Self Love

Rocking Resiliency

How many times have we heard the quote “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s how you get up” by Vince Lombardi? I got knocked down a lot, and I got up a lot, and then I stopped. I just stopped getting up. I let every knock knock me to the ground and I just stayed there. I believed I belonged there, I didn’t want to be there, it didn’t feel good there, but my head told me I was exactly where I was supposed to be. So I stayed. Alone. In the darkness. It wasn’t until my life was literally on the line that that little tiny spec of light and fight in me reached out for help, and that was enough to pull myself up off the floor. It sometimes takes all of our strength to get up, but we do have the power to not give up and continue to go after our dreams and overcome our challenges. And the beauty is, we don’t have to do it alone, I didn’t, I had a lot of hands help me along the way, and still do, and in many ways you all lend me yours every day, even if you don’t realize it, to give me that extra strength when I need it, because sometimes I do need it. Resiliency is the ability to get back up even when things did not go as planned, it’s not dwelling on our perceived failures, it’s about acknowledging our situation, learning from it, and moving on. So, how do we do this?

1) Perspective – resilient people look at obstacles in their way as challenges, they don’t take them personally or let them stop them from moving forward and continuing to work toward their goal. They look at the obstacles as lessons and an opportunity to grow or look at a situation in a new way, or different angle. When we think of our obstacles in these terms it allows us to navigate around, or use this new information to build on what we already know to get the result we’re looking for. Turn these seemingly negative things into something that will make us better, brighter, and faster.

2) Promise – resilient people make a promise to themselves and commit themselves to their goals and to the betterment of their overall being. This pledge gives them a reason to get out of bed every day, to continue to push forward, to grow, to learn, and to live as their true selves. It extends to every area of their life, from work, to friends, to relationships, to their community, they are committed to engaging in these areas and contributing in ways that show their commitment and love for themselves and those around them.

3) Personal Direction – resilient people focus their energy on what is in their control, not wasting their energy on uncontrollable events, which leads to feelings of loss, hopelessness, and powerlessness. They stay on track by sending their energy towards those things they can change, improve on, or learn from in their own lives, and within their community, not getting lost in the chatter of outside things that can take them off course. They stay committed to their own path, and keeping their goals in mind.

These three areas keep things pretty simple. And, life can be simple if we choose to it be, focusing on the things that matter to us and not getting sucked into the vortex of other people’s issues and problems that we have no business getting involved with. It is always nice to lend a hand, or some advice, when asked, or if you think we can be of service, but not so much that it takes us off track and keeps us from living our life and moving us forward. If we are questioning our own resiliency, and perhaps our reasons for it, it is best to stay focused on our own personal direction before jumping into someone else’s.

Resiliency also goes back to self-care, something I’ve talked about quite a bit. But it’s one of those blocks of our foundation that is necessary to be resilient. Are we eating enough, or the right foods, are we getting enough sleep, are we exercising, are we doing things to give back to ourselves, things we love, things that add light to our lives, are we finding time to reflect and listen to ourselves? All of these things contribute to our resiliency. Without self care our resiliency tank will be running on empty. We have the power to come back from insurmountable places, if we can find the fire within to give us the energy to move on, the fire burns in each and everyone one of us, can you find yours? If not, how can you fan the flames so you can burn bright?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself resilient? If not why? If so why? List some examples. What can you do to make sure you have what you need to be more resilient? How has your self-care been? Where can you do better? Where have you done better? What stops you from trying new things, or from moving forward? How can you overcome this? We are capable of anything, it’s all in how we choose to see it, make sure we’re setting ourselves up to rock our resiliency and give ourselves the tools we need to pick ourselves up and get what we want from life. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Don’t Have To Repeat The Past

Looking back before I stepped on to this path my life was a series of repetitious bad decisions. I kept doing the same things and expecting different results, the true definition of insanity. How were things going to change if I wasn’t? Well, they weren’t. I was proud of my stubbornness, and my ego was holding me back by telling me I knew better, it was all of you that were wrong. But in truth, I was stuck in a cycle that was never going to get me to where I wanted to go, I was so stuck I couldn’t even see where I could go, my blindfold of bad decisions kept me from seeing that I had other options, it was my choice to continue to make the same bad decisions over and over, even though I had the power to change that.

For me, it took things getting really bad before I was even open to the idea that it was possible for change. My best decisions brought me to a place where it literally was a matter of life and death that I make positive changes in my life, and, break the cycle. As we grow up we learn certain things, we pick up things we see, hear, and experience and start to build up who are we, what we stand for, and how we’re going to operate, and unless someone, or something, teaches us something different, we tend to stay stuck in those ways, sometimes for a lifetime. I was forced to find different ways to live, healthier, more positive ways, and even though it was tough to undo a lifetime of behaviors that no longer served me, in fact, probably never had, when I finally did, it was like that blindfold got lifted off my eyes and I saw a brand new world. Life is not something that happens to us, we have the choice in how we react to it, and how we choose to engage with it. We can hit the reset button at any time and choose not to repeat the past.

Let’s start here, make a list of the areas in your life that you are not happy with, not happy with any of it, write it all down in a column. Now, write next to each item how you can do things differently, even if it’s something you don’t want to do or it makes you squirm, just write it down. Now think about those things you’re not happy with, and visualize yourself taking the opposite action, visualize the result being different than it has been in the past. How does that make you feel when you think about it? How do you make that feeling a reality?

1) Take Action – it’s always about taking action. Make a conscious effort to make better choices for yourself and stick to it. Make yourself accountable for those actions. Call yourself out. When we are accountable and vocal about what we are working towards you are more likely to follow through.

2) Conquer Fear – let go of the fear of doing something different, or upsetting someone for not doing what’s expected. The only fear you should have is staying in the same place, staying stuck, but walking through fear to get to a better place is worth it, just do it and see what happens.

3) Know You Are Worth It – you are worth fighting for, your wants and needs are valid, so take the action you need to get it. Find your own self value and know that each step you take to make your life better is worth it, because you are. Believe you deserve the things you want.

4) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes – we all make mistakes, especially when trying something new, so don’t quite or beat yourself when you make a mistake, or if it doesn’t go the way you had wanted it to. Keep going, keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes, let them make you stronger, smarter, better, just keep going.

5) Recognize Your Victories – allow yourself to celebrate your wins. When we make changes for the better let yourself celebrate that, feel good about that, shine. We’re undoing years, or a lifetime, of old behavior, every victory, no matter how small, is a victory and a step in the right direction.

6) Write Down Your Progress – keep a journal so you can track your progress. Write down your wins and losses and the circumstances around them so you can see your own growth, or the areas where you keep stumbling, recognizing your patterns is going to give you the map that you need to navigate around them and to chart new courses of action.

7) Persistence – keep going, keep doing it, don’t celebrate so much that you fall back into old behaviors or think you can stand down and coast, it takes a lot of work to break a pattern, and a lot of repetitious behavior of doing the opposite of what you had been doing to make it stick, keep practising and keep moving forward. Be patient with yourself.

This is a lifetime practice of making changes for the good, as we grow and learn we will find new things to focus on, patterns to break, we start to fine-tune and hone our behaviors and lives so they work in conjunction with our hopes, dreams, and goals, not against them. I can assure you it is possible, I am proof, it just takes a desire to do so, and some work. Roll up your sleeves SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see negative or unhealthy patterns in our life? What course of action can you take to change them? Why haven’t you in the past? Are these patterns serving you? My guess is not if you are listing them as unhealthy or negative. How can you make the changes you need to make to break your patterns and live a healthier more positive life? Write them down. Start to make a conscious decision SLAYER to take action in these areas, to do the right thing for you, and to make the changes you need to start a new cycle, a cycle that allows you live a life you want, and one your are proud of. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS!  Conflict will happen, it’s how we choose to respond to it that matters.  Practicing healthy conflict allows us to get into a solution, and offers us an opportunity to learn about those around us, and ourselves.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Conflict

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  It’s great to have goals, and look into what you need to do to achieve them, but it’s the action that takes you to the finish line.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Knowledge

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Take charge, be at the center of your power and energize yourself with what you need to fuel your passion, but also give yourself permission to learn and to grow, you don’t have to have it all figured out, leave some room for the unexpected.

SLAY on!

 

State Of Slay Masterpiece

You Are Only As Far Outside The Center Of Power As You Allow

This goes back to a lot of the topics I’ve written about in the past, we have the power to change, to be who we want to be, to do what we want to do, we are at the center of that power. Too often though, we forget that, acting powerless. We are not. There are things we do not have power over, but for the most part, we hold the key to our own happiness, success, and future.

In past I had played the victim, I acted as if life was something that was happening to me, and because I believed I was a bad person, I believed that I only deserved the bad in my life, so when it came, I figured I deserved it. What I had to learn is that I did deserve the good, and not only did I have to learn it, I had to believe it! That took time, and a lot of work and self-reflection, but it came. Once I took responsibility for my actions and my life I took my power back. Even taking back the bad, once I was able to see my part in all my actions, and that I had a choice, it gave me the power to move forward and take better actions, actions that were positive, actions that kept me moving forward in a direction I wanted to go, healing actions, actions I could take myself. So many times we get in that victim mode and when we do we are powerless, thinking as ourselves as victims gives us no power and gives that power to everyone else. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give any person, place, or thing power over my life, not anymore. I only allow myself to have that power. So, if you don’t think you have the power within to make the changes you want to make, how do you find it?

1) Believe. It starts with a belief you can, or that you deserve it. That’s the spark to change. Believe you have what it takes to make it happen, or at least, have what it takes to start. Sometimes it’s just about starting and trusting the rest will fall into place as you go. Just start.

2) Visualize It. See it in your mind. What does it took like? What does it feel like? When we visualize it and put positive energy around it we send a message out to the universe that we deserve it, we want it, and we’re willing to work for it. See yourself going through the steps to get what you want, and visualize yourself achieving it.

3) Get To Work. Roll up your sleeves and get to work! No matter how much work it is, if it’s to better yourself or to better your life, do it! You are worth it. Visualization is great, but there’s always work to be done, and doing the work is a huge stepping stone to gaining more self-esteem, of feeling good about yourself because you are giving back to you. Never back down from the work, even if it feels daunting, or overwhelming, take it one step at a time, you’ll build momentum and it will become easier, and even if it gets hard again, you’ll know it will be worth it in the end.

4) Trust The Universe Has Your Back. If you’re coming from a place of self-doubt this may take time, but as we achieve small victories along the way, we start to believe that the universe has our back, or at the very least, is rooting for us. I have a dear friend who always said to me when I was struggling with this, “act as if life is rigged in your favor,” that seemed unlikely based on my history, but he didn’t say believe that it was, he said, “act” like it was, it was a start for me, so if you’re just starting to walk a brighter path and have come from the dark, act “as if” until you start to believe. I used to carry dice around and when I had doubt I’d look at those dice, and remind myself that I had the special dice, the dice that were rigged in my favor.

We are in control of what we do, how we act, react, what we pursue, and how we’ll succeed. We have the power to make those ideas, dreams, and hopes come true. Use that power for good, use it to get and go after what makes your heart shine, don’t ever give that power away, that, is at the center of who you are, of what makes you you, and is the key to where you want to go.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel powerless? Why? What makes you feel powerless? Write down a list of things that you feel powerless against. Looking at that list, what action can you take to have more power? What can you do to make those things better? To take back your power? Are you stopping yourself from going after what you want? What stops you? Do you think you deserve those things? If not, why not? What if you believed you did? Write down why you should have those things. Now write down the steps you can take to get them. They’re yours for the taking SLAYER, you have the power to make them happen. Now get to work and show us how powerful you are. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t give someone else power over your thoughts and actions, let go of resentments, not to let them off the hook, but to set yourself free!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Grudge

Setting Them Free Frees You

There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.

But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:

Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.

And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.

Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.

About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.

And maybe you have felt that too.

When Anger Becomes an Attachment

Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.

You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.

I have done all of that.

And honestly, it was exhausting.

There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.

But over time I saw how accurate it was.

My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.

That realization was sobering.

Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.

Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook

This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.

Forgiveness does not mean:

  • What happened was acceptable

  • You have to reconnect with the person

  • You forget the experience

  • You stop having feelings about it

Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

That is it.

You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.

And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.

My Turning Point

For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.

I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.

And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.

So I started asking myself a different question:

Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?

The answer was always no.

Every single time.

That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.

What Letting Go Actually Looks Like

Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.

Sometimes it looks like:

Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences

And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:

“I release this. I deserve peace.”

You do not even have to tell the other person.

Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.

Steps That Helped Me Move Forward

There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.

Acceptance

I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.

Just reality.

Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.

And that alone can bring enormous relief.

Finding Growth

Even painful situations carry information.

Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.

Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.

And transformation is powerful.

Perspective

Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.

People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.

Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.

Checking What Serves You

This was the biggest one for me.

Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?

Usually, it does not.

Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.

Creating Closure Yourself

Sometimes, closure never comes externally.

No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.

Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.

Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.

Whatever works for you.

Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.

Freedom Is the Real Goal

When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:

I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.

Forgiveness cleared space.

And that space allowed joy back in.

Not immediately.
But steadily.

Protecting Peace Going Forward

Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.

In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.

You can forgive and still:

Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being

Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.

A Note From My Heart to Yours

If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.

Truly.

There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.

But I promise you this:

Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.

You deserve that.

Not someday.
Now.

SLAY Reflection

Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?

Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?

Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?

Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our only competition is ourselves, and our only job is to be better than we were the last time, or, the best we can be in that moment. Let go of expectations that get in your way of enjoying yourself and your life, and allow yourself to let the people in who love and care about you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ego

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We see life through our own perspective, and sometimes the delusional goggles we have on can cause more harm than good.  Challenge yourself to see the truth in your life, only then can you work towards having the life you dream of.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Delusion