Good morning SLAYER! When we share our stories with others and they are usually met with understanding and empathy, in that place, shame cannot survive.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Love
You Are Not What Happened To You
We can hold ourselves back, or limit ourselves, by thinking we are only the things that have happened to us, or the labels people have placed on us. We can stay stuck not allowing ourselves to move past the trauma or experiences we’ve had believing that we don’t deserve better, or can do better. Well, here’s the truth. We are not what happened to us.
We are individuals who have survived a lot, who have fought our way out and tried to do better for ourselves. We are warriors. Heroes. We can rise above our past and soar. But we have to believe we can. We have to take what we can from our past, learn from it, and let the rest go. We need to forgive ourselves for not knowing better, not doing better, not having the tools we may have needed to keep ourselves safe, but we can do that now. We can decide, at any given moment, to stop living under the shadow of what happened to us and take our power back, or maybe find it for the first time. We all have it, it’s in there, it’s burning within us, let it out, let it shine, let it propel you forward. No matter what the circumstances are that may have brought you down, that may have held you down, or may have let you down, they only hold power over you today if you let them, and they only hold power over you if you’re living in the past. As SLAYERS we live in the here and now. We live in the present. We live our life to our fullest potential, but hanging on to the events of our past, or wearing them as a badge of shame, does not allow us to be who we are meant be, who are truly are at our core.
We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing our own worth, or value, when we were never taught we had any. We can’t fault ourselves for things that happened to us before we had a voice, or before we knew better. We have to let those things go. Let those people go who may have hurt us, lied to us, or deceived us. They don’t get to hold their actions over our heads today, they are not our present, and they have already taken up too much of our time, time, for the most part, we have kept giving them as we hold on to what was done.
Today, you have the power to shed all of that weight you’ve been carrying around, all that pain, hurt, damage, you have the power to let it go, it doesn’t serve you, so drop it, shake it off, wash it off, whatever you have to do to say enough, I am more than this! You are. We all are. Those things that happened to us have shaped us and molded us, and, there can be some good use to those things, we can share our experiences with others who may also be suffering, and we can learn from those experiences so we don’t let history repeat itself, but, aside from those things it serves us no purpose to hold on, to live in a place that tells you that’s all you are because you are so much more. Surround yourself with like-minded people, with good people, supportive people, who love you for all that you are, who cheer you on, and are there to hold your hand when the path gets tough. You can shed the past and turn it into something beautiful, because you yourself, at your inner-most center, are beautiful, and when you allow that self, that true self to shine, you are the real you, the you that is your most you, the you right here, right now. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often let the past weigh you down? Do you still stew over things that have happened to you even though there isn’t anything you can do to go back and change it? Do you let your past hinder your present? Does your past hold you back from the goals you have today? How do you see yourself doing that? What can you do to overcome it? How do you think holding on to your past helps you? When you think about yourself, what words would you use to describe yourself right now? What words would you like to use to describe yourself? Start describing yourself with those words, that is who you are or meant to be. Let go of the past, and step into the true you, the you you’ve been keeping in the shadows behind all those things you let define you. Be your best you and shine bright.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Be gentle with yourself, and others, a kind word or gesture can be difference between the bloom of a beautiful flower, or a wilted bud scorched by the sun.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your power comes from living in the present, it is in the present that you can take action.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You never know who else you may help just by sharing your truth, but it will always help you.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Today I’m Feeling Blue
I write this today not because I want people to ask me how I’m doing, or to tell me it’s going to be OK, I know that, and please, I’m fine, but I write this today because it’s important to acknowledge how we feel. I’ve written before how it’s OK not to be OK, and it is, but I think when things are not OK, or they don’t feel OK, or we’re just feeling down, we don’t always voice it, and it’s just as important to voice that truth as it is when we’re doing great.
When I first stepped on this path and I started attending regular support groups, it was great to hear people making progress and how their lives had improved, but it was just as important, and maybe even more so, to hear when people were going through a rough patch because if I wasn’t feeling great that day I knew I wasn’t the only one, and that because I wasn’t feeling great I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just the ebb and flow of life. So, that is why I share this with you today.
What is going on? It’s been an emotional week in a lot of ways, some things have come up from my past, I’m working on getting something new started and am excited about that, and there some things that are out of control that I’m frustrated with, so good and bad, the ebb and flow, but I think it has just weighed down on me emotionally. I do a lot of things every day, I wear a lot of hats, and I do always take time for myself and recharge, but sometimes I just feel heavy. And I’m feeling heavy.
Now I know this will pass, I have some really fun things to look forward to this weekend, and I have a lot to be grateful for, and I am, and when I get to this place emotionally, I know that means it’s time to get to work, to look at what is weighing me down and come up with some solutions of how I can make those lighter, or what I am able to change. It’s rare now that I have these days, it feels so foreign to me now, I used to live my life in these days, one after the next, so to have one pop up only once in a while is the result of a lot of hard work, work that I know to do to move past this place I’m currently in.
It’s a good time to take stock, to look at my life, the people in it, the choices I’m making, and see if all of it is aligned with who I aim to be, who I’ve worked to be, who I aspire to be, to look at what can change, or maybe what needs to change. Me feeling heavy is a sign that some things are off, or I’m holding on to some things I need to let go. We can only ignore the things we should be addressing for so long before they all catch up to us, they don’t typically go away unless we send them away. So it’s a time for me to take some extra time for myself, to reflect, to get quiet, to recharge and to take action.
Again, I write this today because I made a commitment and a vow to myself to always be honest here at STATE OF SLAY, and today, this is my honest self, and I do that because I always encourage you to do the same and I always intend to stay accountable for my own actions, so if you are also feeling blue to today I send you my love, we are in a position to make some changes, and that, really, is a great place to be, and something we have control over. If you are feeling blue you are not “doing life wrong” you are feelings your emotions and you may have some things you need to address. We get to decide the narrative of our story, we get to decide if we’re going to have a good day or bad day, and even though I may have a heavy heart, I am still going to have a good day, because I am choosing to, and when I choose to and I choose to focus on the good I will find myself in the good, and that I know to be true, and you will too. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you acknowledge when you are feeling down? Do you tell people? Do you have a special someone you confide in? How do you feel after you share your truth? Do you sometimes find a solution by sharing your truth with someone else? Do feel lighter after sharing your truth? If you don’t share your truth, why not? What holds you back? What do you do to release it? Do you release it? What changes or actions can you take today to release some things you may be hanging on to? What do you need to let go? Let go of what you no longer need, or what weighs you down, let it go, and set yourself free. Smile SLAYER, it’s going to be OK.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYER! Didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, here’s what you missed!
Are You Afraid Of The Solution?
We can get so used to living in our own darkness that we let fear keep us from a solution. Our brain tells us that we can’t get better, our fear backs that up with unhelpful thoughts that are based on old information and stories that don’t have to be, or may not be, our present, but if we let them dictate our lives, they will continue to hold us back, and they’ll keep telling us those same old stories and those same old fears will keep us from getting well. We have the power each day to make better choices for ourselves, to take positive steps that will walk us into the light, to give us tools to live a life we deserve, and one that can be our “new normal.” It’s incredible how much pain many of us endure, at our own hands, because it’s what we’ve come to know, and even though we may not be happy there, we stay, because it’s the normal we do know, the thought of stepping out of that normal into something healthier, brighter, and better may be so scary we’d rather stay in the dark and continue to suffer there, even though there may be solutions all around us, and, people to help us get there. We are the only ones standing in our own way of recovery, or a better way of life. And as hard is it may be to believe for someone looking in at us, we might even be hanging on to that part of our life, not wanting to let go and set ourselves free. We may identify with it so much that the thought of it no longer being a part of our lives may leave us wondering who we would be without it. Who we would be, and could be, is our authentic selves. The people we were meant to be, who we aspire to be, who we can be. We can have all of the things we would like, it is going to take work, likely a lot of it, but there is no better person to invest in than yourself. Change can be scary, but look at it like you are giving yourself a software update, you are still you, but with some upgraded features to make you run more smoothly, more secure, and maybe with some new apps, or bells and whistles to make your life run easier.
All sounds good right? So what holds us back. Our friend fear. I talk a lot about find out the facts, well, fears aren’t facts, they are feelings, and feelings aren’t always accurate information, feelings can have all kinds of things attached to them that we’re not even aware of, things from our past, things that haven’t even every happened. When we live in fear we are not living in the present moment, we are living in the past or the future, when we live in the present moment, and are always looking at the facts we have, what we know to be true for sure, we are safe, we can make sound decisions, and we can start to let go of those fears that haunt us. Our brains like things to stay the same, they like to know what’s coming next, or what the outcome will be, and when things are changing fear likes to jump in and tell us it’s protecting us, but it’s really holding us back. It’s when we walk through those fears that they start to lose their power over us, and when we practice walking through those fears, our brain stops telling us to be afraid because it now has proof that when we’ve made changes everything is still OK, in fact, it’s probably more than OK and is better, so it stops trying to, well, stop us. The trick is to walk forward even if you’re in fear and trust that if you’re doing something that is for your greater good, that it’s going to be OK, and if it’s not, then you’ve learned a valuable lesson to be used for the next time, but even that is good, it’s learning, it’s growth.
I know for myself when I started to get better it felt very uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin because I was used to wearing the skin that I had been wearing for years and years, and even that skin didn’t feel good, I knew what that skin felt like, it was familiar to me, and when I started to make changes in my life, that skin no longer felt good, but neither did the new skin, it felt foreign, but I was told from many who had walked this path before me that it would feel uncomfortable at first, but to keep wearing it because one day it would feel great, it was just my brain trying to pull me back to the place I had been. I learned to get comfortable in the uncomfortable, and now I know when I’m there it’s because I’m changing, and, that’s a good thing. In fact, when I get too comfortable I know that’s the time to challenge myself again, that I’ve gotten lazy, so now that comfortable place I used to sit in is no longer desirable because I want to continue to grow and continue to challenge myself.
I know you can do this, I did, and I doubted I could many times when I began this journey, but I just kept putting on foot in front of the other, and I surrounded myself with like-minded people to support me on my journey. Walk through your fear, let go of the past, and step into who you are meant to be.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your past dictate your present? How do you do this? Why do you do this? How do you think it hurts you? What step can you take today to overcome this? Do you think you let the comfort of staying where you are keep you from moving forward? Why do you think you do this? What fears keep you from moving forward? What are these fears based on? How can you overcome them? SLAYER, I know you have it in you to become your best self, but you have to work to move forward each day, and on those days when you fall back, and you will, you have to get right back up again and keep trudging forward, as someone who has walked before you, I promise, the more steps you take, the easier the journey becomes. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Solutions Grow More Solutions
When I was still new on this path I was stuck on a problem and wanting to be right, and because of my need to be right the problem was getting worse, I was complaining about it to a good friend of mine and she turned to me and said, “do you want to be a part of the problem or a part of the solution?” That made me pause. My stubbornness and need to be right was causing more of a problem, which wasn’t giving me peace, or even satisfaction of being right because I was making the problem bigger, I should have been in the solution, in fact, I should always be in the solution. For the most part now I am, but sometimes that stubbornness returns and I can stir up trouble.
Staying in the solution, or looking for one, is a place were we should be, and it’s a place, when we live there, where more and more solution grows. Like anything else, the more we fertilize something the more it grows, when we live our lives looking for the solution we will find more solutions and our thinking will shift away from forcing our way or point of view to not only looking for what is best for us, but what is best for the situation and those around us, to a collective solution, and one that isn’t causing us to bend or test our morals to get the desired result we’re looking for. To be fair, to be honest, to look at things from all angles, and not just our own. Living in the solution is a state of mind, and the more we live there the brighter our days become.
Typically we can’t solve a problem with the same brain that created it, at least not when we start practicing living this way, which is why it’s helpful to have a group of people to bounce our ideas off of. It helps to have perspectives of a few different people to maybe put our own views in perspective. So it’s about reaching out to others for help, it’s about being there for others as they walk through their own issues, being open to feedback even if it’s not supporting your own decision or ideas, having the courage to try something new, and implementing those new things, taking action, and most importantly, finding gratitude for all that is around you, and what it’s teaching you. Living in the solution means having to have an open mind, it is when we can have an open mind and heart that we can be open to an idea or solution we may not have thought of before, or tried, and when we are living in that place, giving us the courage to try it with the support of those around us. Living in the solution doesn’t mean being a pushover and letting everyone else get their way so to not cause any further problems, it means finding a way to resolve an issue with the best possible outcome for most or all parties, or, sometimes walking way to avoid any more heartache and suffering, sometimes stepping back is the best solution instead of hammering home something that can’t or won’t be resolved currently, your self-worth is more than your need to be right, or it should be, sometimes the right thing to do for you is nothing, to not engage, or no longer engage, and to find acceptance and peace in that.
Today I try to walk into each situation I find myself in looking for the solution, and that’s not to say that old behaviors don’t sometimes flare up, but I take responsibility for my actions if I’ve done something wrong, and get back into the solution. When we start to train ourselves to think in the solution we continue to look for the solution, and, we start to find new solutions. It is a much happier place to live, and a healthier way to think, and, who wants to be the source of the problem all the time? Not anyone living authentically and practicing self-love. Focus on the good, focus on finding the best solutions you can to any problem and you’ll start to see solutions where you used to only see problems. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: In your life, do you let the need to be right get in the way of finding a peaceful solution? Do you try to force your point of view? Or, are you a pushover, or people-pleaser, not expressing your wants and needs and letting someone else steamroll over you to make them happy? None of these are healthy solutions. Living in the solution is looking out for your own needs, but, not so much that everyone else’s are cast to the side, it’s about finding a middle-ground much of the time, listening to the wants and needs of others and seeing if you can align that with your own, and when you come to a stalemate, sometimes the best solution is to stop looking for one and taking care of yourself, not everything is solvable, and sometimes the best solution may be no solution. An integral part to practicing this way of life is to surrounding yourself with people who are also living in the solution, or trying to, and having a sounding board to talk things out with, many times the solution lies within the advice or comments from those who know us best. Then, it’s just a matter of taking action and following through, because words are just words until you take action and make them real. Make living in the solution a real way of life for you SLAYER, and watch how your life, and the solutions around you, grow.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The one thing keeping you from getting what you want may be the story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it or deserve it.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
