Self Help

Stop Apologizing For Who You Are

I used to do this, feeling less than I didn’t think I deserved anyone’s help, concern, or ear, I thought I was a burden and if I did reach out I would apologize for it. I would apologize for everything, for wanting things, for being passionate about the things I was, for being alive! I truly didn’t think I was worthy of anything and wouldn’t speak up, and then I would get angry and hurt when I wasn’t acknowledged, as a defense my ego would kick and say “yes, you do deserve all of these things and how dare they not know that!” I would stand there, the most righteous piece of crap that ever walked the earth, and then crumble in self hatred and doubt and not speak up, or if I finally did, be apologetic for my wants and needs.

We need to stop apologizing for ourselves! We do deserve good things, good people in our lives, and to love the things we do, no apologies. We have to lose the idea that if we need a friend, someone to listen to us that isn’t a burden, because, true story, you may just be helping the other person too. Crazy right? When you think about it, it’s actually selfish to hold back, not share, because you could also be cheating someone else from hearing what you have to say, maybe they also need to hear it, or need to hear themselves say what they’re going to say back to you. Don’t apologize. You matter, your experiences matter, your thoughts matter, it all matters. When I started this blog my intention, or hope, was to bring some light to someone who may be suffering or struggling, and so I set out to speak my truth, with no apologies, and because I’ve been doing that you all have responded with your stories of struggle or experiences, and victories, and have given back to me, and because I relate to so much of what you’re saying it reminds me of where I am, where I’ve come from, or where I need to be. See, it’s really a big circle, when we all share our truths, we all find some healing, and love, and comfort. Never apologize for who you are or your story.

That goes for your passions as well! Be you! Love what you love! Don’t ever apologize for those things or think you shouldn’t share it, when you do you find like-minded people who are also into the things you are. Some of you out there already have, and look at how amazing it feels to find your tribe, if people don’t understand, that’s OK, they don’t need to, it’s not up to you to make them understand, or apologize for it.

As SLAYERS we stand tall, we love and appreciate our authentic selves, we are proud of who we are, what we stand for, and what and who we love. We deserve to have good people and friends around us, we deserve to have the things we work for, aspire to, we deserve all of it, never apologize for any of that because it’s your unique voice, your love, your passion that is needed out the in the world, whether you’re having a good day or one full of challenges, we need to hear your voice, we connect with it, we love it, and we share in your journey.

Standing tall in ourselves means forgiving yourself, yeah I’m not going to let that go, finding your flawsome, letting your freak flag fly and celebrating you! Never apologize for who you are or what you want, you deserve all of it, you are special, we love you, but, you have to love yourself…without apologies.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you apologize for what you want? Why? Do you apologize when you’re struggling and need someone to listen? Why? Don’t you think we want what we want and go through what we do because there is a bigger plan, a reason we want and go through those things? If we don’t speak our truths and share with others we’re not only cheating ourselves, but we’re cheating those around us who may need to hear what you have to say. Don’t apologize for needing and wanting what you do. Stand tall SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Don’t Judge Your Insides To Other People’s Outsides

We’ve all done it. Scrolling through social media, sitting in the park, walking through a crowd—comparing our inner pain to someone else’s seemingly perfect life. I used to do it constantly. I’d look at all the smiling, polished people around me and think, “How did I get it so wrong?”

From the outside, it looked like everyone else had it all together. Meanwhile, my insides felt like chaos. Shame, darkness, self-doubt—I was living with all of it, convinced I was the only one who felt so broken. I judged myself harshly because I didn’t understand that most people are carrying something they’re not showing the world.

What I’ve come to realize is this: everyone has their struggles. Everyone has pain they don’t post about. And no one—no one—gets a free pass through life.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Trap of Comparison

When I was in the dark, I couldn’t see past the highlight reels. I didn’t just compare—I internalized those comparisons. I thought of myself as garbage, unworthy, undeserving. And yet, I never considered that others might be hiding their struggles just as well as I was.

I was good at masking my pain. I could look “put together” even when I was falling apart inside. So why did I believe I was the only one pretending? That illusion kept me isolated, and the more I fed it, the deeper I sank.

What saved me was connection. Sharing my truth. Hearing someone else say, “Me too.” That’s when the healing started. That’s when I stopped envying the outside and started healing the inside.

The Power of Sharing

Opening up helped me build real relationships. It gave me community. And it helped me see that I wasn’t alone in the fight. When I started connecting with people who were also doing the inner work—people who had also known darkness and were walking toward the light—I finally saw how similar we all are beneath the surface.

It’s easy to get tricked by the filters, the curated feeds, the constant performance of happiness. But behind those shiny moments are real people with real struggles—just like you.

Let Your Inside Shine

Instead of comparing your worst days to someone’s best moments, take a moment to check in with yourself. Find the light that is there. Talk to someone you trust. Focus on what’s real instead of what’s being performed. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

We’re all on a journey. Yours might not look like theirs—and that’s okay. In fact, that’s beautiful.

Live in your truth. Let your inside match your outside. And when you do, you won’t need a filter to shine.

 

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you compare your insides to others’ outsides?
  • What do you think they have that you don’t?
  • How can you bring light into your own life—starting today?
  • What’s something real you can share with someone else this week?
  • SLAYER, write down 10 things about yourself that money can’t buy—and be grateful for them.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve learned by letting go of comparison and embracing your own journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the comparison trap, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re not alone.

Carrie Genzel talks ‘Supernatural’ fans and her State of Slay

Many thanks to fellow SLAYER Carol Hansson for this interview and for talking to me about my inspiration and hopes for STATE OF SLAY.  SLAY on!

To read interview, click link: Movie TV Tech Geek: Carrie Genzel talks ‘Supernatural’ fans and her State of Slay

This Too Shall Pass

Nothing lasts forever, but when I’m sitting in the muck of my mind it seems I’m doomed for all eternity, my mind likes to tell me that anyway, and I used to believe it. When we seem to be living under a dark cloud it’s like time slows down, and the crap just keeps piling on, our legs get heavy, and so does our head and our heart, and it’s hard to move. But let me tell you a secret, you can move, you can move from all of that, you just have to…well move! We have the power to make a dark day turn bright and to walk away from the crap that’s holding us down, keeping us back, telling us that we’re meant to drown in the muck we find ourselves in. We fight, we scream, we stand up and know this place, this darkness, will not last forever, it never does, unless we let it, but like a thunderstorm it rolls through, reeking havoc, and then passes on it’s way, our personal storms are no different.

The trick is to remember that when you’re in it. Sometimes that can be hard, because the darkness is so deceptive, so relentless we see no end in sight, but it’s there, it’s always there, and just knowing it’s there can help us navigate through the dark until we find our way out. Our thoughts can lie to us, they can lead us to dark places and keep us there. Mine did for much of my life, and I believed the lies it told me, the lies that said that I wasn’t good enough, that people wouldn’t like me, that it was better, and safer, to isolate and stay alone, and the longer I listened, the louder the thoughts got. It took a lot of fight to quiet them down, but I did, and so can you.

This goes back to a lot of what I’ve talked about already, it goes back to self love, self forgiveness, and self care, that’s a lot of self, but, we need to take care of our own needs to make sure we’re in tip top SLAYER condition when things come our way, if we are it’s much easier to navigate through those murky waters, and to not believe those negative thoughts when they come up. When we think back to the dark times in our lives, they always passed, or at the very least, got brighter, life ebbs and flows, and there are always going be times when we’re riding high or clawing our way back, the trick is to remember, and believe, that you will be back on top, and that you deserve it! Don’t believe the negative hype! It won’t always be like this, it won’t, the sun will come back out and shine bright, as will we. It’s easier to weather the storm when you can stand up against it with a brightness from within, light your own way on your own path and find your way out. Sometimes it can be just as simple as laughing it all off, not taking it seriously and walking away, waiting out the storm, but some in cases it’s more serious than that, so, we trudge our way forward, doing the necessary footwork that may be needed to resolve what we can resolve, and then smile, oh yes smile, and let it pass, it will pass, the sun is just on the horizon.

Even though you may feel beaten down, in the darkness, alone, and tired, you have the strength SLAYER to get up and fight, you have it within you to walk through the darkness and find the light by using your own unique beautiful light to light your way, and use all of ours if it’s still too dark, we’re all with you on the same path shining bright. Don’t be afraid, don’t despair, don’t let it tell you it’s won, it hasn’t, unless you let it, and you’re a SLAYER, so look it right in the eye, pick up your mighty sword, smile, and say to yourself, this too shall pass and I will win, and so it will, and you will win.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When in your life have you gone through dark times only to see them pass over time? When have you managed to work your way out of a dark time? How did you do it? When you are in a dark place, is it hard for you to see or find the light? Does it seem like it’ll last forever? Does it? If you are in a dark place now SLAYER sit quietly and envision yourself surrounded by white light, a light so bright it lights up the room and all around you, take that light with you to shine in the dark areas of your life, let the light in and the darkness will fade away.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Celebrate Your Wins

I never used to allow myself to celebrate my wins, either I felt I didn’t deserve them, or worried that others would feel I was bragging, or I thought if I talked about being excited or proud about something that it would be taken away. It took a lot of work to even accept a compliment and not try to make up a reason to explain it away, which I have since learned on this path that it’s actually an insult to the person paying you the compliment to not to accept it, you’re basically telling them they’re wrong. They weren’t wrong, and aren’t wrong, I was wrong to not allow myself to celebrate the good, the wins and victories in my life.

So many times we worry about what others might think that we gloss over the things we’ve worked so hard for, or the changes we’re making, but here’s the deal, if anyone in your life doesn’t celebrate along with you, they probably shouldn’t be in your life…or at the very least, if you don’t have a choice, kept at a distance and not be privy to the ups and downs of your daily life. Anyone who truly loves and accepts you is right there celebrating with you, even for the smallest thing, and, you are also there for theirs, see, that’s how it works. I love it when people around me are succeeding now, I used to sit in jealousy and harbor a resentment, that their life was going better than mine, but when I took my power back and learned to love myself, I started to realize that other people’s victories in my life we also my victories, when one of us rises, we all rise.

Like attracts like, so when the positive energy is flowing, it surrounds all of us in that circle, just so when someone in your circle is struggling, we all surround them to lift them up and support them through their dark days, and it’s important to celebrate the good days, even if you’re celebrating it wasn’t as dark as yesterday. Victory! Time for a celebration! Just having that attitude and the practice of allowing yourself to celebrate you is a victory, celebrate that! Allowing ourselves to be proud and sharing it with others also shows others, who may be struggling, that it can be done, that the dark days do pass, so, when you keep those things to yourself, just like how not accepting a compliment is doing the other person a disservice, so is not celebrating your wins, the others around aren’t seeing your progress, you’re hard work paying off, you making the decision to look for the good, to be positive and to move forward in the light. Keeping the good to yourself, well, it’s really kind of selfish.

So, get out there, tell the world and celebrate your wins, share, connect, and spread that positivity with those around you, that excitement and love for yourself is contagious and will spill out to those around you, and, perhaps even inspire others to get to work for their own wins, or, maybe see that they have a few of their own they should be celebrating. Don’t be afraid to shine bright, your light has the power to heal, not only yourself, but others, and the more you celebrate and work to live in the light, the brighter it gets, and the more powerful the light is all around us. You deserve to celebrate you, life has it’s challenges and each victory, no matter how small, is a huge victory for you, and a huge victory for us all.

SLAY OF THE DAY: How does the idea of celebrating your wins make you feel? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Why? How are you doing on forgiving yourself SLAYER? Have you been feeling love for yourself? If not, why? What’s holding you back? We here all love you and want to celebrate with you, what’s one thing that you can celebrate today? Write it down, put it in your pocket and carry it with you throughout your day. Tell someone about it, and ask them to tell you one of theirs. Stay bright, and pass it on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Letting Go

I can already sense some of you tightening your grip as you read the title. Let go. Letting go is an art, a skill that really lets us SLAYERS soar when we set it in motion, it’s what lets us fly to new heights and lightens our hearts.

I never used to let anything go, my grudges ran deep, they were ugly, revengeful, epic, but they only fueled the darkness in me, the anger, hate, and resentment, and ultimately weighed me down and held me back. I would live the incident over and over again, stewing in it, I wasn’t evolving, growing, opening myself up to new experiences and people, I was living in the past. I’ve already talked about forgiving ourselves, how’s that going by the way, finding forgiveness in our own behavior and missteps from a time when we didn’t know better, or, we did but chose not to act better, lets let that person go, release our old sevles into the abyss of the past, we are not those people anymore, and we don’t carry the baggage of our past with us, we are SLAYERS, we move forward leaving our old selves behind to stare anew. And, same goes for people of our past. Those who have hurt us, betrayed us, lied to us, let them go, we’ve learned what we needed from them, and we let them go, we don’t need to carry their extra weight.

Easier said than done right? Well, it can be hard, even on my journey there are certain people, or things, that seem harder to let go of than others, so know, that sometimes it is a journey, letting go, and let yourself go through your process, but ask yourself, why it’s so hard to let it, or them, go, those are typically the situations or people who really got us at our core, shook our foundation, but why, the answer to that will help you in your decision process as you move forward, those answers will give you a warning in the future when we invite new people or things into our lives, we have to ask ourselves if we are safe, we have to ask the questions and find out the facts to keep us safe, so we don’t harm ourselves, or get ourselves into harmful situations, like we’ve been harmed in the past.

How do we let go? Well, for one I look at what I learned. If it really stings, I’ll write it down in my journal, a process, I’ll write down the pros and cons of that situation or relationship and really examine it, especially the cons, remember those, those are what will stop you from doing the same things over and over again, because what’s next is asking yourself what your part was in those things, taking responsibility for the actions you took, you’ve taken part trust me, and then looking at those things, forgiving yourself and making a commitment to yourself to do better for yourself, you deserve better, you do, so remind yourself of that. Now look at other person, the cons, and with forgiveness in your heart let them go. Yeah, I totally just said that. With forgiveness in your heart, I know, it may be a stretch to actually forgive them, hopefully that will come over time, but with forgiveness in your heart for yourself, and them, let them go. When I’m struggling to do that I will pray for that person. No, I haven’t gone completely nuts, I pray for them, or wish, that they receive all of the things I would want for myself, and I will do that every day for two weeks, it totally works. After that two weeks I have to let them go, or at the very least, don’t want something dastardly to happen to them. Don’t believe me? Try it SLAYER.

At the end of the day we’re all sick in our own ways, and some are sicker than others, we were probably drawn to these people because we saw something in them that we see in ourselves, maybe our intentions were self motivated, or we saw a weakness we could exploit, speaking for the old me here, so in thinking about the other person and what they may fight themselves makes it a little easier to let them go and to let them fight their own battles as you continue on and fight yours. As SLAYERS we walk with love in our hearts, not hate, letting go of the past let’s love in and helps us to heal our broken hearts. I love you SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Who are what do have trouble letting go of? Make a list. What’s your part in that relationship or situation? Are you able to forgive yourself for your part? If not why? Why are you still attached to this person or situation? How is it serving you to hold on? How is it hurting you? Let it go. Let them go. Pray or wish that that person receives everything you would want for yourself, do it SLAYER, every day for two weeks, it will change things, shift them, and maybe even give you the relief of letting them go. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Personal Love Letter

That’s right SLAYER, let’s slow down for a moment here, you’ve been working hard, and it’s important that you acknowledge that. You are incredible! You are love! You inspire me every day! You are a warrior! You are a survivor! You are giving! You are kind! You are beautiful! You are strong! You, you are a work of art, and I am honored to have you SLAY along with me.

I felt like was important to celebrate us today. To exhale and do something we don’t always do, pat ourselves on the back for what we’ve accomplished in our lives, to acknowledge it, to acknowledge us; the changes we’ve made, the obstacles we’ve overcome, the fears we’ve walked through, the people, places, and things we’ve said goodbye to, all the things we’ve done to live as our authentic self, honoring and loving who we are.

We also need to remember to be patient and gentle with ourselves, we are precious cargo, sensitive souls, and it’s always good to check in and see if we’re taking time with ourselves to learn, grow, and move forward. Life is not a game show, there is no buzzer that’s going to sound off if we’ve taken too long, we move at our own pace…as long as we’re moving, and we do what we can each day, and don’t judge that. Sometimes we leap, and sometimes we crawl, but as long as we’re moving forward we’re moving in the right direction. We are also not comparing our progress to anyone else’s, we are where we are, and maybe where we are is just right for today, maybe where we are helps us, and someone else, and maybe where they are does the same for us, trust that, and know that you are only responsible for your own journey, and your journey has it’s own timeline, and that timeline is unique to you, so the footwork and then just let it go.

For me, a lot of times, the issue I am struggling with may not come to me because I’m trying to force a conclusion or solution, or, I’m just not meant to find the answer at that moment, but when I stand back, and move on or maybe focus on something else, trusting, and asking for the answer to come, it does, it almost always does, at random times, when I’m doing something completely different and have moved on, then pop, there it is, and it always makes me smile. If that hasn’t happened for you that may seem like some mystical Jedi lore, but trust me, it can happen for you, and will, if you let things go, and, it is magic, and it is because we are magical human beings, and instead of us trying to run the show we’re letting whatever guides us through life do exactly that, we’re following the timeline we are mean to be on and not trying to force our own, letting it come to you when it’s supposed to and then taking action, maybe the process of letting it come to you is part of the solution, or lesson, or just part of the journey, trust that, and know that is all a part of your diving plan. Just be.

A friend recently shared an exercise that she did with some her close friends. They each wrote a letter to themselves. I encourage you SLAYER to do the same. Write a letter, or postcard, to yourself, telling yourself the things you would want to hear from the person you love the most, but, say it to yourself. Give it to a family member, friend, or spouse, to randomly mail to you, so that one day, when you’re not expecting it, and probably when you need it, a letter will come addressed to you, from you, telling yourself why you rock. You can also do this for others in your life as well, but, not forgetting to do your own letter. Do it SLAYER, you deserve it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: I started this blog by telling you the things I thought of you, so to get your own personal love letter started I want you to do it for yourself SLAYER. Here’s a start:

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Freedom: Outside Those Fences, We Build Ourselves

There was a time in my life when I was unraveling quietly.

On the outside, I was functioning. On the inside, I was doing everything I could to hide how lost I felt. During that season, a dear friend came to stay with me for a few days. We never talked about what I was going through. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t call me out. He simply saw me.

Before he left, he handed me a movie and said he thought I should watch it.

The movie was Instinct. I had never seen it. I set it on my coffee table, where it sat for months — untouched. When I finally watched it, I remember thinking it was well done, thoughtfully acted… but I didn’t understand why he’d given it to me.

It wasn’t until years later, after I had begun my healing journey, that I understood exactly what he was trying to tell me.

In the film, a character struggling to find his place in the world writes a farewell letter that includes this line:

“Freedom is not just a dream. It’s there, on the other side of those fences we build all by ourselves.”

When that line finally landed, it hit me like a wave.

My friend wasn’t offering advice.
He was offering truth.

The Fences We Build to Feel Safe Often Keep Us Trapped

Every one of us builds fences.

We build them to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection, and loss. We tell ourselves they’re necessary — that they keep us safe.

But often, those fences don’t just keep people out.
They keep us in.

The longer we stay behind them, the louder the negative chatter in our minds becomes. Fear grows comfortable. Doubt feels familiar. And the idea of stepping beyond what we know — even if what we know is painful — starts to feel terrifying.

What we call a “safety zone” slowly becomes a cage.

And from inside it, we watch others live. Love. Risk. Grow.
While we tell ourselves stories about why we can’t.

The Illusion of Safety

Here’s the hard truth:
You are not actually safe behind emotional fences.

You’re not safe from your own thoughts.
You’re not safe from resentment.
You’re not safe from the slow erosion of joy.

Survival may feel like safety — but it isn’t freedom.

When we hide, we don’t stop pain from existing. We just stop ourselves from experiencing the fullness of life that exists alongside it.

And eventually, hiding costs more than risking ever could.

Tearing Down the Fence Doesn’t Have to Happen All at Once

The good news is this: you don’t have to demolish everything overnight.

If the idea of tearing down your fences sends anxiety through your body, start smaller. Tear a hole. Open a gate. Peek through the slats.

You don’t need a wrecking ball — you need willingness.

For me, though, I tore everything down at once.

It was terrifying.

I felt exposed. Raw. Vulnerable. Like I was standing naked in front of the world, waiting to be judged.

But something unexpected happened when the fences came down.

The world came in — because I invited it to.

And I learned something powerful: the world wasn’t nearly as dangerous as I believed. There were others like me. Others who were afraid. Others who were healing.

And when we stood together, we became stronger.
Braver.
More alive.

Freedom Comes From Discernment, Not Isolation

We often tell ourselves that walls keep us safe, but real safety comes from discernment.

From choosing the right people.
The right environments.
The right truths.

Freedom doesn’t mean recklessness. It means living authentically while making informed, conscious choices.

Yes, we’ve all been hurt before.
But that was the old us.

The SLAYER standing here today has learned.
Has grown.
Has wisdom.

We don’t move forward by closing our hearts — we move forward by opening them to what aligns with who we are now.

Boundaries Are Not Fences

This is where boundaries come in.

Boundaries are not walls meant to isolate you.
They are guidelines that protect your freedom.

They communicate what is and isn’t acceptable access to you.

For me, boundaries often sound like:

  • Honesty is required

  • My time is respected

  • I’m spoken to with kindness

  • Distance is allowed when something isn’t healthy

Boundaries shift depending on the relationship and the season — and that’s okay. We are constantly evolving, and clarity requires checking in with ourselves often.

When something doesn’t feel right, that’s information.

Ask yourself:
What do I need right now to feel safe and free?

Asking for What You Need Is an Act of Freedom

One of the most liberating things you can do is ask for what you want and need.

Not everyone will be able to give it to you — and that’s okay.

But as SLAYERS, we don’t hide our needs behind fences anymore. We speak them clearly. We honor ourselves openly.

And when we do that, walls become unnecessary.

Because freedom isn’t found in hiding.
It’s found in truth.

You Were Never Meant to Live Behind the Fence

Freedom lives outside the structures we built from fear.

It lives in courage.
In connection.
In choosing alignment over avoidance.

You are not your past.
You are not the fear that once protected you.
You are not meant to stay confined.

You are meant to run free.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life have you built fences instead of boundaries?
L: What fears are keeping you behind those walls?
A: What is one belief, habit, or relationship you could loosen your grip on to create more freedom?
Y: What would it look like to step outside the fence — even just a little?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where do you notice yourself hiding instead of living — and what would freedom look like for you right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to step beyond their fences, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

When Sorry Isn’t Enough

OK, we’ve all said it when we didn’t really mean it, when it would make us look good, we wanted something, or just wanted someone to go away, but, sorry isn’t good enough, even if we do mean it, what we need to do is amend the behavior that caused the incident in the first place. All too often we throw out ‘I’m sorry” without giving it much thought, like putting a band-aid on something without treating the wound. What we really should be doing is striving to do better, and to amend what got us there in the first place.

This falls under a lot of the things I’ve already talked about, was it acceptance, did we not accept a person or situation, did we manipulate, lie, or steal, or is it our people picker, is our “people picker” still off and we chose to get involved with someone who is not honoring our authentic selves or the way we’re living our lives, did our expectations get us in trouble, did we have expectations around something or someone and felt let down, what were our intentions, were our intentions true, and did we get the facts to find out what the other person’s intentions where? All of these things, and more, can get us in sticky situations that may need to be corrected, but sorry isn’t enough.

Sorry to me is something you say when you bump into someone, or speak over them by mistake, not in situations that involve decisions we’ve made or situations we’ve chosen to participate in. If we’ve made a conscious decision to engage and we’ve messed up we need to make an amends, not just say sorry.

So, what is the difference? Making an amends to someone, or yourself, is making a commitment to do better in the future, to work on not getting yourself in that situation as you move forward, and to repair any damage you may have caused. Sounds heavy right? Well, here’s the deal, it may sound like heavy lifting but what it truly does is lighten the load. Making an amends to someone is really the gold medal of apologies because it not only says “I’m sorry” but it takes it one step further by saying, “and here’s what I plan to do about it.” An amend takes action! And, that’s what we’re all about SLAYERS, taking positive action in our lives. I have seen firsthand in my own life how, seemingly irreparable relationships, or situations become not only fixed, but stronger after an amends. It can be scary to stand in front of someone and say, “I messed up, I’m sorry my actions caused, x, y, or z, but, here’s what I’m going to do about it.” But, I’ve seen miracles happen. Now, in making this declaration at no point do we make excuses for our behavior, we, using the “just the facts Ma’am” approach, declare what our part was, and then what we feel we can do to make it better. We also don’t point fingers at anyone else, remember, we are in charge of our own lives, who we are, what we feel, and what we do, so it’s not anyone else’s fault but our own if we messed up, and we all mess up, it’s how we deal with it after that makes us SLAYERS, or slackers. It’s about keeping our side of the street clean. We’ve worked hard on our streets, we don’t want to run around throwing garbage all over it.

Now, there might be times that we cannot, or should not, make an amends, oh, now I got your attention now, those of you looking for a way out, but we should not make an amends if it will hurt or do damage to the other person or persons involved, there’s a special amends for those things, a living amends. In those cases you can make an amends to yourself and make the commitment to yourself to change that behavior, continue to do better while moving forward. We may also find ourselves where we are not able to make an amends to someone because they are unreachable or have passed on, again a living amends works in those circumstances too, and, what I’ve done in the past is written a letter to that person then burned it to let it go.

No one is perfect, but a SLAYER doesn’t back away when ownership of a mistake needs to be taken, we stand up, explain what was done, and we take responsibility to do it right the next time. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Write down the names and situations where you think you owe an amends. Is there a person or institution you own an amends to? Are you hesitant to do it? Why? Next the names you’ve written down, what can you do, moving forward, to better the situation that has you owing an amends? Make a commitment to watch out for those as you move forward and instead of repeating it, do the next right thing.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

I’m Not Perfect, I’m Flawsome!

The photo that accompanies this post is one I never thought I’d share.

I’ve had it since 2003, and aside from the person who took it, I showed it to only one other person for years. Before I stepped onto this journey, there was no way I would have let anyone see it. In truth, it’s taken me more than a decade of healing to feel ready to share it at all.

That photo isn’t a picture of someone who had it together.
It isn’t the version of me I worked so hard to present to the world.

It’s a picture of a woman in pain.
In fear.
Holding on by a thread.

I look at her now and I recognize her immediately. She’s still inside me. But today, I feel compassion for her instead of shame. I understand what she was carrying. I understand why she was afraid. And I appreciate her—because she didn’t stay there.

She kept going.

And that’s what made her flawsome.

What Flawsome Really Means to Me

Flawsome isn’t pretending we don’t have flaws.
It’s not polishing them up or hiding them better.

Flawsome is learning to celebrate them.

It’s letting go of the impossible standard of perfection and choosing something real instead. Because perfection doesn’t exist—and chasing it only keeps us stuck in self-judgment.

Flawsome is turning the parts of yourself you once hated into sources of strength. It’s living authentically, loving yourself fully, and recognizing that who you are—right now—is already worthy.

Perfection isn’t attainable.
But flawsomeness is.

How I Learned to Become Flawsome

This didn’t happen overnight.

It came from learning who I actually am, not who I thought I needed to be. From loving myself unconditionally—even the parts I wanted to reject. From letting my freak flag fly instead of trying to tuck it away.

And yes, it came from forgiveness. Again.

Forgiving myself for the choices I made when I didn’t know better.
Forgiving myself for the years I spent believing I was unlovable.
Forgiving myself for thinking my flaws made me less-than.

Letting go of that judgment freed me in ways I never expected.

Loving Yourself Is the Work

I had to learn to look at myself with love—the same love I so easily offered to others.

To stop living in the past, replaying mistakes that couldn’t be undone.
To stop living in the future, chasing a version of myself I thought I had to become.

The only place healing actually happens is now.

I learned to focus on what I’m good at. To celebrate my strengths instead of obsessing over what I thought was broken. To build on my talents and share them with others.

One of the most powerful parts of being flawsome is letting other people see it. When we own who we are, we give others permission to do the same.

The Woman in That Photo Didn’t Stay There

There’s nothing flawsome about the woman in that photo—except this:

She didn’t give up.

With every bit of strength she had, she fought for herself. She started a journey toward healing and self-love. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t fast. And yes, she put herself through hell for years after that picture was taken.

But she got there.

And now, that woman is me—writing these words.

That’s flawsome.

If You’re Struggling Right Now

If you’re feeling lost, empty, beaten down, or hopeless—please hear this:

Today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to decide that you’re worth fighting for. The journey won’t be easy, but I promise you—it’s worth every step.

And you don’t walk it alone.

You have all of us SLAYERS walking beside you.

So go out there today and be flawsome.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What parts of yourself have you labeled as flaws?
L: How have those “flaws” actually shaped your strength or resilience?
A: What would change if you looked at yourself with compassion instead of judgment?
Y: How can you begin turning what you’ve judged into something flawsome?

Make a commitment today to stop judging yourself. When something comes up that you usually criticize, pause. Smile. Ask yourself how you can respond with love instead.

You’re learning.
Be kind to yourself on the way to SLAYDOM.
And never forget—you are flawsome.