Pause

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

When you try to control

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Take time for yourself until you are you again.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Take a pause and rise with a voice of a different tone.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t overthink or overtalk your way out of happiness.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Overthinking

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Space is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in times of upheaval or confusion, or, just to breathe.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Permission To Pause

When Eating A Piece Of Fruit, Thank The Person Who Planted The Tree

We live in a society that is all about consumption. It’s about being the first, about going faster and wanting more. We consume all day long, most of the time without thought. We are glued to our screens while we eat, while we walk and many of us even have a hard time staying present when we’re taking part in an activity we love. We, if unchecked, can walk through life blindly, having no awareness of what, or who, is around us, and how what it may have taken for us to enjoy what we do each day. I have a friend who once encouraged me to thank my house for protecting me, for keeping me warm or cool and for giving me a home. I first I kind of chucked to myself, but then I thought about it, and yes, I was grateful to come home to a place of safety, a place I enjoyed and was proud of, so why wouldn’t I say thank you. When we think about those every day things we may take for granted and we begin to appreciate what they do for us, what they give us in return, and, the work or effort that went in to those things before we used or consumed them, it sets us up to live in a place of gratitude, and while we’re in the place, we are not only happier in our own lives but we share that joy with those around us.

We are conditioned to always want something new, or what someone else has, social media plays a big part in this, and even though we know that what we’re seeing may not, and likely is not, the truth, we still judge our own lives compared to what we see. When we turn that energy into being thankful for what we do have and what has gone into each of the things we have that self-judgment and measuring our lives to those around us slips away, and we focus on all the good we have, and trust me, whether we are where we’d like to be right now, we all have a lot of good in our lives, starting with a roof over our heads. Give thanks each day, thank your home for protecting you, thank you car for getting you to where you need to go, thank your body for moving you around and giving the means to express yourself, be thankful for everything you have and everything you touch, and stop and think about how that came to be, the work, the craftsmanship, the design, the labor, appreciate it all and when you do it is a way of giving thanks, to all of those people who have played a part, but in your life as a whole. Even when we find ourselves in a tough spot, or feeling down, or struggling, we have a lot, and when we start to focus on what we do have we lose focus on what we don’t.

Take a moment today to be thankful for all of the things that make your day easier, better, safer, brighter, and better. Pause and be grateful, and work to slow yourself down as you navigate through your busy life to not just consume and a rapid pace, to think about what you have and how those things give back to you, it’s time you gave back to those things and said thank you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think about how grateful you are to have what you have, or do you focus on what you want or what you don’t have? If you are grateful, how do you show that gratitude? If you don’t, what do you think you get in return by focusing on what you don’t have our what you want? How do you think it will change your perspective to start looking at your life with gratitude? Why don’t you start right now. Write a list of all of the things you are grateful for, and then think about who or what has made those things possible, find gratitude and give thanks to them. Living our lives in gratitude changes our thinking from negative to positive and when we have a positive outlook our world gets bigger and brighter, which we then share with others. Be thankful and give thanks for what you have, carry that gratitude in your heart as you navigate through your busy day, remembering to slow down to acknowledge all that you have.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is power in the pause.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Freedom To Pauseuntil then… SLAY on!

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Breathe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Press Pause

Not Making A Decision Is Making A Decision

All to often we feel pressured to make a decision, whether that pressure is coming from someone else, or we’re putting it on ourselves. I’ve mentioned before that life is not a game show, we don’t get bonus points for the fastest reactions or decisions, and yet, many, times we quickly make a decision and then wish he hadn’t later on.

It took me some time to loosen my decision making trigger finger. I had always prided myself on my fast reaction times and my ability to take action quickly, but my reactions in the moment at times were clouded by the feeling of urgency I had to act fast, and also by not giving myself enough time to learn all the facts before jumping in with both feet. I had to learn to pause, and I had to realize that making that decision to wait, and to not make a quick decision, was a decision. I used to think that anyone who didn’t move quickly was lazy, or indecisive, and, there may have been some that there, but as I learned to practice to pause I realized how much better a decision that was than to rush into something. Now, there are those who can use that to stall or procrastinate, so it does take being honest with yourself to know what the true nature of your pause is, but when done right it can drastically change the situations you find ourselves in.

When I rushed into things I often found myself in situations I really didn’t want to be in, or like, because I hadn’t taken the time to investigate exactly what I was deciding to do and what the result would, or could be. I also, many, times hadn’t asked myself, what I wanted out of making that decision, often I made decisions based on what they looked like to the outside world, or what I wanted out of it, but I never really thought about who I was or what I wanted in the long-run, usually, I just wanted to win, or, whatever my perceived idea of winning was. It wasn’t until I developed a relationship with myself, asking myself who I truly was, what I wanted, and what principles I was willing to live by that my decisions, and their reply time, started to change. I realized that, many times, I did need to do some further investigation before saying yes, or agreeing to be a part of something, and, there was nothing wrong with that. I started to care if a decision was ultimately going to make me feel bad, or derail me from this path I was working so hard to stay on, a path of well-being, of empowerment and self-love and care. All of my decisions had to reflect the person I was learning to be, the person I was proud to be, and the person I would like to be moving forward. That, was enough to slow me down. And, as I did, I started to trust myself more, after a lifetime of some bad decisions, making some new good ones allowed me to trust my judgment and myself to do the right thing for myself in that moment. And, that was another thing I had to learn, to not put so much weight on making the wrong decision because I was trying to second guess what someone else may do, or try to guess what the future may bring, I had to learn to take the information I had in front of me, right in the moment, check my ego at the door and ask others I trusted for input if I still felt unsure, and then make the best decision I could at that time. Whatever may come after that I would deal with then. That’s all any of us can really do.

When we feel pressured or rushed to make a decision often we make the wrong one. If you’re someone who often makes quick decisions in the moment, perhaps the best decision you can make is not making one in that moment, and take the time to give it some thought and look for direction. There’s no shame in saying you need some time, in fact, that may be the best decision of all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often weigh your options before making a decision, or quickly jump to take action? How had this helped you? How has this hurt you? Write down an example of a time when you made a decision too quickly and then regretted it later? If you had taken more time, how would that affected your decision? Why do you think you are quick to make decisions? What can you do to slow yourself down? No one can tell you what’s right for you except you, take the time you need to make decisions that will align with who you are and where you want to go.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Meeting Catastrophe With Composure

Now, I’m not going to lie, I do tend to be a little dramatic by nature, but I used to meet catastrophe with craziness. I would dial up the drama and add fuel to an already roaring bonfire never acknowledging that I may be making things worse, for the situation, and for my own peace of mind. But back then I never had any peace of mind, and I thought of most things as worse than the next, so I just would jump in feet first and get right in there. It wasn’t until I started on a new path, the path I am now, that I was told I didn’t have to do that. I had a choice. What? That was news to me. A lot of things were news to me at the start of my journey, but learning that I had, not only a choice, but a responsibility to myself, and honoring this new way of life, to not cause myself unnecessary harm, and to certainly not cause it for others.

In concept this seemed like a good idea. It made sense to me. But putting into practice proved to be challenging at first, and still can be on certain days. As I’ve said here at State Of Slay, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points or cash and prizes for answering or reacting the fastest, in fact, it should be the opposite, we should get points for taking a moment and doing the right thing, but life isn’t about points, it’s about doing that next right thing, and not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a sense, I liked the idea that it was my choice on how I could tackle something I considered a catastrophe, or disaster, or any kind of adversity, it felt powerful, but I had to learn how to use and harness that power. And, really, when I thought about it, when I reacted to things in the past, or overreacted, that didn’t feel powerful at all, it felt out of control. So, how did I take my power back? Well, I slowed down, for one. When I felt that fire in me bubble up from something that was going on, I would breathe, and if I needed to, I would step away, go outside, or even retreat to the restroom to cool down. I excused myself a lot at the beginning, and sometimes I still do, sometimes it’s just better to take a moment, or just not engage at all when there isn’t any way of making something better, or you realize, that what’s going on really has nothing to do with you and someone is just trying to take out their anger and frustration on you and there’s no way to make that situation better. It’s about giving yourself enough time to asses what’s really going, what can be done to make it better, if anything, if there is a resolution, and what the proper channels are to find one. You see why the pause is necessary? You can’t answer and discover all of those things while you’re flying off the handle and screaming at the top of your lungs to match someone else’s voice or energy. Take your power back, pause, then respond, or don’t respond, but don’t let ego take over and tell you you have to win, or that always can win in the moment, and, is winning even the point?

We are met with challenges every day, there are those people, places and things that will stand in the way of our composure, if we let them. Next time we meet up with a potential catastrophe try throwing some composure on the situation and see if you can dial down that catastrophe to just a situation, or, maybe turn it around to a good experience…it’s possible, give it a try. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically dive right in when something is going on or are approached to engage in a situation that may not involve you? Why? Do you find you have a tendency to have to be right? Do you find you have a tendency to have to try to fix any and all situations, even if they don’t involve you? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? When something is heated or gets you angry to rise to the same level of anger, or higher, to try to get your way? Why do you feel the need to do this? Do you have to be right, even when you’re wrong? Why do you feel the need to be right? SLAYER, all of these reactions or reasons are within your control, the question is, what serves your soul and peace of mind? It’s likely not confrontation.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Put yourself on the the top of your to-do-list every day!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Pause