Good morning SLAYER! Rejection is nothing more than direction, make it work for you!
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
choice
Learning To Accept Rejection
Rejection used to devastate me. I would let it destroy my day, my relationships and my spirit. I gave rejection the power to validate me and value my place in this world. And I let it hurt me, and, at times, invited it to. Sometimes, I sought it out to hurt myself, to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It was a constant internal battle, of me striving to reach goals and maintain healthy relationships in my life and me, subconsciously, wanting to tear it all down. I had to learn to accept rejection, and, learn not to use it as a personal weapon of assault.
When I was living in the dark, I constantly fought to find some light. I would muster any kind of postivity and hope I could, but there was always an underlying layer of doubt that would block me from ever fully believing I could attain what it was I was looking or working for. I also believed back then that rejection was the universe telling me I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve what it was I wanted, and I let that belief continue to push me down into depression and despair. As I began to take the road of recovery and started to get better, I realized that rejection is nothing more than a change in direction. Sometimes it is there to save us from heading somewhere we shouldn’t be, or from a situation that may be harmful to us. It’s not always easy for us to see what rejection may be saving us from, but there have been many times, when I’ve looked back, where I was able to see how it had, and so in times that I may feel hurt or angry over not getting what I had wanted, I can lean on the faith that I have that I am being directed in the right direction and that that rejection was just that, a redirection, it wasn’t there to tell me I wasn’t good enough to have succeeded or have gotten what I wanted, but that I may have been looking in the wrong place. That negative chatter in our heads will always try to convince us otherwise, but it has ulterior motives, to keep us down. When we make a conscious effort to change our thinking, we can learn to look at rejection as something that may actually be helping us, showing us the way, teaching us, or letting us know where we need to improve or work a little harder, none of that is bad, if we choose to look at it as a tool to help us. I previously wrote a blog called, The Universe Is On Your Side, where I talk about living life as if it’s rigged in your favor, now I realize it doesn’t always seem that way, but when we choose to look at life’s rejections as guidance, we may be able to see how things aren’t as stacked up against us we think, or have been lead to believe.
Look for opportunities to make the rejections in your life tools to help you and show you the way. Don’t listen to that negative self-talk that tells you you’re not good enough or don’t deserve what you’re wanting and working for, counter that talk with some constructive chatter that allows you to look for another opportunity or place where you can share the best of what you’ve got, also allowing those moments to teach you and encourage you to learn and continue to improve in areas that will help to get you to where you want to go. Rejection, in many cases, may be a blessing, as they may be saving you from an even worse situation, or a place you are not meant to be in. Trust that the rejection in your life is there for a reason, and use that opportunity to explore where you should be going next. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let rejection get you down? Do you expect rejection in your life? If yes, why? When has rejection, looking back, actually saved you from something? What was that? How has it helped you to grow or learn? Has it pushed you to work harder or improve areas in your life? How? Do you see how rejection may be there to show you where to go and not go? Do you see how it can be, in many cases, a positive thing? How has it been positive in your life? Allowing ourselves to get beaten down by rejection is just a form of self-harm, allowing those negative places within us to take over and pull us into the darkness, take your power back and refuse to believe that place within us that feeds off negativity, allow the light to come in and choose to let rejection be a positive influence in your life, guiding you to where you are meant to be and allowing you to work to be your best self.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
If You’re Not Changing You’re Choosing
I would not have liked that statement at all when I was living in the dark. I always pegged myself as a victim of life and circumstances, I never took responsibility for my own decisions or part in where I found myself. I did want change, but I never took action to make it happen, or if I did, I would start, experience a set back and then give up saying there was no hope. I lived life like life owed me, but it was me, who owed it to myself to make the changes to have the life I wanted to live. Living in the headspace I was, I didn’t even know if what I wanted was realistic, I just knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and that time was running out.
In the end, I did make a choice, I had to make a choice out of self-preservation, but a choice was made to get well. I realized as I traveled the path to my recovery that I had made the same choices for years and years, expecting different results each time, instead of changing my behavior, and by doing so I had made the choice to stay sick, to not get help, to keep living in the dark even though it kept getting darker. My head told me I had no choice, this was it, and it was only going to get worse instead of better, but that was a lie. It took me almost making a choice I could not take back to realize I had other choices. Choices that could bring to the places I wanted to go, choices that were healthy and would bring about the changes I thought were out of reach.
We all have much more power than we may realize on any given day. Even though we can’t control people, places and things, we can control, or be in charge, of our reactions to them. We should be constantly changing and growing, that’s what this journey is about, to learn, discover, to challenge ourselves, so if we’re not changing we’re choosing to stay where we are, and even, right now, if that is a place you feel comfortable, you’re still not meant to stay there forever. I always say, if I’m too comfortable somewhere I’m probably meant to move on, or look for how I can challenge myself to fine-tune or do better in an area that I may just be getting by. It’s not necessarily about leaving everything, and everyone behind, but finding those areas to improve upon. I, now, get a little rush of excitement when I challenge myself, and I feel that uncomfortableness underfoot because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, it’s then that I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.
We are not victims of life, if we are not changing, adapting, growing, we are choosing to stay where we are, just as we are. The good news is, if we don’t like something, we can change it, and we may not get to the exact place we imagine, or would like, but just the act of making the change will bring us to where we are supposed to be, or where we are supposed to be next. Take the action or choose to stay stuck, it’s your choice. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get too comfortable where you are and don’t make changes to grow, learn or move on? What keeps you where you are? Are you where you’d like to be? If not, how can you take action to start moving in the right direction? Do you feel like you have no choice? You do SLAYER, if even it’s just making small steps to start, that movement and action will lead you to where you are supposed to be headed, just take the next indicated right action, or the one you think is right. Allow yourself to make mistakes, those are part of the process, and trust the path you are on. Don’t let life tell you you don’t have choices, you do, you always do, they may not always be exactly what you want, but they may get you there. Do what’s right for you and keep looking for your chances to change.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Be Stronger Than Your Strongest Excuses
I never considered myself a weak person. I had overcome a lot and had always considered myself strong. But in certain areas my excuses were stronger. Even though I knew what I should be doing, and sometimes set out to do those things, sometimes my excuses would be stronger and I would stop, or I wouldn’t even start, convincing myself there was no point, it didn’t really matter, or it wasn’t worth the work anyway. It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of, even when doing the work is the clear cut answer. A lot of the time, before I got well, those excuses usually got in the way of my health. It never failed, when I needed to take action for my own well-being that the excuses would take steroids and bulk up. And truthfully, the stronger they got, the weaker my resolve would be and in the end I did feel weak. When I got on the road to recovery I needed to pump my strength back up. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but I needed to be stronger than the excuses my head was going to throw at me. I had to also learn that that struggle was the key to getting better.
We all have struggles and have certain areas where our excuses have been lifting weights and have the strength of a million men. But, that strength is only based on the power we give them. They have no strength alone. It is us that gives our excuses their power, which means that we also have the power to take it away. Now, that can be challenging, especially when we’ve allowed yourselves to be bullied by our excuses for a long time, or, have convinced yourselves we’re not worthy of anything better. We are. We just have to show those excuses who’s boss.
For me the key to getting my strength back came as I started to practice self-love and self-care, I practiced these things by practicing loving acts toward myself, by making a conscious effort to change my thinking to positive thoughts and choosing esteemable acts. As I started to change gears into a daily routine of what was best for me and my ongoing physical and mental health, my excuses started to lose their strength. They became weaker. My strength got stronger as I got better and started to leave behind my old destructive ways, and those excuses that I used to let stand in my way, no longer made sense to me. I was not only feeling stronger, but feeling better, and no excuse was going to take that away from me.
We don’t have to let excuses get in the way of what is best for us. We are the ones who can kick those excuses to the curb and get ourselves on track to our best selves. When we live in the now, when we think in terms of just doing next right thing and make a commitment to ourselves love ourselves enough to do what’s best for us, our strength beats out the strength of our excuses. Time to start showing those excuses who’s boss! SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let excuses bully you into not taking action? What do your excuses get in the way of most? Why do you think that is? How can you change that? What’s an example of something your excuses have taken from you, or prevented you from doing? How can you overcome those excuses the next time that same opportunity comes up? How do you think overcoming that excuse will benefit you? Why do you think those excuses come up for you? Well, it’s time they stop running the show. We get to decide what is best for us, and we can also tell, whatever might be standing in our way, to stand back, we’re running this show.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Meeting Catastrophe With Composure
Now, I’m not going to lie, I do tend to be a little dramatic by nature, but I used to meet catastrophe with craziness. I would dial up the drama and add fuel to an already roaring bonfire never acknowledging that I may be making things worse, for the situation, and for my own peace of mind. But back then I never had any peace of mind, and I thought of most things as worse than the next, so I just would jump in feet first and get right in there. It wasn’t until I started on a new path, the path I am now, that I was told I didn’t have to do that. I had a choice. What? That was news to me. A lot of things were news to me at the start of my journey, but learning that I had, not only a choice, but a responsibility to myself, and honoring this new way of life, to not cause myself unnecessary harm, and to certainly not cause it for others.
In concept this seemed like a good idea. It made sense to me. But putting into practice proved to be challenging at first, and still can be on certain days. As I’ve said here at State Of Slay, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points or cash and prizes for answering or reacting the fastest, in fact, it should be the opposite, we should get points for taking a moment and doing the right thing, but life isn’t about points, it’s about doing that next right thing, and not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a sense, I liked the idea that it was my choice on how I could tackle something I considered a catastrophe, or disaster, or any kind of adversity, it felt powerful, but I had to learn how to use and harness that power. And, really, when I thought about it, when I reacted to things in the past, or overreacted, that didn’t feel powerful at all, it felt out of control. So, how did I take my power back? Well, I slowed down, for one. When I felt that fire in me bubble up from something that was going on, I would breathe, and if I needed to, I would step away, go outside, or even retreat to the restroom to cool down. I excused myself a lot at the beginning, and sometimes I still do, sometimes it’s just better to take a moment, or just not engage at all when there isn’t any way of making something better, or you realize, that what’s going on really has nothing to do with you and someone is just trying to take out their anger and frustration on you and there’s no way to make that situation better. It’s about giving yourself enough time to asses what’s really going, what can be done to make it better, if anything, if there is a resolution, and what the proper channels are to find one. You see why the pause is necessary? You can’t answer and discover all of those things while you’re flying off the handle and screaming at the top of your lungs to match someone else’s voice or energy. Take your power back, pause, then respond, or don’t respond, but don’t let ego take over and tell you you have to win, or that always can win in the moment, and, is winning even the point?
We are met with challenges every day, there are those people, places and things that will stand in the way of our composure, if we let them. Next time we meet up with a potential catastrophe try throwing some composure on the situation and see if you can dial down that catastrophe to just a situation, or, maybe turn it around to a good experience…it’s possible, give it a try. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically dive right in when something is going on or are approached to engage in a situation that may not involve you? Why? Do you find you have a tendency to have to be right? Do you find you have a tendency to have to try to fix any and all situations, even if they don’t involve you? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? When something is heated or gets you angry to rise to the same level of anger, or higher, to try to get your way? Why do you feel the need to do this? Do you have to be right, even when you’re wrong? Why do you feel the need to be right? SLAYER, all of these reactions or reasons are within your control, the question is, what serves your soul and peace of mind? It’s likely not confrontation.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Family isn’t always blood, it’s those people we choose to have in our lives who want us in theirs, who accept us for who we are, and would do anything to see us smile.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Once you choose hope, anything is possible.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Trust the journey and know that a setback is merely a chance for a stronger comeback!
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you can carry love in your heart, you can heal any moment.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Healthy Fear
Until stepping onto this path my life was ruled by fear. Fear ran my life and was the basis of all my decisions. I would never have admitted that, or even identified it as such, but that was the truth. I was in fear of missing out, I was in fear of not getting what I wanted, I was in fear of loosing what I had, I was in fear of not being good enough, I was just in a constant state of fear. In my journey of recovery I’ve managed to lose most of my fear. That has come with living my life in a rigorously honest way and having found my way to self-love love and acceptance. When I’m living in that place, and connecting to a power greater than myself, I am very rarely in fear, but, some types of fear can be healthy.
Healthy fear motivates us, it stops us from procrastinating, or may shorten the length of time we procrastinate, it can help us take the right action, even if there is an easier one that may not be right, it can help us in many ways to do what we need to do when we need to do it. We can use healthy fear to our advantage if it gets us to where we need to be and where we should be.
For me, I have a fear of not being prepared. So I can use my healthy fear around that to make sure I’ve done my homework. Whether that’s in my career or a meeting with the bank or a lawyer, my healthy fear causes me to research, to ask the questions I need to ask, and get the information I need to to feel safe and educated in that area. I have also turned a great fear, a fear that kept me distant from people, or isolated, and turn that into healthy fear by asking the right questions when I meet someone new, whether in business or personally, because I have issues with trust, I know I need to take the initiative to find out about that person or people and once I feel like I know the kind of person or people they are, and what they’re intentions are, I have used my fear in a healthy way, and, once I know the facts, I am safe. Fear for me has always been around feeling safe, so I use my healthy fear today to find that safety, as best I can, in asking questions and doing my homework. And that goes for anything in my life, if I have a fear of something I can choose to turn that fear into healthy fear by taking some action around it and not let paralyze me, or keep me away from people. I have the ability to make change happen and stamp out that fear, or reduce it greatly. I am no long manipulated by it, I address it, tackle it head on and use it to my advantage. Now, that’s not to say sometimes my old foe, fear, doesn’t pop up and stop me in my tracks, it does, but I now can work through that fear, get to the source or root of that fear and begin to work through it, many times that fear is from my past, and not actually a threat in my present life, so it’s recognizing that and getting to work on letting it go.
Fear will always try to keep us in it’s grips, but we have the power to turn our fears around and have it work for us to achieve the goals we want to achieve or to live the life we have imagined for ourselves. It’s all there for the taking, if we choose to take it, and make our fear work for us, letting go of what doesn’t. I recently made the choice to walk through some major fear in my life that was tied to my past, but affecting my life today and my future, and because I set out to let that fear go, because it was no longer valid, something really wonderful is happening in my life because I was able to leave that fear in the past. It’s up to you SLAYER, do you want to be a prisoner to your fear, or leave it behind and go after your dreams? SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let fear take over when making decisions or taking action? Does fear stop you from taking action? What has fear gotten in the way of in your past? Do you regret that? What can you do today to let go of that fear? How can you change that fear into healthy fear? What other healthy fears do you have in your life? What can you change into healthy fear? Fear can only rule our lives if we let it, it is up to us to live in our truth, to let go of the past, to investigate and find out the answers we need in order to move on and leave fear behind. You can do it SLAYER, I know you can.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
