compassion

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What if you simply devoted your time to loving yourself more?

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Love Ourselves

How We Love Ourselves Teaches Others How To Love Us

Fasten your seat belts, we’re talking self-love again today! I know, this is a struggle for some of you SLAYERS. But here’s the thing, as we learn to love ourselves, we teach those around us how we want to be loved, and how we expect to be treated by those in our lives. How we love ourselves causes a ripple effect in every aspect of our lives. It starts with us and as we learn and love ourselves we change our pattern of self-doubt, hate, disrespect, abuse, harm, and we start to replace it with healthier behaviors, loving behaviors, and as we do the people in our lives take notice, some, maybe, not in a positive way, as they’ve grown accustomed to the way we were, and, how they’ve been interacting with us, but how they receive this new information of self-love isn’t our business, what is our business is continuing to grow and love who we are and showing the world how to love us back in the same ways.

It all starts with us. Now, I understand that sometimes before we love ourselves we’re better able to love others, and for some of us, that is a great way to back into loving ourselves, as long as loving others doesn’t replace loving ourselves, but when we love others it shows us that we have the capacity for love, that we are caring individuals, that we can give love, so if we turn that back on ourselves, and think about why we love to give love to others, how that makes us feel, why we love to do it, why we think it’s important, and what we think about as we’re doing something nice for someone else, all of those things pertain to you as well. Apply all of those same reasons, feelings, motivations, back to you. And, if you have trouble at the start, ask your friends or family, what they love about you, and, write them down. Write down what they say and look at those things, take them in, and don’t listen to that bullshit committee who might be telling you that they’re lies, they’re not, look at those beautiful words and say, “that’s me, I am all of those things,” and once you can accept that, why wouldn’t you want to love that person, nurture that person, take care of that person who would be described using all of those beautiful words? Of course you would, you are a loving person, I know you are. The fact that you took the time to read this blog today tells me you do love yourself, even just a little today, to seek out the answers for you, to learn and grow for you, to see if maybe there was something you were missing on your journey of self-love.

Now, as I mentioned, not everyone might be on board with this new self-love change, and that’s OK. It might not feel OK when they resist it, but it will as you realize that if they are not willing to love you, and respect you’re new way of life, then they cannot be a part of it, our at the very least, as active in it as they once were, if they are pushing back that is not a loving gesture to you, and they might not be capable, or wanting, to change their behavior to adapt to the new self-loving you because they really enjoyed the way they’ve been able to treat you when you didn’t love yourself. Let them go. They may come back at another time, when they are ready to make the changes, or they may not, but, as difficult as it may be to say goodbye, new people will come in, people who will love you and be on board with this new way of life, sometimes it takes people time to change, and to understand the new us, sometimes it’s just a matter of time, and sometimes it’s not about time, it’s about moving on. We have to remind ourselves that when we’re living in a self-destructive, self-loathing, self-hating way of life, that we look for and attract people who will treat us that way, so when we change, they may not, but we need to stay the course of our self-love destination and trust that we will be surrounded by love as we continue to love ourselves. Trust me on this, I’ve walked this path, and not everyone made it with me down the road, but many did, and our relationships got stronger, better, deeper, as I learned to love myself. It takes work, but it can be done, and, you’re worth it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how loving yourself can lead others to love you the same way? Can you think of examples in your life that by you showing someone how you’d like to be treated they’ve started to change how they interact with you? Can you think of examples when someone has pushed back, not wanting to change? Who are the people you would rather have in your life, the ones who love us enough to follow our lead, or the ones who refuse to? On the path of self-love SLAYER we aim to have people in our lives who also love us, who grow and change with us, who honor our authentic selves and lift us higher by showing us their love and support, as we do them. It always starts with us. When we love ourselves, we show them how we’d like to be loved, so set the example and then reap the rewards. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we break apart, we get to decide how the pieces are put back together, and we can put ourselves back together stronger and better than we were before.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Broken Places

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we share our stories with others and they are usually met with understanding and empathy, in that place, shame cannot survive.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Grace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you told us every horrible thing that you did, or happened to you, we would still love you, you are not your past.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Power 1

You Are Not What Happened To You

We can hold ourselves back, or limit ourselves, by thinking we are only the things that have happened to us, or the labels people have placed on us. We can stay stuck not allowing ourselves to move past the trauma or experiences we’ve had believing that we don’t deserve better, or can do better. Well, here’s the truth. We are not what happened to us.

We are individuals who have survived a lot, who have fought our way out and tried to do better for ourselves. We are warriors. Heroes. We can rise above our past and soar. But we have to believe we can. We have to take what we can from our past, learn from it, and let the rest go. We need to forgive ourselves for not knowing better, not doing better, not having the tools we may have needed to keep ourselves safe, but we can do that now. We can decide, at any given moment, to stop living under the shadow of what happened to us and take our power back, or maybe find it for the first time. We all have it, it’s in there, it’s burning within us, let it out, let it shine, let it propel you forward. No matter what the circumstances are that may have brought you down, that may have held you down, or may have let you down, they only hold power over you today if you let them, and they only hold power over you if you’re living in the past. As SLAYERS we live in the here and now. We live in the present. We live our life to our fullest potential, but hanging on to the events of our past, or wearing them as a badge of shame, does not allow us to be who we are meant be, who are truly are at our core.

We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing our own worth, or value, when we were never taught we had any. We can’t fault ourselves for things that happened to us before we had a voice, or before we knew better. We have to let those things go. Let those people go who may have hurt us, lied to us, or deceived us. They don’t get to hold their actions over our heads today, they are not our present, and they have already taken up too much of our time, time, for the most part, we have kept giving them as we hold on to what was done.

Today, you have the power to shed all of that weight you’ve been carrying around, all that pain, hurt, damage, you have the power to let it go, it doesn’t serve you, so drop it, shake it off, wash it off, whatever you have to do to say enough, I am more than this! You are. We all are. Those things that happened to us have shaped us and molded us, and, there can be some good use to those things, we can share our experiences with others who may also be suffering, and we can learn from those experiences so we don’t let history repeat itself, but, aside from those things it serves us no purpose to hold on, to live in a place that tells you that’s all you are because you are so much more. Surround yourself with like-minded people, with good people, supportive people, who love you for all that you are, who cheer you on, and are there to hold your hand when the path gets tough. You can shed the past and turn it into something beautiful, because you yourself, at your inner-most center, are beautiful, and when you allow that self, that true self to shine, you are the real you, the you that is your most you, the you right here, right now. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often let the past weigh you down? Do you still stew over things that have happened to you even though there isn’t anything you can do to go back and change it? Do you let your past hinder your present? Does your past hold you back from the goals you have today? How do you see yourself doing that? What can you do to overcome it? How do you think holding on to your past helps you? When you think about yourself, what words would you use to describe yourself right now? What words would you like to use to describe yourself? Start describing yourself with those words, that is who you are or meant to be. Let go of the past, and step into the true you, the you you’ve been keeping in the shadows behind all those things you let define you. Be your best you and shine bright.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s OK to fall down and lose your spark, just make sure when you get back up, you rise as a whole damn fire.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stumble

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be gentle with yourself, and others, a kind word or gesture can be difference between the bloom of a beautiful flower, or a wilted bud scorched by the sun.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Kindly

Be Gentle With Others When You Are Hurt

When we are hurt, our automatic defense many times is to lash out and hurt someone else, even of they have nothing to do with the reason we’re hurt in the first place. It’s easy to make someone the target of our anger, fear, or pain, but, that is when we need to practice contrary action, take a breath, and be gentle to those around us, just as we would want others to be gentle with us.

I’ve spoken about this before, how a friend, who helped me tremendously at the start of my journey, commented that I had a barbed tongue, and I still can, I just try to cut that barbed wire now before it can hurt somebody, but every once in a while, it still manages to lash out. That barbed tongue is fast, and it’s viscous. It used to be something I was really proud of. Something I had honed over the years to protect myself. Something that always brought about the desired results, to be left alone. Really I wanted everyone to leave me alone to suffer in silence, in isolation, because that’s what I thought I deserved, and if I pushed everyone away, no one was going to discover how deeply damaged I really was. There, also, was a part of me that, the really damaged part, wanted others to feel as bad as I did, that wanted others to suffer, especially those who I thought valued me less than themselves, or, who I deemed had too much good going on in their lives, I played judge and jury and thought it was my right to knock them down a peg or two. That sounds really disgusting to see that in print now, but it’s the truth.

But here’s the real truth, when we are feeling down, when we are angry, when we are feeling less than, it’s important that we are gentle with those around us, to acknowledge the place we’re in, and to also not forget to be gentle with ourselves. Oh yes, we also need to practice gentleness towards ourselves, in fact, when we practice being gentle with ourselves we find it much easier to practice it with others, and, even find some compassion for them. When we recognize our own feelings, moods, and needs, when can then take action to find a solution to them, or at least take action to ease the pain or frustration, and when we can identify that in our own behavior, it gives us a window into those around us, we start to recognize those same feelings, moods, and angers in others, so even when we don’t feel like being kind, or someone isn’t with us, if we’re living in a state of gentleness, we can be gentle back, or at the very least, walk away and not engage so we’re not adding to their pain, and ours.

Here’s another truth about acting gentle towards others when we’re hurt. When we practice doing this our own hurt diminishes. True. When we are kind to someone else, we get out of our own head, our own problems, worries, anger, we shift the focus off of us and onto doing something kind for someone else, and low and behold, our own mood shifts, things become lighter, brighter, better. I know that may sound crazy to you other barbed-tongued SLAYERS, but it’s absolutely true, and, I challenge you to try it. It’s also a fantastic way to break your pattern, to change the direction of what you’ve always done, and create a new trajectory for yourself. It’s kind of the stop, drop and roll of anger management, instead of just igniting in a flurry of flames, or anger, stop, drop and roll, breath, take that breath, and then respond. Our breath is the fire extinguisher of anger, it will put out the flames every time. Practice compassion towards yourself, and towards others that come across your path, you’ll find yourself in far fewer altercations, and you might just start to identify with what connects you to those people on your path, and those connections, keep us in the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are in anger or in pain do you lash out at those around you? How do you do this? Do you feel badly afterwards? How does it make you feel? Do you apologize? How can you stop yourself from getting into those situations in the first place? Have you ever considered being gentle when you know you are not in a good place? How have you practiced this? How do you feel differently when you’ve practiced gentleness over when you’ve lashed out? How can you, SLAYER, practice gentleness this week? What steps can you take to ensure that you are taking responsibility for your actions? Be kind, be gentle, and remember that goes for you too. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We are not given a good or bad life, we are given a life, and it’s up to us to make it good or bad.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Good Times