Mental Health

It’s Not Personal

Most of the time how people react to us is not personal, not to us anyway, it’s their own battle that they’re fighting and we just happen to be at the receiving end of it. There’s that quote, we’ve seen it many times, “Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” but it’s true. Many times the person themselves may not know the battle their fighting and they may think their battle is with you. It’s not. We also can take on that battle thinking when someone lashes out at us, or disappoints or hurts us, that it’s personal, typically, it’s not. At the end of the day we are all responsible for ourselves, we are all responsible for how we act and react in any given situation, our job is us, what we say and do, not what others are saying and doing. If someone hurts us, taking it personally is like taking on someone else’s battle, we cannot fight for them, so our job really is to express how we feel, see if an understanding can come from that conversation, and then letting it go. We all at some point have, and will, hurt people in our lives, or let them down, as I’ve written about in the past, people can’t always be who we want them to be, and, we can’t always be who people want us to be, and when that happens, it’s not personal. If we’re feeling like every action that is done is a personal attack on who we are, or meant to hurt us, there is work to be done on our part, work that will make our walk through life an easier one, as we stop thinking and reacting like everything is our fault, or meant to hurt us. So, how do we stop taking things personally?

1) Find Our Own Self-Worth. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. What’s most important is what you think of you. If you are confident in who you are and how you conduct yourself with others, knowing your true intention while treating others with respect, then you have no reason to take things personally. When we walk through life with self-doubt, or self-hatred, we place importance, or use other’s approval to give us confidence, or to feel fulfilled, so when we don’t get a positive response we feel deflated or let down. Find confidence in yourself, of who you are and what you have to offer, you are enough, find a way to accept and embrace that.

2) Stay Right-Sized. Often we can put too much emphasis on people, places and things, making them more important in our lives than ourselves. Or, we, in an attempt to protect ourselves, blow our own sense of self up to epic proportions, so when someone does or says something we don’t like, we immediately take it personally and get hurt. Keep yourself and the situations in your life right-sized, give them the appropriate amount of attention or value in your life.

3) Live A Full Life. When we live a full live we are too busy living our life to care about each reaction or seemingly negative reaction that we encounter. We’re not dwelling on each interaction and over analyzing what was said or done, we’re busy, we’re on to the next and not looking for problems where there aren’t any. Engage in life, do the things you love, with people you love, and make sure your life is well-rounded, putting all of your eggs in one basket is giving too much power to that one basket, spread yourself around, try new things, challenge yourself to get out and engage with life, when our life is full, the small things fall away and we no longer have time to dwell on them.

4) Stop Giving Your Power Away. When you depend on others to make you feel good about yourself you’ve given your power away, and, you become reliant on the unpredictability of those around you to make you feel good about yourself. That’s your job. Never give others that power over you, never let them be your sole source of self-worth and love, you will be constantly let down, that job is yours and yours alone, find your own self-worth and what others say and do becomes less important because you know who you are and what you intended to do.

5) Perspective. Find a way to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Not to make excuses for their behavior, but to maybe come to an understanding of why they may have reacted that way, finding compassion, or understanding for those around us can help us see things through their eyes, and not only not take what they’ve said and done not personally, but may also help you understand them better, and, by sharing with them, you may even be able to help them walk through the issue that caused them to act out in the first place.

When we live life as our true selves, when we have found love for who we are and our lives, what is said and done around us becomes less important. If our intentions our true, and we set out to be good and kind and that’s not how it was received, that’s disappointing, but it’s not our problem, and it’s not personal. Be confident in who you are and what you offer, if there is a misunderstanding, and they do happen, then talk it out, if someone has made a judgment about who you are and what you’ve done, all you can do is speak your truth, if that’s not enough, let it go. Remember, as you may struggle with your own battles, so does everyone around you, and when someone else’s battle is brought to yours, remember, it’s not personal, you just happened to walk into the middle of a battle without a weapon on a battlefield you are not meant to be on. Wave the peace flag and walk off the field.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often take what others say and do personally? Why do you think you do that? How does it serve you to do that? How does it hurt you? Write down 5 examples of situations where you took things personally. Write down why it felt personal. Only looking at the facts, was any of it actually your fault? What part did you play in it being your fault? Do you think the other person realized they may have hurt you? Do you think intended to hurt you? Do you still feel like it was personal? I challenge you this week SLAYER to let things go, to focus on you, not those around you, and fill yourself up with what makes you feel whole, with what makes you feel strong. Go out and do your best, do good, and stop worrying about what others think and do, know who you are and what you are and know that is enough. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Are You Living Your True Life? Or The Narrative You Want To Tell?

When we’re living our true life we are living in the moment, we are open to new things, open to change, maybe even welcome it, but we are living life on life’s terms, we’re not forcing things to look and sound the way we want them to. We’re also not only focusing on a small part of our story, the story we want to tell, whether good, or bad, we live it all. Our lives have many different facets to them, many different angles and alley ways, many different colors, patterns, and many different moods, emotions, and feelings. Our lives are not just one thing, and if we’re living our life just for one thing we are not living our true life as our true selves. We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to show the world a certain story of who we are and what we can offer, but we can get so caught up in wanting to show something specific that we neglect other parts of our life. We may also, to get a certain reaction from others, exaggerate, or downplay, certain aspects of our lives to get sympathy or to gain praise, but when we do this we short change ourselves, and those people in our lives, because we’re not painting a complete picture and sharing our true selves. So, how do we know if we’re not living an authentic life?

1) When you’re sharing with others you feel like you’re lying to them, or, not telling them the whole truth. When we’re telling people a story rather than the whole truth we know it in our gut, and ultimately they know it too, people can sense when we’re not being authentic with them, even though we may be able to fool them some of the time, our omissions usually catch up to us, and we know we’re not being authentic to ourselves.

2) You feel stuck. You feel like you’re spinning your wheels, like you’re stagnant, not getting anywhere. You may be right! If you’re not living authentically only focusing on what you want to you might be missing key elements and signs that are in front of you that will take you to where you ultimately want to go, but when you’re only looking at the facts that back up the story you want to tell you’re not open to seeing the possibility of change, of growth, and of new doors and roads that are open to you if you’re willing to take them.

3) You feel off. Things aren’t clicking, not going your way, you can’t find your groove. The challenges, headaches and aggravations may be telling you that there is something greater inside of you that you’re not tapping into, and because you’re not living up to your own potential nothing seems to be clicking in your life, your health may even be declining, all because you are ignoring your true self and the true path you are meant to be on. When you’ve lost your rhythm, that’s a time to look at how you’re living your life, there may be a reason why things aren’t going “right” or your way, and that reason maybe be you.

4) You feel like you’re being punished. You feel cheated or robbed by life, you never see yourself as a winner and feel like everyone else is getting all the breaks and nothing ever works out for you. At the end of the day, there is no escape from the hardships of life, we all have them, but when you’re not living as your authentic self they seem to hit harder because deep down, you know, you’re not being true to who you are and trying to manipulate your story, so when things don’t work out, you might feel like you’ve been hit harder because you know you haven’t been true to you and you feel the universe is punishing you, or you’ve been on the pity train and crying “poor me” and think the universe added an extra dash of sorrow. Either way, you’re not being punished at all, at least not by the universe, you are the only one punishing yourself by not being true to yourself.

I’ve said this many times before, and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true, you are enough. You are. You, right now, are enough. You are special. You are unique. You are talented in your own way. So, why would you want to be anyone else? We get in our own way, our own heads thinking that we should be something we’re not, or that someone else’s life is better, or we want to manipulate the facts to get a specific reaction from someone, but nothing is worth throwing away who we truly are, not for anything in the world. We always know when we’re not telling our whole truth, and if we know, so do others, and, the universe certainly knows, so isn’t it just easier to be you, all of you, and share that story instead of the one you would rather tell?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your true self with others or do you narrate a story you want to tell others? If you don’t share your true self, why do you think you do that? What’s stopping you from sharing your true self? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to accomplish? How do you think it hurts you? Why don’t you make a pact with yourself to not edit yourself or your life, to be you, in every facet and every way that you are you, just be you and be honest about your life and who you are. See if that changes the way you think about yourself and how you think the universe is treating you. Also, see how it changes, or strengthens, the relationships you have in your life. SLAY on.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the footwork, let go of the results and trust the universe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Universe

The Universe Is On Your Side

Oh I can hear you cynics, I hear your big sighs or “not me’s” and I used to be you, I was, big time, I always thought the universe had it out for me, that is was plotting against me, wanting me to fail, and relishing in it when I did. I looked for the bad and the bad typically came, when the good did come I didn’t think I deserved it, or thought it was a trick, so I couldn’t ever really enjoy it. When I started out on this path of healing, self-love, and empowerment a good friend of mine, someone who walks this same journey, and who I trusted very much, said to me, live life as if it’s rigged in your favor. I laughed! “Yeah right” I said, “nothing is rigged in my favor.” He told me to act “as if” it was, and he gave me a set of cherry red dice that I still have today. When I’m having a day of doubt that the universe is indeed on my side, I’ll take those dice out and look at them, they remind me to expect the good, to do the footwork, and trust that the universe has my back and is leading me to the people, places and things I need to move forward or to where I am supposed to be. I have to remind myself that where I think I should be and where the universe knows I should be may be two different places, but I just need to let my intentions be known, do what I can, and leave the rest to a power great than myself to do the rest. When I do that, and stay out of the way, not trying to manipulate or force the outcome I want, great things happen, one of those great things that path lead me to writing this blog, something I would have never have thought to set as a goal myself on my own. Amazing things happen when we get out of our own way. So, how do we start trusting, or even collaborating, with universe?

1) Keep and open heart and open mind. We can only see but a small part of the whole picture. We are only privy to our own lives and what’s in front of us, we have no idea how our actions contribute to the bigger picture and how they can affect others around us. It’s about finding trust, or faith, that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, even when that’s a good place, we’re meant to be there for a reason, perhaps there is something to learn there, there likely is, we typically learn a lot through pain, and it’s usually a big motivator for change, change we wouldn’t seek out or agree to if our circumstances were great, so trust you are there for a reason and look to find the lesson in it, or what’s it’s trying to tell you. Also, things don’t have to look and sound a certain way to be deemed “good,” keep an open heart and open mind. There are infinite possibilities out there, and our experiences are small compared to what exists, let yourself explore and be open to new things, or things looking a different way.

2) Be Creative. So in keeping an open heart and mind, we are able to try new things, to be creative and explore. When we do this our world, our mind, our circle gets bigger causing us to find new paths, new ideas, and new dreams. Challenge yourself to do one thing differently each day and see if that doesn’t open up your world. Keep yourself engaged in life and don’t limit yourself to the way you’ve always done it, or the way your parents did, find our own way, your right way, be creative and what’s best for you. And, don’t be afraid to change even that. If we are continuously challenging ourselves, growing, learning, loving ourselves, we are continuously changing and growing, so even if something did work for us yesterday, things may have changed today, shifted, so keep yourself open to being fluid with your life and keep finding new ways to be creative.

3) Ask For Help. Never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I’ve talked about this before. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, you may also be helping the other person you’re asking, and, you may just find a new perspective or way through a problem by having someone else join you for the journey, you may even make a new friend, or strengthen a friendship you already have. We all need help some times, everyone, and you’re no different, if you need help, ask for it, the person you ask may just be a part of the universes plan to get you to where you need to be.

4) Don’t Let Challenge Stop You. I know, sometimes we get tired, and the thought of a new challenge makes us want to hide under our blankets, but let the challenge energize you. You’ve been through many challenges before and have made it through, so what’s a few more challenges? Challenges keep us sharp, they make us stronger, and, they can also open our eyes to new solutions and new opportunities. A challenge is all a matter of perspective, so look it right in the eye and say “game on,” and head right in without hesitation.

Allow yourself to believe the universe is on your side, at least be willing to believe, willingness opens the door, but when you believe that you have something pulling for you, cheering for you, and wanting good for you, you tend to find the good. It’s really an easy concept, when we look for good things, we find good things. It’s up to us. And what’s the alternative? Sitting in the darkness wallowing in our anger, hurt and pain? Been there, done that. I’ll stick to the good any day, even if it’s hard to muster on a dark day, the good always wins over the dark. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe the universe has your back? If yes, why? If no, why? Make a list of times you feel the universe had your back. Make a list of times you felt the universe didn’t have your back. Within those two circumstances, what did you do differently. Do you think that had anything to do with changing the outcome, or your perspective of it? I challenge you SLAYER, to look for the good this week, to act “as if” you believe the universe has your back and see how that changes your outlook and goals. At the end of the week write down how you feel and see if that has changed from today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You should not rip yourself into pieces to keep someone else whole.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Loosing

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What we give out is what comes back to us, you’re greatness is not what you have, it’s what you give.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Street

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We are too complicated to be labeled, as are those around us. Why limit yourself to be just one thing, aspire to be all of the things you want to be, and aspire to be undefinable.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Labels

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You decide the direction you want to go, don’t like where you are, make a change, turn things around, you have the power to do that. When we tell the universe we’re ready, opportunities appear we didn’t see before.

New blog goes up Tuesday, SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stay Stuck

You Don’t Have To Ride The Truck All The Way To The Dump

The first time I heard someone say this I was in a pretty bad place, the lowest of lows, I felt like I not only was already at the dump, but rolling around in the garbage, I was ready to get out, but I compared myself to others who were also on a downward spiral and made sure I always had someone to compare myself with who had sunk lower than I was to justify me staying on that truck, at least I wasn’t as bad as they were I would think, and I continue doing what I was doing. The saying is true, we have a choice, in any given situation, to get out of that situation at any time if it’s not serving us, just because we’ve always done it that way, we had agreed to do it, or couldn’t figure out another option doesn’t mean we have to stick it out to the bitter end as it destroys us in the process. If it doesn’t feel right, if it is harming you, if it just isn’t the right place for you to be, right now, get off the truck, that’s the only obligation you have, to see things through for yourself, not that that truck gets to it’s final destination with us on board.

We can make a lot of excuses for not getting the help we need, or not reaching out, or, just doing the right thing for ourselves, we may even start to hang out with people who are far worse than we are just so we don’t look so bad, not noticing that we’re slowly slipping down, lower and lower, but have cleverly used the smokescreen of lower companions to shield us from the truth that we’re in trouble. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? Or to get ourselves to take it? Or, to just make better choices for ourselves? A lot of times it boils down to pride, ego, and perspective, we sometimes choose to see what we want to see instead of what’s really going on. We also sometimes are so good at pulling the wool over our own eyes that we haven’t even noticed the slow dissension into the garbage we currently find ourselves. We get to stop the way we’ve been living at any time. We have that power. It’s our choice. So why continue to suffer if you don’t have to?

If you think it’s what you deserve than it goes back to finding self-love, learning to honor and appreciate who you are and finding better choices that bring you out of the darkness and at one with your purpose and your spirit. If it’s about not knowing what the better choices are, it’s about finding some outside help, maybe a friend or mentor, or perhaps a counselor of some kind to help and guide you onto a better path of empowerment. For me it took both, it took a good group of people who had been where I was and who were also on the same path I was on, and counselling, I needed all the help I could get, I had to start from scratch and re-examine all the decisions and choices that I was making because the ones I was making nearly brought me to a place of extinction. I had to get humble and I had to be willing to try new things, to bring me out of the shadows and into the light. I had to trust. And, I had to take action. The first action I had to take was to get off the truck, that was my first action in living a positive life.

You have the power to change the direction your life is going, if it no longer serves you, or never did, get off the truck. Find the resources available to you to help you make a change for the better, an investment in yourself, and a life you deserve. Only you can do this for yourself, no one else can do it for you. It may take every bit of fight you have left to make that initial change, but it’s worth it, because that one decision can set the course of a chain of events that might just save your life, or, set you off on a journey beyond your wildest dreams to a life you may have thought was out of reach. You can have it SLAYER, but how much longer are you going to ride that truck until you get off and go get it?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you still living a life that no longer serves you? Have you always done what’s expected of you no matter how you feel about it? How has this damaged you? Have you always done the opposite of what’s expected of you just to defy the expectations? What has this take from you? What if you made decisions purely on what was right and healthy for you? How do you think that would feel? What’s stopping you from doing that? SLAYER, you, you are the only one who is stopping you. Step out of your own way and start working with yourself to be your better self, to get a better life, to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you are at war with yourself, or trying to distract yourself from life, you will always cause collateral damage to you and those around you.  Learn to live in peace and harmony with yourself and you will find peace and harmony around you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace 1