Good morning SLAYER! We are all connected by our stories, by what we share, what we reveal, and what we take away.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Inspiration
You Have A Lot In Common With People You Have Little In Common With
That one makes you think doesn’t it? When we are feeling low, alone, and are sitting in the dark, we feel like no one would understand what we’re going through, we feel lost, like we’re the only ones who are, or have, gone through what we’re going through. But the truth is, many of us have similar or shared experiences, even with those people, from the outside, we have very little in common with.
When I finally made the decision to fight for myself, a big part of that was joining a support group. I went, the first time, because a friend I trusted suggested I go, so I went, trepidatiously, thinking I was going to sit there and listen to people I couldn’t relate to and leave feeling even more alone than I already did. The opposite happened. As I sat there in the back of the room I looked around. None of these people looked like me, they didn’t necessarily come from the background I had, how were they going to help me. Well, the first woman who spoke and shared her truth told my story. Not exactly, but what she shared was so similar to my own experiences I almost thought I had been set up by my friend and the people in that room had been told what to say. In fact, I think I accused him of it once or twice. But what really happened as I continued to listen to various people, who all were sharing their own experiences, which mirrored mine, is that even though I wouldn’t have thought we had anything in common by just looking at their outsides, our insides were the same. We did the same things, thought the same things, and, had said many of the same things, one of which being that we didn’t belong there before we realized the truth.
You see the truth is we have a lot more in common with those around us than we think. And, we only discover that when we share our truth with another person, or, group of people. Those stories saved my life because I realized that I was in a safe place, and within that place there was a solution to a better life. I wasn’t the only one, all of the people in that room were just like me, and they were all committed to getting better, and, supporting each other along the way. I’d never encountered anything like it. I had gone through my whole life thinking I was different, odd, and the only one who thought the way I did, it was baffling, but refreshing to learn that that wasn’t the truth. I felt safe among those people because I knew they wouldn’t judge me, I mean, they were just like me, and I them, so no one was pointing any fingers saying I should have done better, we collectively were there saying we were going to do better today.
It’s easy to look around and think you have nothing in common with those around you, or, that you are the only one who has done the things you’ve done, but I am here to tell you, that that is not the truth. There are many who are just like you, and will understand you. At the beginning of my journey I was asked to look at the similarities and not the differences, because my disease, on a bad day, would try to excuse a way the connections I was making, it would try to nitpick their stories and highlight what didn’t match up with mine, but when I was able to take a step back, and really listen, I realized that there was far more in common than not, and I found strength and hope there.
I challenge you SLAYERS to do the same. Look for what you have in common with the people in your life, share your truth and see how that commonality comes out when two people share their truth. You are not alone, there are many who walk the same path you do, the question is, do you choose to walk the path in the dark, or the path that is lit from all those like you who have walked before you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for the differences in yourself and other people? Why do you think you do this? Do you tend to judge your insides to other people’s outsides? No one really knows someone’s true story unless you take the time to sit and share with them, and them you. It’s in those moments we realize that most of us are all truly connected by shared experiences, even in the most uncommon of circumstances. I once had a tough-looking biker, big guy, lots of tattoos, wearing his leathers, walk up to me and thank me for my honesty because he really related to my story, I smiled and said that only because we were both living in our truth did we get to realize that, and thanked him for his honesty that day. Be honest, be you, share who you are and see how that truth connects you to others who are just like you, maybe not on the outside, but inside, where it counts.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! I am W.E.I.R.D. Wonderful. Exciting. Interesting. Real. Different. Always be you, because you are awesome.
New blog does up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Weird
I was speaking this week to a group of women and children at a homeless shelter in Los Angeles and a 14-year-old girl came over to talk to me when I was done. I sat down with her and we talked about what was on her mind. I recognized a lot myself in her at that age, and related to what she was saying. One issue we talked about was being labeled weird by some of the kids at her school because she didn’t like the same music that they did. I smiled, remembering that being called weird at that age, and perhaps, any age, can seem like a badge of shame.
I smiled at her and asked her why she didn’t like that word? I asked her what that word meant to her. She said, it means she’s not like everybody else. I asked her why she wanted to be like everybody else rather than who she was. She paused. I told her that I would wear that label like a badge of honor, because it meant she wasn’t following the pack, or the rest of kids just to fit in, she was being true to herself, and that is something that most of those kids probably couldn’t claim as their own.
I’ve written in a previous blog about letting your freak flag fly, and when I say that I’m not saying you are a freak, I’m saying let those things that some may label freaky, or weird, or different, be what sets you apart, be what showcases who you are and what you love, and to never apologize for any of that. I’ve learned along my path that those things that may be weird to the masses are what connect me to the closest people in my life, and the ones I admire and love the most. There is a group out there for everyone, and if groups aren’t your thing, there are certainly individuals who share your interests or way of doing things that will think that weirdness is awsomeness.
Now I remember that at 14 many of us just want to blend in, we don’t want any, what we perceive as, unwanted attention, we want to look like we’re just like everyone else, but really all we’re doing is telling ourselves that our true selves isn’t good enough, and that we should hide who we truly are to be accepted by a group of people who won’t accept us for who we are. It’s easy now for me to see how ludicrous that is, but I was that 14-year-old girl, in fact I was that 14-year-old girl until I was 35 years old and had to accept and learn who I truly was at 35 because my life depended on it, because I had lived those 35 years only ever allowing you all to see who I thought you wanted to see so you wouldn’t ask me any questions, because I feared if you did, you would see how ugly a person I really was, and how unworthy I was.
I shared that with my new friend and she looked at me in disbelief. I smiled again and told her I understood that may seem like a far-fetched tale, but that today I look at all of those “weird” things and I wear them proudly, they are what make me me, and they are the best parts of me, those things that make me smile, set my heart on fire, and, most importantly, make me laugh.
Today if someone would tell me I was just like everybody else I would cringe because I would think I wasn’t sharing my authentic self with them. I was holding back. My flaws, my weirdness, my falls are what connect me to all of you, they are what we have in common, they are what make me, and all of us, uniquely us, because life is messy, life is unpredictable, life is about trying new things and celebrating what we love, and even though we may share commonalities, no one is us, no one is me, and, no one is you. Be weird, be brave, be your authentic you, without fear, and if someone tells you you’re weird, thank them, because in my book, that is one of the biggest compliments anyone can give me, because it means I am being myself today.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever been called weird? What does that word mean to you? Is it negative? Why? Can you find the positive in that word? If not, why not? Does it take you back to being a kid? What has been your experience with the word? Was it a word used to bully you? How does it make you feel now? What about yourself would others think is weird? What do you think is weird? Do you still feel ashamed of those things, or feel you need to hide them? What if you didn’t? What if you took that word back and looked at it as a positive word, a compliment even, what if you celebrated all the things you thought, or others have thought, were weird? Do it SLAYER, celebrate your weird, smile, and know that is what makes you you, maybe even the best parts. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t forget to say thank you, especially when you stumble or don’t get what want, it’s those times we learn the most, be grateful.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It
I know what you’re thinking — why would I say thank you for something I didn’t want?
Why would I be grateful for disappointment?
For loss?
For situations that didn’t go my way?
For things that hurt, frustrated me, or felt unfair?
For a long time, I wouldn’t have.
I used to divide my life into simple categories:
good if it benefited me,
bad if it didn’t.
If I got what I wanted, it was positive.
If I didn’t, it was negative.
But life has a way of teaching you that those labels don’t actually hold much truth.
Learning to See Differently
Over time, I started noticing something about myself.
When something didn’t go my way, I could choose to sit in frustration…
or I could choose to look for the lesson.
And almost every single time, there was one.
Sometimes the lesson was about me —
that I needed to prepare better,
ask better questions,
set clearer expectations,
communicate more honestly,
or let go of control.
Sometimes the lesson was about other people —
their limits,
their patterns,
their boundaries,
their capacity.
Sometimes the lesson was simply learning humility.
Learning grace.
Learning patience.
Learning acceptance.
None of those situations felt good in the moment —
but every single one shaped me.
Gratitude Wasn’t Natural for Me — It Was Learned
This wasn’t something that came naturally.
I had to practice it.
I had to stop immediately labeling things as “bad”
and start asking myself:
What can I learn from this?
What is this teaching me?
What is this showing me about myself?
How can this help me grow next time?
When I started doing that, something shifted internally.
I stopped feeling like life was happening to me
and started feeling like life was working for me.
Even when it didn’t feel good.
The Shift From Resentment to Grace
I realized how easy it is to live in bitterness when things don’t go our way.
It’s easy to feel wronged.
To feel blocked.
To feel unlucky.
To feel like life is unfair.
I’ve lived there.
But when I started practicing gratitude — not just for what felt good, but for what taught me — I felt a shift from poor me to fortunate me.
Not because everything was perfect.
Not because everything worked out.
But because everything had meaning.
Everything had purpose.
Everything carried information.
Everything offered growth.
This Is What Living in Grace Looks Like for Me
Living in grace doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt.
It doesn’t mean bypassing emotion.
It doesn’t mean spiritualizing pain.
It doesn’t mean toxic positivity.
It means choosing perspective.
Choosing to look for learning instead of loss.
Choosing growth instead of bitterness.
Choosing awareness instead of blame.
For me, this is what living in a State Of Slay™ actually means.
Not controlling life —
but trusting it.
Not resisting experiences —
but extracting wisdom from them.
Why I Say Thank You Anyway
I say thank you because I grew.
Because I learned.
Because I became wiser.
Because I became more aware.
Because I became more grounded.
Not because I liked it.
Not because it felt good.
Not because it was easy.
But because it shaped me.
Every experience becomes a teacher when I let it.
Choosing Gratitude Changes Everything
When I look for the good, I find the good.
When I look for the lesson, I grow.
When I choose gratitude, I create peace.
This doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it.
This doesn’t mean I never get frustrated.
This doesn’t mean I don’t feel disappointed.
But I live here more often than not — and that’s enough to change everything.
Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It
Say thank you for the lesson.
Say thank you for the clarity.
Say thank you for the redirection.
Say thank you for the growth.
Say thank you for the wisdom.
Even when you didn’t want it.
Even when it hurt.
Even when it felt unfair.
Be grateful.
Learn.
Grow.
Find the good.
Create the good.
Be the good.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: What situations in your life do you still label as “bad”?
L: What might those experiences have taught you that you’ve overlooked?
A: How would your mindset shift if you practiced gratitude instead of resentment?
Y: What is one experience you can say thank you for today — even if you didn’t like it?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something in your life you didn’t want — but ended up learning from?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone stuck in bitterness or disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let the shadows of your past darken the the doorstep of your future.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hello SLAYERS! Thank you to all the SLAYERS who joined me tonight! For those of you how didn’t join us, here’s what you missed!
SLAY on!
You Can’t Change The Past, But You Can Change How It Affects You
There is no going back.
No rewinding. No editing. No alternate ending where we made the perfect choice every time. The past is fixed. It happened. And for a long time, I let mine define me.
Before I began this healing journey, I used my past as proof that I was a victim. I told those stories in ways that supported that narrative. Sometimes I wanted sympathy. Sometimes I wanted validation. Sometimes I wanted an excuse for behavior I knew was not aligned with who I truly wanted to be.
And here is the truth I eventually had to face.
In many of those situations, I had a role. Sometimes a small one. Sometimes a big one. But denying that kept me stuck. It kept me repeating patterns. It kept me living in yesterday instead of building today.
The moment I committed to honesty, especially with myself, everything began to shift.
Owning Your Story Changes Its Power
Taking responsibility is not about blame. It is about freedom.
When I stopped pointing outward and started looking inward, I began to see patterns. Choices I had made. People I had allowed into my life. Boundaries I had not set. Truths I had ignored.
At first, that realization was uncomfortable. I had built an identity around being wronged. Letting go of that identity felt like losing something familiar.
But what I gained was far greater.
Clarity. Growth. Self respect. And the ability to change.
Once you see your patterns, you can interrupt them.
And that is where transformation begins.
The Past Only Has The Power You Give It
I used to carry shame, anger, and frustration everywhere I went. Those emotions colored how I saw myself and others. They influenced my reactions. They shaped my expectations.
But when I started living more honestly, those emotions began to loosen their grip.
I learned to ask different questions:
What did I learn?
What would I do differently now?
What boundaries do I need moving forward?
What forgiveness is necessary for peace?
Sometimes forgiveness was for someone else. Sometimes it was for myself. Often it was both.
And slowly, the past stopped feeling like a prison and started feeling like a teacher.
Patterns Become Signals Instead Of Traps
One of the biggest gifts of reflection is recognition.
When you understand your patterns, familiar situations begin to feel different. You notice warning signs earlier. You pause before reacting. You make decisions with awareness instead of autopilot.
Early on, I often did not know what the “right” response was. So I learned something important.
Pause.
Life is not a game show. There is no prize for responding fastest. Taking time to think, to ask questions, or to seek guidance is not weakness. It is wisdom.
And with practice, better decisions become more natural.
That is growth in action.
Changing Today Rewrites Tomorrow
You cannot rewrite the past, but you absolutely shape what comes next.
When we act with honesty, integrity, and awareness, the weight of past mistakes lightens. They stop defining us because we are no longer repeating them.
We admit when we are wrong. We make amends when possible. We learn. We adjust. We grow.
And suddenly, the past becomes context instead of identity.
That shift is powerful.
It creates space for self respect. Confidence. Peace.
Healing Requires Compassion Too
Responsibility does not mean harsh self judgment.
Some experiences truly were outside our control. Some situations were painful, unfair, or confusing. Acknowledging that is part of healing too.
The key is balance.
Accountability where we had choice. Compassion where we did not.
Both are necessary for emotional freedom.
And both allow us to move forward without dragging the past behind us.
You Are Allowed To Outgrow Who You Were
This might be the most important part.
You are not required to remain the person you were during your hardest seasons.
Growth means evolution. Awareness means change. Healing means forward movement.
Your past informs you.
It does not imprison you.
And every day offers a chance to choose differently.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: When you think about your past, what emotions come up most strongly?
L: What patterns or choices do you now recognize that you could approach differently today?
A: Where might forgiveness, either for yourself or someone else, create more peace in your life?
Y: What is one small action you can take today that reflects who you are becoming rather than who you were?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to reinterpret your past so it supports your growth instead of holding you back?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who needs permission to move forward without being defined by yesterday, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are enough. You have always been enough. You will always be enough. You matter.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
