It took a lot of humility and work on myself to realize that I had a thinking problem. No matter what outside issue I used to get by, to numb myself or to try to change my feelings, my real issue was my thinking. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. If my thinking was bad, how the heck was I going to fix that? Well, I wasn’t going to do it alone, I had a lot of help, but the first step was to admit that my thinking was the root of all of my pain and suffering, and even though I considered myself a strong intelligent woman, there was something within my thoughts that was steering me wrong.
That big piece of humble pie was hard to swallow at first. I had always prided myself as self-sufficient and clever, able to figure things out for myself and not rely on anyone to help direct my thoughts, so to find out that my own mind was manipulating me to keep me sick and ultimately destroy me, I felt betrayed. How could my own head work against me in such an evil plot? Well, when it’s working alongside mental illness it’ll do just that, and it’ll do just that undetected unless we are able to be rigorously honest with ourselves and look at what are thinking has really done in our lives. All of those people, places and things I wanted to blame my problems on were really not the problem, I was, there was something wrong in my circuitry and if I had any chance of a happy and healthy life I had to set out to fix it.
That work came in recovery and working with others like myself on the same path and also professionals who had experience in the mental health arena. It took a lot of that humility I had talked about earlier, sitting at an emotional and spiritual bottom, I had to admit that my best thinking had brought me there. So, I set out to learn new tools to help me on this new journey, one of which was to always remain teachable so I wouldn’t let my old thinking start telling me it had it all figured it out again. Learning to live life with my own well-being at the forefront was new for me, I had always barreled along, pushing down my feelings or any thoughts that would get in the way of forcing myself in the direction I wanted to go, the trick now was to not force anything, to look for the signs, follow my heart and surround myself with those, who, like myself were walking this path and new way of life, together we would do it, and many of us are still here walking as one. I learned to let go of my shame and focus that energy on healing and making better choices for myself and what I needed to do each day to keep that negative thinking at bay, even just admitting it was there was sometimes enough to quiet it down so I could continue on. I still work every day to keep my thoughts in check, and to direct them to positivity in my life, to find gratitude in each day and to be thankful of the awareness of where I came from, and to have survived it.
Many of our troubles start in our own mind, our thoughts can direct us to negative places that are meant to harm us if we are not open and honest about what they are. Much of what we think isn’t true, but our perception of our present circumstances or expectations we have set for ourselves regardless of what our current situation really is. When you think you’ve got it all figured out, you may actually have just set yourself up for disaster, talk your plans through with someone you trust, check-in with yourself to see where your head is directing your, and, if you feel you are not in control, ask for help. Don’t let your thoughts bully you into living a life not meant for you, open your heart and shine a light into what may be directing you today. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your thinking get you into trouble? If yes, how so? What’s an example when your thoughts have misguided you? What was the result? What did you learn from that? What can you do differently next time? What can you do today to keep your thoughts in check? Keep your thoughts in check and make sure to check in with others when you feel your thoughts may be betraying your true self. Don’t believe everything you think.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you