Mental Health

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t ignore the truth for temporary happiness. 

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Reality Has Two Sides: The Grim and The Pleasant

Reality isn’t just one thing.
It’s not all light. It’s not all dark.
It lives in the in-between—where truth, growth, and resilience are found.

Sometimes, especially when the world feels heavy, we lean into one side more than the other.
We might cling to the positive and avoid anything unpleasant.
Or we might become so focused on the negative that we lose sight of anything good at all.

But true clarity comes from being able to hold both sides—
To acknowledge what’s difficult while still seeking what’s beautiful.

When Reality Felt Like a Trap

When I was deep in my illness, the word “reality” felt like a punishment.
I wanted to escape it as much as possible.
So I did—by distraction, by denial, by diving into anything that gave me a quick fix of false peace.

Substances, shopping, friendships, exercise—whatever would pull me away from the darkness I was living in.
But the darkness always found its way back in.
Because I wasn’t looking at life clearly.
I was stuck in a one-lens view of the world—and that view was grim.

Even when something good happened, I didn’t trust it.
I expected it to be taken away.
And in that fear, I would sabotage the very light I craved.

I thought life was cruel.
But in truth, I was stuck in a loop of my own perspective.

The Shift Begins with Perspective

When I made the commitment to seek help, one of the biggest lessons I had to learn was this:

Life is both beautiful and brutal.
It contains joy and pain.
Peace and discomfort.
Light and shadow.

If I wanted to heal, I couldn’t keep turning away from the parts I didn’t want to see.
I had to look at life for what it was—and stop trying to control it through avoidance or fantasy.

One of my mentors compared life to the ocean—always ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes calm, sometimes crashing, but never still.
Even the moments that feel still are part of the movement.

That metaphor saved me.
Because it reminded me that hard times do pass.
And the good times don’t need to be clung to—they’re part of a rhythm.

I didn’t need to hide from reality.
I needed to learn how to ride the waves.

Balance is Where Power Lives

It’s easy to fall into extremes.
To live in denial and pretend everything is fine.
Or to spiral into the darkness and believe everything is falling apart.

But when we live in one extreme, we lose our power.
We stop making intentional choices.
We stop growing.

Reality, in its most honest form, gives us space to do something.
To help others.
To show up for ourselves.
To feel our feelings, without letting them control us.
To face what’s hard and still reach for what’s good.

It’s not about pretending everything is fine.
And it’s not about assuming it never will be.

It’s about finding the balance between the grim and the pleasant—
and choosing to live with eyes open and a heart that stays willing.

SLAY Reflection: How Do You See the World?

  1. Do you tend to view life through only one lens—either the positive or the negative?
    Which one do you default to?
  2. How has that perspective affected your emotional or spiritual well-being?
    What have you gained—or lost—by living that way?
  3. What makes it uncomfortable to see both sides of reality?
    Where do you feel resistance?
  4. What would it look like to live in the in-between more often?
    How could that help you make more grounded decisions?
  5. How can you honor both your challenges and your joy this week?
    What small shift could move you toward balance?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve learned to live in the balance between the difficult and the beautiful—and how has it changed your relationship with reality?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay centered in uncertain times, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never allow waiting to become a habit.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The greatest waste of time is the time not getting started. 

SLAY on!

A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem

When I was living in the dark, I believed every problem was forever.
Each issue felt massive, heavy, and permanent.
I didn’t think in steps—I thought in panic.
And when I finally acted, it was usually out of desperation instead of intention.

I didn’t face things as they came.
I waited.
I hoped things would magically resolve themselves.
And when they didn’t, I reacted impulsively.
The result?
I made permanent decisions for temporary problems.

Back then, I only had two tools in my emotional toolkit: fight or flight.
And neither got me where I wanted to go.

Living in Avoidance Creates Bigger Problems

I often felt overwhelmed just by life itself.
So when a real issue came up, it was too much.
I ignored it.
I pushed it aside.
And when it inevitably resurfaced—louder, heavier, messier—I made whatever decision would make it go away the fastest.

But the quickest choice isn’t always the right one.
And those choices came at a cost.

Doors closed.
Friendships ended.
I isolated myself even more.

It wasn’t because I was heartless or careless.
It was because I was exhausted, reactive, and afraid.
And I didn’t trust that I could handle hard things in a healthy way.

What Recovery Taught Me About Decisions

When I began my journey in recovery, one of the first things I heard was:
“Live life on life’s terms.”

That didn’t sound like fun.
But neither was the anxiety of constantly avoiding things, or the shame of regret from acting out of fear.

So I tried something new.

I started addressing things as they came up.
I got honest about what was happening.
I asked for help when I needed it.
And I made the best decision I could with the information I had.

Then—I let it go.

Even typing that?
It still feels like a deep exhale.

The Power of Responding, Not Reacting

Here’s what I learned:
When you meet problems in the moment, you keep them in their right size.

You don’t allow them to grow into something overwhelming.
You don’t back yourself into a corner.
You don’t hit the panic button and take drastic action that you’ll later wish you hadn’t.

You give yourself the chance to choose a solution, not a reaction.

Because the truth is, a lot of the things we avoid aren’t actually that big.
They only feel big because we’ve been sitting in fear, feeding them with delay.

But when you face a problem early and with intention, you take back your power.
You act instead of react.
And you protect your peace in the process.

You Deserve Better Than Regret

These days, it’s easy to feel like everything is too much.
But avoidance won’t make it easier.
And quick-fix decisions rarely leave us proud of how we showed up.

You don’t need to solve everything perfectly.
You just need to do the next right thing.
Address what needs your attention, make the best decision you can, and then—let it go.

Honor yourself enough to stop running from the things that need your care.
You are capable.
And you deserve peace, not permanent regret from a temporary storm.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Choosing Peace or Panic?

  1. Do you tend to ignore problems until they become bigger than they need to be?
    How has that affected your life?
  2. What emotions drive your decision-making—clarity or anxiety?
    What patterns do you notice?
  3. Have you ever made a permanent choice in a moment of panic?
    What did you learn from that experience?
  4. What would it feel like to address issues with intention instead of urgency?
    How could that shift your daily peace?
  5. What’s one problem you’ve been avoiding that you can face today—with care, calm, and clarity?
    What’s the next small step?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one moment where you learned the value of pausing instead of panicking—and how did it shape your choices going forward?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s caught in reactive patterns, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Take Yourself Off The Wheel

Nothing changes if nothing changes.
For years, I did the same things over and over again, expecting different results.
I thought if I kept applying the same approach—harder, louder, longer—somehow life would finally cooperate.

It didn’t.

Every time I repeated the same behavior, I got the same result.
The only thing that changed was how frustrated and exhausted I became.
And when I hit that familiar wall of fear, frustration, and anxiety, the noise in my head got louder—until it drowned out everything else.
I felt stuck. Paralyzed. Powerless.

But the truth?
I had the power all along.
It started with one bold choice: stepping off the wheel I’d been running on for years.

Change Is Uncomfortable—And That’s Okay

Change can feel scary.
Unfamiliar.
Uncomfortable.

Sometimes that discomfort makes us hesitate.
Other times, it’s self-sabotage in disguise—we tell ourselves it’s safer to stay where we are.
That we’re not capable of change.
That we don’t deserve it.
That nothing will really be different anyway.

But that’s a lie.
There is always a way out—or at least a better way forward.
We just have to be willing to take it.

Discomfort Means You’re Growing

If it feels uncomfortable, that’s probably a sign you’re doing the right thing.
It means you’re stepping into new territory.
It means you’re trying something different.
It means you’re finally breaking the cycle.

Change is rarely easy.
But staying stuck is harder.

What helped me most was shifting how I thought about change—not as something to fear, but as something that could bring growth, healing, and expansion.

We aren’t meant to stay where we are forever.
We’re meant to evolve.
To move forward.
To learn and grow.

And that means we have to be willing to do things differently, even when it feels awkward, messy, or uncertain.

The Power of a Single Step

Stepping off the wheel doesn’t require a perfect plan.
It just requires a step.

Even if the first thing you try doesn’t work, you’ll learn something.
That one step might be what sets everything else in motion.
The journey is the point—not just the outcome.

We are not victims of our circumstances.
We may not control every situation, but we can always control how we show up, how we respond, and what we’re willing to change.

Without that inner work, even if we move into new circumstances, we may find ourselves facing the same old patterns in a new setting.

Real change starts from the inside.

It’s Time to Get Off the Wheel

Change takes effort.
But that effort is an investment in you.
In your dreams.
In the life you want.
In the person you’re becoming.

Be willing.
Be curious.
Be brave enough to say yes to what’s new, even if it feels a little scary at first.

You’ve been running in circles long enough.
It’s time to stop the spin.
Jump off the wheel.
And walk forward—with purpose.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Ready to Do Things Differently?

  1. Do you find yourself resisting change?
    What feels uncomfortable or threatening about it?
  2. Are you happy with where you are in life?
    If not, what steps have you taken—or avoided—to shift it?
  3. What patterns have you repeated that no longer serve you?
    Why do you think you’ve stayed in them?
  4. What is one small change you can make today that would move you forward?
    What would it feel like to say yes to that?
  5. What truth are you avoiding because it would require change?
    And what freedom might be waiting on the other side?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one change you’ve made—or know you need to make—to get off the wheel and create real momentum in your life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in a cycle they’re ready to break, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Do not tolerate disrespect, not even from yourself.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
 
 

Examine What You Tolerate

I used to tolerate a lot.
From other people.
From myself.

I let things slide to avoid conflict.
I ignored red flags because I didn’t want to make waves—or because I was too emotionally and mentally exhausted to face the truth.
And so I allowed bad behavior to take up space in my life, even when it was actively hurting me.

But life isn’t meant to be tolerated.
It’s meant to be lived.
To be enjoyed.
To challenge us, to teach us, and to help us grow.

When we start making excuses for the people, places, and patterns in our lives just so we can “get through” them, we’re not being brave—we’re betraying ourselves.

Tolerating the Things That Keep Us Down

When I was living in the dark, I let most things go—unless I was looking for a fight.
And on the days I was angry at myself, I was often searching for someone else to blame.

I played the victim like it was my role in life.
I pointed fingers outward instead of inward.
And I tolerated behaviors in myself I knew deep down were harmful.

That was the first place I had to start when I began my recovery:
What was I tolerating in myself that was keeping me sick?

Justifying What Needs to Go

I had made excuse after excuse for the choices I was making.
One bad decision would snowball into another, and I would justify every one of them.

I ignored warning signs.
I surrounded myself with people and situations that reinforced my belief that I wasn’t worthy of more.
And I used those experiences as proof that I was a victim of life, rather than someone who had the power to change.

Even when good people showed up in my life, I didn’t know how to let them in.
I had grown more comfortable with pain than with peace.
And that realization was sobering.

From Tolerating to Choosing

As I got honest with myself, I began to see just how much of my pain I had been allowing.
And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

So I took a stand.

First with myself—by refusing to continue the behaviors that hurt me.
Then outward—by looking at every person, place, and pattern through the lens of self-love.

If it wasn’t helping me grow…
If it wasn’t rooted in respect, support, or truth…
It had to go.

Letting go wasn’t always easy.
But every goodbye made more space for peace.

The Practice of Daily Self-Respect

Even now, as life moves fast and new challenges arise, I have to keep checking in.
When I start tolerating things that don’t serve me, I feel it.
The darkness creeps back in.
The negative voices get louder.
And I know—it’s time to realign.

Self-love isn’t a one-time decision.
It’s a daily practice.
And part of that practice is examining what you’re tolerating—and having the courage to release what no longer honors you.

SLAY Reflection: What Are You Still Tolerating?

  1. What have you been tolerating in your life that feels heavy, harmful, or out of alignment?
    Why are you still holding onto it?
  2. How have your own actions contributed to the pain or frustration you feel?
    What patterns need to be disrupted?
  3. Are there people or relationships in your life that take more than they give?
    What would it feel like to set boundaries—or let them go?
  4. What excuses have you made for staying in situations that don’t serve you?
    Where did those excuses come from?
  5. What would change if you stopped tolerating what hurts you—and started choosing what heals you?
    What’s the first step?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve tolerated for too long—and how are you ready to honor yourself by letting it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying things they no longer have to, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! How many tabs does your brain have open?

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
What Worries You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You can’t control the wind but you can adjust your sails.

SLAY on!
In A Storm