Shine Bright

I was touched yesterday when a friend reached out to me with a hand drawn picture and a message of hope. She said her son had drawn it as a response to my involvement with a Valentine’s Day campaign from IMALIVE to send out a message of love to those who are struggling. I got involved initially to do just that, send out the message that you, or anyone, are not alone, that you matter, that your voice deserves to be heard, and I didn’t expect the young voice of my friend’s son to be inspired to take action. It reminds me that when we put out a message of hope, when we take action, when we open our own hearts, we may touch someone else’s, and that may inspire them to share their heart with others. I’ve written before about how we may touch people’s lives without realizing it, people we may not know, or may never have a conversation with, it’s about putting our best selves out to the world, showing the world, and people around us, who we are and what we stand for, letting our hearts shine bright, and when we do that that light may reach someone who is sitting in the dark.

When I stepped on this path, I was in a very dark place, so dark that there was only one tiny speck of light, like a penlight, off in the distance, but it was that light that I kept walking toward, even when I would lose sight of it, my life depended on it, so I kept trudging forward. It was during that time that it was pointed out to me that our light can get brighter when we help someone light theirs. No matter how low or dark we may be, there is always someone who is lower, or darker, or maybe they’re in the same place, but when we reach out to offer support, to lend a hand, or to just let them know we’re there, that dim light gets brighter, for both of us, and so as suggested, I worked to share that little bit of light I had, not really trusting it was enough to help anyone on their path, and as I did my light did get brighter, and as it got brighter I found the confidence to reach out to more people and eventually found my calling to be of service to those who may be struggling in the dark.

The best cure for any day when we get stuck in our heads, or in the “poor me’s” is to do something for someone else, it will get you out of self every time, and no matter how low you may feel, you always have something to offer someone who may be feeling lower. Or, at the very least, band together to give each other strength. It always seems, especially on social media, that the negative voices out there are the loudest, but we have the power to change that. Let’s make some positive noise out in the world, let’s love and support one another because when we do, we all rise. What can you do today to give back? What can you do to make someone’s day brighter? How can you spread love instead of hate? We never know how our actions can create a chain reaction of good, how what we do may inspire someone else to take action, and so on. We are all in this together, no one should walk alone, and here at STATE OF SLAY no one does, we all walk together on this path, we light the way for those who need it, we burn bright, and, we burn brighter together. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life that someone’s light helped you walk through a dark place? Have you been that light for someone else? How did that make you feel? Have there been times when you felt you were in the darkness and by sharing the light you did have, your light got brighter? How can you spread more light in your life? What can you do to take action? All we can do is put our true selves out there, to shine bright, to offer the best of who we are with the best of intentions, how that is received is completely out of our hands, but in the end, light always beats out the dark. Let your light shine SLAYERS.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When old patterns are broken, new solutions can be found.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dysfunction

Breaking The Cycle

Just because it’s the way you’ve been taught, or it’s the way it’s always been done, doesn’t mean you can’t break the cycle. Most of the time we are taught a way to do things, or a set of rules are put in place, as children, how of to navigate our way through life, whether these things are specifically taught to us or we’ve picked them up from those around us, typically they are passed down from generation to generation as to what is acceptable behavior. As children we don’t realize that those older than us are just passing down, or showing us by example, what was passed down to them. We accept these practices or examples as the truth, as the best way to behave, or communicate, or way to have relationships. Sometimes these examples, or the perceptions we have gotten, are not healthy and we carry them with us into adulthood thinking that’s the way it should be, doomed to pass them down to our children or a younger generation to continue the cycle. But we have a choice to stop that pattern.

When we find ourselves unhappy, or in relationships that don’t satisfy us, or disrespect us, we have the power to change that. As adults, we get to decide how we move about this world and how and what is acceptable behavior from those around us. For me, I was a sensitive child, but I kept everything bottled up, never expressing how I truly felt, and then in my teens, looking to find that voice, I would act out, finding a voice that I thought expressed the real me, but with a dash, or two, of rebellion thrown in. As I grew into adulthood that voice got quiet again, and I began to stuff down my feelings and found ways to numb my thoughts, just wanting to get by without too many questions. In all of those scenarios my true voice was never heard, there may have been traces of it in among my ramblings, but I was trying to make sense of what I was seeing and hearing without ever having a true conversation about it. Consequently many of my relationships suffered, as did I.

We get to decide who we are and how we conduct ourselves today, and if something isn’t working, we have the power to change that, to make things work for us, to ask those in our lives to honor who we are and to interact with us in a way that is in line with that, we also have the power to not engage with those who like to provoke us, who may tear us down, or who may take advantage us. It’s that destructive behavior, ours, and how we respond to others, we can change. And even thought it may be the way it’s been done for generations and generations, in no way did you sign a contract to say you would continue that bad behavior, you can stop it at any time. I know for myself, when I found a better way, a way that was in line with my path in the light I was able to practice making better choices for myself, and when I began to do that a weight was lifted off of me, I stood taller, I began to have pride in who I was, and I learned to find my own voice. For me, that came as a result of therapy, surrounding myself with like-minded people, and, a lot of practice, and soon that new way began to feel less foreign and so good that the old way didn’t seem appealing anymore. My relationships got stronger, I made better decisions about who I let in my life, and I used my voice to share my true self. I broke the cycle. And so can you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ever ask yourself why you do the things you do, or do you just continue to do them because that’s what you’ve been taught? What behaviors or relationships do you engage in that don’t make you feel good, or don’t honor who you are working to be? Why do you continue to do what you’ve always done when you’re working to be your authentic self and those old behaviors don’t honor that? What can you do to change those behaviors or relationships? Make sure that you are not just following the cycle or path of those who came before you, if something doesn’t feel right then it might not be right for you, if a relationship always results in the same frustrating destination, how can you change to make it a healthier relationship for you? We don’t owe anyone anything except to be our authentic selves, so if you keep finding yourself in a place that doesn’t honor you, use your power to change it. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the only way to win is to walk away, that doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it just means that you accept that some things can’t be solved at this moment and time, and the best solution, is to not engage.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Let It Go

Living With Unsolved Problems

We all have them—those lingering problems we just can’t figure out. Maybe it’s a situation where someone won’t discuss or engage with us to find a solution. Maybe it’s something completely out of our control. Whatever it is, these unresolved issues can eat away at us.

For years, I let those problems take control of me. I thought I had to solve everything, to my own satisfaction. I couldn’t let things go. It literally drove me crazy, trying to force solutions where sometimes, there weren’t any. I didn’t know how to accept what was or give myself permission to move on. Back then, moving on and acceptance were not even part of my vocabulary.

But I’ve learned something.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Acceptance Is the Key

Acceptance truly is the key to so many of our problems. Things often don’t look or feel the way we think they should—or the way we want them to—and sometimes, there’s just no way to change that.

For those of you who just recoiled at that idea, this blog is especially for you.

Nothing—absolutely nothing—is worth surrendering your peace of mind for, especially if it’s just to prove a point or make sure you’re right. That imaginary scorecard we sometimes carry around? It’s a heavy burden that robs us of our serenity.

For me, it became a matter of life and death. The things I fought so hard to control couldn’t be solved by me alone. When I finally let go and accepted that, my world expanded. I was able to look outside myself for new possibilities—and I found them.

Some Problems Just Can’t Be Solved—At Least Not Now

Sometimes, there’s no solution to be found. Maybe the situation has reached a standstill, or someone has passed, or circumstances just don’t allow for resolution in this moment.

But here’s the thing: letting something go now doesn’t mean a solution won’t present itself later.

I always say, “Never say never.” I’ve seen miracles in my own life where solutions appeared to problems I thought were impossible to solve.

Find peace with what you can’t solve today. Stay open to the possibility of resolution down the road—but don’t wait for it. Trust that if a solution is meant to appear, it will, when the time is right. Time has its own schedule, and we can’t rush it. Let it do its thing while you continue to live yours.

Protect Your Peace

There will always be things in life we can’t control or solve. If we want to live a happy life, it’s up to us to find peace and acceptance around those things. Do what you can to figure things out—but know when to walk away. Your peace of mind is worth far more than a forced solution.

Sometimes, no solution is the solution. At least for now.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you have a hard time letting things go?
Do you feel like you need to solve everything?
How do those unsolved problems affect your peace of mind?
What would happen if you accepted that some things can’t be solved—right now?
How could that acceptance set you free?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one problem you’re ready to stop forcing—and let time or acceptance handle?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone struggling with unresolved problems, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing “It’s okay to let go” makes all the difference.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Live your life, and ignore the negativity.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happiness 2

When Someone Tries To Shame Us, It Only Shames Them

Most of us have experienced it at some point.

Someone calls us out for not knowing something.
Mocks a decision we made.
Ridicules us for a mistake.
Speaks with just enough condescension to make us feel small.

Shame has a way of landing fast and hard — especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable. And in that moment, it can trigger an old, familiar ache: the part of us that once believed we were “less than,” “different,” or “not good enough.”

But here’s the truth we often forget when shame is directed at us:
When someone tries to shame you, it says far more about them than it ever does about you.

Shame is not strength.
It’s insecurity in disguise.

Shame Is a Projection Not a Truth

People who are grounded in themselves don’t need to humiliate others. They don’t gain confidence by tearing someone down. They don’t feel threatened by curiosity, learning, or different experiences.

When someone tries to shame you for not knowing something or for making a choice they believe was “obvious,” what they’re really doing is projecting their own discomfort.

It’s the need to feel superior.
The need to be right.
The need to appear knowledgeable or important.

And more often than not, that behavior is rooted in low self-esteem — not high confidence.

Shame is rarely about education or growth.
It’s about power.

Why Shame Hurts Even When We Know Better

Even when we intellectually understand that shame isn’t about us, it can still sting.

Why?

Because shame targets our most tender places — the parts of us shaped by past experiences, criticism, rejection, or moments when we were made to feel wrong for simply being human.

On the wrong day, at the wrong moment, someone’s words can slip past our logic and land directly in our nervous system.

That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.

And it’s exactly why compassion — for yourself first — matters so much in these moments.

We All Come From Different Places And That Matters

No two people arrive at life with the same background, education, experiences, or opportunities. We learn different things at different times, through different paths.

That’s what makes conversations interesting.
That’s what creates diversity of thought.
That’s what keeps us growing.

It is impossible — and unreasonable — to expect anyone to know everything.

There is no shame in learning.
There is no shame in asking questions.
There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”

In fact, there is far more strength in curiosity than in pretending you already have all the answers.

When I Realized I Had Been on the Other Side

I can say this honestly: I haven’t always handled this perfectly.

Before I was living the life I live now, before I found self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, I had moments where I tried to elevate myself by putting someone else down.

And if I’m being truthful, I know exactly why.

I felt insecure.
I felt less than.
I felt like I needed to prove something.

Belittling someone else gave me a temporary sense of control — a fleeting boost that never lasted. And afterward, it always felt worse. Heavier. More disconnected.

Once I started living in alignment with who I truly am, that behavior didn’t just stop feeling good — it felt wrong.

Because when you build real confidence, you no longer need to steal it from someone else.

Compassion Without Tolerance

Understanding why someone shames doesn’t mean excusing it.

You can have compassion and boundaries.
You can recognize someone’s pain without accepting their behavior.
You can see the truth without internalizing it.

I don’t tolerate shaming behavior anymore — but I also don’t take it personally.

Because I know what it looks like when someone isn’t in a good place.
And I know it has nothing to do with me.

You Are Not Required to Know Everything

Let this be your reminder:

You are not required to know everything.
You are not required to be perfect.
You are not required to justify your learning curve.

There is power in humility.
There is power in growth.
There is power in owning where you are without apology.

When someone tries to shame you, remember this:
If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.

That tells you everything you need to know.

You Control What You Carry Forward

You can’t control how others behave.
But you can control what you absorb.

You get to decide whether someone else’s insecurity becomes your burden — or whether you set it down and walk away lighter.

And here’s the truth that matters most:
Knowing who you are is far more powerful than knowing whatever someone thinks you should know.

You don’t need to shrink.
You don’t need to defend.
You don’t need to explain your worth.

Just be you.
That is enough.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Have you ever been shamed for something you didn’t know or a decision you made? How did it make you feel?
L: Looking back, can you see how that moment reflected the other person’s insecurity rather than your worth?
A: Have you ever been on the other side and shamed someone else? What was going on inside you at the time?
Y: How can you choose self-respect and compassion the next time shame shows up — whether from someone else or within yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you experienced someone trying to shame you — and how did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying shame that isn’t theirs, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Gallery

Join our Valentine’s Campaign!

Hey there SLAYER! Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time for many who suffer from depression or are feeling alone. Myself, along a group of wonderful people, have contributed to the IMALIVE Valentine’s Day Campaign to send messages of love and encouragement those who may need it.

You can also send out your own message by posting with the hashtage #ThereIsAlwaysMe and IMALIVE with share you post.

We all matter, you matter, you are not alone.

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We will find what you look for, so look for something wonderful.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look For

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  You have a choice each and every day.  Choose to feel blessed. Choose to feel grateful. Choose to be excited. Choose to be thankful. Choose to be happy.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Journey