awareness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be. Here. Now.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Awareness is the key to making change.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Balance is the key to everything. What we think, do, say, eat, feel, they require awareness, and through this awareness we can grow.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Who You Are

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Repeat after me: I release the need for old habits in my life!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Repeat

Repeating Old Behaviors

We know we’re doing it, we know we shouldn’t be doing it, and yet we do it, repeating old behaviors that no longer suit us, and maybe never did, but they were what we knew, or what we were taught, or, what we used to get by when we didn’t know or have the courage to do something better. They can feel, sometimes, like getting into our favorite pair of jeans, or a comfy sweater, but, that moment fades when we catch ourselves doing it, or someone else does. There are times too where we don’t even realize that we’re doing it, those old behaviors have become so ingrained in how we operate that we seamlessly dive in without a thought or the awareness that we’ve pulled ourselves back on our path. All of that is OK, no one is perfect, or gets it right all of the time, but what we need to do to move forward and release ourselves of those old behaviors that hold us back is to recognize and acknowledge them, and not just when we get caught.

Before stepping on this path most of what I did I did without much thought, and, if some thought went into it it was focused on justifying my bad behavior. I reacted quickly or dove in doing what I had always done. I didn’t realize that most of what I was doing was actually harming myself and my chances of living the life I wanted. In fact, by participating in my bad behavior I was preventing myself from ever making things better for myself and my thoughts and actions were actually causing me to slide down deeper into a place that I almost didn’t get out of. When I finally realized what I was doing I had to get honest and I had to call myself out and identify all of that bad behavior.

Change isn’t always easy, especially when what we do and say is ingrained in us from an early age, or we’ve convinced ourselves we have found the best way to navigate through life. For me, I could no longer deny my actions when I found myself emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. There was no lower bottom, except death. So, when I set out on this journey of recovery and I resisted letting go of old behavior, I had to remind myself of how bad it had gotten doing it my own way, and if I was to get any better I had to let go of those old behaviors and replace them with healthier ones. They say, practice makes perfect, I haven’t found that to be true, but practice does make it easier, and it’s OK if I’m not perfect as long as I am doing my best in the moment. You see perfection used to be what I strived for, and never feeling I was able to achieve it I labeled myself a loser, which gave me permission to act out in ways that harmed myself, my relationships and my chances of learning and growing from the place I was. But to get better I had to let go of my perfectionism and embrace the idea that I was going to make mistakes and fall back on old behavior, but that wasn’t an excuse to throw out all the progress I had made and allow myself to engage in that old behavior. Making mistakes was part of the process of growth and if I was able to use it as that, I would do just that, grow from there.

We all have things we like to do even when we know it’s not the best choice for us, but indulging in that old behavior doesn’t move us forward, it doesn’t help us make better and stronger choices and it holds back from being our best selves. Acknowledge when you are repeating old behaviors and set yourself on the right path for success. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you recognize behaviors from your past that you still practice today that may not be the best for you? What are they? When do you notice them come up? What do you tell yourself to let yourself engage in that behavior? Or, do you not realize you are doing it until later, or not at all? What behavior stands in your way to being who you want to be, or know you can be? What can you do to change that? It’s OK to make mistakes and fall back on your old ways, but work to make better choices and soon you may find that many of those old behaviors don’t feel so comfortable anymore.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Avoid Slippery Places

As we walk our own path, working to be our best selves, giving back to others, and challenging ourselves to grow and move forward, we can sometimes hit a slippery patch if we’re not paying attention to where we’re going. Those slippery patches can be different for all of us, depending on what we’re not wanting to slip back to. For an alcoholic it could be a bar or social situation that we used to drink at, for a gambler it could be a casino, for a overeater it can be passing by our favorite bakery, and it can be as simple as engaging with family and friends. Anyone, or anything, that triggers us to our old way of thinking can cause us to slide back to our old ways, if we’re not careful.

For me, those emotional places are the trickiest, as specific situations or actions can cause me to recoil, reminding me of someone or something from my past. They can, at times, seemingly, come out of nowhere, and then BAM, they’re right in my face, and it’s in those moments when I have to make a choice, to do what I’ve always done, or to make a different and better choice than I used to. Those slippery places are much more difficult for me than any physical place, or object, that may remind me of my past. And, I also have to ask myself honestly, if I sought out a specific situation because it’s one I know, even if it wasn’t done consciously. I would have to say no, today, but the universe has a way to testing us, and disguising otherwise different looking situations and then we realize they are not. For me, it’s important to acknowledge what my part may be in finding myself there, and if there were no warning signs or self-sabotage, asking why the universe has chosen to place me there and what am I there to learn. You see, just because we find ourselves in a similar situation as we have before, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad for us, it may be just another opportunity to do things better than we have before and to move past that issue or pain from our past and finally let it go. It takes some sleuth work to look at it for what it is, and a lot of honesty, but if we walk our new path with awareness of who we are today, and where we don’t want to go again, most things should be easy to navigate through, some are a little more difficult to identify, which is why it always helps to have some good sounding boards in our lives, those people who are like us, and can help us walk through those murky waters.

It is up to us to stay away from the slippery places in our lives, and when we find ourselves there, to recognize them and safely walk ourselves through them. Life is full of slippery places, but it’s important to stay firmly on our path and continue to make decisions and choices that honor who we are today and the way of life we are currently living. There is nothing waiting for us in the past, it has already happened, and hopefully, taught us what we need to know today and in the future, nothing can be gained by sliding back. Watch your steps today and make sure you’re not unnecessarily tempting yourself by walking too close to your old way of life. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tempt yourself by putting yourself in old situations or with triggers from your past? Why do you do this? If not, why do you think you’ve stopped? Do you sometimes find yourself in situations that are the same or remind you of your past? How do you think you get there? Do you think you seek out those situations? Or, do you think that sometimes those situations look different to start and the universe has disguised them as something they are not to see if you’ve moved past who you were before? What situations today do you avoid to live a healthier and happier life? How did you overcome them? What can you still work on to avoid slipping back? We naturally do tend to look for situations we are familiar with, but it is up to us to not engage in those activities, or those people, who pull us back to who we used to be, we must be diligent about our path today and protecting it from the those slippery places that can cause us to fall.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Refresh, Relax, Recharge

We all lead busy lives, wear a lot of hats, and we put ourselves under enormous pressure each day to be all things to all people, but we often forget to be there for ourselves. To unwind. To practice self-care. To recharge.

My schedule has been really busy, and I thrive on busy, but I do need to take time for myself each day to give back to myself. Some days that is harder than others. But I look for ways, even if it’s small, to do something nice for myself, or do something that I will thank myself for later. But every so often I get caught up in the rat race and I feel rundown. That feeling hit me like a ton of bricks a few days ago. I just hit a wall. Now the old me would have pushed through, not been present, probably would have been resentful, but gotten it done. My ego would have said, “well done,” but my spirit would have been gasping for air…or a nap. I am thankful that many years of work and practicing self-care gave me enough awareness that I saw the warning signs, felt them, and canceled my afternoon to take of myself for the rest of the day. And that, felt amazing.

It is easy to forget to take care of ourselves, often we are at the bottom of our own list. We run around, busy, doing things for everyone else, and forget to check in to see what we need. Or, we may feel guilty for needing anything at all. We shouldn’t. We all need some rest from time to time. That doesn’t make us weak, that doesn’t make us a loser, or less-than, it makes us healthy, self-loving individuals who make sure we are balancing our lives with stuff we need to do, stuff we want to do for others, and, stuff that let’s us unwind, and gets our torch burning again. I’ve said this many times, here at STATE OF SLAY and on my livestream SLAY TALK LIVE, we can’t offer someone something we don’t have. If our tank is empty there is nothing we give to someone else. It is of great importance that we make sure we are getting that, and doing that for ourselves. It is not selfish, it is self-love.

I know from experience, for me, that when I rundown, I start to disconnect from myself, as a way to push through the exhaustion, or pain, or stress, but when I do that I am not listening to my own wants and needs, I am just propelling myself forward, and that is when I can get hurt. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I know, from doing it many times in the past, that I am headed for trouble when I’m in that state, and, I have put myself in dangerous situations when I’m walking around without an awareness of my own needs.

It is OK to take time for ourselves. It is OK to nourish ourselves, to love ourselves enough that we do what’s best for us. Even if that comes before someone else’s needs. Sometimes we need to slow down, and sometimes that means we have to tell someone we can’t do something, or need to reschedule for another day, and all of that is OK, it’s more than OK, it’s great. Anyone who loves you will understand, and should understand, that you need to take care of you, but most importantly, you need to understand that it is OK to take care of you. It’s great to do things for others in your life, but not that the cost of your own self-care, make sure you are taking the time in your life to refresh, relax, recharge. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you over-schedule your life? When you’re planning your days or weeks, to you schedule time to rest, do something you like, or take a break? If not, why not? Do you see that if you are run down that you don’t have much to give someone else? What can you do to refresh, relax and recharge this week? Why don’t you write that into your schedule SLAYER, schedule some YOU time, and see if that makes a difference in how smoothly your days go.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

New Year, New You

Today is New Year’s Eve. The end of one year and the beginning of another. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve always made commitments to myself as I feel I’m ready for them, or ready for the challenge of them, so the idea of having to come up with them on a specific day has never really appealed to me. What I do like is the idea of a clean slate. A fresh page. A new year gives us a marker and chance to hit the restart button and start again. Now, we’re still us walking into the new year, but maybe we’re us with a different perspective, with new goals, or a drive to find what we’re looking for. It’s a time to take a deep breath and let go of the past to make room for something new. The problem I have with resolutions is that we seem to set ourselves up to fail. We set them thinking we should have them, people ask us what they are, there’s that anticipation that we have to have answers when asked, and so we set forth and make a list that we may not be fully ready to commit to, or truly have any intention of taking action on. So, if we do feel pressured to make a list, and there is no real pressure to, or we’re just wanting to set some goals for ourselves as we head into a new year, how do we make better choices when it comes to finding out what we really do intend to change, or want to change?

First, it’s asking ourselves why we’re wanting things to change, and what we’re wanting to change? What is our motivation behind seeking out this change? Why is it important to us? How will it help us or benefit us? And these answers should have answers that pertain to us, not how we’ll look to others, or if they’ll help someone else, these should be our goals or changes that will help us to become the people we want to be, who we aspire to be, because deep down we know we are those people. It’s about uncovering our true selves and getting rid of old habits we used to use to get by, or survive, or possibly hide who we truly were. Our goals or resolutions, if we want to stick with that label, should not be born out of judgment of ourselves, or comparison of those around us. They should come from a truth inside of us that we know we should change because what we are wanting to let go of is no longer serving us, or possibly never did. These goals should be internal goals, done for internal reasons, not because they’ll look good on the outside, when we do what we think we should do, or we do something to please someone else, but we don’t believe it in our heart, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We should only do what we know is right for us and do it for us, only then do we have a chance to overcome that particular hurdle and succeed.

We also have to give ourselves time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. We can make some changes, but we have give ourselves time to let those changes settle in, and also, give ourselves some leeway to know we’re going to revert back to our old ways from time to time, change takes time, and it takes practice, so even if you fall back, don’t just throw in the towel, understand that’s part of the process, learn from it, and keep going. The more you do something, the more it becomes your new normal. Failure is a part of the process. Always remember why you’re making the change and how it affects you personally. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Having the awareness that you want to change and what you want to change is a catalyst for change. Awareness is half the battle, the rest is doing it. So really look at your life, who you are, what you do, how you interact with the world around you and be honest with yourself, are you living as your true self? What areas can you improve on? What areas can you really shine? It can be hard to take an honest look at ourselves, but change doesn’t happen if we keep telling ourselves the same story and living in a place that doesn’t allow us to be our best selves. Take a cold hard look at you, the stuff that makes you flinch, or makes you uncomfortable, that’s the perfect place to stop and take a look and ask yourself why it does. Anything can be changed for the better, we all have the ability to make changes and live a fuller life. Once we make some decisions and put a plan in motion it changes our trajectory, our direction, and sets us on a new path, and if we stay true to that path, and true to us, that path will continue to give back to us and will continue to give us what we need on this new path.

Really, we can change or start something new any day of the year, but why not take some time today to reflect on what things in your life you would like to change that are in your reach to change. Write them down, and write down the steps you can take to make those changes happen. Only we know what is best for us, and only we can do the work to make sure we are and have the best for us. So roll up your sleeves SLAYER, this is a great time to dig into your toolbox and find the tools you need to be your best you this year. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically set New Year’s Resolutions for yourself at the beginning of year? Do you stick to them? If you don’t, why do you think you fail? Are they realistic? Why don’t you follow through? Searching your heart, what change would you like to see this year for yourself? How can you make these changes happen? If you don’t know, ask those around you, with those you trust or who maybe inspire you, ask them how they might go about achieving the same goal. Find those things you think are holding you back, those things you might hide behind, or use as protection, make a commitment to get rid of them, to get out from behind them, to allow yourself to be your best you and shed those things you no longer need, those things that are only holding you back. Give yourself the gift of self empowerment, of doing what’s best for you, and following through on letting your best parts shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS!  Conflict will happen, it’s how we choose to respond to it that matters.  Practicing healthy conflict allows us to get into a solution, and offers us an opportunity to learn about those around us, and ourselves.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Conflict