set yourself free

If You Don’t Accept It, What Else Are You Going To Do?

When I first stepped on this path I was told that acceptance was the key to all my problems. Well, that’s going to be a problem I thought. How was I going to find acceptance to everything I labeled a problem in my life? I was one stubborn gal back then, I would fight even when I knew I was wrong, so finding acceptance seemed like a tall order, there had to be some other solution where I didn’t have to accept the things I didn’t want to. Well, there wasn’t. It turns out those who had walked before knew what they were talking about. Now, don’t get my wrong, acceptance isn’t about turning over and letting everyone walk over you, but it’s about letting go of the things you can’t change, or have no control over. I know, that still seems like a lot to ask, but it can be done, you’ll have to trust that coming from this reformed stubborn gal.

The reality is, acceptance is the easier of the two options, I know you’re thinking hell no it’s not, but really it is, because when you really break it down, if you don’t accept the things you cannot change you end up spending a lot of useless energy holding resentments or anger towards something that isn’t going to budge just because you won’t accept it. When I think back I wasted so much energy not accepting things. I let it sidetrack me. Distract me. Keep me from being productive and keep me from moving forward. And that was my big revelation when I was finally able to find acceptance, I realized that my inability to accept kept me living in the past, and I was the one holding myself there.

Breaking things down into what I can change and what I cannot keeps things simple for me, especially when I find I am pushing back with some resistance. Also, accepting whatever had happened in the past, that was a big category to start with, but none of us can change the past, so I had to accept it, or find a way, because the alternative was literally killing me. It also helped me to think of those things, in the past, as learning experiences, situations that I could now use to teach me moving forward, and that allowed me to look at those things as positive experiences, even though they may have hurt or been frustrating, or downright infuriating, I could make the choice to look at them as lessons for the future, and when I was able to do that I was able to find acceptance around them.

Really, in a lot of cases, we don’t have much of a choice except to accept. Well, we do have a choice, but the other choice is one were by not accepting things we continually hurt ourselves over something that has already happened. We hold the key to setting ourselves free, that key is acceptance and the trick to unlock the door is humility. When we can set our ego aside or our need to be right, we can find the road to acceptance, and that road is one with fast lane to our own peace of mind and happiness. Vroom vroom SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a hard to finding acceptance around things you cannot change? Why is that? What holds you back? What have you not been able to find acceptance around in your life? How has that held you back? How has it gotten in the way of relationships in your life? How can you find a way to accept that situation? How can you work on finding acceptance in your life moving forward? What are the hardest things for you to accept? What are the easiest? What makes the hard ones so hard? Work to find acceptance in your life and cut the cord with your past and those things you cannot change, your life will thank you for it!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let to of what you cannot change.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay pain holding on

Self-Forgiveness

That title made a few of you bristle I know. I remember when I was asked to make a list of people who I felt had harmed me, I feverishly started writing down my naughty list, finding satisfaction in naming all the people I felt had wronged me and made my life difficult. It was pointed out to me that my own name should have been on the top of that list. That made me pause. And, at first, a little angry, because I thought, no, this is my chance to point fingers and name all of the people who hurt me, but it was right to suggest I put myself on top of that list, because I had hurt myself the most.

When I looked back to all of those situations and people I had put on that list, the common denominator in of them is that I was also there, I had participated, allowed myself to be in those relationships, or situations that harmed me. Now as much as that was a hard pill to swallow, once I was able to take responsibility for my part, and in most instances I did have one, I was able to take my power back by choosing to make better choices today.

We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing things we never learned, well, I guess we can, I used to, but we shouldn’t. Punishing ourselves for our past mistakes is pointless, we can’t change the past, nor we are the same people who may have made those mistakes, in fact, if we’re on a path of self-love and self-discovery we are very likely not those people that we once were, so why are we beating ourselves up for being someone we aren’t anymore? Life is a journey, and we may travel the same road, but we each travel at our own pace depending on what we are able to handle, depending on what our personal experiences are, and depending on what life throws at us, we are doing the best we can with what we have. Recognizing that we did the best we can in our past, or that maybe we just weren’t able to do our best at that time, is the beginning of self-forgiveness.

I found that finding forgiveness for myself happened in different stages. But as I began to forgive others and they found forgiveness in me it became easier to find some of my own. As I grew on my journey and was able to put more and more tools in my toolbox, I realized how few tools I had had up until that point, that also helped me with finding forgiveness, I couldn’t fault myself for not using what I didn’t have. And, truthfully, beating myself up over and over for my past only holds me back there, it doesn’t let me cut the strings and move forward, so for those of you struggling cut those strings and allow yourself to move forward and prove to yourself that today you are capable of making better choices, choices that are loving towards yourself, choices that honor who you are and the life you’ve built, or are building, and choices that, even if they prove to not be the right choices, are choices you can own and learn from so that you can make a better choice next time, without carrying a resentment for yourself and how you handled the situation. Set yourself free, look back only to learn as you continue on your road to who you are destined to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold a grudge against yourself for decisions you’ve made in your past? Why are you not able to move past those decisions and choices? Did you have all the knowledge, information and tools you do today back then? So why do you expect yourself to have known better? Did you know better but made a decision that wasn’t in your best interest anyway? Why did you do that? Where looking to harm yourself? Why were you looking to do that? Are you still looking for ways to harm yourself today? If yes, why? If not, and you did make decisions to harm yourself in the past and have stopped doing that today, then that is already a victory, you’ve already let go of the way you used to live, so why not let go of any guilt or resentments you may have been harboring and focus on loving yourself as you move forward from here.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes what you are most afraid of is the very thing that will set you free.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set Free

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t give someone else power over your thoughts and actions, let go of resentments, not to let them off the hook, but to set yourself free!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Grudge

Setting Them Free Frees You

There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.

But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:

Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.

And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.

Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.

About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.

And maybe you have felt that too.

When Anger Becomes an Attachment

Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.

You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.

I have done all of that.

And honestly, it was exhausting.

There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.

But over time I saw how accurate it was.

My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.

That realization was sobering.

Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.

Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook

This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.

Forgiveness does not mean:

  • What happened was acceptable

  • You have to reconnect with the person

  • You forget the experience

  • You stop having feelings about it

Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

That is it.

You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.

And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.

My Turning Point

For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.

I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.

And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.

So I started asking myself a different question:

Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?

The answer was always no.

Every single time.

That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.

What Letting Go Actually Looks Like

Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.

Sometimes it looks like:

Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences

And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:

“I release this. I deserve peace.”

You do not even have to tell the other person.

Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.

Steps That Helped Me Move Forward

There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.

Acceptance

I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.

Just reality.

Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.

And that alone can bring enormous relief.

Finding Growth

Even painful situations carry information.

Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.

Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.

And transformation is powerful.

Perspective

Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.

People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.

Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.

Checking What Serves You

This was the biggest one for me.

Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?

Usually, it does not.

Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.

Creating Closure Yourself

Sometimes, closure never comes externally.

No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.

Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.

Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.

Whatever works for you.

Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.

Freedom Is the Real Goal

When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:

I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.

Forgiveness cleared space.

And that space allowed joy back in.

Not immediately.
But steadily.

Protecting Peace Going Forward

Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.

In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.

You can forgive and still:

Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being

Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.

A Note From My Heart to Yours

If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.

Truly.

There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.

But I promise you this:

Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.

You deserve that.

Not someday.
Now.

SLAY Reflection

Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?

Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?

Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?

Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fears are not facts, they lie to us and hold us back from reaching our potential. You hold the key to setting yourself free by walking through your fears to freedom.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fears

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! We alone build the walls and fences shutting us off from the world around us, and we alone can take those down. Let go of the fear of letting the outside world in, be true to yourself, stand tall, and set yourself free.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set You Free