Worthy

Just Show Up

There were so many times in my life, before stepping on this path, when I never started things. When I meant to make better choices, different choices, healthier choices, but didn’t feel like I had enough information to start, or it wasn’t the right time, or I thought I should wait for a bigger sign, when really all I had to do was just show up. There are always excuses or reasons not to start something, or show up for someone or yourself, but all that is required is to show up, to do the best you can and figure it out as you go. No one has all the answers. No one. There isn’t some magical guide out there with the right way to do everything. Well, I guess there is, but it’s not something you can hold in your hand, it’s inside of us. Each an every one of us has that magical guide, it burns inside of us and when we connect with it, and listen to it, it shows us, not only by the way we feel, but it will show us in ways we can see, hear and touch. We just have to be open to it.

When I was living in the dark I had turned off that inner guide. My mental illness told me I knew better. that I didn’t need to listen to it, or that it wasn’t actually there at all, but it was, I had just stuffed it down, piled a bunch of stuff on top of it and had numbed myself so much I couldn’t hear it anymore, or feel that it was there. That’s exactly where my disease wanted me, so it could tell me things that weren’t true. It told me that there was no use in starting something new because it wouldn’t work, or I wouldn’t be good at it, or no one would accept me. And since I had turned off my inner guide and wasn’t sharing these thoughts with anyone, I believed it. I watched opportunity after opportunity pass me by and each time I did, I sank deeper in the darkness. The only opportunities not taking those opportunities gave me was the ability to continue to knock myself down and tell myself I wasn’t good enough, that I was too much of a coward to start something new or try to live a better life, or that I wasn’t worth showing up for. It seems so simple, looking back, that each time an opportunity did come up all I had to do was show up to make a difference, to change the pattern I was in, but I stayed where it felt safe, where my disease wanted me, until I had to make a change to save my life.

I can’t say what exactly happened to make me finally show up for myself, I just knew that I had to or I would no longer have a choice. That little bit of light inside of me shined that night as bright as it could, but it was enough, it was enough to ask for help and to finally show up. When I did, I had no idea what to do next, or how things were going to go, but I was there, I was present for me, and I asked for direction from those who had stood where I was, and I kept just showing up, each day, and each day I got stronger, I got better, I started to shine brighter.

You don’t have to know all the answers, or the path you need to be on to change your life. Just show up. Be willing. Be open. Just be. One of my favorite quotes is by Zig Ziglar, it goes “You don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.” Just start, because that in itself is great, and if you show up each day ready to start and take on whatever may come, one day you may just realize how great you really are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you stop yourself from starting something new or something you know is good for you? Why? What’s stops you? What do you tell yourself that stops you? How can you get around this? What should you be starting that you haven’t? What can you do to start? How will starting help you? Focus on the good SLAYER, focus on how showing up can help you grow, help you to move on, and help you to move forward to where you are meant to be. I know that can be scary, walking on a path you’ve never walked, but trust that you are there for a reason, and know that there are many of us walking that same path who will walk with you. You are not alone. Just show up. You’ll see us there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You may be imperfect, but you are worthy of belonging and love.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Worth Loving

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Right Person

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never hide who you are, never stay quiet when you want to share, never be anyone than who you are.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Hide 1

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You just have to meet us halfway, just as you are.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Souls

Meet Each Other Where We Are

When we’re not feeling our best, or that we’re the best we can be, or maybe even ashamed of where we find ourselves we tend to shy away from the people in our lives, and certainly from meeting new people. We may be drawn to people who are working to be their best selves, but don’t think we’re worthy of their time because we don’t feel good about where we are. That thinking can keep us from getting well, and prevent us from getting the support and understanding we made need to get well. When we have the same intentions, regardless of where we are on our own paths, we meet each other where we are and move forward from there. There is no perfect start time, the time is now, come as you are and I, and others will meet you there, as they are. It’s not about coming and joining in when things are ‘perfect,’ the time to come is now, in whatever place that finds you. You will find people who will love you regardless of where you are and will walk with you on your journey, as you do with theirs.

When you align yourself with people who are all working to be their best selves, doing the best they can each day, there is no judgment of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you find yourself today. There is only love. We all have to start somewhere, we all have to have that moment when we take that leap and trust we’re being led to something for a reason, it’s within that trust that you are enough, just as you are. And who you are today isn’t who you were yesterday, and who you won’t be tomorrow. So, let yourself be enough as you are today and never be ashamed of that.

We are all here to learn, to grow, and even if you might not be at the same place as those around you, you may not meant to be, each of our paths, or journeys, are our own, we can’t compare them to anyone else’s because we are all experiencing different things and are meant to do and learn different things. And no matter where we are on our path it’s where we’re meant to be, so join us right where you are, it’s perfect.

I’ve said before that we each have unique qualities, talents, or experiences to offer, we all have something to offer, even on our lowest of days, even when we think we have nothing, our honesty may just save someone else’s life who may feel like they have even less. Never doubt your worth, you have more than you realize, but we see it, and we appreciate it. So come and join us, we love you just as you are, and together we will all help each other through the dark times, through the difficult times, to better times. We are stronger together, and your honesty in who you are, your authenticity, will give you strength. We know what you may not already, that you are an incredible person with a beautiful spirit, and will help you see that in yourself. There is no waiting for the right time, the right time is now, and who you are right now, is perfect. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you shy away from connecting with people or sharing yourself with others because you think you are not good enough? What about yourself do you think isn’t good enough? What would you like to change? What can you do to change it? Why haven’t you changed it? Where do you think your feelings of not being good enough come from? Do they come from you, or someone around you? Are they because of current events or stories from your past? What can you do to get outside of those? How can you change those feelings? We all have stories we tell ourselves, most of them are just that, stories, not based in truth, or they may be based on what was said to us as children and we’ve adopted it into the fabric of who we are, never questioning it’s merit. Question it SLAYER, question all of those negative things you say and think about yourself, question whether they are based in fact, and question whether they are relevant today. What is relevant is that you find a way to forgive yourself for past mistakes, and focus on the future, the person you can be proud of, who may even be the person you are right now. We’ll meet you where you are, no matter where that is, and it will be beautiful.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ll never notice the beauty around you if you’re too busy running around trying to create it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flaws

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are cracks in everything, that’s how light gets in.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Beauty

There Is Beauty In Everything

I never used to think that. I thought there was only in beauty if I got what I wanted. Or if someone else got what was coming to them…from my point of view anyway. In fact I was conditioned to think that life was not beautiful, that it was dark, unforgiving, unpredictable, cruel, harsh. I could only see what I wanted to see, and what I wanted to see was what a victim I was, coupled with believing I only deserved bad things. My life was dark, vengeful, angry, full of fear, but I was my own jailer, I held the key to letting myself out of the prison I had locked myself into.

When we’re looking for the negative, the negative will present itself. Like attracts like. The energy we put out comes back to us. I never believed I held that much power. I just thought life was something that was happening to me. Funny enough, it was the act of surrendering, of asking for help, that gave me that power. It took a while for me to learn how to use it, but even the act of saying that I needed help, started the process.

As I started getting better, I started to strip away the darkness, the hurt, the hate, the pain. My days got brighter and I started looking for the light, the goodness in my life. It became easier to see the beauty in my life, the world around me, and the more I looked for it the more I found it. But it was also just as important to find the beauty in the days I had left behind. Not romanticize it, or downplay how bad it had been, but to realize that there was beauty in the breakdown, because without it, I wouldn’t have never gotten to where I am today.

For me it took a lot for me to get help. There was no other way. I wasn’t going to go into this journey willingly if I could still tolerate or justify the way I had been living my life, and, I could tolerate a lot. So it took, almost loosing everything, for me to finally fall to my knees and say I need help, I surrender. Which, is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. That is the moment I actually began my life. It’s that date I consider my birth day. And what’s more beautiful than that? I look for the beauty in everything, and everyone. It is there, most times, if you look. Even in tragedy there are always incredible acts of beauty that happen, people, places and things, that rise out of the ashes and bring beauty even in the most darkest of days. It’s those instances that we continue to have hope. And to me, hope is the most beautiful thing there is. Hope saved my life, it was a gift that was handed to me from someone else who had found it, and that is why it’s important to me to share it and give it away, as it was given to me.

Beauty doesn’t always appear to us as beautiful things. It can come from the ugliest of circumstances, which is why we should never give up, because something beautiful may just be around the corner…or maybe is always here, maybe, you’re just not seeing it yet. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble seeing the beauty in life? In other people? In yourself? When was the last time you recognized something beautiful? What if you sat for a moment SLAYER, and thought about the beautiful things in your life? Write them down. Then write down 5 beautiful things about yourself. Ask a friend, family member, or co-worker to write down 5 beautiful things about you and give it back to you. Do you see those things in yourself? If not, why not? How do you think others see them in you? Focus on seeing those things in you. Focus on the beauty in your life. Even if it’s small, it’s a start. It was only the size of a pin for me at the beginning, and now, I see it all around me. I see it in you. Now it’s your turn to see.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Never Give Up

I’m spending the weekend with two beautiful souls and have gotten into some lengthy conversations about our stories, our journeys and what has brought us to where we are. Each of us has had a bumpy road, some of the bumps unique to each of us, but many we share in the commonality of having overcome them. As we’ve talked and shared it has brought up emotions, memories, parts of our lives, ourselves, we haven’t thought of for a while, or perhaps buried deep, but as we share from the places we are today, the other side of that turmoil, those challenges, the struggles, it is a reminder to never give up.

I almost did. I thought giving up was the only way to make the pain stop. To end my suffering. I let the darkness wash over me, consume me, and once I had let it take control, that was all I could see. I was a fighter, I was proud of what I had overcome in my life, I thought of myself as a warrior, but at some point my sword just got to heavy, and because I was not sharing my battles with anyone else, it ultimately was a fight I couldn’t fight alone, it was too powerful and the fight too long. I hated the idea of giving up and fought with every last bit of energy I had left before realizing that the one thing I was afraid to do, share my truth, was what was going to save me.

No one can do this alone. We’re not meant to. We each bring strength where others are weak, we each bring knowledge where others may lack it, together we are stronger. We  hold each other up when one of us has fallen, we lift each other up when we don’t have the strength to do it ourselves, and we remind each other to, above all else, never give up, because we are right there fighting with them.

There are so many warriors out there, more than you know, our heads will tell us no one cares, that everyone is to busy, that we don’t matter, but that’s a lie, we are all out here waiting to take action, we just don’t know we’re needed many times unless we are asked to. Sure, we can see when a soldier is down, but we can’t pick them up if they’re not wanting to get up, or don’t tell us that can’t do it on their own. It is up to each and every one of us to ask, to reach out, to take the action necessary to trigger us into action, because we will come, we will come in droves.

Every life is worth fighting for. Every person, every soul is special. Each of us has special gifts we can share and contribute, and if you don’t know what yours are, we’ll tell you. We know. We can see them, and appreciate them, we appreciate you.

Having walked through the darkness, having fought my way out of the pit of despair, I can tell you, it can be done, it wasn’t easy, it took a lot of work, and I didn’t do it alone. When I reached out for help, when I spoke my truth, there was an abundance of help around me, and more support than I could have imagined. The trick is to ask. To walk through the fear of sharing my story, my truth. To not listen to the voices that told me  not to.

Own who are you in this moment, and know that that is not who you have to be, you have the power to change your story, right here, right now. Never give up, always keep fighting, there is something great waiting on the other side of that battle. How do I know? I’m writing this from that side. Please, come and join me. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you suffer in silence? Why do you do that? Why don’t you reach out? Is your answer based in fact or the story you’ve been told or have crafted? Have you chosen the right people to surround yourself with? If not, find those people, look for people who are walking the path you want to be on. Find the people who are willing to help. They are out there. Sometimes it takes more than one try, don’t let that one no keep you in the dark. Keep looking, searching, they’re there, we’re here. Are you afraid of getting better? Do you think you deserve to get better? If not, why not? You do. You deserve to be your best you, to shine bright, to live in the light, don’t listen to people, or you if you’re telling yourself that. Fight. Find the light, even if it’s just a little spec on the ground, go to it, find it, hold on to it, that is enough to start. Share your truth, let the darkness out, and the light in, we’re all here to light the way.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you