believe

The Good Version Of Yourself

For most of my life I was not living as the good version of myself. She was down there, somewhere, but I had thrown years and years worth of garbage on top of her so that all I could see was the garbage, and, I believed that all you could see was the garbage as well. Deep down I believed that the good version of myself was still in there, but I didn’t know if I could dig down deep enough to find that good version, and that garbage I kept piling on was slowly eating away at the person I had become. Even so, sometimes she would come out, but she couldn’t stand the weight of all of that garbage and would retreat back down in the darkness she had become accustomed to living.

When I stepped on this path, I made a commitment to dig down and get that good version of me out. This was a rescue mission, to save the good version of me, and to save my life. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find when I started digging, or how far I was going to have to dig to get her out, but I started to do the work to find her, and, to hopefully save her. I surrounded myself with those, like myself, who had already done the work, and those who, like me, where just getting started or on their own path of rescue. Each one of them saw themselves in me, as I did them, and they were able to see the good version of me, even though I wasn’t able to see her on my own most of the time, but, they could see her, and I started to see her through their eyes and with their support, and through them, I was able to start reconnecting with her. I was now more determined than ever, doing what was suggested, to sift through the rubble to get her out. Along the way, after years and years of stuffing her down, I wasn’t sure what I was really going to find when I found her. I had been stuffing her down and stuffing things on top of the good version of me for so long that I had lost who she really was, who I really was, I had stopped caring for that good version of me and had lost touch with who she really was. When I found her I had to get to know her again, or, in all honesty, likely, get to know her for the first time. I did find her, and make a commitment to her every day to do what’s right for her, and to never stuff her down or pile garbage on top of her ever again. Her light and spirit shines through me, she is the good version of me, and I am that good version, and now the good version of me found the good version of someone else, and together they are very happy, and are even better together.

We all have a good version of ourselves, and it’s up to us to let that good version out, to care and nurture that good version and to let that good version shine. If we’re not careful we can lose that good version, or push that good version aside, when we do our heart knows and our light dims, so it’s up to us to light that flame again, or perhaps, see our light through someone else’s eyes. There is good in you, the good in me sees it, and encourages the good version of you to come out and be everything it is meant to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are the good version of you? If not why not? If you don’t, where is the good version of you? Do you believe that good version is inside you, waiting to get out? What stops it? Are you stopping it? Why? Has the good version of you gotten buried under the stuff you pile on top of it? How can you get that good version of yourself out? It’s in there SLAYER, focus on the good and see the good in you through the people in your life who only see that good, they will help you find it again, or, for the first time. There is good in you, and that good is you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Changing The Ending

As I kid I always enjoyed the choose your own adventure books. I loved that I could read the same story many times and never have the same adventure twice. But somewhere along the way I forgot about those books and that I had a choice in life. I believed certain things about myself and thought I was locked into that story until the end. I stayed loyal to that story to a fault, and my story nearly came to an end long before it should have. I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story and we can decide where we go and who and what will be a part of our journey. But today I am thinking about the ending that I never thought was attainable for me, or that I was deserving it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe I’m anywhere near the end of my story today, but my story has taken a big turn for the better in the last year and a half, and it hasn’t come with some bumps in the road, but it’s brought me to a place full of love. Something, years ago I wouldn’t have trusted or believed could last.

On my path to this place my journey required me to get honest, to look at the mistakes I had made, and not dwell on them, but learn from them, to use them as a learning tool to improve myself and my life. As difficult as that was at times to face the truth about the harm I had done to myself, it gave me the power to know that I no longer had to make those same choices, why they were not the right choices for me, and, that I know could change my story and break the cycles of my past. I’ve shared before that my days before felt like I was living the same day over and over, and that no matter how much I wanted it to change it never did, until I did. I needed to take action for there to be change, and until I did I was going to continue to live that same day into the gates of insanity. Learning from the past gave me a map of where I didn’t want to go and the tools to walk forward on a new path. This new path didn’t come without it’s own set of challenges, but they weren’t the challenges I used to have, these challenges challenged me to be true to myself, to walk with an open mind and heart, and to trust that I was deserving of love, from myself, and those around me. I, on this new path, had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide from and nothing to be dishonest about because I was living as my best self everyday. Some days brought out more of the best of me than others, but even on those days when I stumbled, it was still better than the I had been living in the past, and, that was part of my journey, not judging myself and needing to be perfect, admitting my faults and making a commitment to do better without beating myself up along the way. It also meant changing those patterns with people in my life and applying those changes with those who were new, if I wanted to be treated with the love and respect I deserved, I had to set those boundaries with those who didn’t yet know or those who were used to interacting with me the old way. That, at times, was scary, but when I began to practice it I felt a flood of emotion, to know that, at that moment, I had altered my story and ultimately was changing the ending.

We all have a past, some of which we may look back at fondly, and other parts we might try to hide from or mask with false bravado or distractions in the hopes that people won’t notice the truth about who we think we are. When we live in the light, when we live in a place of honesty and truth, we never have a reason to hide, we can admit our mistakes, learn from them, and continue moving forward to whatever ending it is that we desire. That ending, we so longingly wish for, is within reach, I know because I’m heading there right now. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think that you are stuck in the story of your past without the ability to move on? Why do you think this? What proves to you that this is true? Why do you think this is true? How can you change that thinking? How do you think your story would change if you no longer believed you were stuck in your current story? What story would you like to be in? How can you start living that story? What ending would you like to see for yourself? How can you get yourself there? Think about it SLAYER, think about it and do the work to get yourself there, it is there, within reach, but it starts with you, right where you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Life can be bumpy, but it’s leading somewhere.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Something Wonderful

Those Who Underestimate Us

Throughout my life I have often found that people have underestimated me. For various reasons people have tried to limit what they think I am capable of or should even attempt. My spirit, and drive, has always been strong, and the fear of regretting never trying as always outweighed the fear of trying and possibly failing, and now, having lived on this path for many years, I know there is no failure, only an opportunity to learn. Most of the times I have been underestimated I have used that to fuel my desire to attempt or accomplish what I’ve set out to do, but there have been times that the disbelief that I can complete or attain my goals has been like a knife in my chest. Even, so, I never let it stop me from moving forward.

Support by those we love, colleagues or others in general really can propel us to success. We ourselves, at times have self-doubt, but with the support of those around us we can overcome those negative thoughts and head toward the finish line. But so can those who don’t believe we can get there. It’s easy to take someone else’s opinion of what they think we are capable of and let it bring us down, it can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy were we let it derail us into falling short just as predicted. But for me, being a reformed stubborn close-minded girl in the past, I can pull up that old stubbornness and use it for good. I now, when someone doesn’t believe in me, use that stubbornness to propel me forward and continue on my journey to complete my goal. It’s nice when I have support behind as I go, but not necessary if it’s someone I strongly believe in or have challenged myself to finish. There’s also the twinge of satisfaction when you are able to accomplish what you set out to and are able to show those doubters that you yes you can do exactly what they thought was impossible, I believe that is a moment of self-pride for a job well done.

We should never let anyone else dictate what we can or cannot do. Our limits are only set by ourselves, and, we shouldn’t set any. We are capable of almost anything we set our minds to, and even if something may not be attainable right now, there’s a reason we’re drawn to it, it may be leading us down a path that is meant for us. Never doubt yourself or your goals or dreams, nothing happens by accident, we are meant to challenge ourselves, to reach higher than before and to go after those things we want for ourselves or have dreamed about, we are the only ones who can stop us. Those things may not always look exactly how we thought they would, but they are many times better, because we only have the limited information of our experiences so far, we don’t have the broad spectrum of what is actually out there for us to discover and realize. So, go after your goals with everything you’ve got, and if someone underestimates you, don’t let them slow you down, use that doubt to fire you up and keep you on the path of your goal.

Let someone’s negative opinion of you of you lead to positive results, and perhaps the next time you share your goals with them, they’ll see your potential and cheer you on to victory! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for negative comments derail you from your goals and ambitions? Why do you do that? How can you change that? Why is it so important to you to have everyone believe in what you want or are doing? Can you use that energy to prove them wrong or attain your goals anyway? Can you use that energy to fuel the fire inside of you to produce a positive outcome? It is always preferable to have the support of those around us, but if we don’t have all of the support we would like, it is still possible to realize our dreams or challenge ourselves to accomplish something new. Use whatever energy comes your way, positive, or negative, to prove to yourself that you can do it, and let those naysayers come around on their own, it’s not your job to convince them, it’s your job to keep reaching for your personal best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means you decided to look beyond the imperfections to find your own brand of happy.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Prevent Happiness

Accepting Happiness

We say we want to be happy, but how many of us are not accepting of it when it appears? Or, even know what happiness truly is?

When I was living in the darkness I would say I just wanted to be happy. But my idea of happiness back then, most of the time, was getting what I wanted when I wanted it, something that wasn’t going to happen most of the time, even on the best days. I also had never really asked myself what makes me happy, outside of material things or career goals, I placed all  my happiness in those to areas, the first, which was fleeting because the happiness I first experienced from that material item quickly vanished, and the second, my career, which, for the most part, was out of my control a lot of the time. Those were two tough places to solely make responsible for my happiness, and ultimately, are rather empty.

I realized in my recovery that my happiness was actually contingent on me believing I was deserving of it. Up until that point, as much as I longed to be happy, I didn’t really believe I deserved to be, well, at least that’s what my disease told me, and I had believed it for far too long. It was time to find out what truly made me happy, and what happiness truly was! I set out to find out, and started with the things I was most grateful for, those things made me happy, and using those as a foundation I was able to look for more things, and as I trained my brain to work from a place of gratitude I started to find happiness, for, low and behold, it had always been within my reach, I had just directed it in the wrong places. Even when things were dark, I still had it within my power to find happiness, to let some light in to that dark place with acknowledging the good, even if it was only one good thing, I could let it in, plant it, and let it grow. Knowing that I had the power to accept, have and nurture happiness made me feel good, and I started to look for it everywhere in my life, even in the smallest of things, even just being there for a friend or someone in need. I learned that it was within those selfless acts that I found an unexpected happiness, to have thought or acted outside of myself to show kindness to someone else, and as I did that I became more accepting of happiness in myself, because I knew I deserved it, but I also learned that the more happiness I had, the more I had to share.

We all want to be happy, but what is happiness to you? And, do you believe you are deserving of it? You are, we all are. But if you don’t believe you are you may, like I did, look for it in the wrong places, or not accept it when it’s there. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy, start there, seek more of that, share your happiness with others and watch it grow, you never know, you may one day find yourself, you guessed it, happy! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself happy? What makes you happy? Do you have many things in your life that make you happy? If not, why not? What can you do to find more happiness in your life? Do you have trouble accepting happiness? Do you feel you deserve it? If not, why not? You do SLAYER, we all deserve to be happy, and our happiness is conditional on us believing we should be happy, finding happiness and sharing it. When you find happiness in your life, let it in, and know it’s there because it should be and, you should be happy.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Find The Signs

All The Wrong Reasons

I believe we are guided to where we are meant to be. I believe we can connect to something greater than ourselves through a spiritual practice or faith for continued direction in our lives. But regardless of what we may or not believe, when we look at our lives we can typically find a reason why we may have been lead down certain paths, both good and bad.

I was speaking to someone yesterday about this topic, and she smiled and said that the two most important things in her life, those things that contribute to her overall wellness she entered into for the wrong reasons but found something very valuable there. It got me thinking of situations in my life when I may have had different intentions, or even selfish or wrong intentions, but those actions lead me to something beautiful. I do believe that there is a force that guides me, protects me, and wants the best for me, I’ve seen many examples of this in my life, the one most important, is the night I should have lost my life, I wrote about that experience in my blog “A Power Greater Than Myself,” which you can find here A Power Greater Than Myself, and as a result of having been shown that that guidance is there I know now not to question it, or the directions I may find myself heading to, as long as it feels right to my mind, body and spirit. The universe, God, spirit, whatever you believe or may call it, may guide you to something using whatever will be most attractive to you in the moment, to get you to where you need to be, almost like dangling a carrot, and likely, you have been given the clues or shown the way many times before and had chosen not to take the path you are meant to be on, so, a different direction is taken to get you where you should be. We all have freedom of choice, but we don’t always make the best decisions for ourselves, I know this all too well from my past, so sometimes a little bait and switch happens to bring us to that place we ultimately will find beneficial to us.

It doesn’t matter what gets us to where we are meant to be, what matters is that we remain teachable and open to new experiences, new places and new ways of thinking. We don’t know everything, there’s no way we could, the world and what is out there is far beyond our comprehension, we only know what is in front of us and what we have experienced, so when something new is presented to us, we should take that opportunity and explore what’s there, we can always say it’s not for us, but what if if is, and what if it’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, but it just doesn’t look the way we thought it would.

It doesn’t matter what reasons get us to where we are meant to be, what matters is that we are open to what what we may find there. Life does have a way of showing us one thing just so we’ll discover something else. Be open to where your path may lead you and to what you may find there. You may be directed to someone or something that will completely change the direction of your life through a situation that may have been your worst, there is always a reason for everything. Stay true to who you are, trust, and look for the signs, they are pointing you in the right direction. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe in something greater than yourself guiding you to where you are mean to be? If not, why not? Can you see examples in your life where you may have changed direction or had been shown a new way of life? Write down that example. Can you think of times when you may have not taken the direction and found yourself repeating the past where you had not been happy? What can you do to change your view, to be open to new things and possibly new roads? The answers, and solutions, you are looking for may just be there in front of you, look for the signs, take a chance on new opportunities and new roads, and be open to things, when you do, the possibilities are endless.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Break The Loyalties Of Inaccurate Information About Yourself

Before stepping into the light I was very loyal to who I thought I was, who I had been told I was, and who I thought my life had produced and locked me into being. As we grow up what we learn about ourselves comes from those around us, what we learn becomes what we think our worth is, and we carry that with us into, and sometimes through, our adult life, but far too often we are given inaccurate information about ourselves because of certain circumstances or someone else’s prejudice or agenda to have us believe a narrative that may not be true. And there are times when we find ourselves in situations with those are may be sick, and may not know that they are projecting their own sickness onto us when we are in a vulnerable place or during our formidable years. We, most of the time, aren’t even aware of the damage being done as it seeps into our subconscious and into the fabric of our being. We become loyal to the information we’ve been given or have picked up along the way, even though it may be far from the truth of who we are. We may recognize the inaccuracies in the information but still may cling to it because it’s what we know and have convinced ourselves is true even when we know the truth. We participate in self-sabotage to keep the narrative alive making it more difficult for ourselves to let go of the person we never really were.

That was my struggle for a long time. I had developed several coping mechanisms to keep myself within the confines of that inaccurate information about myself, coping mechanisms that kept me down and fed the negative self-talk that continued to tell me things that were not true. Those untruths, that I chose to believe, nearly cost me my life. But even at my darkest point, even when I believed that inaccurate information had become who I was, the true me was still in there trying to get out, trying to get my attention and tell me the truth. The truth was I was never those things I believed I was, sure, there had been times I played the part and participated in behavior or activities to support that inaccurate information, but that was never who I truly was, and I always, deep down, knew that. I had to let go of the unconscious loyalties I had to that inaccurate information and start to develop and nourish the accurate details of who I was and who I could work to be. That started by being accountable to myself and my recovery, by participating in esteemable acts, by giving back to those around me, and by building a community around me of like-minded people who were all working towards the same goal.

We are not a product of who raised us, or what happened to us, or who we’ve been told we are. What facts are true about you, what do you know to be true and what information can you use to build a new foundation. It’s time to break the loyalties you’ve carried around that are false and start to focus on who you truly are and have always been. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you believe about yourself? Why do you believe this? Were you told this, or did you discover it on your own? Is it true and based in facts? If it is not something you like, how can you make changes to move away from this? How do you demonstrate who you truly are? Are there more or better ways you can do this? How? What do you remember you were told about yourself? By whom? Why do you think you were told this? Is it true? If it was, back then, is it still true today? If it is and you don’t like it, what changes can you make to change this? How does your behavior today support what you’ve been told? How does your behavior support who you truly are? Focus on the last question SLAYER, focus on showing yourself and those around you who you truly are, not the inaccuracies you have been told, even by yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You become what you believe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Manifest