s not, then you’ve learned a valuable lesson to be used for the next time, but even that is good, it’s learning, it’s growth.
I know for myself when I started to get better it felt very uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin because I was used to wearing the skin that I had been wearing for years and years, and even that skin didn’t feel good, I knew what that skin felt like, it was familiar to me, and when I started to make changes in my life, that skin no longer felt good, but neither did the new skin, it felt foreign, but I was told from many who had walked this path before me that it would feel uncomfortable at first, but to keep wearing it because one day it would feel great, it was just my brain trying to pull me back to the place I had been. I learned to get comfortable in the uncomfortable, and now I know when I’m there it’s because I’m changing, and, that’s a good thing. In fact, when I get too comfortable I know that’s the time to challenge myself again, that I’ve gotten lazy, so now that comfortable place I used to sit in is no longer desirable because I want to continue to grow and continue to challenge myself.
I know you can do this, I did, and I doubted I could many times when I began this journey, but I just kept putting on foot in front of the other, and I surrounded myself with like-minded people to support me on my journey. Walk through your fear, let go of the past, and step into who you are meant to be.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your past dictate your present? How do you do this? Why do you do this? How do you think it hurts you? What step can you take today to overcome this? Do you think you let the comfort of staying where you are keep you from moving forward? Why do you think you do this? What fears keep you from moving forward? What are these fears based on? How can you overcome them? SLAYER, I know you have it in you to become your best self, but you have to work to move forward each day, and on those days when you fall back, and you will, you have to get right back up again and keep trudging forward, as someone who has walked before you, I promise, the more steps you take, the easier the journey becomes. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Give without expecting anything in return, and always remember when someone has shown you kindness.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Are You A Giver, Taker Or Matcher?
No, I’m not talking dating terms here, I’m talking life. In a perfect world we’re all “matchers,” we give as much as we take, but in a lot of cases people tend to lean more heavily to one or the other, and in some cases, people are only giving or taking.
The trick is to find the balance, to make sure you’re getting what you need but also sharing what you have with others. There should be a give and take, and it’s up to keep yourself from doing more of one than the other. It seems easy to identify that behavior in others, but sometimes harder in ourselves. I’ve written before about “Emotional Vampires,” those people who demand so much of your time and energy they leave you drained, those people are takers, and I’ve also written in the past about those of us who are “People-Pleasers,” and we’ll do anything to make sure the other person is happy, even at your own detriment. So, how we find a balance?
Anything done to extreme isn’t good for us, so when we’re only putting energy out and not recharging our batteries, or doing things that give back to us, eventually we will tire ourselves out, and most likely, ring up one sizable resentment against the people we’ve been giving so much for. On the flip side, some of us can take without giving anything back, in which case, you’re probably the person someone has a resentment against. So it’s about finding ourselves somewhere in the middle, and, there may be times when we lean toward one or the other, but always making sure we are not just do one thing. It can be good to reach out and say you need help, it may be a part of your healing to do so, especially if you are like I used to be, always proud to do it alone, even if not asking for help ultimately caused more pressure or stress that could of been avoided. For those people, asking for help is a big deal, and something that will garner them big rewards as they continue to practice the act of asking for a hand. And then there are those who are always asking, and keep asking, when they could probably do it themselves, or, help someone else with something. Those who could benefit from asking themselves from time to time, how can I be of service here, and not just think of themselves.
It’s OK to ask for help, it can be a healthy action for many of us, but when we solely rely on people to run in and save the day, or do the work for us, we’re cheating ourselves out of doing the work, and feeling the satisfaction of a job well done, or overcoming an obstacle in our path. Really ask yourself, and be honest, are you too much of a giver or taker, and if so, are there certain areas in your life where you tend to lean one way or the other? Within the answer to those questions lie a lot of useful bits of information about yourself, information that will guide you to more of a balance, like anything else, when we find out the facts, why we do certain things, or what triggers us to exercise certain behaviors, we are better able to address those issues and practice contrary action to walk past it, to find our healthier balance, it should be just as good to ask for help as it goes to help someone else, and the more we strike that balance, the happier and healthier we’ll be.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you are a giver or a taker? Do you find it difficult to ask for help? Why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are you basing that on what’s happened in the past? You are not your past. Today you are setting out to make positive changes for yourself, so throw out old ideas and old stories and start to make new ones. Do you find that you are always asking things of other people? Do you also give back? If you find that you are taking more than you are giving, why do you think you’re doing that? What if you tried to help someone else? Do you think that might also help you in some way? It will SLAYER, when we help others, or do something we know they will appreciate, it’s gets us out of our head, or self, and it gives us a broader perspective than just our own, it also brings us closer to those people in our lives, as when we are able to ask for help, we allow someone else to give in service to us, both people receive a gift, so if you are only acting one way or the other, not matter what way, they are both selfish acts. Find your place in the middle and find a healthy balance of give and take, you will be a richer person for it, and you may find that your relationships get stronger and deeper as a result. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
