Author: Carrie Genzel

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

I’ve done enough work on myself to know my thoughts don’t always speak the truth. They lie to me. My thoughts, when left on their own to run wild, always run to the negative side. They always have. And I used to believe them. Thought they told me the truth. But I know today that they don’t. They don’t want me to succeed. They want to keep me isolated. Alone. So they can continue to talk to me without interruption. And my thoughts, without any interruption, are dangerous, and very nearly, cost me my life.

It’s why it’s important to share with others. To let out what you’re thinking. Not only so it loses it’s power over you, but also so you can have a sounding board, and some feedback from someone else who can listen to those thoughts of yours and tell you if they’re telling the truth or not.

Why do your thoughts betray us? Why would we betray ourselves? Why would we not want the best for ourselves and encourage ourselves? You would think we would, but all too often that negative bullshit committee starts up and tries to tear us down, but here’s the secret…we have the power to stop it.

I didn’t know that my own thoughts were my enemy until I made a commitment to get better. I thought my problems were all outside things and once I changed my habits and my lifestyle those negative thoughts would go away. Well, that didn’t happen, in fact, they got louder because I had taken away all of things I used to self-medicate and numb and quiet those voices. So once those were all gone, those voices got louder. So, how did I counter that noise? By making peace with my past. By learning to love myself. By sharing those thoughts and ideas with others, who then shared theirs with me. By replacing all those bad habits with good ones. And by doing all of those things and building self-esteem. When I started to feel good about myself those voices got quieter, they didn’t have as much to say. And when they did pipe up, I had something to counteract those voices as I started making better choices, healthier choices, for myself. Now, that’s not to say that sometimes they don’t pop in from time to time, they do, but they don’t stay long, and, if they do start to chatter, it’s usually a sign that I need to be doing some work on something, or, need to take better care of myself, because when I’m doing good things and making sure I’m getting what I need, I don’t hear those voices.

Our thoughts can be our own worst enemies. They can destroy things for us even before we’ve started. So knowing that, make sure you are armed and ready when your thinking tries to take over and take away an opportunity, or destroy something really great in your life, don’t listen to them. And, as I always say, look at the facts. What do you know to be true? Start there, and you may just find that those voices don’t have the volume they once did. Take action, do things for yourself that you love, that shows yourself love, that shows those around you love. Those acts keep those voices quiet. Love is the counterattack to those voices and keeps them at bay. Don’t believe everything you think because what you’re thinking is probably a lie. One meant to keep you from who and where you are meant to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have negative chatter in your head? Do you believe that chatter? What does it tell you? Why do you think it’s the truth? What are the facts to back up your belief? What if you stopped listening to them? What if you did the opposite of what they’re telling you? What if you stopped believing them? What if you did so many loving things for yourself that you no longer heard them? You can SLAYER, you can. Stop listening to those voices in your head, nothing good ever came from that anyway, listen to your heart, ask it what it wants, and go get it, that is a sure-fire way to put a muzzle on those negative thoughts.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes what you are most afraid of is the very thing that will set you free.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set Free

Walk Up From The Basement

We forget sometimes that we have the power to walk away from a situation that no longer serves us, or maybe never did. We don’t have to stay down in the basement. In the dark. We can walk up those stairs and live the life we want, have dreamed of, and truly deserve.

We sometimes keep ourselves in the dark, thinking we deserve to be there, or don’t deserve any better, but we are the only ones who our holding ourselves back, we are the ones telling ourselves those lies that prevent us from finding our own happy ending, or maybe beginning, but finding our happy. It’s out there for the taking, but you have to have the courage to take it.

Before walking on this path I lived in the basement of my own life. And I was the only one in the house! No one was keeping me down there except myself. And I had lived there so long that I couldn’t remember living anywhere else. I didn’t like it there, but it was what I knew. I told myself it was safer there, even though I felt alone there. I thought I deserved to live in the darkness, where it was cold and damp. It clung to me when I tried to step into the light, like it was reaching out for me from the shadows, and I would let it pull me back down, retreating from the world and from my true self. I played the victim and would say that I didn’t deserve good things because I was a bad person. I wasn’t a bad person, I just wasn’t being good to myself. And didn’t believe in myself.

When I finally found the courage to reach out for help, I was told that my recovery, the improvement of my life, was in my hands, that I had the power to change, and I was the only one with the key to unlock the door and step out into the light. It had never occurred to me that I had that key. I used to blame everyone else, or just the world in general, for my life in the basement, but it was me who kept me down there all along. And once I had realized that it was my job to come up those stairs and live the life I was meant to live. Letting myself come up from the basement was the first of many big steps. Learning how to live outside of it came next, and it wasn’t always easy, as that basement was always calling me with it’s familiarity and it’s cloak of sadness a part of me still believed felt right. Change can be difficult. But it can be done. And as I kept taking more and more steps into the light, that basement didn’t seem so appealing anymore. And that feeling of familiarity started to fade. I started to crave the light, and living in it, and eventually threw away the key that opened that basement door.

We all have a choice, ever day, where we want to live, not necessarily physically, but mentally and spiritually, but we have to believe we deserve more than we have, if what we have doesn’t fill our hearts and minds with love. We are only as stuck as we allow ourselves to be, and sure, sometimes circumstances may make it difficult to extract ourselves from our current situation, but it can be done, and if need be, there are always people out there willing to lend you a hand for a better opportunity or place you can call home. Share you truth, let go of your fears and start climbing that staircase, there’s a bright future waiting for you up there. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep yourself locked in the basement when you should be living your life upstairs? Why do you think you do that? What do you do to keep yourself there? What can you do to get yourself out? What do you imagine your life would look like out of the basement? Have you lived in the basement so long you’ve forgotten, or don’t know? You hold the key SLAYER to your own freedom, but first you have to believe that you deserve to be set free. You also have to let go of the lies you’ve told yourself, or maybe someone else has told you, to let yourself live freely in the light. It’s all there, what you want, what you imagined, on the other side of that basement door, you locked yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No matter how low you may feel, someone else out there feels lower, and your light, even though it may feel dim, may be as bright as the sun to someone in need. Shine bright.

New bog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Storm (1)

Let Your Heart Shine

We lost a bright star yesterday. As I was in the air, traveling, my Uncle passed away. I’ve spoken about him before, on SLAY TALK LIVE, he had been battling cancer for the past 9 years, and yesterday he found his rest from that battle. What I will carry with me moving forward, and forever in my heart, is how he changed when he was first diagnosed. I imagine a cancer diagnoses must feel like a death sentence, that immediate shock and the reality setting in, although there are many survivors, some of whom I count as friends, but it would be easy to feel defeated, or to retreat from life when you feel like perhaps you don’t have much of it left to live. My Uncle Mel, was not one of those people.

He didn’t have an easy life, and he wasn’t always the man I came to know during his fight, that is the miraculous thing about Uncle Mel, he allowed something that could easily perceived as negative and let it turn him into someone so full of light, so full of love, and he let it fill him with such a desire and drive to make other people’s days brighter, that I believe, it kept him going, for years, as he continued to fight various forms of cancer. I always called him a superhero, and he would laugh, he would say, “I’m just doing what the good Lord shows me to do.” He had a strong faith, and it was that faith that he relied on as his journey was coming to an end. He found a peace with it, and made the most of his time here with us all.

He said this to me a number of times, but the last time we spoke he said that I had permission to tell his story, to share who we was, because it might help someone else. So, today, as I write this with tears in my eyes, I know it’s important to do just that, for me, for anyone who may need it, and for him.

I look at his journey and it reminds me that even in the face of adversity we can still share our light and our heart. We always have something to offer to someone who may be sicker, or feeling even lower than we do, or who just might need a friend. No matter where we are, we always have value, and have the ability to share our best selves. My Uncle never became his best self, I believe, until he started to share it, until he started to give away the light he had to give and was able to light the way for many others as they walked in their own struggle, or darkness. I believe that fire, that light, is what kept him going the past 9 years, and it lit the way for many others.

I talk a lot here at STATE OF SLAY of holding a torch for one another, so when we may find ourselves in the dark, there is always a light to find your way home. I believe that because Uncle Mel held his torch for so many, that yesterday, he saw that light and made his way home.

We have a choice, each day, to live our lives in the darkness, or to shine bright, and it may feel safer in the dark, especially if that is all we’ve known, or we feel we don’t deserve the light, but we are meant to be in the light, not only for ourselves, but so we can share it with others, and when we do not only do we bring light to those around us, but our light gets brighter. I know there will be a bright star shining in the night sky tonight, and that star is my Uncle, his star will continue to shine from above, lighting the way for us here, and as a reminder when we look up, that there is something beautiful up there, watching over us in the darkness of the night. Shine on my SLAYERS!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow yourself to shine or do you dim that shine? If you do dim your shine, why do you do that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? How can you share that light with someone in your life who may need it? Write down a time when you may have felt you had nothing to offer, but were able to make someone’s day brighter. How did that make you feel? Did you feel brighter? You did, didn’t you SLAYER? Always let your light shine, even if it’s just a small flicker of a flame, when you share that flame with someone else, that flame starts a fire, and warms all who are within it’s reach. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never hide who you are, never stay quiet when you want to share, never be anyone than who you are.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Hide 1

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Stand tall in who you are, share your true self, and look for those who appreciate you, just as you are.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Gift (1)

To Be Seen And Heard Is A Wonderful Thing

As I child I always felt invisible. I felt awkward, different, less than, and I always tried to blend in with my surroundings, I didn’t want to stand out. I just wanted to appear as normal, because I didn’t feel normal. I don’t know what I basing that on, what normal was, I just know that I didn’t feel I was. I hoped to just fade into the background when I was at school. I always had friends, but stayed within smaller groups, or one on one friendships over the bigger crowds. I just didn’t want a lot of eyes on me, asking questions.

I traveled through my childhood like that until high school, when I discovered the drama club, a place where I cold go hide, on the stage, and just be someone else. I didn’t mind being seen and heard in that place, because I got to be someone else there, and that seemed safe. I started to take those characters, those people I played out in life, I pretended to be who I thought you wanted to be, again, a way to be invisible in plain sight, because no one ever saw the real me, including myself. It wasn’t until I hit my bottom, until I asked for help, and started the work to make that happen that I was asked to share who I truly was. That terrified me, who the heck was I anyway? I found a group of people who I knew wouldn’t judge me, who, like me, where finding their way out of the dark, and it was in that safe place that I learned who I really was, and I learned, it was OK to share that I didn’t know when I didn’t. But as I started to find out and I started to truly share my authentic self it felt good to be seen and heard.

Many of us walk around feeling invisible, even in a crowded room, I remember what that feels like. In my case it was a choice, because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me, because I didn’t like myself, but for some, you are there, screaming, jumping up and down, trying to get our attention, and for some reason you are not seen. Maybe you’re picking the wrong people to wave your arms at, maybe you’re not speaking as loud as you think, maybe people are just missing you, right in front of them. Really, at the end of the day, we all just want to be seen and heard, for who we are, truly, and have that be acknowledged, and ideally, appreciated, but just the acknowledgment can sometimes be enough. It’s hard to find our voice sometimes, it may have been shamed into silence by someone, or ourselves, and we can’t seem to get it back. Or maybe we never had it, and now struggle to find the words to express who we are and what we need. Well, I am here to say that I see you and I hear you because I was you. And I know that that little voice you may have today can turn into a loud one, just as mine did. It takes you just sharing it. Sharing it as much as you can with those who will listen, appreciate and encourage you to continue to get louder, braver more authentically you.

We all want to feel like we matter, and we all do. But let us know you’re there. Speak up, tell us who you are, live out loud, because you have something special to offer us, you, who you are is special and we should know that. That also goes for you out there who are struggling right now, suffering or grieving, we also want to acknowledge you, we want to hear from you and we want to listen to you. The greatest gift we can give anyone is the acknowledgment of who they are and how they feel. We all deserve to be seen and heard, something to remember when we step out today and walk among each other this busy world, acknowledge those around you, and let yourself be acknowledged as well. It’s a wonderful thing. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to see you or do you try to stay hidden in the shadows? Why do you do that? What scares you about letting people in? Are these fears based on facts in your current life, or from your past? Are these things you can overcome today? How can you do that? Have you overcome them in the past? How did you do that? How do you feel when someone acknowledges you? Do try to acknowledge others? How does that make you feel when you see how that acknowledgment is appreciated by others? It feels good right? So why not give yourself the same gift, and allow others to see and hear you, just as you are? Do it SLAYER, we want to see and hear just how special you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do what gives you joy, for no other reason than just that.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Joy

Sing For Joy, No Other Reason

We should always do what makes our spirit bright, and for no other reason but that. We can get caught up in doing things for the recognition, for our ego, for bragging rights, to prove our worth, but none of those things will fill us up like just doing it for the joy of it. We place importance on certain events or opportunities, put pressure on ourselves to perform at a certain level or we feel we’ve failed, we don’t fully appreciate the moment and how it makes us feel because we’re focused on the result, or what we hope it will be instead of just letting ourselves go and enjoying what we’re doing and how it makes us feel when we do. The real questions are, what motivates us to do what we love, what are we looking for from doing them, and why are we drawn to them in the first place?

Before stepping on this path I always had ulterior motives for doing what I did, even the things I loved. It was very rare that I would really just let myself go and let myself enjoy those things, without wanting something, even to just feel something specifically, instead of just allowing myself to feel what came naturally. I tried to make myself feel specific things by doing specific activities, to try to force those feelings, because I wanted to feel them, but wouldn’t allow myself to organically feel them by just being true to myself. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t know how to be true to myself because I had stuffed down my true self so deep I didn’t even know where to find her anymore, or who she really was. So everything I did was manufactured, to look and feel the way I wanted to, nothing was just for joy. Nothing was ever done and left to chance. I tried to always manipulate the outcome. It was a lot of work, and I was never truly satisfied because nothing was ever real, and the more I did it, the more I lost touch with reality and what really did bring joy to my life. I told myself certain things did because it looked or sounded good, or because I thought I should, or may have remembered it did once, but I lost touch with the joy in my life, and what used to bring it to my life.

Today I need to do the things in my life that bring me joy, I need to feed that part of me that shines when I do, that part that nourishes me, that makes my heart smile, I need those things today, it gives me fuel to keep going, and to share my joy with others. That’s the thing about joy, it’s contagious, and when we feel it, it pours out of us and gives others permission to seek out their own joy, or maybe tap into to ours a little bit until they find their own. And if I want to sing, I will sing, because I feel like I want to, even though I can’t sing, it doesn’t matter, as long as it brings me joy, that is the only result I seek today. Now, having said that, I will come up against old thinking sometimes that wants to put pressure on me to do things for the wrong reasons, but typically I can stop myself and remind myself to have fun, to do it for fun, and to let it go. The more we stay out of the results, the happier we’ll be.

Let yourself go SLAYER, do what you love just for the joy of it, even if you’re not great at it, as long as you are enjoying that’s all the matters, that is a win, just do it. Take the pressure off yourself for things to look or feel a certain way and just be. Just be, and trust that is enough, because when you are in that place of authenticity you will always be guided to what will bring you the most joy. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What in your life brings you the most joy? When you do that thing that brings you joy do you allow yourself to just do it without any expectations or concern about the results? If not, what are you expectations or hope for the results? What if you let those go? What then? Do you remember a time when you didn’t have those expectations or hope for those results? How did that feel? What can you do today to let go of your expectations and just let yourself be in the moment? Write down 5 things that bring you joy. Now, set out to do them for the only reason that you should have, because you want to, and because it lets your heart shine. Keep letting it shine, and keep finding your joy.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you