self-awareness

H.O.W. – Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness

Before walking this path, I constantly asked myself how.

How did I let things get this bad? How had I lost control of my life? How could I stop the pain?

What I didn’t realize was that the answer was in the question itself: H.O.W.—Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.

It was right in front of me the whole time. I just wasn’t ready to see it.

The Missing Ingredient

Back then, I wasn’t practicing any of those things. I was stubborn. I wasn’t being honest about my part in my suffering. And I wasn’t willing to change.

I had to fall a lot further before I finally landed on my knees and asked for help. That pain—the kind I had a hand in creating—was the very thing that pushed me to take action. Once I committed to getting better, I was told I had to live by H.O.W.

To get rigorously honest. To stay open to new ways of doing things. To be willing to do the work.

It didn’t all come at once. Sometimes willingness was all I had—and that was enough to begin. Because willingness almost always leads to action, and action leads to change.

A Lifelong Practice

Today, I still check in with myself using H.O.W. I ask:

  • Am I being honest about where I am?
  • Am I open to the next right step?
  • Am I willing to take action even when it’s uncomfortable?

Because here’s the truth: we don’t graduate from this work. We stay in it. We grow from it. And we live better because of it.

You Already Have the Answer

No matter where you are on your journey, ask yourself: Are you living with H.O.W.?

Are you stuck somewhere because it feels comfortable—or because you think it’s where you deserve to be?

When you get honest about your answers, stay open to new perspectives, and become willing to act, you can change your entire life.

H.O.W. isn’t just a tool. It’s the roadmap.

You hold the key. SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: What’s Your H.O.W. Check-In?

  • Do you keep asking how you got to where you are—and how to break the cycle?
  • Are you being truly honest about your patterns and choices?
  • How open are you to doing things differently—even if it’s unfamiliar?
  • What small action can you take today with willingness at the center?
  • What would your life look like if you really leaned into H.O.W.?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready for change but doesn’t know where to start, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a roadmap—and a nudge.

We Are Mirrors Of Each Other

We’re all mirrors for each other.
We have more in common than we think, and when we allow ourselves to look for the similarities instead of the differences, something powerful happens—we begin to see ourselves in others. And when we truly see ourselves, healing begins.

Before I started this path, I wasn’t open to that idea.
I judged others. I needed to feel better than the people around me, so I pointed out what separated us. I picked at their flaws to cover up my own. It made me feel superior—but it also kept me sick and isolated.

The truth?
I believed I was a piece of crap, but still thought I had a better solution than you did. That’s how twisted my thinking was.
It wasn’t until someone shared their story with me—raw and honest—that something shifted. I saw myself in them. For the first time, I recognized my reflection in someone else. And it changed everything.

Seeing the Truth in Someone Else

They had the same mental illness I did. They struggled the way I had. But they were getting help. They were doing the work.

In that moment, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I wasn’t different.
I wasn’t better.
I was just like them.
And if they could find a way forward… maybe I could too.

The Power of Similarities

Early in recovery, I was told: “Look for the similarities, not the differences.”
That became my mantra.

So I listened.
I really listened—to what people were saying, how they were living, what they were feeling. And the more I listened, the more I saw myself reflected in their stories. I began to connect.

But here’s the thing: you have to be willing to see it.
You have to let go of the need to feel different or better.
You have to get honest about who you are.

And sometimes that honesty is tough. Those mirrors don’t lie.
They show us the parts of ourselves we’ve been trying to hide.

Learning to Accept the Reflection

Looking in the mirror hasn’t always been easy.
There were times I saw things I didn’t like.
But I knew if I wanted to get better, I had to face it.

That meant living with rigorous honesty.
If I saw something in myself I didn’t like, I had to:

  • Address it
  • Change it
  • Or learn to accept it if I couldn’t

We all walk around with mirrors. Sometimes our reflection helps others. Sometimes someone else’s reflection helps us. Nothing is accidental. We cross paths with the people we’re meant to—people who inspire us, challenge us, or show us who we really are.

And if we’re paying attention, those reflections can save our lives.

From Shame to Shared Light

I no longer hide my reflection. I don’t carry shame about what I’ve lived through or how far I’ve come. My reflection is what connects me to others. And if someone else sees a piece of themselves in me? Even better.

Because just like someone else once helped me recognize myself, maybe my story—my mirror—can help someone else too.

I also pay attention to what I see in other people.
If I’m triggered, if something feels off or uncomfortable, I ask myself: What is this showing me about me?
Maybe it’s something I need to look at. Maybe it’s something I need to change. Maybe it’s something I need to love.

Recognizing myself in someone else’s reflection is what saved my life.
And it might just save yours—if you’re willing to look.

SLAY Reflection: What Do You See?

  1. Are you open to seeing the commonality in others?
    What might be keeping you from looking?
  2. Do you sometimes feel superior to others?
    Where did that come from—and how might it be holding you back?
  3. What reflections have others shown you about yourself lately?
    How did you respond to them?
  4. Are there parts of your reflection you’ve been avoiding?
    What’s one small step you can take toward healing or accepting it?
  5. Have you ever seen yourself in someone else—and felt less alone because of it?
    How did that moment change you?

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    Have you ever seen yourself in someone else’s story—and how did that moment change you?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who needs a reminder that they’re not alone, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Your Problem Isn’t The Problem, It’s Your Reaction To The Problem

There are so many things in life we have no control over.
But one thing we always have control over is how we react.

Before I started this journey, I didn’t believe that. I saw life as something that was constantly happening to me. I felt like I was always on the wrong side of good—piled under problems that felt too big, too unfair, and way too overwhelming to change.

What I couldn’t see at the time was that many of those problems were the result of my own choices.
And even when I wasn’t in control of what happened, I had still made a choice somewhere along the line—choosing the person, the situation, or the behavior that led me there.

It was easier to blame someone else.
But the truth? The finger I was pointing should’ve been aimed right back at me.

The Power of Radical Responsibility

When I finally got honest with myself—rigorously honest—I had to take a hard look at my role in the chaos.
And it was tough.
It’s not easy to admit that you’ve been the architect of your own pain.

But with that realization came something surprising: freedom.
Because if I was the one who got myself into it…
I could be the one to get myself out.

Owning my choices gave me power.
And from there, I could start making better ones.

Every Situation Is a Choice Point

We don’t get to control what life throws at us.
But we do get to choose how we respond.

Sometimes the best reaction is not reacting at all.
Sometimes it’s walking away.
Sometimes it’s taking a breath and choosing to show up in a way that honors your values—not your emotions in the moment.

That’s how we reclaim our power.
Even in the hardest moments, we are not powerless when we’re clear on what’s best for us—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We always have a choice.
And that choice becomes the difference between staying in the problem and moving toward the solution.

The Problem vs. The Solution

When I started to shift my mindset this way, life got easier.
That’s not to say I never get frustrated or upset—of course I do. But now I ask myself:

  • Did I invite this in?
  • Can I disinvite it now?
  • What choice will move me forward instead of keeping me stuck?

That’s what it means to get into the solution.

Because staying in the problem only creates more problems.
But the solution?
That’s where problems go to die.

Clearing the Path Forward

I’ve learned that when I make decisions from a place that aligns with who I am—and who I’m becoming—I stop visiting the places that pull me back into chaos.

I stop letting problems define me.
I stop reacting from fear or ego.
And I start creating space for new energy, new opportunities, and new peace to enter my life.

So when the next problem pops up—and it will—ask yourself:

What’s the right reaction… for me?

That answer will always lead you toward your highest good.

SLAY Reflection: What’s Your Reaction Telling You?

  1. Do you let problems define your mood or your day?
    How often are you reacting instead of responding?
  2. How many of your current problems are tied to past choices?
    What patterns can you begin to shift?
  3. What small choices can you make today to create fewer problems tomorrow?
    Where can you be more intentional?
  4. How can you take your power back in difficult situations?
    What boundaries or truths are you avoiding?
  5. What does the “right reaction” look like for you?
    Is it silence, compassion, honesty, or stepping away?

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    What’s one situation or relationship where choosing not to engage helped you protect your energy?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who’s caught in a cycle of reacting or proving their point, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

What Are You Craving? What Are You Trying To Hide?

We’ve all reached for something—food, alcohol, social media, shopping, chaos—just to feel something else. Or to feel nothing at all. But what if that craving isn’t about the thing you’re reaching for… but the feeling you’re avoiding?

Back then, I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I told myself I was “treating” myself after a hard day. I said I deserved it. But the truth is, I was hiding. I didn’t want to feel what I was actually feeling. I just wanted to be numb.

And sometimes? I even punished myself—intentionally making myself sick or miserable—because I believed I deserved to feel bad. I couldn’t have told you that then, of course. I was too busy drowning it all out. But beneath the noise was pain. Shame. Grief. Fear. All buried under years of distractions I labeled as self-care.

The Cost of Avoiding Our Feelings

It makes me sad when I look back on those years. Because today, I feel everything—and I’m no longer afraid of it. Feelings aren’t enemies; they’re messengers. When I numb out, it’s a sign I need to slow down and listen. Because if I’m hiding from my feelings, I’ve lost touch with my authenticity.

We all use outside things to shift our mood. That’s human. But when it becomes a lifestyle—when we rely on numbing to avoid discomfort—it becomes a problem. And eventually, it all catches up to us.

I know. I hit the wall. Hard. And I’m lucky to have survived the crash.

Facing the Tsunami

The scariest part of healing was removing all those distractions. I took away every single thing I used to hide behind—and the feelings came rushing in. It felt like standing on a beach watching a tsunami race toward me, with no life jacket, no boat, no plan.

But I survived.

I didn’t survive it alone. I had support—others who were just learning how to feel again too. We held each other up. We practiced sitting with emotions that terrified us. We learned that feelings won’t kill you—but avoiding them might.

Learning to Listen

Now, even the hard emotions teach me something. They tell me when I need rest. When I need to set a boundary. When I owe someone an apology. When I have more work to do.

But they also show me joy. Love. Gratitude. They remind me I deserve to feel good—and that I must be open to feelings in order to receive them.

Feelings don’t control me today. I listen. I feel. I ask myself what they’re trying to tell me. And then I take action that honors who I am now—not who I used to be.

That’s what healing looks like. That’s what owning your power looks like. And that is a feeling worth sitting with.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What feelings do you avoid or try to numb?
  2. What do you reach for when you’re uncomfortable—and what are you really seeking?
  3. How has avoiding your emotions impacted your life in the past?
  4. What might happen if you allowed yourself to fully feel today?
  5. Are you ready to listen to what your feelings are trying to tell you?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Slow down and check in with your emotions.
  • Listen to what they’re telling you.
  • Acknowledge the urge to numb—and choose a different path.
  • You are allowed to feel everything.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one feeling you’ve been avoiding lately—and what do you think it’s trying to tell you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel their feelings, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Results vs. Rewards

Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.

I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.

I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.

Doing It for the Right Reasons

I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.

Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.

It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.

When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.

But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.

Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem

Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.

It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.

I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.

It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.

I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.

The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.

Choosing the Path of Growth

We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.

But we SLAYERS are better than that.

We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.

Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.

Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?

Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?

I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.

Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.

Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.

And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.

Be The Mountain, Not The Weather

I was talking to someone the other day. They were struggling with something, and before he finished sharing, he said, “I know, I need to be the mountain and not the weather.”
It made me smile.

Yes, we should all be the mountain.

Solid vs. Shifting

The mountain is solid. It has a strong foundation. Nothing is moving a mountain—it stands tall.

The weather, on the other hand, comes and goes. It shifts and swirls. It can change completely in a day, be unreliable, unstable, surprising, and even destructive. Sure, there might be days when having the force of the weather sounds tempting—when it feels like release—but in the long run, what we need is to be the mountain.

So, how do we become more like the mountain and less like the weather?

Be Flexible

It might sound strange to say a mountain should be flexible, but building your own solid foundation means being open and adaptable.

I’ve written before about the importance of staying teachable. To remain teachable, we have to stay flexible—open to new ideas, perspectives, and information. It’s great to have convictions, but it’s also essential to listen to other viewpoints. You never know when you might learn something that shifts your understanding or reaffirms your stance.

Stay flexible. Look at situations from all angles. Make sure your perspective rests on solid ground.

Give Yourself Permission

Be confident in your decisions. Allow yourself to try new things—without waiting for approval.

Too often, we look to others for validation when we should be checking in with ourselves. If it makes you happy, inspires you, or fills you with joy, do it. It doesn’t matter if others understand or approve. This is your life.

Give yourself permission to change. To grow. To become.

Find Forgiveness

Let go of what no longer serves you. Release the grudges, the regrets, the “should-haves” that weigh you down.

Forgive others for what they did—or couldn’t do. More importantly, forgive yourself. For not knowing better. For not making the best choice in a moment. We’re all human, and none of us gets it right all the time.

Holding on to past hurts chains us to the past. Letting go frees us to move forward.

Be Mindful

With forgiveness comes mindfulness.

When we practice mindfulness, we make choices that serve us—decisions that help us grow, strengthen our self-esteem, and build true confidence.

Stay present. Stay grounded.

Find Love and Gratitude

When we move through each day with love in our hearts and gratitude for what we have, we make better decisions.

Walking in love and gratitude keeps us centered in spirit, not ego. And it’s from this space that we find true peace—a peace that can’t be shaken by life’s storms.

Engage in Life

This is the result of it all.

When we practice these principles, we become more engaged in life. We care for ourselves and nurture relationships with others. Our world expands as we open ourselves to new experiences and connections.

We become the mountain—steady, solid, unwavering—no matter what storms may come. And we know the sun will always rise again.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you see yourself more as the mountain or the weather? Why?
Can you think of moments when you’ve been both? What triggered the shift?
What gets in your way of standing solid?
What can you do today to strengthen your foundation and embrace your inner mountain?
What action will you take to give yourself permission to grow, change, and forgive?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What does being the mountain look like in your life? How do you stay grounded through storms?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other’s growth.

And if you know someone who could use a little extra grounding today, send this to them.
Sometimes, just knowing we have the power to stand steady makes all the difference.

Keeping Your Side Of The Street Clean

It’s easy to look at someone else’s mess and call it out. But here’s the truth: we all have our own mess to manage. And if we’re being honest? It’s usually easier to spot someone else’s than to deal with our own.

Lately, I’ve been navigating a major life transition—a season full of change, compromise, and triggers. Most days, I can catch myself before reacting in old ways. But sometimes? I slip. I say or do something that’s not aligned with who I’m becoming. It doesn’t feel great. But I’ve learned something powerful: mistakes don’t define me—how I clean them up does.

Look Inward First

When you’ve made a mess, the first step is owning it. That means pausing long enough to acknowledge where you went wrong—not where someone else did.

Open, honest communication is essential. Admit your part without excuses. I’ve carried the weight of unacknowledged mistakes before, and it’s heavy. You end up walking through life with a dark cloud following you—not because of what someone else did, but because you haven’t owned your part.

Here’s what I’ve learned: most problems can be worked through with a sincere conversation. People are far more forgiving when they sense you’re being real with them.

Apologize. Make It Right.

Humility is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

If you’ve wronged someone, apologize clearly and directly. Skip the over-explaining or blame-shifting. They don’t need to hear all your reasons. They need to feel your sincerity.

Sometimes a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is enough. Other times, you may need to ask how to make it right. Be open to what they say. And remember, making things right isn’t about winning—it’s about restoring trust.

And if your instinct is to defend, justify, or co-blame? Pause. That’s not the work. Your side of the street is yours to clean. Period.

Make the Mess a Message

Mistakes are not dead ends—they’re spotlights on where we need to grow.

Rather than beating yourself up, get curious. What triggered that reaction? What could you do differently next time? Every misstep is a chance to shift your path.

I now try to see these moments not as failures but as feedback. They shine a light on areas I still need to work on, and that’s a gift. It helps me become more self-aware, more emotionally grounded, and more intentional in my relationships.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be accountable. Honest. Clean.

Being a SLAYER Means Owning Your Part

At the end of the day, keeping your side of the street clean means taking responsibility for your actions, no matter what someone else does. It means not letting your ego steer the ship. It means choosing peace over pride.

We can’t control others. But we can control how we show up. And when we lead with integrity? That ripple changes everything.

Let your integrity speak louder than your mistakes. That’s how we Slay.

SLAY Reflection

  1. When was the last time you had to own a mistake?
  2. Did you take action to make it right—or avoid it?
  3. How do you typically react when you’ve messed up?
  4. Is there something on your side of the street that needs cleaning?
  5. What could change in your life if you started showing up with more ownership?

S-L-A-Y:

  • See your part clearly
  • Let go of blame and excuses
  • Act with humility and integrity
  • You’re responsible for your energy and actions

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What does keeping your side of the street clean look like for you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone working on showing up better, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Are You Addicted To Excitement?

Does the thought of your life being calm, quiet, and drama-free make your skin crawl? Does it send a chill down your spine? Does a stress-free existence sound like a four-letter word?
You may be addicted to excitement.

For many people, the idea of living a peaceful life is so repelling or frightening they create problems and chaos to feel alive—but at what cost?

It’s common for those who have lived in an unpredictable environment to continue creating unpredictability after they’ve left it. They mimic the feelings of their past and link them to the feeling of being alive because that’s what they’ve known. It can also stem from low self-esteem and ego running wild—that nasty combo I know all too well from my own past.

That feeling of not deserving the good, of the good never being enough. A vicious cycle of damage, adding unnecessary wreckage, and a constant desire to find the next big thing worthy of unrealistic expectations. But here’s the truth: it’s doing ourselves harm, or putting a band-aid over a wound that can’t be healed by outside things. That wound will never heal because we never allow it to—it’s what we’ve chosen to give us purpose. And without it, what would our purpose be?

Redefining Purpose

What if we made our purpose living a life full of love and beautiful, healthy things? And by beautiful, healthy things, I mean those that are right for us—not what our family, friends, or colleagues think they should be. We get to decide.

It took work for me to find a way to be comfortable without drama or a “big” adrenaline rush. I thought I needed it to feel alive—an event, shopping spree, a night out, or just being part of something. But what I didn’t realize was I needed to feel a part of my own life, and I didn’t.

I felt like life was a runaway train, and I didn’t even have a ticket. Even when it slowed enough for me to catch up, I was left standing on the platform, suitcase in hand, watching it leave again. I didn’t know where the train was going—I just wanted to escape myself and the messes I’d created trying to feel purpose or that rush of excitement.

Linking Fear to Excitement

Many of us link fear to excitement. Creating circumstances that trigger fear gives us that same rush, that jolt we associate with being alive.
We procrastinate to feel stress, pick unhealthy relationships, lie, cheat, or steal—not because of poor decisions but because we’re looking for that “hit” of excitement. Some even put themselves in dangerous situations to feed this addiction.

But it doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t help us. Ultimately, it damages our lives.

The first step to finding a healthier way to live is to identify what we’re doing—and why. Often it’s rooted in abandonment issues, growing up in chaotic homes, or our own past struggles. Whatever the source, once you’ve named it, you can start making healthier choices.

Practicing Contrary Action

For me, it took a lot of contrary action. Doing the opposite of what I wanted—or had been doing. Learning to be comfortable in the discomfort of not feeding off drama. Breathing through the moments when I wanted to stir things up, create trouble, or plan an escape. Learning just to be.

And to trust and love myself, accepting that I was enough.

Yes, it’s wonderful to have things to look forward to. But not when they replace living your life or fill a void that’s really an inside job. Only you can fill that void—and it won’t come from outside things.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Do you feel like your life has no meaning without drama or excitement?

  • If you removed those things, what would you be left with?

  • How could you fill your life up without using those distractions?

  • What are more loving ways you could nourish yourself?

  • What can you work on within yourself to feel less alone, abandoned, or left out?

  • Really look at your life—what do you have, and who are you?

  • What do you know to be true?

Start building from there. If there are things you don’t like, change them—but change them for you. Make changes that honor and show yourself that you love yourself. That you will never abandon you.

SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself creating drama or chasing excitement just to feel alive?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s ready to embrace calm and break free from chaos, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

The Detachment Of Ego

I was reminded the other day how sneaky the ego can be. It shows up when we least expect it, whispering tales of inadequacy, pushing us to do more, be more, prove ourselves—sometimes even at the cost of our well-being.

For so long, I let my ego lead the way. Even in my darkest moments, when I felt broken and unworthy, my ego clung to its illusion of control. It told me I was too good to admit defeat, too strong to ask for help, too proud to let anyone see me vulnerable. I may have felt like a failure, but I was going to be the most impressive failure you’d ever met.

Even today, when I’m in a better place, my ego tries to step in. It tells me I should be doing more, having more, being more. It convinces me to push harder, to disregard my needs, to ignore the quiet voice inside me that speaks of self-care and balance.

Ego latches on to everything—an achievement, a relationship, a dream, an idea. It clings and demands recognition. But when we practice detachment, we loosen its grip.

Letting Go of the Ego’s Hold

Detachment isn’t easy. From an early age, we’re taught to chase results: the prize at the end of the race, the grade at the top of the paper, the validation that makes us feel worthy. But what if we measured success not by accolades, but by the intention behind our actions?

Every day brings its own challenges. We wake up with different energy, different emotions, and different capacities. Instead of holding ourselves to impossible standards, what if we simply did our best each day and called that enough?

The ego might shudder at the thought. But here’s the truth: Detachment is where we find freedom.

How to Practice Detachment

  • Notice Your Thoughts: Pay attention to the chatter in your mind. When do feelings of inadequacy or comparison creep in? How do they affect your body and mood?

  • Separate Ego from Facts: The ego loves drama. It makes disappointments feel like disasters. Step back and look at the facts. Are you really failing, or just feeling a setback?

  • Release Expectations: Stay present. Let go of rigid expectations about how things should unfold. Embrace uncertainty as part of the journey.

  • Check In with Yourself: Pause, breathe, and listen to what’s truly happening inside. Meditation, walks, journaling, or quiet reflection can help.

  • Allow Mistakes: Perfection is an illusion. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. When you stumble, see it as a step forward, not a setback.

Freedom to Just Be

When we detach from the ego’s grip, we give ourselves permission to live authentically. We stop measuring our worth by external markers and start appreciating our effort, our resilience, and our humanity.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you place unrealistic expectations on yourself to always win or be the best? Why?

  • How do these expectations serve you—or harm you?

  • What can you do today to practice detachment and self-compassion?

  • Are you influenced by others’ expectations? How can you shift your focus inward?

  • When you fall short, how do you treat yourself? How can you show yourself more grace?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you step back from your ego’s grip and embrace detachment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone struggling with self-worth and expectations, send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is a reminder: you are enough.