Good morning SLAYER! Needing approval is like saying that someone else’s opinion of you is more important than your own opinion of yourself.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Author: Carrie Genzel
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Finding oneself while seeking the approval of others is the murder of self.
SLAY on!
You Can Get Anything Done If You Don’t Need Credit For It
We live in a world obsessed with recognition—likes, shares, shout-outs. But what if your greatest impact comes from what no one sees? What if your legacy isn’t built on applause, but on quiet action? What if you stopped needing credit and just… did the thing?
That was a tough pill for me to swallow. I used to chase validation like it was the prize. If I didn’t get credit, did it even count? I justified everything I did—calling it generous, kind, helpful—but really, I wanted to be seen. I wanted acknowledgment. I wanted control. But all of that masked a deeper truth: I needed to feel enough.
When I began my recovery journey, I was given a powerful suggestion: do something kind for someone—and don’t tell anyone about it. At first, that felt… impossible. If no one knew, how could I feel worthy? But I tried it anyway. And you know what? It worked. Doing good for the sake of doing good shifted something in me.
You Don’t Need Credit to Be Powerful
Let’s be real—most of us were raised in a world where “good behavior” came with gold stars. We learned that praise = worth. But here’s the truth:
When you stop seeking applause, you start discovering real power.
Doing the right thing just because it’s right builds integrity, resilience, and self-trust. It silences the inner critic. It quiets the noise. And it rewires our motivation—not for performance, but for purpose.
If your only fuel is someone else’s approval, you’ll run out of gas fast. But when you’re moved by values, by love, by truth—you become unstoppable.
Get Focused On the Mission—Not the Applause
Too often we place the success of something on whether or not it’s recognized. We post, we share, we wait for the reaction—and when it doesn’t come? We question ourselves. We downplay the win. We wonder if it was worth it.
But here’s the thing: You get to be proud even if no one claps.
The moment you detach from needing praise, you become free. Free to create. Free to give. Free to lead. When your validation comes from within, the outside world can’t shake you.
That’s how you build self-esteem—by doing esteemable acts, especially when no one is watching. Your self-worth isn’t in their hands. It never was.
Do It for You—And Let That Be Enough
Start by asking yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it to feel connected? To make a difference? To step into your purpose? Let that be your anchor.
And when you do something kind, bold, or brave? Sit with it. Let the moment speak for itself. No need to announce it. No need to chase praise. You already did the thing.
That’s the win. That’s the reward. That’s the work.
You are enough—without the tag, the trophy, or the credit. Just you, showing up in quiet, powerful ways. That’s the kind of SLAY that shifts the world.
SLAY Reflection
- Do you struggle with needing validation after you’ve achieved something?
- How does seeking credit impact your relationships—with others or yourself?
- Have you ever done something anonymously or without recognition? How did it feel?
- What motivates you more—acknowledgment or impact?
- What would change if you started measuring success by how you feel rather than how you’re seen?
S-L-A-Y:
- Serve from a place of purpose, not praise.
- Let go of the need for credit.
- Act with integrity—especially when no one’s watching.
- You define your own worth.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever done something powerful without needing credit? How did that change you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for approval, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Heal the past, live in the present, dream of the future.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Guilt Is Trying To Control The Past, Fear Is Trying To Control The Future
All we have control over is the right here and now. And even then, really, we only have control over how we respond to it. Sure, we can take action to work toward a goal, or choose actions that align with our best selves, but control, in the way we often seek it, is an illusion.
When we try to control the uncontrollable, we send ourselves spinning off into a task we cannot complete. Many times, our need or want for control manifests itself in guilt and fear. We feel guilt over what we have done in the past, over words unspoken or actions not taken. We feel fear about what has yet to happen, worrying we won’t do what we should or won’t get what we want. Neither of these places is a healthy place to live.
Instead of pouring energy into trying to control what has already happened or what has yet to come, we should focus on what we can do in this given moment.
The Trap of Guilt and Fear
When I was living in the dark, I spent a lot of time in the past and the future. The present felt lonely and terrifying. Even though I found no real comfort in reliving the past or projecting into the future, it still seemed better than facing where I was.
I spent thousands of hours berating myself over past moments, decisions, and imagined better responses. I sat paralyzed with fear over what might come next. This cycle of guilt and fear kept me sick for years, until finally the present moment became too unbearable to ignore.
Learning to Stay in the Now
It took a lot of courage to sit in the present, to truly listen, to sit still, and to focus only on what was in front of me. It was deeply uncomfortable at first. My anxiety would spike. But I was told to breathe through it, to find some comfort there. It took a lot of breathing, but the breath was the key to walking through my anxious thoughts and learning to stay rooted in the here and now.
Like any new behavior, the more it is practiced, the easier it gets—leaving room for days when it still feels almost impossible. But with willingness, it’s a practice that can be strengthened.
Reflection and Awareness
Today, my mind still wanders back to the past or into the future, but I know I can’t control either. When it happens, I take note of why. Is there unfinished business? Is my mind leaping forward because I’m avoiding something in the present?
I’ve learned that I can’t control life—past, present, or future—but I can control how I respond to it. I can control the actions I take to prepare for what’s to come and the steps I take to stay true to my path today.
The Freedom of Presence
It’s easy to escape the present by dwelling on the past or fretting over the future. But doing so robs us of the moments right in front of us—the ones that deserve our respect and love.
We all have an abundance of choices each day. All we can do is the best we can in each moment. Yes, we may look back and wish we’d done things differently, but instead of guilt, we can use those lessons to guide us. When we implement those lessons in our present day, we free ourselves from unnecessary fear about the future.
All we truly have is right here, right now. The next move is yours to make—choose the one that keeps you grounded.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY:
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Do you tend to live in the past or future?
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What is the result of that?
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How does it help you? How does it harm you?
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What keeps you from living in the present moment?
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How can you change that?
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What do you try to control in your life? Are you able to?
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How does it affect you when you can’t?
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Do you suffer from guilt or fear? How so?
SLAYER, the action we can take is in this moment—everything else is out of our hands. Use this moment to do something your future self will thank you for.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you find yourself stuck in guilt or fear? How do you bring yourself back to the present moment?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s wrestling with guilt or fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The quieter you become the more you can hear.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
You Can’t Receive The Message If You Don’t Show Up To Listen
I write a lot about looking and listening for signs, they are all around us, but if we are close-minded, think we know everything, or are determined to walk a certain path regardless of what you we be shown, we can easily miss these signs and messages all around us by not showing up for life, or deciding ourselves how it’s supposed to go.
I can relate, before I made a conscious decision to walk this path I thought I knew better, or, even if it was obvious that something should go a certain way, I tried to manipulate or force it to go the way I wanted it to. My ears and mind were closed, even when the signs were right in front of my face, screaming at me, I chose to ignore them and force my way ahead. All I really did was prolong my suffering, and, probably missed many opportunities for good things I would have wanted for myself, if, I had had the humility and an open mind to recognize them. I had to hit a very hard emotional and spiritual bottom before I was willing to listen to those signs, and I am grateful that it wasn’t too late.
We are given messages and signs every day, through music, people, nature and that thing we call our “gut instinct”, there are many ways that we are being guided, and, many ways we can ignore or choose not to listen to what we’re being shown. We do have freedom of choice, and there are many choices every day, but when we are open to listening and looking for that bit of guidance to help us on our journey we are often amazed at how often those signs appear.
For me, when I look back, even when I wasn’t open to them they were there, trying to nudge me in the right direction as I was careening off course. While I was living in ego, and listening to the negative voices in my head, I was almost defiant to them when I did notice them, I was resentful and pushed through them to forge my own path, even though that path was not one that was giving me what I wanted. I continued doing that until there were only two choices, get help, or give up, thankfully I remembered a message that had come to me months before and reached out for help.
Now I look for the signs, I think of them almost like my sidekick, that I am where I am supposed to be, or, when I am questioning starting something new, or looking to make a change, I reach out and ask for those signs, patiently waiting for them to appear when I am meant to see them. They have always appeared when I’ve asked, not always in that exact moment, but shortly after, and because it usually takes me a few times to really get it, I’ll usually get a few of them pointing me towards the same action or conclusion. Today they make me smile, and they comfort me, knowing that they are there walking this journey with me and working with me to get me to where I am supposed to go. I don’t know everything, there’s no way I can, so I look to them to help me on my path. The key is to be willing to listen, and with willingness change can come.
We often ask for signs but are we really open to seeing and hearing them? They only work for us when we are able to get out of our own way and hear them for what they are, if you’re unsure, ask again, in my experience they will keep coming until you are sure, and I know they will show up for you too if you show up and listen for them. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for signs in your day to day life? Do you see and hear them? Do you listen to them? If they are not what you want to hear do you keep doing what you’re doing and ignore them? What is the result? What has been the result when you have followed them? Do you think you are willing and open to their suggestions? If not, why not? What would you ask to see signs for today? Ask SLAYER, ask and listen, this blog may be the first sign to get you to look outward for answers you’ve trying to solve within yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Without your struggle you may not have stumbled on your strength.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Life has a way of evening things out, focus your energy on your own success.
SLAY on!
Don’t Ever Pray For Justice, You Might Just Get It
We’ve all been wronged, hurt, or misled, and it’s easy to sit in our hate or anger wanting revenge, or justice, but when we sit on that space and want negative things to happen to others, we invite the darkness in. We allow that darkness to take over and dominate our thoughts and soon it makes it’s way to our actions, or, by sitting in our hate we have brought on punishment to ourselves. It’s easy to judge someone else for what they’ve done, but we may be guilty of our own crimes, and forgetting our own actions we are just as guilty and shouldn’t be so quick to only look at the actions of others. We always have a choice of how to respond to what happens to us and when we invite revenge to come in we may just get a dose back we’re not expecting.
When I made a choice to walk this path I was eager to point the finger at all the people who I thought had wronged me, who I blamed for all of my bad behavior and bad decisions, but it was pointed out to me that in most cases, the exception was when I was child, I had a choice in who I allowed into my life, who I engaged with, who I chose to trust, and how I interacted with each of those people. It was easier to play the victim and blame everyone else for my problems and to sit and plot my revenge or wish bad things on those people who I thought had hurt me. The truth was, I hurt myself, time and time again, by the choices I was making, and by sitting in that misdirected hurt I became angrier and more depressed, praying for justice didn’t make me feel any better, it fueled my hate and if I was really being honest with myself, it concerned me that the same fate I wished upon others could be coming for me. Living in the light I have been encouraged to wish what I would want for myself for others, even when they have wronged me. Now, that can be a tough one, but I have done it, many times, and it does work to keep me out of negative thinking and keep me in the light. When you’ve been hurt instead of praying for justice, pray they receive everything you would want every day for 2 weeks, trust me, you will feel better, and that anger will pass. And by doing this you let the light in, you focus on the positive and from that place real change can happen, good change. It’s like the blinders come off and we can see clearly, the whole picture, and not just what we want to see because it suits the narrative we want to tell. We, as adults, always have a part, and perhaps what has happened is there to show us changes we need to make, or to teach us something, perhaps, just maybe, we should be thanking that person for that lesson rather than condemning them.
We should never be wishing or praying for something we would not want for ourselves, when we do we are working from a place of victim-hood and not taking responsibility for our part or the power we have. Even if we are a victim of a random crime or accident, we still have a choice how we respond to what happened, and when we choose revenge we are also choosing to live in the darkness which only invites more darkness in our lives. It’s important to practice contrary action and send out good energy, even to those who may have harmed us, and it’s important to send it back to ourselves as well, as we likely contributed to our own harm. Send out positive energy and positive is what you’ll get back and what you’ll see moving forward. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you pray for revenge when you’ve been wronged, hurt or harmed? How do you feel when you do that? Does it make the situation any better? Do you find that your thoughts stay in the negative and affect your daily life? How do they do that? Does that feel good? Are you able to see your part in those situations? Do you think you could wish good things for someone who may have wronged, hurt or harmed you? Do you think you could try? Trust me SLAYER, when we are able to send out love, even to those who have not shown us love, we win, and we allow ourselves to live in the light and look for the positive in our lives. Light attracts light, and when we choose to live in it we find more, and, we find more people who also live there instead of focusing on those who do not.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
