Good morning SLAYER! Things only change when you do, start making different choices and get different results.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
State Of Slay
Contrary Action
When I first began this path, I had to rewire the way I thought—completely.
My mind defaulted to negativity. It convinced me people were against me. It whispered that I’d never make it, that I didn’t belong, that failure was inevitable. And because I believed it, I acted on it. That belief nearly cost me everything.
So when I committed to healing—to getting better, to learning how to love myself and live differently—I had to learn something new: contrary action.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
What Is Contrary Action?
Quite simply, contrary action means doing the opposite of what you would normally do—especially if what you’ve always done hasn’t brought you peace, joy, or healing.
It’s breaking patterns.
It’s pausing before reacting.
It’s asking: What’s the loving, honest response here?
That pause is the magic.
At State of Slay™, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—life is not a game show.
There is no prize for the fastest answer.
And most of the time, our fastest answer is coming from an old wound or old wiring.
A Different Way to Respond
In the beginning, I had to practice contrary action nearly every time I opened my mouth—or even thought about opening my mouth.
It didn’t come naturally. In fact, it felt strange.
Awkward. Uncomfortable. Like backing down.
But here’s what I learned:
- I wasn’t backing down—I was growing up.
- I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was choosing peace.
- I wasn’t shrinking—I was showing up for myself in a new, more aligned way.
Old me might’ve lied to get what I wanted, manipulated to stay in control, or started a fight just to feel something.
New me? Learned to take a breath. To tell the truth. To walk away if needed.
That shift changed everything.
Building a New Foundation
Practicing contrary action gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time: self-esteem.
Every time I did the right thing—even when it felt weird or hard—it built a new brick in the foundation I now stand on.
And once I started building that self-esteem, I didn’t want to do things that tore it down.
Was it always easy? No.
Did I mess up sometimes? Absolutely.
But the more I practiced contrary action, the more I started to trust myself—and life began to open up in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
10 Ways to Practice Contrary Action
Here are a few simple ways you can try it today:
- Give someone a compliment when you’re feeling jealous or insecure.
- Own your part instead of seeking revenge.
- Take a walk instead of reaching for something to numb the feeling.
- Breathe deeply instead of lashing out.
- Visualize the life you want instead of reliving your worst decisions.
- Remember a win when fear tells you to quit.
- Take time for yourself instead of saying there’s never enough time.
- Say no with love instead of saying yes out of guilt.
- Go to bed instead of scrolling endlessly.
- Speak about dreams instead of gossip.
Each time you choose contrary action, you’re choosing yourself.
You’re choosing growth.
You’re choosing a future that looks nothing like your past.
SLAY Reflection: Where Can You Shift?
- Do you tend to react quickly without thinking?
What’s usually the result? - Have old patterns led you into places you didn’t want to go?
How did it feel? - What could’ve gone differently if you had paused—or chosen contrary action?
- Where in your life could you try the opposite of what you’d normally do?
How might that change things? - Who can you talk to when you’re unsure how to respond?
Could their insight offer a healthier way forward?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice contrary action this week—especially when your first instinct is to go back to old patterns?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck in the same old loops, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to move forward.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Fears kill more dreams than failure ever will. Dream big. Aim high. Kill your fears. Make your dreams come true!
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Fears are not facts, they lie to us and hold us back from reaching our potential. You hold the key to setting yourself free by walking through your fears to freedom.
SLAY on!
F.E.A.R. – Run Or Rise?
F.E.AR. has two meanings, F**k Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise. I know before I walked this path the first one was my go-to method of operation, and if I didn’t run, I fought, it was almost better that I ran. It was not great. My whole life was run by fear, fear of not getting what I wanted, fear of having what I did have taken away, fear I was missing out, fear I would be found out, just fear, a thousands forms of fear. I didn’t realize until I started to get better, and started to not let fear run my life, how much control it had over me, how much it dictated what my decisions were going to be, how much it held me back from living my life and connecting with people.
You see, fear isn’t real. Fears are lies we tell ourselves, or those voices that talk to us, that bullshit committee that tries to keep us isolated and alone, fears are not facts, and as SLAYERS we make our decisions based on the facts, not the fear of them. We also use fears as excuses, excuses to not try something, or to take responsibility for something, or to not step out of our comfort zone, but fear isn’t our friend, it’s not protecting us, it’s holding us back, it’s preventing us from living the life we want for ourselves, and the life we can have if only we stop listening to our fears. Because when we do conquer them we do rise, we rise above them, and we rise above the place where fears held us back, and down, we move forward, and upward.
For me it was about contrary action, of acknowledging the fear, trying to identify where it was coming from, and then doing the opposite of what I wanted to do. Of doing what I knew to be right, or just, or what was going to move me forward. And that was scary, but it felt so good when I would it, when I would push through and realize that it wasn’t really that bad, or, had turned out better than I had, well, feared. I started to see how my fears weren’t real, they weren’t the truth, that by me walking through them I was becoming stronger, and clearer, and I was learning to trust myself more, and in doing that I felt a lot less fear.
Fear now for me is a sign I’m not taking care of myself, because when I am I have trust and faith that things are unfolding as they are supposed to and when I know that I’ve done the footwork, everything I can do to reach a goal. Settle, or make a situation clear, then I shouldn’t be having fear, fear is an old concept or idea that no longer serves me, an old behavior that pops up which I know to be irrational and not true, so the question I now ask myself is, why is it popping up, what do I need to address? And, that is a lot more manageable than the unmanageability of fear I lived with every day for most of my life. Now, I have tools to work through that fear, to know it isn’t real, and to not let it hurt me. Today I know that if I walk through my fear I will rise and by doing so I can help others do the same, to lead by example that we don’t need to live in fear, an example that was shown to me by countless people when I was ready to see it. We walk tall as SLAYERS, we don’t stand in our own way, we grab our swords and our shields and we trudge forward, through the fire, because on the other side of that fire, is paradise, a paradise where we take our life and power back. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What does fear mean to you? How does it come up in your life? Does it control your decisions and actions? Why? Why do you let it? What are you afraid of? Are those rational fears? Are they fears you can take action against and defeat? How so? Why aren’t you taking action against your fears? What’s stopping you? It’s time, SLAYER, that you rise above, that you look your fears in the eye and say no more, it’s time for you to walk through those fears and take your life back, it’s time to Face Everything And Rise.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s your choice today, are you going to be a victor, or a victim?
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Don’t Play Victim To The Circumstances You Created
Let’s get real for a moment.
We don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes we act on impulse. Sometimes we ignore red flags. And sometimes, even with every sign pointing us in a better direction, we choose to go the other way—and then cry foul when things fall apart.
But here’s the truth: if we knowingly put ourselves in a bad situation, we don’t get to play the victim when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for.
That might sound harsh, but it’s a lesson many of us—myself included—have had to learn the hard way.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Owning Our Choices
Back when I was living in the dark, I made a lot of questionable choices. And truthfully, I often knew they weren’t the right ones. But I made them anyway. Why? Because deep down I believed I didn’t deserve good things. I believed I was broken. So I acted in ways that reinforced that belief—sabotaging myself, then turning around and asking why the world was so unfair.
What I was really doing was manipulating the narrative to fit the story I had already decided about myself:
I’m a bad person. Bad things happen to me. I deserve it.
It was a cycle of self-sabotage. And every time it backfired—as I knew it would—I’d call out for sympathy. And when that didn’t come fast enough or in the way I wanted? I felt even more victimized.
Sound familiar?
A New Way Forward
Everything changed when I started believing I was worthy of love—and that I deserved good things. When I embraced self-worth, my decision-making shifted. I started making choices that supported the life I wanted, not the one I feared I was stuck in.
Were those decisions always easy? No. But they were rooted in truth. In integrity. In strength.
When we know better and choose better, we don’t need to cry out for sympathy—we stand in our power. We hold ourselves accountable. And we become the kind of person we’re proud of.
You Are Not a Victim of Yourself
This isn’t about perfection. We all mess up. We all learn. Life will always throw curveballs—some we never saw coming. But there’s a difference between an honest misstep and a willful march toward chaos.
If you’ve been given the tools, the truth, the gut feeling—and you still go against it—own the outcome.
That’s not failure. That’s growth.
So when you find yourself at a crossroads, pause. Ask:
- Am I acting from fear, or from love?
- Is this the path I truly believe will serve me, or am I just clinging to comfort?
Make decisions from your strength—not your sabotage.
Stand tall. Stand proud. And take responsibility for the life you’re building—one choice at a time.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
Do you make decisions that you know aren’t in your best interest?
- What drives those choices?
- Do you expect others to rescue you when things go wrong?
- How do you feel when people don’t show up the way you want them to?
- What would it look like to choose differently next time?
- Write a list of 5 reasons you deserve good things in your life. Keep it close.
Let those reasons guide you toward better choices—choices that bring you peace, not pain.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one shift you’ve made that helped you stop sabotaging your peace and start standing in your power?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who keeps repeating the same patterns, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re worth the work.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! No matter where you come from, where you are, or what you’ve done, we are here. You are loved. You are worthy. Your voice will be heard. If you are suffering, reach out from the darkness, you are not alone.
New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!
Before You Do Something, Say Something
I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.
It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.
My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.
No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.
If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Always speak your truth, your voice deserves to be heard, live authentically, never apologizing for doing what is right for in each moment, especially to yourself.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
