gift

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let the kindness in and allow yourself to be loved.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Accepting Kindness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The question isn’t “what can I achieve?” but “what can I contribute?”

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Contribute Our Gifts

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we graciously accept, both parties are blessed.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Wish Happiness

Are You Addicted To Power, Possessions, People and Praise?

As I sit down to write this Christmas Eve I am thinking about the true spirit of the holiday. For many, religious, but for all a time of giving, of sharing and one of kindness. It’s easy to get caught up in the craziness of buying and receiving gifts, looking for the perfect gift, or, trying to find the one that will impress or one-up someone else. The act of gift giving often gets lost in our own selfish wants or needs and our expectations are raised to a level that no matter what the response, they’ll never be good enough.

For those with a lot, we may use that power to position ourselves to feel better than, to give in a grand way that overshadows others and to make ourselves feel superior, or the best. We may get caught up on that list of things we want, that list we think we have to have, and are expecting to get, and if one of those things are not found wrapped with our name on it, the whole holiday is a bust sending us into self-pity and emptiness. We may also be addicted to people, fearing the quiet of spending some time alone, we jump from event to event, gathering to gathering, in the hope to fill that void and drown out those voices in our heads telling us things we don’t want to hear or face. And, there are those of us too who feed off of the praise of a gift well given or found, turning the gift giving experience away from the recipient and their appreciation or enjoyment of it, and shining the spotlight back on ourselves for the praise coming our way for a job well done. None of these scenarios demonstrate the true meaning of this holiday season, and yet, how many of us fall into one or more of these categories?

I admit, I used to identify with all of these, depending on the year, I tried to use that fuel to try to light the fire within, but the reality of it was, that it never really did, not for long, and soon after I was left with that empty feeling again and searching for the next thing to try to fill it up. I was never able to fill it up until I got rigorously honest with myself and sought help. I was trying to fill a void I could not, not with the tools I had, and not with material things or praise from others, I had learn that I was the most valuable gift I could receive and I had to learn to praise myself, and believe it, for the good I was able to do, for myself, and others. And speaking of others, that was the key. Participating in selfless acts of kindness, especially without others knowing about it. The act of doing something for someone else is the gift, the acknowledgment of it is not what’s important, or shouldn’t be so. We perform an act of kindness because we want to, that’s it, and even if it’s never known it was us, or, if it isn’t acknowledged in a way we would have thought, it doesn’t take away that act, that act is the thank you to yourself, a thank you to who you are and what you stand for, there is no need for any praise past the act, but it is OK if there is, as long as you’re not seeking it.

As we head out this holiday season remember what the purpose of it truly is. Look for ways to spread love and kindness, and perhaps even joy, with those you spend your days and nights with. It is a time to give back, to share a laugh, to give a helping hand, and to give the gift that is most precious, your time. Go out there and be love, be you and be grateful for what you have, so even if you don’t get everything you had hoped for, you will know you have everything you need, and that is the greatest gift of all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you get caught up in power, possessions, people and praise over the holiday season? How so? How does this harm you? How has this gotten in the way of your enjoyment of the holidays? How has it gotten in the way of your relationships? What can you do to prevent that from happening this year? What do you think your greatest gift is? Why don’t you focus on sharing that this holiday season, and see how that act of sharing yourself makes the difference this year. No matter what your plans are this holiday season, make your goal not to be the best, but to share your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding it in yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Give It Away

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Life can be bumpy, but it’s leading somewhere.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Something Wonderful

Surrender For The Win

Before walking this path I thought of surrender for a four letter word. I considered myself a warrior, a fighter and able to overcome anything that came my way, I had already overcome a lot, and wore those victories like badges of honor. But when I found myself in a downward slide, one that, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t stop, that pride almost cost me my life. Surrender just wasn’t in my vocabulary, and yet that I would find out would be the key to my survival.

I thought I knew everything, or knew better, I thought I could out-think and power through the thoughts and feelings that were plaguing me day after day, but the more I tried to fight it, and control them, the more they had control over me. That tug-of-war became my insanity, of trying to control the uncontrollable, without changing my way of life. It took a lot for me to surrender, but when I did it came from a place of desperation and total fear of what would come next if I didn’t. The desperation was a gift, and I used to finally ask for help.

That surrender felt good, it felt like hope, even though there was still a part of me that thought it meant I had failed at life, but I had to cling to that dim light of hope to keep going. As I began to feel better I realized the power of that surrender. My surrender didn’t mean I had failed, it meant that I had found the power within myself to admit that I needed help, that the way I had been living my life wasn’t working, and, that I alone didn’t have the tools I needed to fix it. That surrender was a win, and the beginning of the life I enjoy today. I’ve watched people struggle with that surrender and lose their battle, those who could not accept it or questioned it, and it always reminds me of how lucky I was to have finally surrendered and to have continued to surrender every day since. For me, I need to do it daily, because my head wants to tell me I don’t. It still tries, after many many years, to tell me that I don’t need to do what I do to stay healthy, that I don’t have an illness and there is nothing wrong with me. I know it’s lying, so I continue to surrender.

Surrender today is a sign of strength. It is a sign of humility, of self-love and of remaining teachable, which is something I always need to be. The minute I think I know everything  and don’t need to listen to suggestions is when I start to slide back to that dark place. And I know how seamless it can happen, I remember the first time. I use my daily surrender as my sword, to cut through the lies and bullshit my head tells me as I continue to walk this path, my life depends on it.

We can live with outdated ideas about what surrender means to us, or perhaps we are carrying around an opinion we have been told by others, surrender for me was door to a better life and it also opened the door of willingness, with allowed me to seek the help and do the work I needed to do to have what I have today. Don’t let your judgment of yourself or what you think you should be doing cloud your vision of what can be. Let go of your ego and pride and surrender to trying things a different way, a better way, a way that may greatly improve your life, or save it. Surrender for the win. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What does the word surrender mean to you? Do you look at it as a negative? Do you see how it can be used for positive change? Have you seen it bring positive change to your life already? How so? If you haven’t, what stops you? What areas in your life could use some surrender? How can you take steps to achieve that? Let yourself surrender to what is best for you, it may be the act of surrender that brings you your biggest win, you!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Space is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in times of upheaval or confusion, or, just to breathe.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Permission To Pause

W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?

I was with a group of people yesterday and we were talking about how the greatest gift, or way of being of service to someone, is to listen. Many times that’s all anyone wants, to be heard, and yet, too many times we chime in with our opinion or experience before they’ve had a chance to finish. One of the people in our group had said that he used to have that problem, of interrupting before someone was done, but he uses the acronym W.A.I.T! Now, before he speaks up he asks himself why he’s talking, if it’s important to interrupt what’s being said, is it adding to the conversation, is it useful, it’s helping the other person or people in the group, and is it the truth, or, is it his ego speaking for him to look superior to the group or in front of that person. I smiled. I used to be guilty of interrupting, especially when I knew I was wrong. I figured if I didn’t give the other person time to finish and finished it for them I would appear to have all the answers and already knew what they were going to say, or, that I knew better, so to save time they should just listen to me and stop talking. The truth is, I had a lot to learn by staying quiet and listen…and still do, we all do.

When we allow someone to finish what they’re saying, and may need to say, we are showing them respect, a respect we all deserve, and by pausing and listening to them we may also learn some new information, what we’re also saying by not saying anything is that we are still teachable and open to new ideas, something that is imperative for our continued growth, intellectually and spiritually. By pausing it also allows us to do a quick spot check, in terms of what we’re wanting to say, to ask ourselves why we feel we need to say it, and if it’s something that will move the conversation forward, or are we speaking up for different reasons that only serve us? Or, are we responding out of fear, anger, or jealously? Again, if we take a moment to pause and get in touch with our intentions for wanting to speak up, or respond, it gives us that moment to let those immediate emotions calm down so we can make a better decision about what and if we’re going to respond.

When I started on this path I had to basically throw out most of what I knew. I had to start from scratch. And I had to question my motives and instincts always at the start. My reactions to things were almost always fear based, so I was often quick to respond and jump in, many times regretting what I said and did later. I too, was told to W.A.I.T. and it was that pause that helped me not to hurt others by stepping all over their conversation and trying to sound smarter and better than they were. I also learned how important it was to be heard. I had a lot of questions, feelings and emotions at the start of this journey, many I had trouble making sense of, and if someone took the time to sit to listen to me, even when it didn’t make much sense, it meant so much to me, and most times, even just by saying it out loud, even without a response, I would figure out the issue, but also, many times, it allowed someone else who had been where I was to share their experience with me and offer some suggestions. Those exchanges helped me heal, and I learned a lot from them, not only by finding answers to my questions, but also it taught me how to be a good listener myself.

Everyone wants and deserves to be heard, make sure you’re not taking that moment away from someone who really needs it to feed our own ego. You might just learn something yourself by pausing and making yourself W.AI.T. and asking yourself, why am I talking? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let others speak or are you always quick to chime in? Why do you think you do that? When you think about not doing that, what comes up? What do you feel? Where do you think that need comes from? What can you do to change it? When someone takes the time to listen to you, how does that make you feel? What do you think you can learn by pausing and not immediately jumping in a conversation? Try to pause SLAYER, and W.A.I.T., ask yourself, why am I talking? If it’s not adding something positive to the conversation, then maybe just listen and see what you can learn.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Happy Hygiene

We always seem to know when we’re not happy, some of us also like to bring attention to our unhappiness, but as you SLAYERS know, I’m all about taking action, so those who may be complaining I ask you, what are we doing for our happiness hygiene? It’s up to us to make sure our life is filled with things that make us happy, and, just like our basic hygiene, our overall health depends on us making sure our happiness hygiene is on point as well.

Before I was walking in the light I was definitely failing in the happiness hygiene department. Everything I was doing was working against my own happiness, but I would admit to myself back then that that was true true. All of my actions were harmful, but I would tell myself I was doing things that were good for me, that they were acts of “self-care,” but I was really just trying to stuff down what was really going on, hiding behind the outside things I was using to try to fill the hole I felt inside. I had spent my life trying to blame others for not being happy, and using whatever I could to get a hit of instant gratification, that I never truly asked myself what made me happy, I don’t think that I really wanted to feel happy, even though I would tell myself that’s what I wanted, because if I wasn’t happy I could keep telling myself the story that I didn’t deserve it  or couldn’t attain it and keep falling down deeper into the pit of darkness I was living in. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to do what was right for my overall mental health, physical and spiritual health that things started to change. And I needed to bump up my happiness hygiene big time.

It wasn’t always clear to me what best for my happiness when I started. I took suggestions from others who had walked the path before me, I listened to my counselor and I set out to discover it on my own, to try new things and see what felt right. The more I did this the more I found healthier choices to replace my bad old habits, and as I continued to do this, the happier I felt. There were still moments when my old thinking would try to sabotage this new way of life, but the more I practiced my happiness hygiene the more I was able to quiet those voices and I began to start to crave the happiness, not the old habits that used to fuel me.

It is up to us, everyday, to do what’s best for us. We have that choice, and power, each day. We can choose to feed our sickness, or negative narrative we’ve been used to telling, or we can make better choices for ourselves and do the things that make us happy, truly happy, and keep us healthy. The more we do this the more of these happy tools we have in our toolbox, so when we need a hit of happiness, we have many to choose from and they’re easy to reach for and bring into action. We are not meant to suffer, we are meant to be happy, and one of my favorite happy tools to use today, now that I’ve found my own happiness, is to pass that gift on to someone else who may have lost theirs, or, doesn’t know where to find it just yet, because there is nothing that makes me happier, than sharing my happiness with someone else. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: How is your happy hygiene? What grade would you give yourself? Do you have healthy tools to use that give you happiness everyday? Do you use them? If not, why not? Do you still have tendencies to do things that harm you? If yes, why do you do that? How does that harm you? What can you do to stop that behavior? Why haven’t you done it? If you have stopped that behavior, what are 5 tools you use to find happiness in any given day? Are these tools something you can share with someone else? Have you shared them? How does sharing them effect your happiness? Has someone shared theirs with you? How has that made you feel? We are all meant to be happy, sometimes it takes time to figure out that we deserve it, and sometimes it takes time to figure out how to get it, and, sometimes it takes time to find out what it is today that makes us happy, because as we change and grow so do the many things that make us happy so we have to adapt them as we go. Let go of the thinking of your past, and focus on what makes you happy today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you