truth

You’re Finding It Hard Because It’s Hard

I know when I started on this path it wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy on certain days. But I know that’s because it’s not an easy path. That’s part of the journey, the ups and downs, it just is, and the tough days always pass. But sometimes when we’re in them they don’t feel like they will. Sometimes when we’re in the them our head tells us they never will. That’s why it’s important to share our truth with those around us, and to find people like ourselves on the same or similar path. When we are working to do the next right thing, when we are facing our fears, our demons, things can get hard, but know that it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong. In fact, if it were too easy, that is likely a sign you’re not being truthful, or, not doing all you can do.

I am a firm believer in always sharing your truth, especially when you are struggling, not just for yourself, but to let others who are struggling know it’s normal, and not just them. When I was just starting, and didn’t know what I was doing, just following the directions I was being given, everything was new, everything felt weird, everything felt hard, and when I would speak to someone who was also experiencing the same thing I felt better, like I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just hard to throw away all the coping mechanisms I had used, the vices, the bad habits, and replace them with healthy choices, and not having those things I used to use to hide behind, I had to learn to stop hiding and face the truth, my truth, now anyone can imagine, just by looking at it in black and white, that is not an easy road. And why it’s so important to share that to ease that difficulty and possibly share that journey with others who are also in that same path. Life is not meant to be lived alone, we find inspiration, strength, encouragement from those around us, people who are trudging the road next to us, it’s easier when we do it as a group, we propel each other forward, we hold each other up and give each other strength, we cheer for each other when we succeed or go beyond anywhere we’ve been before. Good, bad, easy, hard, it’s important to share what’s truly happening for you each day. Yes, it’s going to be hard some days.

I think many of us have been told or have learned to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is OK, or good, when we may be struggling inside, but when we do that it’s not only a disservice to us, it’s also a disservice to everyone around us who may be feeling the same. It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not know the answers, it’s OK to say that you’re finding life hard. It’s more than OK, it’s required to live a life of rigorous honesty, and truthfulness about who we are each day, keeping ourselves and our lives transparent keeps us honest, and keeps us accountable for our actions, it also lets us be vulnerable with those around us which brings us closer to them, and them us. So even when things are hard, we feel protected, safe and loved.

Life gets hard, that’s just life, but when you try to hide your truth, you only make it harder on yourself. You’re not doing it wrong, those hard times are there to teach us things, to draw us closer to people, and to prepare us for what’s coming next. Trust them, share them, share you, and SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think when things are hard that you’re doing it wrong? Do you feel like a victim, and that you are being punished? Why do you think that? You’re not SLAYER, life ebbs and flows, it can be easy and then hard, and then it gets easy again, it’s just the way life works, the hard times always pass. It’s important to share your truth doing those hard times. Do you have trouble sharing your truth when things aren’t good? Why? What are you afraid of? Does this come from an actual experience in your life, or something you’ve been told? Share SLAYER, share. Trust me, you’ll find many of yes by your side understanding where you are, and we are here to help you through it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You didn’t come this far to only come this far. Always keep fighting.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flowers

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Give yourself permission to say no without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay No

It’s OK To Say No

I’ve written before that is it’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not be OK, it’s OK to ask for help, it’s OK to say you don’t know, but it’s also OK to say no.

Before stepping on this path I never wanted to say no, even if saying yes made me angry or uncomfortable, I wanted you to like me because then you wouldn’t ask so many questions, so I figured if I wouldn’t say no, I would stay in all of your good graces. Consequently I made a lot of plans I didn’t like, I agreed to help even when I didn’t have time, or really didn’t want to, but I never wanted to be seen as ‘the bad guy,’ because in my own mind, I was the worst of the worst of all bad guys, and agreeing and saying yes, I thought, hid that from all of you. I carried around a lot of resentment towards all those people that I was not saying no to, but the resentment I should have looked at was the one towards myself, the one that had me saying yes over and over to things I shouldn’t have.

I’m a firm believer that you should never say yes to something unless you want to. Sure, there are things you have to do, like taxes, but in life, unless you want to, and are not expecting anything in return, you should say no. Saying yes to things you don’t really want to do only breeds resentments. When we say yes to things we don’t want to we’re going against who we are and we’re not being our true selves. We may say yes to look good to others, to get something in return, or even to get the credit for our good deed, but none of these reasons are reasons to say yes. And, all of these reasons will produce a resentment if the desired result isn’t received.

So, make it easy on yourself. Say yes if you want to say yes, and say no if you want to say no. It’s OK to say no. Typically I like to give an explanation if I say no, my reasoning for it, because people aren’t usually used to saying no and no can be quite jarring to some people, especially to those people who you’ve constantly been saying yes to. Be true to who you are, and honest, and only say yes when you truly want to say yes, and, don’t be afraid to say no. This also goes back to my blog Are You A People Pleaser? People-pleasers do not follow their heart, or what they want to do, they do what everyone else wants them to do, or, what they think they do. We, as SLAYERS, follow our heart, we help out where and when we can, but not at our own detriment, we are open, honest, and we look for ways to be of service, because we want to, period. No other other reason, no other motive. And, if you don’t want to do it, or can’t, it is OK to say no.

What’s your motivation for saying yes? And, should a lot of those yes’s really be no’s?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble saying no? Why? What are you afraid of? Where you told that you shouldn’t or can’t say no? To whom? Is this someone from your childhood? How did it make you feel when you were told you couldn’t say no? How do you feel about it now? What if you did say no, what do you think will happen? What’s the worst that could happen? Is that possible result worse than you not being true to yourself? When was the last time you said no? How did it feel? When was the last time you said yes when you would have rather had said no? How did that feel? SLAYER the only person you need to be true to is you, when you take action and it is of pure intentions, then you will never be disappointed, because no matter what the result, you did what you wanted to without expecting anything in return. So, no matter what happens, your actions were true to who you are, and what you intended to do. Be true to yourself, always, SLAYER, do what you want to do, say yes to new things, but it’s also OK to say no, when it’s not right, or you feel that saying yes will compromise your true you. Be honest SLAYER, and never be afraid to speak your truth, even if it is a no. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every life has purpose, and every story may help someone change theirs.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Story

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Embrace those parts of you that don’t know they’re loved yet.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Butterflies

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t throw yourself into someone else’s battle, all you do is catch their bullets while they enjoy the scenery.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Battle

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Choose

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you speak your truth you are doing it for not only yourself, but to show others it’s safe to speak theirs.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Voice

A Voiceless Child

It’s important we always speak our truth. We can become consumed by fear and keep our truth bottled up inside. We may tell ourselves our truth doesn’t matter. Or, that people won’t understand, or care. But when we don’t express who we are or how we feel we tell ourselves that we don’t matter, that our voice doesn’t matter, that what we’re unworthy, and we sink down into our own darkness, sentencing ourselves to life as if we are a voiceless child without a way to communicate that we need help.

We are not voiceless children, we can get help, but that need for that help has to be bigger than our fear of reaching out for it. At least it had to for me. There were many times, many signs, that I needed help, but fear, shame and pride kept me from doing so. To take the onus off of myself I played the victim, that I wasn’t capable or worthy of getting the help I needed. My disease also told me that I deserved to suffer, deserved to be punished for who I was and what I had been doing to get by. I did feel like a voiceless child, sitting alone in the dark. But none of that was the truth. It was just the story I told myself, the story my disease told me, the story the bullshit committee in my head told me, and the narrative I adopted because it took all the blame off myself and allowed me to keep being sick.

My biggest obstacle was fear. Fear was the motivator for most of my decisions before stepping on this path. Fear was the engine that drove my disease, drove everything negative in my life, fear ran my life. Fear is one powerful enemy when we allow it to be. It keeps us from people who care about us. It keeps us from getting the help we need. It keeps us in the dark. And that darkness can consume us. It almost did me. And my fear was so cunning, it actually had me romanticize it and make it sound inviting. Ultimately it was also fear that got me to reach out. I got myself to a place that I knew was very dangerous, and I knew had one final end, and reaching a place where I no longer cared about myself, I got more frightened than I ever had before. That fear, that new sense of terror, was the push I needed to finally speak my truth. And once I did, that voiceless child started to find her voice.

Finding your voice can be scary, but once you start to exercise your right to be heard, it has an incredibly powerful result. We learn to share who we are, what we need and we are able to reach out for the help we need. We learn that once we overcome that fear, walk though it, we stand taller, we get stronger and our community gets bigger. When I found the courage to reach out and finally speak my truth it was like a damn burst inside of me. It felt so good to let out the secrets I had been carrying around.. To not care about being judged, because I knew my life depended on me letting everything out, I knew the only way I could find a solution to how I was feeling was to share it all, and once I did, I let the some light in, and that light felt good. My head still wanted me to believe it wasn’t going to help, and that people were going to think I was crazy, or, that I didn’t deserve the help, but that little bit of light that crept in when I finally spoke up, that light overpowered those negative thoughts, and I kept running toward that light until I felt I could just sit in it for a while and let it shine on me.

Today I live in the light. The darkness doesn’t feel like home anymore. Sometimes I might dip a toe back in the darkness, my head will get me to just check it out, but I get back out because the light is now home. You can find the light in your own life by speaking your truth, no matter what it is, find someone to tell it to, it’s within that moment that the light will come in, and that voiceless child within you will find their voice and fight for the most important person there is, you. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you identify with feeling like a voiceless child? How so? Why do you feel you have no voice? Have you allowed yourself to lose your voice? Have you told yourself that your voice doesn’t matter, or that it won’t be accepted? Has someone else told you that? Why do you believe them? I am here to tell you that your voice does matter, YOU matter, and when you speak your truth magical things start to happen, for you, and those around you. You may just learn how much alike you truly are with those around you, that that loneliness you feel can be quashed with your truth. It is our truth, our story, that connects us to those around us, we all have shared experiences and the only way to learn what they are is to share them with others. Find your voice, step out of the darkness and speak your truth.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you