Mental Health

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Within difficulty lies opportunity.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Two Things

Growing Through Something Difficult

I’m all about changing the language I use every day to reflect a positive life and positive communication with myself. For most of my life, my default place was a negative space, I would tell people I was cursed and that’s why things were always going wrong in my life, or things were so dark. The truth is, it was the result of the choices I was making and how I was living my life. It took me hitting a really hard bottom and some serious work after to realize that. But I’ve walked this path of self-love and positivity for many years, and my life today is far beyond what I could have imagined, or even hoped for back in those dark years, and I make a conscious effort to speak in a way that is healing and nurturing to my journey.

I heard someone this week say she was “growing” through a difficult time, instead of saying “going” through a difficult time, something I’ve said many times in my life when I may be walking through a patch that is more challenging, and I’ve always grown through those times, in fact, that’s when I grow the most, but it never occurred to me to change that one word in that statement to reflect what is really going on, and, changing a negative into something positive.

No matter what we are going through, we are meant to go through it, and there’s always a reason for it, typically it’s growth. Those things that come along and challenge us prepare us for what’s coming next, or, may be showing us where in the wrong place and prompting us to make change, but there is growth in that. When we work to change our perspective to see those challenging times as an opportunity to grow we start to look for the growth in what we’re going through, not look at it as something bad that is happening to us we’re just trying to get through. If we are always just trying to “get through” it, we’re not taking away the growth or lesson in it, and, that situation will keep happening until we get it, so, why not “get it” the first time and move on? We can’t control what life is going to throw at us, but we can control how we deal with it and react to it, and by just changing that, and looking for the positive in those situations, we are able to take some control in how things will go from there because if you’re able to get out the situation what you need to that situation will not come back around again, or at least, happen less, because sometimes the universe likes to see if we really did learn what we should have and it throws us a situation similar, or the same, just to check, and if we did grow and learn so that next time should be easier because you are now making better choices.

Changing our language, what we say, and how we speak to ourselves, is the difference of working through something you label as negative, or an opportunity to grow, and wouldn’t we rather have an opportunity over a negative experience? We have the power to change a negative to an opportunity, and that in itself is already a positive. Look for the opportunities in your life to grow rather than just trying to get through a difficult time and see the difference that makes as you “grow” through your next difficult time. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to focus on the negative? When something is happening that you’ve labeled negative, do you let it get you down or begrudgingly go through it? If you do look at those experiences as difficult, how do you think they might change if you changed your outlook into one of growth, rather than punishment? Thinking back to your last challenging time, what growth do you think came out of it? And, how do you think you’ve used what you learned after coming through that? How do you think you’ll use it in the future? If that same, or similar, experience were to come again, how could you use what you learned to handle it differently? Life is a journey of learning and growth, it can be an adventure if we choose to look at it that way, and when we do, no matter what comes our way, we can look at it as just another opportunity to grow.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every time you judge someone you reveal a part of yourself that needs healing.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Judge Others

Blame-Saying Is Game-Playing

Before walking this path I spent a lot of my time pointing out the faults of others. I figured I knew how to fix everyone else’s lives, even though mine was falling a part, and like a runaway train heading toward a tunnel of death. But to talk to me, I know better. You were all doing it wrong, or could do it better, and if you’d just listen to me, you’d straighten things out. It’s funny to me, looking back, because I’m sure many people in my life were thinking the same about my life, and they probably had some sound advice, but I would never listen to it, because it was all of you who had the problem, not me. What I didn’t realize at the time is that I was doing that to take the heat off myself. I spent so much time pointing out the faults of others, I didn’t have time to look at my own, and even if I did have time, it was much easier to point out yours than actually look at the issues that were making me, and keeping me, sick. It’s easy to get caught looking at the faults of others, it can start so subtly and can easily turn perverse as we give ourselves self-granted permission to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects.

For me, the sicker I got the more I focused on those around me to find relief my the inner struggle, but the more I focused you, the more my disease grew because my attention was elsewhere, it was a smokescreen that allowed me to get sicker, and the sicker I got, the more focused I became on fixing everyone else.

Today, I know that I need to keep the spotlight on myself, and if my mind wanders and starts to look at the fault of others, I know I need to turn that focus back on myself because there is something I’m avoiding or trying to dodge. When we don’t want to deal with something, or are trying to avoid a feeling, we often will look out to outside things to distract us, or hope it passes, but what we should be doing is facing it head on, looking into why we’re trying to avoid it, and what the root of it is. It goes back to self-respect, honoring who we are and what we need, taking the time to get to know who we really are, it’s only then that we can figure out why we do the things we do and why we may be avoiding certain feelings or emotions. We are on a life long journey with ourselves, it’s up to us to explore, love and learn who we are, and to celebrate ourselves in a healthy and positive way. Playing games with ourselves keeps us stuck, keeps us sick, and can make us sicker if we continue to look around everywhere but inside ourselves. Stop passing blame onto others, judging those around you and avoiding the true issue. What is causing you to avoid who you really are? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you focus on others when you don’t want to deal with your own issues or feelings? How do you do that? Why do you do that? Write an example of when you’ve done that. What was the result? Have people told you to mind your own business? Should you have? Did you after you were told to? Or do you persist and keep meddling in their lives? How do you feel when someone gives you unwanted advice about your life? Do you appreciate it? Or get angry or annoyed? We have no right to judge others, our lives, each of us, is what we’re responsible for, as is everyone else. The more we take that focus off of us and direct that at others, the more we’re in danger of letting our disease, or the darkness, take over while we’re distracted and looking somewhere else, which is exactly what it wants. Once it convinces us to look outside of ourselves it can do what it wants, and if we’re so focused on everyone else, we’re in danger of loosing ourselves. No matter how difficult something may be to face, it doesn’t compare to the pain that is building within ourselves as we try to ignore it and distract ourselves from the real issue at hand, we are giving that pain permission to grow and slowly take over. It’s time to take that permission back, and get in touch with our true selves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A lie is like a pain killer, it gives instant relief, but has side effects forever.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth Like Surgery

You Can’t Mend If You Bend The Truth

There was a moment in my life when the truth became a matter of survival. I had finally found the courage to ask for help, and the first thing I was told was this: “You’re going to have to get rigorously honest with yourself if you want to get well.”

That word—rigorous—felt terrifying. But I was so low, so broken, that I was willing to try anything. So I said yes.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that living in truth wasn’t just about not lying—it was about letting go of every version of myself I had created to survive. I was terrified of being judged. What if they knew the real me? Would they leave? Would they hate me? Even among people whose stories mirrored mine, I still feared I was the worst of us all.

But the truth was the key to my healing.

You’re Only as Sick as Your Secrets

I’d spent so many years twisting the truth that I didn’t even know what was real anymore. I had lied to others, yes—but more dangerously, I had lied to myself. Especially about the parts of me that hurt the most.

I started small. I shared only what I could in the moment. It wasn’t perfect. But it was honest. And with every truth I spoke, I felt lighter. Less alone. More connected.

I learned that almost anything can be forgiven—as long as we’re willing to be honest about it. People aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for sincerity. Most of the time, just saying, “I messed up, and I’m sorry,” is enough. But when we bend or dance around the truth, that connection is lost. The wound remains open.

Half-truths don’t set you free. They keep you locked in a pattern of shame.

The truth might be uncomfortable—but it’s nothing compared to the weight of carrying secrets. When we hide behind lies, we stay sick. We stay small. We stay stuck.

Truth Is the Path to Healing

Before I asked for help, my entire life was a tangled web of excuses and justifications. I bent the truth to protect myself, but it only made things worse. The more I lied, the sicker I became.

The day I began telling the truth—to myself, to others, and to the people I had hurt—was the day I started to get well. It was messy. It was raw. But it was real.

And real is where the healing lives.

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we lie to keep others safe. That we hide things to avoid hurting people. But those are just more lies dressed as protection. The truth is, we lie because we’re afraid.

But if we want to grow, we have to get honest—not just in part, but fully. Healing requires the whole truth. That’s how we clean the wound. That’s how we rebuild trust. That’s how we find peace.

You can’t mend what you won’t face.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Are there places in your life where you bend the truth? Why?
  2. What would change if you told the full truth—first to yourself, then to others?
  3. Have you experienced healing from being honest, even when it was hard?
  4. Are there secrets you’ve been carrying that are weighing you down?
  5. What’s one small truth you can speak today that might set you free?

S – Speak honestly, even when it’s hard
L – Let go of the stories that keep you stuck
A – Acknowledge the pain, then face it with courage
Y – Yield to truth—it’s the only path to healing

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s a truth you were once afraid to share, but feel proud for having told?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been carrying a heavy secret, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes people around you won’t understand your journey, but they don’t need to, it’s not for them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Art

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The universe sends us exactly what we are ready for at the exact time we need it in our lives, but it’s up to us to accept it.

SLAY on!

state of slay pause

How Do I Know I’m In The Flow?

Someone recently asked me how I know when I’m in the will of the universe or my own will. For me, I can typically tell because when I’m not trying to force my will things go smoothly, it’s like being in the express lane on the freeway.

Looking back, before stepping on this path, I only wanted things my way. Nothing went smoothly because I was trying to force things into happening the way I wanted them and when I wanted them. There was no waiting or investigating to find the right way, or the right time, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now! As a result I wasted a lot of time and energy on things I had no business being a part of, and would often get involved with people I shouldn’t have, or get involved with them for the wrong reasons. Nothing just flowed into the right direction because I was trying to override that direction with the direction I was trying to make happen, which led me into dishonesty and manipulation. It was all a slippery slope with me, and when I’m in a mode of trying to force my will I’ll go to almost any length to make that happen, ignoring the signs around me that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever makes sense for you, does send us guidance and signs if we ask for them, and, we are looking for them. Sometimes those signs do come like a slap in the face when we’ve been ignoring them, and there may be something that comes that is even bigger than a sign and just stops you dead in your tracks, but when we are open to working with a force that is bigger than ourselves, and look for direction, I have found it is there, and if it’s not in that moment I know that I am not supposed to do anything at that moment, to keep doing the work, keep investigating, keep asking for direction, but stay right where I am until I feel confident about the next move. It is during those times, when I am in alignment with where I am supposed to be that I feel at peace, that things do fall into place, many times, quite miraculously, and I feel grounded and centered on my path. Now that may sound like some mumbo jumbo if you don’t have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself, but I am a firm believer in a higher power and I know, from plenty of experiences in my life, that there is something out there that watches over me, and I also know that when I connect with it, it has my back, in fact it’s even had my back when I haven’t connected with it, but it works better when I do, and I certainly feel better.

There are signs and direction everywhere if we choose to see them and take the direction. We can try to run the show and steer the ship ourselves, but we’re likely going to hit solid ground at some point steering it alone, now that’s not to say that hitting bottom isn’t a part of your journey, and, could possibly be a blessing to get you where you need to be, but why cause more chaos than you really need to, life is meant to be enjoyed, we’re not meant to suffer at your own hand. Find your flow, be open to new ideas or directions, and look for the signs, they’re there and they’re there to show us the way. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe that there is something greater than yourself that guides you and looks after you? If not, why not? If you do, what is your understanding or belief in what that is? How has it guided you in the past? When have you seen the guidance and chosen not to take it? What was the result? What signs have you seen in your life that there seems to be some guidance from that source? How do you connect with it? How can you connect with it more? It comes down to having faith SLAYER, faith in something you cannot see but can feel, if you consciously work on forming a relationship with it, and allow yourself to loosen the reigns and let something else show you the way, that connection, or bond, will get stronger, and that direction clearer. There is a lot out there we don’t know, so why not let yourself believe and trust that you may have more on your side than you thought?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and forget the unacceptable.

New blog goes up Tuesday,  until then…SLAY on!

state of slay bad attitude