Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone or anything else that much power over your life.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self Love
Happy Hygiene
We always seem to know when we’re not happy, some of us also like to bring attention to our unhappiness, but as you SLAYERS know, I’m all about taking action, so those who may be complaining I ask you, what are we doing for our happiness hygiene? It’s up to us to make sure our life is filled with things that make us happy, and, just like our basic hygiene, our overall health depends on us making sure our happiness hygiene is on point as well.
Before I was walking in the light I was definitely failing in the happiness hygiene department. Everything I was doing was working against my own happiness, but I would admit to myself back then that that was true true. All of my actions were harmful, but I would tell myself I was doing things that were good for me, that they were acts of “self-care,” but I was really just trying to stuff down what was really going on, hiding behind the outside things I was using to try to fill the hole I felt inside. I had spent my life trying to blame others for not being happy, and using whatever I could to get a hit of instant gratification, that I never truly asked myself what made me happy, I don’t think that I really wanted to feel happy, even though I would tell myself that’s what I wanted, because if I wasn’t happy I could keep telling myself the story that I didn’t deserve it or couldn’t attain it and keep falling down deeper into the pit of darkness I was living in. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to do what was right for my overall mental health, physical and spiritual health that things started to change. And I needed to bump up my happiness hygiene big time.
It wasn’t always clear to me what best for my happiness when I started. I took suggestions from others who had walked the path before me, I listened to my counselor and I set out to discover it on my own, to try new things and see what felt right. The more I did this the more I found healthier choices to replace my bad old habits, and as I continued to do this, the happier I felt. There were still moments when my old thinking would try to sabotage this new way of life, but the more I practiced my happiness hygiene the more I was able to quiet those voices and I began to start to crave the happiness, not the old habits that used to fuel me.
It is up to us, everyday, to do what’s best for us. We have that choice, and power, each day. We can choose to feed our sickness, or negative narrative we’ve been used to telling, or we can make better choices for ourselves and do the things that make us happy, truly happy, and keep us healthy. The more we do this the more of these happy tools we have in our toolbox, so when we need a hit of happiness, we have many to choose from and they’re easy to reach for and bring into action. We are not meant to suffer, we are meant to be happy, and one of my favorite happy tools to use today, now that I’ve found my own happiness, is to pass that gift on to someone else who may have lost theirs, or, doesn’t know where to find it just yet, because there is nothing that makes me happier, than sharing my happiness with someone else. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: How is your happy hygiene? What grade would you give yourself? Do you have healthy tools to use that give you happiness everyday? Do you use them? If not, why not? Do you still have tendencies to do things that harm you? If yes, why do you do that? How does that harm you? What can you do to stop that behavior? Why haven’t you done it? If you have stopped that behavior, what are 5 tools you use to find happiness in any given day? Are these tools something you can share with someone else? Have you shared them? How does sharing them effect your happiness? Has someone shared theirs with you? How has that made you feel? We are all meant to be happy, sometimes it takes time to figure out that we deserve it, and sometimes it takes time to figure out how to get it, and, sometimes it takes time to find out what it is today that makes us happy, because as we change and grow so do the many things that make us happy so we have to adapt them as we go. Let go of the thinking of your past, and focus on what makes you happy today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! In the process of letting go you will lose many things, but you will find yourself.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Wear The World Like A Loose Garment
Before stepping on this path I was constantly trying to control the world around me. I would manipulate things to try to force a favorable outcome for myself. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. I would do anything I could to try to get the result I was looking for. As those of you know who have tried this approach, it is impossible to control people, places and things, the only thing we can control is how we react to the world around us, and how we conduct ourselves while we’re out there.
For me, when I made a decision to live a healthier life and made a commitment to make better choices for myself, I had to find a balance of not trying to control everything, but also not just cutting myself off from the world, to observe what was going on, changing those things I didn’t like that were in my control and learning to accept the rest. The observing things and letting them go proved to be the most challenging. It was hard to just see things and not try to control what I didn’t like, right down to noise outside my window from a garbage truck. I mean, doesn’t the truck driver know I’m trying to concentrate over here!? I was told to wear the world like a loose garment. I thought, how am I going to do that? Not react or try to change things? But I learned, I had to, my mental health depended on it. I could no longer enjoy the luxury of getting so tied up in things being my way, and that being the only way, it wasn’t healthy for me, or those around me. I had to start letting things go, so I took the loose garment approach and set off on my goal to start observing and stop obsessing.
It wasn’t easy at first. Just noticing things, things that bothered me, or weren’t “right” or things that could be done better, but I had to ask myself if it was my business in the first place, and most of the time, it was not, I had to ask myself if anyone had asked for my suggestions, and, most of the time, they had not, and I had to ask myself if I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy, well, I wanted both, but many times, that wasn’t an option, so I had to choose happy. I practiced just acknowledging things as they came up, without reacting to them, that wasn’t always easy, but like anything else, the more I did it the easier it got. When I found it difficult to let something go I had to ask myself if it was my business to be worrying about it in the first place, most of the time, it was not. The better I got at this the less stress and anxiety I felt in my life, and, because I wasn’t trying to control the outcome I was able to see things from a different perspective, and, I found it easier to find solutions to things because I wasn’t trying to meddle in the results.
The more we’re able to wear the world like a loose garment, let things slide off of us, and not try to manipulate the results to suit our own needs, to happier we’ll be. Now, my illness used to tell me different, but today I know the truth, and I know what is best for me to live the kind of life I want to live, and that is one where I know the difference between what I am able to change, should change, and what is none of my business all together, and that frees me up to do a lot of more productive things, like reaching out to all of you here at STATE OF SLAY. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to manipulate things in your favor? What is the result of that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? What happens when things don’t go your way? How does that impact your day? Are you able to let things go if you don’t get your way? If not, why not? If not, how can you learn to let things go and trust the outcome? Do you get involved in situations that are not really your business? Do you get told things are not your business? Do you still involve yourself? Typically, what is the result? How does that harm you? What if you just observed things SLAYER, and not get involved in every battle, every thing that catches your eye as something you don’t like, or need to fix? What if you choose to let those things go that shouldn’t involve you? What would you do with all the free time? Perhaps continue to work on your own self-love and self-care? Just a gentle suggestion
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you want to fly, let go of everything that weighs you down.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The happy ending you’re waiting for is there, when you save yourself.
SLAY on!
Freedom Fighter
When we’re sitting in the dark we may dream of a hero swooping in to save us, a superhero, of sorts, who understands us and shows us the way out. Someone who can fix things and make everything better. Someone who will bring light into our darkness and use that light to show us the way. What we don’t understand when we’re in the darkness is that we are that hero, we have the power to save ourselves and we are our own superhero, we need to fight for our freedom and be a freedom fighter!
When I was living in the darkness I thought my life was hopeless. I didn’t see a way out and my head told me everyday that there was only one way out, to end my suffering. Because I wasn’t sharing those thoughts with anyone I believed what my head told me, I thought it was the truth. It wasn’t. I was blessed with another freedom fighter coming into my life who shared his truth with me, and the story of his fight into the light. It seemed like an incredible story, and it remained just that for months as I continued my downward spiral into my deep pit of darkness. On a particularly dark night that story suddenly rang true for me. For the first time I identified with the before part of the story, what it had been like for my friend, I saw myself in that story and that was the tiny bit of hope I needed to pick up my sword and start my journey as a freedom fighter, a fighter who was fighting for my own freedom.
You see, no one else can truly save us if we aren’t willing to save ourselves. Now, I’ve had a lot of help along with the way from some very amazing freedom fighters who have shown me the way, and I still have many in my life, and it’s important to me to light the way for others so that they might find the freedom fighter in themselves.
My sword, when I started, wasn’t nearly as mighty, in fact, many days I questioned whether I could pick it up at all, but I did, I used all my strength, even if I could only get it an inch off the ground, but I did it, and each day that sword got a little easier to carry, and then some days it got heavy again, and still does from time to time, but now I’ve got many years of carrying that sword under my belt, and I know, no matter how heavy it feels, it’s there, and I have the strength to pick it up, and if I still doubt that, I have many other freedom fighters around me to remind me, or, if I need it, to help me lift that sword.
We have the power to save ourselves at any given time. We may not know how, or why, or if we really can, but if we believe, even a little, that tiny bit of light may cause us to reach out for help, and that tiny bit of light may give us hope, and that hope may propel us to take action, any action, that will set us on a trajectory of blinding light. We just need to pick up our sword, even if we have to drag it at first, and find the other freedom fighters in our lives who lend us their strength as we fight the most important battle of our lives, the fight for our own freedom. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know that you have the power to save yourself from the darkness? You do SLAYER. Even if that power is picking up a phone, or sending a message, or chatting with someone, you have the power to let some light in and possibly some hope. You have that light inside of you. You may have buried it under a lot of darkness, but it’s still there if you dig deep down and find it. I know because if it wasn’t there you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You wouldn’t be open to finding your own freedom fighter within. You wouldn’t be standing next to me in this path, and yet, here you are. You have it in you SLAYER, I don’t doubt you, even if you doubt yourself, know that I believe in you and until you can pick up your sword yourself, know that there are many of us here who will help you hold it high, until one day you can use it to tear down your darkness and let the light in.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self-Forgiveness
That title made a few of you bristle I know. I remember when I was asked to make a list of people who I felt had harmed me, I feverishly started writing down my naughty list, finding satisfaction in naming all the people I felt had wronged me and made my life difficult. It was pointed out to me that my own name should have been on the top of that list. That made me pause. And, at first, a little angry, because I thought, no, this is my chance to point fingers and name all of the people who hurt me, but it was right to suggest I put myself on top of that list, because I had hurt myself the most.
When I looked back to all of those situations and people I had put on that list, the common denominator in of them is that I was also there, I had participated, allowed myself to be in those relationships, or situations that harmed me. Now as much as that was a hard pill to swallow, once I was able to take responsibility for my part, and in most instances I did have one, I was able to take my power back by choosing to make better choices today.
We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing things we never learned, well, I guess we can, I used to, but we shouldn’t. Punishing ourselves for our past mistakes is pointless, we can’t change the past, nor we are the same people who may have made those mistakes, in fact, if we’re on a path of self-love and self-discovery we are very likely not those people that we once were, so why are we beating ourselves up for being someone we aren’t anymore? Life is a journey, and we may travel the same road, but we each travel at our own pace depending on what we are able to handle, depending on what our personal experiences are, and depending on what life throws at us, we are doing the best we can with what we have. Recognizing that we did the best we can in our past, or that maybe we just weren’t able to do our best at that time, is the beginning of self-forgiveness.
I found that finding forgiveness for myself happened in different stages. But as I began to forgive others and they found forgiveness in me it became easier to find some of my own. As I grew on my journey and was able to put more and more tools in my toolbox, I realized how few tools I had had up until that point, that also helped me with finding forgiveness, I couldn’t fault myself for not using what I didn’t have. And, truthfully, beating myself up over and over for my past only holds me back there, it doesn’t let me cut the strings and move forward, so for those of you struggling cut those strings and allow yourself to move forward and prove to yourself that today you are capable of making better choices, choices that are loving towards yourself, choices that honor who you are and the life you’ve built, or are building, and choices that, even if they prove to not be the right choices, are choices you can own and learn from so that you can make a better choice next time, without carrying a resentment for yourself and how you handled the situation. Set yourself free, look back only to learn as you continue on your road to who you are destined to be. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold a grudge against yourself for decisions you’ve made in your past? Why are you not able to move past those decisions and choices? Did you have all the knowledge, information and tools you do today back then? So why do you expect yourself to have known better? Did you know better but made a decision that wasn’t in your best interest anyway? Why did you do that? Where looking to harm yourself? Why were you looking to do that? Are you still looking for ways to harm yourself today? If yes, why? If not, and you did make decisions to harm yourself in the past and have stopped doing that today, then that is already a victory, you’ve already let go of the way you used to live, so why not let go of any guilt or resentments you may have been harboring and focus on loving yourself as you move forward from here.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! There is no failure, only learning experiences.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
