Good morning SLAYER! You can’t hang around negative people and expect to have a positive life.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
State Of Slay
Hang Around People Who Like You
Now this one seems like a no brainer, but how many of us hang out, or choose to spend time, with people who don’t really like us? When we are not feeling good about ourselves, when we are not proud of ourselves or we are feeling less than, we look for people who we can spend time with who may be lower companions, people we feel are far worse off than we are, or at least, just as bad, because we think they won’t, or can’t, judge us. We may also look for people who will continue to tell the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves, one that we may have been telling since our childhood, so we look for those people who will help us to continue to tell that story, one that may keep us sick and dull, dimming our light. It seems crazy that we would do that, purposely look for people who will keep us in a place that is not our authentic selves, but we do it, and many times we do it without even realizing that’s what we’re doing.
We have to believe we deserve good people in our lives, and we have to believe we are also one of those good people. For me that took some work. I hated myself, and thought if you could see the real me, you’d hate me too. So I looked for people who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions, or would believe the person who I pretended to be so they would like me, or at least like me around. I also looked for people who were confrontational, or who I could rise out of, so when I wanted to fan the flames of the story I would tell myself, that I was a bad person, that person would oblige, reinforcing that story. When I made the commitment to get well I had to really look at the relationships in my life. I had to ask myself why I had chosen each person, and if, within this new lifestyle, they could stay. Most did stay, but some had to go. The people I did keep in my life did like me, even when I was living in my sickness, or struggling, they liked me even more, and even loved me during my toughest times. And where I used to not trust someone if they had liked me, I now was able to start liking myself by allowing myself to see what they saw. I was able to back into my own self-love, or like, through theirs.
When we have people around us who like us, support us and cheer us on, we can do anything, but we have to allow those people into our lives, we have to seek them out, and if we’ve chosen the wrong people as we move forward into a positive place, we have to let them go. Each person we choose to have in our lives is a reflection of us and who we are, and if we’re truly being honest with ourselves we have to look at the group of people we’ve surrounded ourselves with and ask ourselves what is being reflected back at us by those people. Find your group of people who like you, who love you, who support you and want the best for you. Surround yourself with them, keep them close and allow them to lift you up when you need to be reminded how amazing you are. Look for those people who like you, who understand you, who want the best for you, and like you just as you are and who you are working to be. Let those who you let into your life represent who you are and the journey you are choosing to take. Make sure they like you, and most importantly, make sure you like yourself. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you choose the right people to spend time with and be in your life? What types of people do you look for? How do the people in your life inspire you? How do you hurt you or tear you down? Why do you let them? Are you wanting them to tear you down? Why? What if you choose people who lift you up? What if you only allowed people in your life who liked you, encouraged you, loved you? What do you think would happen? Do it SLAYER, focus on those people, or find them, they’re out there, look for the people who are walking the same path as you are, look for the people who you can relate to, who you feel comfortable listening to, and who will cheer you on as you work to be your best you. Stay in the middle of these people, and when things get tough, find some strength within their strength, and let them propel you to the next level. Stay in the middle of the good.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
An Ending Brings A New Beginning
We tend to hold onto things. We hold on to them, many times, far longer than we should. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain and heartache, when we should really just let go. We sometimes live in denial that something has ended, we try to live in the past, to conjure up memories or feelings and try to hold on to them when they can’t live in the present. We drag our heels and drag our hearts through the dirt as we try to live in a place that no longer exists. Let go. And not just let go, look at it as an opportunity for something new. A new beginning.
Now I realize that that may have just sent a shutter down your spine. But really, honestly, it’s a good thing. The act of letting go. And the realization that you should let go is a huge act of self-love. To not cause yourself pain by trying to keep yourself somewhere you no longer have no business being. By being responsible for your own pain for not letting go and moving on. Walking away when it’s time takes a long of love and a lot of courage, to know that, if you move on, that is actually a positive act, an act that demonstrates self-respect and one that shows you know your worth. And when it’s time to go and you take that action, it allows something else to come in, something, perhaps, better suited to who you are today, or what you’ve been looking for. When we stay where we are no longer meant to be, we block anything new from coming in because we are spending all of our energy trying to make it right in the wrong place. We make excuses, concessions to stay, and while we’re doing that we’re not seeing that perhaps what we’ve wished for, or wanted,all along, is right within our reach. Putting an end to something takes some faith, faith in yourself that you’re doing the right thing, and faith that whatever inner voice guides you, or outer voice, that there is a plan for you, that you are being guided to whom, or where, you are meant to be. And once you start to take that direction, all roads start to open up to help you get there. So many times we’re heard saying, “why is this so difficult?” Well, it may be difficult because we’re not mean to be there at all. So the question should be, “if this is so difficult, is there somewhere else I should be?” There may be a reason you’re finding things so difficult, the universe may be trying to tell you something.
An ending is really a chance for a new beginning. And perhaps a place that lets you be you, that lets you shine bright. We have to go through the things that aren’t right for us to find out what is. It’s all just part of our journey, our learning of who we are and what we want, so don’t look at it as a bad thing, look at it as information, and a way to lead you to where you should be, and where you are mean to be. Life is already full of obstacles, why put some extra ones in your own way by hanging on when you should go? Why not look at the end of something as a chance to try something new, you never know, that ending may have been set up just to lead you to the beginning of the life of your dreams…but you won’t know if you stay stuck right where you are. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hang on to situations or relationships even when you know you should move on? If so, why do you do that? Write down a time when you held on when you should have let go. How did that make you feel? Write down a time when you did let go. How did that make you feel? Which felt better? Within your life now, are there people, places and things that you should be letting go of or ending? What are they? Why are you hanging on? What do you think will happen if you let go? Are these feelings or concerns valid, or just fears? What are you afraid of? Are these fears based in fact, or are they tied to old stories and old ideas from your past? Look at your life SLAYER, and look at those things that you should end, end them, and don’t be afraid, when we let go of what we no longer want or need, we let the universe know we’re ready for what we do want and need, and we’re ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Let love in.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
It’s Very Difficult To Push Love Away
Now don’t get me wrong, it can be done, I’ve done it, back when I didn’t love myself, I did push love away because I didn’t accept it, or didn’t believe it, or felt I was unlovable. So, it is possible to push love away, but it takes an effort.
When I started on this path I hated myself. I hated myself so much I would look down to brush my teeth because I couldn’t stand the site of myself in my bathroom mirror. I knew a journey of self-love was going to be a long road, and I wasn’t sure it was a road I would ever find an end to, but I started the journey anyways because I could see others on that road who had found what I was looking for. I surrounded myself with the people on that road, all on different parts of their journeys, but on the same road I was now walking, and those I found on my path showed me love. It was hard to accept at first. I didn’t trust it. And, I still didn’t believe I deserved it. But they loved me anyway, they loved me far before I loved myself. And even when I resisted, or told myself it wasn’t real, they kept loving me, and showed me I was worthy of love, as they all were. I learned to love them for their support, their encouragement, and through their love I slowly learned to love myself. I was shown that no matter what I had done in the past, no matter how ashamed I may have been by my own actions, no matter how disappointed I may have been in myself, I was worthy of love, I was lovable, and, I was love. I was no longer able to push it away, even on those days those negative voices in my head wanted to tell me differently, their love was far greater than my fear of it.
There is love all around us. Much more than we realize. And even more when we’re open to letting it in. We may push it away. Say we don’t have it. But the truth is, it’s there, we just have to let it i, believe we deserve it, and stop pushing it away. Making the decision to allow love in our life is sometimes the first act of love we show ourselves, and sometimes is the biggest act love we can show ourselves. It takes much more effort to push love away than it does to let it in, but once we do that’s when the magic starts to happen, and those dark places within us start to see some light. It may be a little at first, but when we let it in, and we feel it come in, it may just be as smile, a tiny warm spot in the darkness were we lived, but if we focus on the light, that warmth, it will grow, it will get warmer, brighter, and it will start to feel like home.
Let go of what stands in your way of love and let it in, even if you think you don’t deserve it, let it in anyways and learn to trust that you are worthy of it. If we just stop pushing it away, we may just realize that it’s there and through the love of others, we may also find a way to love ourselves, and there is no greater gift than that of self-love. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see all the love in your life? Do you let it in? Do you believe you are worthy of love? If not, why not? Do you push love away? Why do you do this? What in your past has caused you to do this? Are those reasons valid today, or part of the old you, the story of your past that is no longer valid, or, you can choose to no longer make valid. Does love scare you? Why? Do you have love for yourself? If not, why not? Write down 3 things, SLAYER, that you can find love in yourself. Find 3. Did you have love for yourself in the past? If yes, what happened, how did you lose that love for yourself? You can get it back SLAYER. And, if you’ve never had it, you can find it. Look for the love in your life. Find people, like yourself who are also seeking love, look for those who have found it, who will support you on your journey to find love, let their love fill you up until you can find your own. Allow love in your life and tell yourself you are worthy of love. I know you can SLAYER, if I can, you can, and, I already love you, so use my love to start your journey. I will see you there. I love you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you stop doing nothing and just start to do something, it starts to change everything.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Waking Up And Nothing Has Changed, But Everything Is Different
I have had a number of these moments in my life. And I’m grateful for all of them.
We see things when we’re ready to, or when we’re ready to take action, or capable of taking the right action, or, sometimes when we find ourselves at a crossroads and realize what road we are meant to take, and we realize that we are no longer able to stay were we are. Nothing has changed in that moment of realization, but everything has changed. We see things differently. We see things clearly. And even though it can be a harsh awakening, it is the key to our freedom, or a new chapter in our life. There’s an excitement to it. There can be fear, as we embark on a new journey to perhaps unfamiliar places, and we may have to take action in unfamiliar ways, but we’re ready for them, and they’re ready for us.
It’s easy to live where we are and put blinders on to the rest of the world. To narrow our field of vision, to somehow make where we are OK, to ignore the signs we shouldn’t be there, or to continue to tell ourselves the lies we need to to keep ourselves there. But we know the truth. Deep down. That’s why our light grows dim, we know we are not being true to ourselves and our light can’t shine when we’re not living in our truth.
Sometimes it takes a big jolt to get us to see. Or sometimes it comes as a person, a message, a kind heart. But when it comes it lets the light in, it blows the dust off of those places we’ve let sit stagnant, and maybe stopped visiting for fear of the truth. But once we see we can’t ignore it. Everything changes, and to stay would be too painful, too costly, so we take the action we can, even if it’s small, just a step, we take it, and once we do we start to live in our truth, the light comes in, and we begin to live again. Or, maybe for the first time.
For me, the first time it happened it was when I started to live, truly, in my truth, I had lived most of my life presenting myself to the world the way I thought you wanted me to be, and as a result, I never really connected to anyone, or let anyone really see the real me. In fact, I didn’t actually know the real me because I was too busy being who I thought you wanted me to be. But when my eyes finally opened to the reality of my life and that I held the key to finding a better one, as frightened as I was about the unknown of the future, I had found my power in my actions, and as I took more action, my power got stronger, as did I. And that was the beginning of the person who is now typing this blog.
The last time it happened was not that long ago. My eyes were opened to a life that filled my heart with joy, and does, a life that allows me to be who I truly am, that celebrates that, and allows me to learn and grow in the safety of it’s authenticity. In that moment of realization, nothing had changed, but everything had, as I could no longer stay where I was knowing what I knew, and feeling what I felt, that knowledge and those feelings were so strong they propelled me forward to the place I am meant to be, a place of true love, a place of support, a place that is home. I am grateful that I had had those moments before, and because I had taken action and found positive results, I didn’t hesitate when it happened again, I trusted that I was being shown this for a reason and that I had to take a leap of faith to find out why.
When you wake up and find that everything looks different, even if you’re in the same place, take note of that, and take action to get yourself out of the place you are and in the place you are mean to be. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever felt like you woke up and everything looked different? Write down an example. What was the result of that? Did you make some changes? What changes did you make? Where there changes you didn’t make? What was the result? What stopped you from making them? Is it too late to make those changes today? Do it SLAYER, make any changes necessary to live as your best you, and, to live your best life. You have it in you, and if you forget, we’re right here to remind you as we live ours.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you always do what you’ve done, you’ll always get what you always got.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Your Life Doesn’t Get Any Better By Chance, It Gets Better By Change
What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results? That was me, for most of my life. I wasn’t happy with the results I was getting but I didn’t do anything differently to change them. I certainly hoped they would changed, and wished for them to change, but without taking different action there was really no hope at all that they would. The only way change happens is if we take action and make changes.
Change takes work. It takes risks. It takes us getting out of our comfort zones and doing something we’re not used to doing, maybe something we may not believe we can. But we can. We just have to do it. Those voices we hear may tell us we can’t, but we can. For me I had to hit a pretty hard bottom before I made the changes I needed to make. I was one stubborn gal and even though I didn’t like where I was and how I was living my life, I thought I could just wish it away, and not only did it not go away, it got worse. So for me, it took my life being in jeopardy to finally make some changes. You don’t need to wait quite that long, in fact, you can start right now!
It can be scary to start something new, or try a new way of life, but it’s typically just scary at the beginning, those first few steps, and once you’ve taken them you feel it’s right and taking the next few steps becomes less scary because you’ve already taken some, and it’s already feeling good. For me, I made sure to surround myself with others doing the same, and those people already in my life who supported me and cheered me on, it helped to have a cheering section and a group of people doing it with me, so even when things may not have gone as planned, there were always people there to encourage to keep trying, and that’s the key, just keep trying, each step isn’t always going to go the way you would have liked, and it’s those steps that we typically learn the most, they may sting in the moment, but that sting will help us grow, and, hopefully ignite the fire in us to try again.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. It’s that simple. In fact, in my case, and in others as well I’ve spoken to, when nothing changes, a lot of times, things actually get worse. The universe has a way to pushing us in the right direction, and if we’re not taking the hint, those nudges can sometimes feel more like a push, there’s a reason for that, we’re not supposed to be where we are. Take those cues, those hints, and look at your life and what you may not be changing, or taking action on, look at what may not serve you, and maybe never did, but you convinced yourself it did. Be honest with yourself SLAYER, and truly look for those areas that need change, that you can take action on and take it. Don’t even think about it, just take it, trust that you’re being directed where you should be and take the leap, we’re all here to catch you if you stumble.
Wishing for the life we want without doing the work doesn’t work. We have to roll up our sleeves and get to work, once we do we see that things start to fall into place, there may be a few bumps in the road, but those bumps don’t come close to the despair of staying somewhere we shouldn’t be. Trust that you have what it takes to get what you want, what you’ve imagined for yourself, go take it, and you may just find that you’ve made your own chances and a life that you once only dreamed of.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take action when things don’t feel right, or hope they just get better on their own? What in your life could you take action on but haven’t? Why haven’t you? How long have you lived in this place and not take action? How does that feel? What can you do, SLAYER, to take action in that area of your life? Are you afraid? What are you frightened of? Does not taking action and staying stuck where you are bring you even more fear? It should. We are not meant to stay in one place, we are meant to learn, grow, explore, and challenge ourselves, get out there and go after what we want, make the changes we need to have the life we want, the life, up until now, we’ve only dreamed of. Make those dreams a reality, one change at a time.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! At your absolute best you are still not good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person. Remember that.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
