Mental Health

We Are Not Meant To Be Perfect

I was scrolling through my social feed recently when a post from a friend stopped me in my tracks. She was being hard on herself—and calling herself out for it. That kind of self-awareness is powerful. But it also reminded me just how common it is for us to beat ourselves up for not being perfect.

For most of my life, I felt like I was less than. I believed everyone else had it easier, did it better, or simply was better than me. I didn’t just chase perfection—I punished myself for not catching it. And I know now, that wasn’t living. That was surviving under pressure I created for myself.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned along the way:

We are not meant to be perfect.

The Lie of “Perfection”

Perfection is a moving target. It’s shaped by the media, our upbringing, our culture—and our own inner critic. What’s “perfect” to one person might feel totally wrong to someone else. And yet, we often use it as a ruler to measure our worth.

I used to think if I could just do everything right—look right, act right, succeed right—then I’d finally feel good about myself. But chasing perfection only left me feeling more broken. I saw my mistakes as failures instead of lessons. I saw my body as wrong because it didn’t match an airbrushed image I was never meant to emulate.

The beauty and fashion industries thrive on this illusion. As someone who has worked in that world, I can tell you firsthand: most of what you see has been digitally altered. The people in the photos don’t even look like that in real life. So why are we holding ourselves to impossible standards?

Your Imperfection Is Your Power

True growth happens in the mess. We learn through failure. We build strength through struggle. We connect through our flaws—not despite them, but because of them. And when we stop trying to be perfect, we start learning how to be authentic. That’s when the real magic begins.

What if you let go of the map you were handed and created your own version of “perfect”?
What if your quirks, your softness, your scars—what if those were the most beautiful parts of you?

They are.

When you love the things you can’t change—and commit to working on the things you can—you stop being at war with yourself. You start building a life you actually want to live.

Celebrate Who You Are

We’re all meant to be different. To stand out. To evolve.
So what if instead of chasing the illusion of perfection, you embraced the truth of who you are right now? What if you stopped waiting to feel worthy—and decided you already are?

That’s not weakness. That’s power. And it’s yours to claim.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Are you chasing an idea of perfection that’s keeping you from loving who you are today?

  • What does “perfect” mean to you—and where did that definition come from?

  • Do you speak kindly to yourself when you fall short, or do you criticize?

  • What parts of yourself do you struggle to accept? Can you reframe them with love?

  • What makes you uniquely you?

  • How can you start celebrating your journey instead of comparing it?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can let go of perfection and embrace who you are right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been beating themselves up for not being perfect, send this to them.
Sometimes, the reminder we need most is that we’re enough—just as we are.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The question isn’t “what can I achieve?” but “what can I contribute?”

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Contribute Our Gifts

What Can You Do To Contribute To Life?

This is a question I ask myself every single day.

It’s the question that grounds me, guides me, and pushes me forward—especially on the days when I feel stuck. It’s what led me to start this blog years ago, and what continues to lead me through my recovery and beyond:

What can I contribute to life—today?

From Survival to Service

When I began my journey in recovery, I was surrounded by support—more than I expected, and more than I felt I deserved. I was told early on how important it was to give back. And I did. But it wasn’t until I survived a night I shouldn’t have that I truly understood what that meant.

That night changed everything.

Working through the survivor’s guilt was heavy. But eventually, I asked myself a new question—not why I survived, but how I was going to use that survival to make a difference. That shift pulled me out of guilt and into action.

Today, it’s still what gets me out of my own head. When I ask, “How can I be of service?”, I’m no longer obsessing over what I lack, who hurt me, or what I wish was different. I’m shifting my energy outward—into purpose, into connection, into change.

The Ego Step-Aside

When we approach our day with a heart of service, we get a powerful gift in return: perspective.

Instead of reacting out of ego or trying to control a situation that isn’t ours to fix, we can pause and ask, Is there a way I can contribute here? And sometimes, the answer is to step back. Not every contribution is loud. Sometimes it’s simply holding space, offering silence, or choosing not to escalate a moment that’s not about us.

That humility keeps us grounded. It keeps us teachable. And it reminds us that our greatest impact isn’t in being right—it’s in being present.

Why We’re Here

I believe we’re here to help each other.

To lift each other.
To challenge each other.
To remind each other what love and support feel like.

When we stay self-centered, we cut ourselves off from that connection. We lose the gift of being part of something bigger. But when we stay open to giving—whether it’s our time, our wisdom, or simply our kindness—we stay rooted in community, perspective, and purpose.

When you ask how you can contribute to life, life responds.

Even on our hardest days, we have something to offer. Something to give. A kindness to share. A light to pass along. And when we choose to shine that light outward, it often finds its way back to us—brighter than before.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you ask yourself what you can give, rather than what you need?

  • What do you do each day to contribute to the world around you?

  • If you don’t yet, what’s one small way you could start?

  • Have you noticed a shift in your mindset when you act in service?

  • How has giving back changed your life, your relationships, or your attitude?

  • What part of your story could help someone else feel seen or supported?

We’re not here to do life alone. Contribution connects us. Let’s start showing up—for each other.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can contribute to life today—no matter how big or small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling stuck or unmotivated, send this to them.
Sometimes, the shift we need is in simply asking a better question.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To show your weakness is to show your strength.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Vulnerablity is the birthplace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s cool to be kind.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Be pretty kind

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for love.

SLAY on!

Always Leave People

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

When you try to control

Find Your OK Without Giving Away Your Power

We all want people, places, and things to go our way.
We imagine how life should look, how others should act—and when things don’t line up with that vision, we get unsettled.
Sometimes we unravel.

But here’s the truth:
If you need someone else to act a certain way so you can be OK… you’ve given away your power.

We cannot control the world around us.
We can only control how we show up in it.

Control, Acceptance, and That False Sense of Safety

Back when I was living in the dark—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—my life felt completely unmanageable. I was spiraling, yet I still expected everything around me to bend in my favor. If things didn’t go how I wanted, I panicked. If people didn’t say or do what I thought they should, I spun out.

So I tried to control what I couldn’t:
People.
Places.
Situations.
Emotions.
Outcomes.

Spoiler: It never worked.
And it only made me feel worse.

When we tether our mental wellness to the actions of others, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment, resentment, and chaos. True stability doesn’t come from control—it comes from acceptance.

Pause. Then Take Right Action.

Today, when I feel disturbed, I pause.

I ask myself:

  • What’s actually going on?

  • What do I need to do for me?

  • Is there any action to take?

  • Or is this something I need to let go?

That pause is everything.

Because if I haven’t checked in with myself—if I haven’t done the inner work first—any action I take outwardly might come from fear, ego, or unmet expectations.

Feelings aren’t facts.
And reactions aren’t always truth.

I’ve learned that when I find my center—when I root myself in clarity and self-love—I no longer need everyone else to behave a certain way for me to be OK.
I become OK because I’ve chosen to be.

You Are Not the Center of the Universe (And That’s a Good Thing)

Sometimes we resist change because it feels personal.
Unfair.
Uncomfortable.

But growth rarely happens in comfort.
And what doesn’t feel good in the moment might be the very shift that leads to a better outcome—not just for us, but for the collective.

That’s humbling.

We’re not the center of the universe—but we are a part of something bigger. And when we stop trying to bend life to our will, we open ourselves up to learning, connection, and peace.

Your Peace Is Your Responsibility

Here’s what I know:
No one else is responsible for your OK.

Not your partner.
Not your friends.
Not your boss.
Not your timeline.
Not your past.

You are.

When we find peace within ourselves, the chaos around us loses its power. We stop being reactive. We become responsive. We make room for grace. For learning. For love.

So don’t hand over your peace to anyone else.
Take it back.
Hold it close.
Let that be your anchor.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you need others to act a certain way for you to feel OK?

  • How does that show up in your life?

  • Where do you think that need comes from?

  • How has that pursuit held you back or caused pain?

  • What could shift if you found your OK within yourself?

  • What practices help you find peace regardless of what’s happening around you?

Let go of the grip. Let in the grace. Find your center—then carry it with you, wherever you go.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to find peace within yourself—especially when life around you is messy?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel OK in a world they can’t control, send this their way.
Sometimes, we all need the reminder that we already have what we need inside us.

Rest and Digest: The Power of the Pause

There was a time in my life when I reacted to everything.

Fast. Defensive. Ready to pounce.

I lived in constant fight or flight mode—responding not from thought, but from fear. It felt like life was a game show, and I had to buzz in before the question was even finished. But spoiler alert: there was no prize behind door number two. Just more stress, more chaos, and more regret.

I wasn’t resting.
I wasn’t digesting.
I was just surviving.

Living on the Edge (and Not in a Good Way)

Before I started walking this path of healing, I had no self-care. No grounding. No pause. I was always “on.” And that always-on state pushed me into situations where I wasn’t proud of how I showed up. I wanted to be right. I wanted to win. And I never stopped to ask myself if being right was worth the cost of peace—or relationships.

I’ve written before about the power of the pause, and I’ll say it again here:
That pause saved me.
It taught me to breathe.
To reflect.
To choose differently.

Response Over Reaction

In recovery, I had to retrain my brain. I made a commitment to myself:

  • Don’t act right away.

  • Don’t respond just to fill the silence.

  • Don’t feel pressured to have the answer right now.

I started saying things like,

“Let me think about that.”
“I need to check in with myself.”
“Can I get back to you?”

Those phrases were a revelation.
Because life is not a game show—there’s no buzzer, no penalty for taking your time.
In fact, slowing down is often how we win.

Self-Care Creates Space

Making rest and nourishment a priority changed everything for me.

When I’m rested, fed, and grounded, I don’t jump into the fire—I assess the flames. I choose how I want to show up. I give myself the chance to respond instead of react.

And when I pause, I listen better. I learn more. I catch myself before I repeat an old pattern.

Reacting is living in the past.
Responding is choosing from the present.

When the World Feels Like Too Much

We’re living in challenging times. The news is overwhelming. Emotions are high. People are hurting.
But when everything feels loud and urgent, that’s exactly when we need to rest and digest.

We may not be able to control what’s happening around us—but we can absolutely control how we move through it. We can hit pause. We can take care of ourselves. And we can choose to respond from a place of calm, compassion, and clarity.

That’s how we move forward. Together.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you find yourself reacting before fully thinking things through?

  • Why do you think you do that?

  • How has it affected your relationships or peace of mind?

  • Have you ever regretted jumping in too quickly? Did you make amends—or avoid it?

  • How do you feel when you think back on those moments?

  • What would pausing look like for you?

  • How can you begin to practice rest and reflection before action?

Take a breath, SLAYER.
Let your calm lead the way.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you pause when life feels overwhelming?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who tends to react fast and regret later, send this to them.
Sometimes, we all need a gentle reminder that the pause is where the peace lives.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be. Here. Now.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Awareness is the key to making change.