feel good

Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re A Bad Person

Before walking this path I thought I was a bad person. Because I felt bad and was thinking bad thoughts I thought that made me a bad person. What I didn’t realize back then is that I had an untreated disease that was centered in my mind, a disease that constantly fed me bad thoughts and was working every day to keep me believing I was a bad person who only deserved bad things. Any time I did or said something that could be labeled bad my disease stood up and yelled SEE,”just in case I hadn’t yet got the point. It took a lot to let go of the belief that I was a bad person, and even more work to realize that if I do feel bad, that doesn’t mean that I’m bad.

Our thoughts and minds can be our worst enemies. Most of us would never tolerate what we think and say to ourselves from anyone else. And yet, we can tear ourselves down daily without questioning why or fighting back. For me, I let it beat me down until I almost didn’t have any fight left, or hope, but was fortunate to find just a flicker of it when I needed it most. On my journey of recovery I had to throw out my old ideas and learn new ones, ones that would build me up instead of tear me down, and I had to let go of the idea that feeling bad made me bad. Feelings aren’t facts. Just because we feel something doesn’t make it true. We sometimes feel fear when there is nothing to be afraid of, we can feel hurt when nothing was done to us, or we can feel sad for no reason whatsoever. Our feelings, at times, can deceive us, they’re not always what they appear to be, and can be rooted in something else entirely, or, have been received through our own perception and a filter of our choosing, perhaps not based in reality at all, but there to allow us to continue to tell the narrative we wish to tell. Feelings can trick us if we’re not in tune with our emotions and receiving them for what they are, so it’s important to not let them define us.

We all have days when our minds might bend to the side of negative, or we’re agitated, but those thoughts or feelings are not who you are, even if you go through a period of time feeling them, you get to decide who you are, you are in charge, and feeling something doesn’t mean you are pigeon-holed into only being that one thing. I was able to let go of my perception of being a bad person by thinking of my feelings like the clouds, they come and go, pass by, some are white and fluffy, some are pink, and, some are dark and menacing, but none of them stay in one place for long, and I would never define the sky as only having clouds that look one way. Our feelings too are like the clouds in the sky, they change, they come and go, but behind them is still the beauty that remains, the beauty that is always there, even when we can’t see it.

What you feel is not what you are. Allow yourself to have bad thoughts without labeling yourself a bad person. Find out where these feelings come from, why they come, and when, and you might just find your key to letting those bad feelings pass. Look up at the sky today SLAYER, and watch the clouds pass by to reveal the blue skies ahead. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you label yourself a bad person if you think or feel bad thoughts? Why do you think you do this? What do you think or feel? Why? Are these feelings based in fact? Where do they come from? How can you let them go? Does it serve you to hang onto them? Does it hurt you to hang onto them? Do you think you’re a bad person? Why? What, in your eyes, makes you a bad person? We’ve all done, said, and thought things that might be labeled bad, but it only makes us a bad person if we believe we are. You have the opportunity, at any given time, to shed that bad label you’ve given yourself and be who you truly are, and if you’re not sure who that is, why not start today on your journey to find out.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Are Worth The Effort It Takes To Make You Feel Good

It’s difficult to believe you are worth fighting for if you hadn’t been taught that, have been in an abusive relationship, or believe you may have fallen too far back to ever see the light again. I know for myself, I wasn’t sure I worth fighting for, or, that I could come back from where I was. It’s tough to believe you are worthy of happiness when you feel so badly about yourself, or in my case, even hated yourself. How do you stop making choices that hurt yourself when that may be the only thing you’ve been taught, or, have become accustomed to living that way? It starts with you making decisions and choices that allow you to experience your own sense of worth and get you on a path of believing you are worth believing in.

For me, that journey started by joining a group that allowed me to be honest and open about who I was, what I had done, and where I wanted to go. It was that group that taught me to love myself, they showed me love before I was able to love myself, and through their love I was able to find some of my own. I also found, in identifying myself in their stories and struggles, I was able to find love and compassion for them, and ultimately, for myself. I knew I had a long road ahead of me, and truthfully, it’s a journey that never ends, it’s a daily effort to stay on this path, but it is much less laborious than it was at the start. With the help of those people, with the love of friends and family, and the guidance of professionals, I found a plan of what needed to be done to get me feeling stronger, better and brighter. And, I started to believe I was worth it. I started to focus on that work I know I needed to do, even the tough stuff, but I also focused on the stuff that made me feel good. I started to change my vocabulary, replacing I can’t, with I can, I will and I am, and I started to use that self-destructive energy I had been using to hurt myself for good, and started to practice saying the words to myself that I needed to hear, replacing the negative self-talk with positive encouraging words, enforcing that I was worth the work that needed to be done. As I did this I began to notice things change, shift, and those changes encouraged me to keep going. Today, knowing where I came from, I protect what I’ve worked so hard for, and am not willing to jeopardize it for anything or anyone. What I have today was earned. It started with a small amount of hope that I could have it, and has turned into the beautiful life I have today.

Find the words to say to yourself that you need to hear. Find a group of people, or maybe even one to start, to encourage you to be your best self. Do it because you’re worth it. Do it because you deserve it. Do you it because you believe in yourself, or believe you may believe in yourself one day. Make choices that show yourself that you believe in all of these things, and, believe in you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are worth the work? If not, why not? If you do, what have you done to improve yourself or your situation? If you are still working on believing, what can you do today to start to believe? Are there times that you have believed in the past? What changed that belief? What can you do to change it back, knowing you’ve had it before. If you explained to someone who didn’t know you, what words would you choose to describe yourself? How many of those adjectives are positive? How many are negative? What can you do to change those negatives to positives? SLAYER, you are worth the work. You deserve to be who you are meant to be. To shine bright, to share your beautiful unique spirit with the world, and to inspire others to do the same. Do things today that will convince you that you deserve the best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We Become What We Do

Before walking this path I had become someone I wasn’t very proud of. It happened over time, each time I crossed a line I said I never would I became someone darker, more ashamed, and further away from who I truly was, and the more I made poor choices and didn’t honor my true self the easier it became to continue down that path and step all over the me that was dying inside. I didn’t start out a bad person, but I kept making a series of bad choices that lead me to a place of such emptiness and darkness I doubted I could ever find my way back. But I could, we all can. We are what we do, our actions determine who we are and who we become, talk is just that, talk, it doesn’t cause any change, it’s the action we take that can change us, either for the good, or bad.

Making a commitment to change and to not only reclaim who I knew, but find out who I truly was, I was told that my actions would determine who I would turn out to be. Thinking I was a horrible human, and being new on the path of positive thinking and actions, I wasn’t sure that I could change things around, I felt like it was a steep climb back, but I set out to do what was suggested, and I was told I only had to do what I could each day, and even if it was only one thing, that alone was enough to set me on a different path. I had to really focus on the good in my life, and even when it was hard to find it to start, I would find at least one thing and focus on that. I, first and foremost, made a commitment to be accountable, to myself, and to those in my life. If I made a commitment I had to stick to it, and if I couldn’t I had to reach out within a reasonable time and explain why I wasn’t able to follow through. That in itself kept me honest, and being honest was a big first step for someone who had been living her whole life lying to herself and everyone around her. Accountability kept me transparent, and even though I felt exposed at first, it didn’t allow me to slip back to me old nefarious ways, and if I did manage to briefly, it didn’t allow me to stay there. From there I started to make a point to be thoughtful, to find compassion for others, to not judge those around me, and myself, to find forgiveness, to be kind, and the more I practiced these actions the more I became those things, and, the more my old actions didn’t feel good, or like me anymore.

Without even realizing it, what we do is what we become, it can happen so seamlessly we don’t even realize it’s happening, but if we don’t like who we are, or where we find ourselves, we have the power to change that. Focus on the good, focus on the attributes you had or want to have and act in a way that honors those attributes and you. Even the smallest act can impact us in a big way when we change our way of thinking and stop acting out in a way that harms us and those around us. Finding the love in our hearts and letting that lead us to the us we are meant to be, the us that is our best selves and the us we can share with others and encourage them to be their best selves on their path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how your actions can affect who you become? How have your actions affected who you are today? What are you most proud of? What would you like to change? What action can you take today to change who you’ve become? Have you already changed who you are in a positive way? How so? We have the power to become whomever we want to be, or whomever we are meant to be just by changing our actions. Set out today to be your best self and taking action that supports that and allows you to shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Validation: But What About Me?

Hey, we all love a little validation for a job well done, or a good deed, or just for being the best we can be right? It’s nice to feel appreciated, but when that validation becomes the only reason for doing something it becomes a problem. I’ve talked about how we shouldn’t do anything unless we want to, plain and simple. Without expecting anything else in return. Yeah, I said it, without expecting anything in return. Then and only then are we doing something for the right reasons. That got you thinking didn’t it? How many things do we do because we’re expecting something in return? Or because we think it might make us look good? Or because someone might owe us and we can call on the favor later? All we’re doing when we are acting with those intentions is setting ourselves up for resentments, because if we don’t get what we want, or expect, we’re going to get angry. But, we shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. We need to be accountable to what is motivating us in the first place.

Some of us also use doing things for others to feel validated as a person. That we have no value if they’re not doing things for others. Also not the most healthy. Again, it’s great to do nice things for others but not if you’re using that as your sole source of self-worth, and putting that need of validation before your own actual needs. It’s important to find a balance, of taking care of yourself and what you need and if you have the time or ability to, then do something nice for someone else. It’s kind of like the flight attendant announcement at the beginning of a flight when they advise you in the event of an emergency to put your mask on first before helping someone else. That’s good advice. Because if you’re passed out, you’re not going to be able to help anyone else. Make sure your needs are taken care of and you’re not putting someone else’s needs before your own and not giving yourself what you need to be your best self.

For me I use to look for validation because I was typically doing things for the wrong reasons. I was looking for the validation to feel better about myself, because I hated who I was, I was looking for validation to feel smarter, especially smarter than you, and I was looking for validation to get something I wanted. Very few things just came from a pure heart of wanting to do something, but my heart was always in fear or resentment, so nothing good would come out of that heart when those where the chief factors of my motivation. It was hard to face the facts of why I was doing what I was doing, and to realize that I was only doing those “nice” things to fill a the void I felt inside, but that void could never be filled with those outside things, so it became a vicious cycle of trying to do them, and wanting recognition for them, but even if I got it it never filled me up.

At the end of the day it’s our job to fill up our own hearts. To do things that make us feel good, because we want to do them, and to make sure if we’re feeling empty, that we don’t start looking outward to fill an inside job. We all have value, we all have worth, and when we learn to accept that in ourselves, and learn to fill those needs, we stop looking for outside validation to do it for us. We find it in ourselves. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you think motivates you to do something? Are you looking for validation? If so, why? What does it mean to you to get validation for something you’ve done? What if you don’t get that validation? What do you do then? What do you tell yourself? Do you retaliate? How has seeking validation affected your relationships? How has it affected the relationship you have with yourself? What can you do to repair or change that relationship with yourself? What are 5 things you can do this week to show yourself some love, to validate yourself with acts of love and doing what fills you up inside? Do them SLAYER, and continue to do them, no need to validate yourself anymore than that.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you