All we have control over is the right here and now. And even then, really, we only have control over how we respond to it. Sure, we can take action to work toward a goal, or choose actions that align with our best selves, but control, in the way we often seek it, is an illusion.
When we try to control the uncontrollable, we send ourselves spinning off into a task we cannot complete. Many times, our need or want for control manifests itself in guilt and fear. We feel guilt over what we have done in the past, over words unspoken or actions not taken. We feel fear about what has yet to happen, worrying we won’t do what we should or won’t get what we want. Neither of these places is a healthy place to live.
Instead of pouring energy into trying to control what has already happened or what has yet to come, we should focus on what we can do in this given moment.
The Trap of Guilt and Fear
When I was living in the dark, I spent a lot of time in the past and the future. The present felt lonely and terrifying. Even though I found no real comfort in reliving the past or projecting into the future, it still seemed better than facing where I was.
I spent thousands of hours berating myself over past moments, decisions, and imagined better responses. I sat paralyzed with fear over what might come next. This cycle of guilt and fear kept me sick for years, until finally the present moment became too unbearable to ignore.
Learning to Stay in the Now
It took a lot of courage to sit in the present, to truly listen, to sit still, and to focus only on what was in front of me. It was deeply uncomfortable at first. My anxiety would spike. But I was told to breathe through it, to find some comfort there. It took a lot of breathing, but the breath was the key to walking through my anxious thoughts and learning to stay rooted in the here and now.
Like any new behavior, the more it is practiced, the easier it gets—leaving room for days when it still feels almost impossible. But with willingness, it’s a practice that can be strengthened.
Reflection and Awareness
Today, my mind still wanders back to the past or into the future, but I know I can’t control either. When it happens, I take note of why. Is there unfinished business? Is my mind leaping forward because I’m avoiding something in the present?
I’ve learned that I can’t control life—past, present, or future—but I can control how I respond to it. I can control the actions I take to prepare for what’s to come and the steps I take to stay true to my path today.
The Freedom of Presence
It’s easy to escape the present by dwelling on the past or fretting over the future. But doing so robs us of the moments right in front of us—the ones that deserve our respect and love.
We all have an abundance of choices each day. All we can do is the best we can in each moment. Yes, we may look back and wish we’d done things differently, but instead of guilt, we can use those lessons to guide us. When we implement those lessons in our present day, we free ourselves from unnecessary fear about the future.
All we truly have is right here, right now. The next move is yours to make—choose the one that keeps you grounded.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY:
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Do you tend to live in the past or future?
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What is the result of that?
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How does it help you? How does it harm you?
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What keeps you from living in the present moment?
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How can you change that?
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What do you try to control in your life? Are you able to?
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How does it affect you when you can’t?
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Do you suffer from guilt or fear? How so?
SLAYER, the action we can take is in this moment—everything else is out of our hands. Use this moment to do something your future self will thank you for.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you find yourself stuck in guilt or fear? How do you bring yourself back to the present moment?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s wrestling with guilt or fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
