choice

Are You Disturbable?

Some days I’m more disturbable than others. When I’m taking care of myself, I’m practicing self-care, I’m eating right, getting rest, doing things in my day that give back to myself and others, I’m not very disturbable, but when I’m not doing those things I leave myself open to being easily disturbed by people, places and things. When I feel like I’m not solid in my foundation I can be disturbed by the smallest things, and at times, I’m not even aware of it when it starts, and then all of a sudden it’s there. I can judge how well I’m doing by my disturbability.

When I started on my road to recovery I was told that when I was disturbed that no matter what the cause, that the problem was with me. Now, as a recovering, well many things, but, victim who’s first reaction to any problem was to point fingers, that was a tough one to swallow. How could every disturbance be my problem? The truth is, it is always my problem if I am taking responsibility for my actions and reactions to what is around me. No matter what happens, even if it is beyond my control, I still have the responsibility to react in a way that is honorable to myself and those around me. It is easy to lash out in retaliation, and in some instances we may seem we have the right to, but at what expense? Does that behavior really solve anything, or, does it make it worse, because we now have become a part of the problem and may have harmed ourselves in the process. No matter what, we have a duty to ourselves to react, or not, based on who we are and what is better for our higher good. And that’s what it’s all about, practicing taking actions that support our higher good, and sometimes that means taking the higher road and not engaging with someone even when they are baiting you to do so.

When we live in a place where we feel fulfilled, where we feel connected or spiritually fit, we are far less disturbable. Things may come our way ubt we are like ducks, we keep swimming and the water just rolls off our back, and when we find we are highly disturbable that should be an indication that something is off, missing or we might need to step up something in our lives that makes all of those disturbances much less important. For me, when I am doing all of the things I need to do to be at my best, nothing can really disturb me, nothing seems worth the disturbance and I can’t be disturbed, and the trick is, when I’m not able to do all of the things I need to do to be in that place, when I do get disturbed, to recognize it and instead of immediately reacting, to check in with myself to see why it’s disturbing me so much, and, that’s not to say I’m perfect at this, there are times I do react quickly and then need to apologize later, but I’ve learned to use my level of disturbance to gauge where I am in my mental health, physical health and spirituality.

We have control over how disturbed we can be, it is within our power to not let things bother us, we always have the choice to walk away, to not respond, or to use that moment to look within. Next time you find yourself disturbed, before you react, ask yourself why you’re letting yourself be disturbed and what the better choice is, give yourself the power to walk away and let things go. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get disturbed often? Why do you think that is? How does that hurt you? What can you do to be less disturbed in your life? Do you notice that you are more disturbable on certain days? What type of days are those? Is there something that triggers you to be more sensitive to disturbances on certain days? What are those triggers? So knowing what your triggers are, that gives you some power over your disturbances, if you know what makes you more susceptible to them you then have the protection against falling victim to them, and instead of just reacting, arming yourself with the knowledge of why you’ve been triggered and then doing the next right thing. It’s all in your hands.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means you decided to look beyond the imperfections to find your own brand of happy.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Prevent Happiness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same Story (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! At any point in your story, you can reimagine the narrative you are living.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Changes Our Experience

Is It Time To Update Your Narrative?

I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story, but many times, even though we have the power to change our story, or write a new chapter, we keep telling the same story over and over. The story we tell may not even be true, it may just be something we were told, and believing it to be true we continue to tell it without asking ourselves if it is, or ever was, or maybe it’s an old story that no longer represents who we are today . And sometimes we tell the story we want to tell, not the one that we should be telling. Our narrative changes over the course of our lives, for most of us, mine certainly has, and it’s important to check in and make sure that ours is up to date.

When I was struggling in my disease my narrative was outdated and one of being a victim. I held onto the past and let it hold me back there. My head told me my narrative was never going to change, so I stayed in the cycle of telling the same story over and over, and reliving time and time again. In the end, each day was just a repeat of the day before, even if I intended to change it, I found myself trapped in the same day. What I didn’t realize back then was that to change my story I needed to make changes. Like take action and actually do things differently, not just think about it, or wish it, without action I would continue to live the same day over and ultimately my narrative would have ended tragically, and it almost did. It’s important to ask ourselves if we’re happy where we are and if not, what can we change to make our lives more in line with what we want, or who we are. It’s easy to keep doing the same things that we always have, but are they making us happy? Are we moving us forward? Is our narrative reflective of who we are today and the goals we’ve set for ourselves? And, have we made changes but still think of ourselves in our old narrative? Is it time for an update?

We have ability to change our narrative whenever it suits us, as long as it is our truth. There’s no limit to who we can be, what we can accomplish or how we live our lives, except the limitations we put on ourselves. We may experience things in our lives that may limit what we used to be able to do, or changes what we can do, but even within those things that are out of our control we still get to decide what narrative we want to tell from that new place. What opportunity lays ahead for us when change happens beyond our control? It’s endless.

Take control of the narrative you tell, make sure it’s up to date and reflective of who you are today, and make sure you share the updated you with those in your life, even those who want to keep us back to who we used to be, share the real you today, and let the narrative of the past go, you have new stories to tell and a new life to live. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to get stuck in your old narrative or stories from your past? Do those stories still represent who you are today? If not, why do you continue to tell outdated stories about yourself? What is different today? Was the narrative of your past one that was truly yours, or one that was given to you by others? How did it differ from your truth? How does it differ from you today? Do you update your narrative to make sure you are telling and sharing the most updated version of yourself? If not, why not? Have you thought about the narrative you are telling? Make sure, SLAYER, that you update your narrative, that you are still in line with the story you tell, and that it represents who you are today and where you want to go. We are the authors of our own story, no one else gets to dictate who we are, and, what comes next.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let a bad situation change your inner goodness.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Back

Someone Doesn’t Need To Feel Sorry For You To Love You

How often, when we meet someone new, do we sit them down and share all of the terrible events of our past, how we were wronged, times we were a victim and just how difficult live has been for us thus far? Those stories or events from our past have become our narrative and what defines us and we share it with anyone who will listen to demonstrate how damaged we are and that we just want to be loved. Well, we can still be loved without dumping all of our baggage out for everyone to see, in fact, by not dumping it out we are showing ourselves love first before we are expecting it or wanting it from someone else. We all have stories from our past, and those events may have played a major role in who we are today, but, we are not our past, and getting to know someone new is a great opportunity to share who we are today and what we are looking for in the future. It’s not necessary to look for sympathy to find love.

In my past I often kept, what I perceived, as anything bad to myself, but I would use those stories from my past strategically at times to gain sympathy or to manipulate a situation in my favor. I held on to them like bonus cards, and when I thought it could be helpful to me, in any form, I would then take one out to get the desired result. When I think of that behavior now it seems gross to me, and very dishonest, it wasn’t until I stepped onto this path and started to learn a new way of living that I realized what I had been doing. Walking into a support group and talking with others who had many of the same stories I had I realized I could no longer use those stories the same way, it wouldn’t work in this crowd, and, there was always someone with an even tougher story than mine, but most importantly, I shouldn’t be using them for any purpose but one of connection, understanding and compassion for someone else, and in doing so, I had to forgive those who had been involved in those stories, including myself. Even though I had been using them in the past to get what I want, it still hurt me each time I told them, and it put me in the frame of mind of a victim, when I took responsibility of my part in those stories, or forgiving those who hurt me, I was able to shed the role as a victim and take my power back regarding my past, even in those instances in the past where I truly was a victim.

You are, just as you are, worthy of love, there’s no need to try to whip up sympathy or bring yourself down to find love. Stand tall in who you are today, sharing the stories of our past only if we feel it can help someone or help us to connect or relate with someone who may be struggling, it is up to us to let go of the past, to find peace with it so we can move on and allow someone to love us for who we are today and not what happened to us in the past. We, as SLAYERS, stand tall in who we are, there is no need to ever try to dull our shine or diminish who we are by dragging our past into our present day. Look for people in your life who love and appreciate you for you, and who encourage you to always be your best you. Lay to rest who used to be, for the you of today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use the stories of your past to gain sympathy? Do you try to manipulate people with those stories? When you meet someone new do you feel obligated to tell that person all of the stories of your past? Why? What are you hoping to gain? What if you didn’t tell those stories? Have you made peace with those stores yourself? If not, why not? What steps can you take to do so? How does it hurt you to hang onto them? How can it help you to let go? We are lovable just as we are, we don’t need to guilt anyone to love us or feel bad for us, we all have had things happen to us in our past that were hurtful, harmful or destructive, but we have the power to not let ourselves be defined by those things, we, today, live in the light, and share that light with others who are still looking for theirs.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find the courage to tell your truth, every bit of it.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dangerous Lies (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What picture are you painting today?

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Paint

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day is another chance.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Next Exit