truth

Do You Want To Be Right, Or Do You Want To Be Happy?

I used to think that the only way to be happy was to be right, so I made sure I was never wrong, at least in my own mind. I would twist and turn things so I could always justify things in my favor, I was the ultimate spin doctor of my life. Even when I knew I was 100% wrong I would find a way to convince you, and myself, that I was right, and if there was something that I felt was unjust in the world or a situation, even if it had nothing to do with me I would find a way to insert myself and I would fight to the point of exhaustion because “I didn’t believe that someone should get away with what they were doing”, but what I was really doing was trying to make up for my own lack of self-esteem and self-worth by making myself feel important when I went into battle.

When someone first said to me, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” it had never occurred to me that I might have been contributing to my own anxiety and frustration by continuing to fight battles I had no business being in, or fighting something I couldn’t win, only to satisfy my own pride and ego. There are situations that we can’t change, or have no business changing because the situation has nothing to do with us. There are times we stick our noses into situations just so we can put our boxing gloves on and get in the ring, it gives us a high, it makes us feel important, but it also leads to our own unhappiness and anxious feelings. I’m not saying that if you see someone in need of help not to jump in if you can and help that person, but it’s important in every situation to ask yourself if you belong in that fight, or are you just fighting for fighting sake?

I used to constantly stick my nose into situations I shouldn’t have, because I would say that I was helping, or righting a wrong, or an injustice, but no one was asking me to do that, and in fact, by trying to insert myself into a situation I didn’t belong in I was cheating the other person, or people, the opportunity to stick up for themselves, to find a solution, or to maybe learn to set a boundary for themselves. When we step in to fight someone else’s battles we are taking that chance away from them, for them to grow, learn, and to find the courage and pride in who they are to draw a line or learn to fight for who they are.

So many times I’ve heard people say, “that’s not right,” as they’re bubbling over with anger or anxiety. There are so many things that aren’t “right” in the world, but unless there is something you can do to change or help it, and you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes who should be changing it for themselves, you’ve got to learn to let it go, to find acceptance around it. It’s also nice to ask if  help is actually need, or wanted, before plowing in there ready to raise hell. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s drama, but it’s exactly that, someone else’s drama, it’s for them to work out, and unless they’ve asked for help, and even then, it may not be right for you to step in if it’s something they should be taking care of themselves, in those situations you have to step back. And, that may seem like a hard concept to swallow, but trust me, the result is a much happier life, and one of a lot less stress and frustration. I always try to keep my side of the street clean, but I also take a look at each situation and assess whether it’s actually on my street, or on the next block or city and I’m just crashing in to stir up trouble under the guise of “helping.”

Is putting our happiness on the line worth being “right?” It’s not. We as SLAYERS need to take care of ourselves, and sometimes the better option is to just take a step back and not get involved where we don’t belong, every battle is not our battle to fight, and sometimes even if it is our battle, it’s about taking the higher ground and learning to step away if it saves us from suffering at the expense of a battle that isn’t that important to fight in the first place. We fight for ourselves and those we love when it’s necessary, but learn to not pick up that sword for each and every fight we come across. It goes back to self-care, as warriors it’s just as important to take care ourselves and our own needs, to replenish, refresh, and rest, more than it is to slay ever dragon to comes our way.  Make sure you’re fighting the right battles SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have to go to battle for every thing you feel is unjust or not right? Why do you feel you need to do that? Do you see that some times the better option for yourself may be to not engage? Ask yourself SLAYER, next time you feel like you need to jump into the ring, is this your battle to fight, or are you taking the job away from someone else who should be fighting the battle for themselves? If asked, or it’s appropriate, we as SLAYERS do step in to help, but not at the expense of our own mental health and well-being.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Breathe Out, You’ll Breathe In

When I get stressed or worried about something my breath gets shallow, or, I hold my breath. Breathing in stressful situations is something I’ve had to learn to do, and still have to make a conscious decision to focus on when life gets challenging. When we don’t take in enough air our brain starts to fire rapidly and we’re not able to make rational decisions. I practice yoga to learn to breathe, to practice breathing in uncomfortable or strenuous situations, and I’ve learned that when it comes to walking through things with grace, it’s all about the breath. If I’m breathing properly I can walk through anything, I feel calm, and able to rationally work through whatever comes my way.

The idea of breathing out to breathe in also symbolic for life on our journey for SLAYDOM. When we exhale the bad stuff, the stuff we don’t need, the stuff that doesn’t serve us, the stuff we let go, we inhale fresh air, we inhale the good stuff, we fill our lungs and our brain with the air it needs to keep us steady on our path. Sometimes it’s just easier to think of exhaling first rather than inhaling, so I focus on that when I notice my breath gets shallow, if I exhale, I’ll automatically inhale, and start a better flow of oxygen.

I also envision all the negative, the bad, the frustrations exhaling out of my body as I’m doing it, I try to see it and really let it go. I often will say to myself, exhale the bad shit, inhale the good shit, and I’ll keep saying that over and over as I do it until I start to breathe deeply on my own, and for me the good shit is the light, it’s my higher power, the force that guides me, protects me, and wants the best for me. I envision that coming in, filling me up, and circulating through my body. When I do this, my anxiety, my stress, goes down, and I just continue to focus on that until I feel I can move on.

It’s a great trick to remember when you feel anger, or anxiety, or frustration creep up, to visualize it leaving your body, to visualize that you’re forcing it out, to make room for something better. I’ve spoken about this before, but a trick I use is I put one hand on my abdomen and one hand on my heart, and as I’m breathing, I focus on only moving the hand on my abdomen because if that hand is moving that means I am breathing deeply, and correctly, and it always calms me down. A good one to do when you’re lying in bed, or while you’re stuck in traffic.

Since, for many of us, our mind goes to the negative before the positive, it’s a concept that seems to work for a lot of us, to focus on the exhale before the inhale, sometimes it’s just easier to get rid of something before we’re able to take something in, and by the nature of our bodies, if we do exhale we will automatically inhale and set ourselves up to get that oxygen flow, and positivity flowing throughout our bodies.

Get rid of the bad, and take in the good. Breathe SLAYER breathe.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you notice a difference in your breath when you’re feeling anxious or stressed out? Do you focus on breathing deeply? If not, why? Try to focus on that next time you feel that stress creep up, that tightening of the throat and chest, try a big exhale and inhale, envisioning letting out the bad, and taking in the good. Continue to be mindful of your breath SLAYER, it is our breath that gives us life, and also gives us a calmness we can use to walk through any circumstance. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s no prize at the end for going it alone, but there are many gifts when you honor yourself enough to ask for help when you need it, and, gifts for the person who is helping you, as they may be helped as well.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Help

It’s OK To Ask For Help

I never used to ask for help. In my mind that was a sign of weakness, that I couldn’t do it alone, that it meant I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, or just not enough. I would struggle or suffer in silence, slowly slipping away in the darkness of my mind, of feeling alone and disconnected from the world. My stubbornness and determination to not ask anyone for help appeared in every aspect in my life, not just with emotional or mental issues, I remember moving into a new apartment and needing to put together an entertainment center, this thing was heavy, and big, and I strained, sweated, and contorted my way through it’s assembly alone until it was finally done. I remember standing in front of it proud that I didn’t ask for help, but sore and full of bruises and scrapes from lifting and trying to balance the heavy pieces of wood. It was ridiculous, it would have been so much easier, and faster, to have just asked someone to help me, but then a lot of my life would have been a lot easier if I had just asked for help, and it wasn’t until I did that my life got better.

Many of us seem to have this fear of asking someone to help us. We don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, that things aren’t good, or how bad they’ve gotten, we put on this act that we show the world, we smile and put on a show. I know I did, it was that act, the show, that almost cost me my life, because I was so good at it, most of the people in my life never suspected anything was wrong, or that things had gotten as bad as they were. I had so much fear of letting anyone know how lost I was, how low I felt, and how scary my thoughts had become. This goes back to one of my previous blog, You’re Only As Sick As Your Secrets, we hold the power to change our circumstances, to make them better, and there is no shame in asking for help. When I made that phone call to a trusted friend and finally told someone what I was doing and how I was feeling, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me, it was out, and it no longer had the power over me it did, it took some work until it didn’t have any power over me, but that was a huge first step, my admission and willingness to let it go.

There is no shame in asking anyone for help, for anything, in fact, you may also be helping someone else by doing so. By giving someone the opportunity to be of service, to help, the other person also receives something from that, they may learn something, they may get the opportunity to teach you something, or just the chance to get to know you better and feel a deeper connection. Many of us have this idea that we’re constantly bothering someone if we reach out for help, that needs to stop, if we need help reach out and ask, no matter what it is. Sometimes just the act of reaching out helps us to solve the problem, or by talking it out, a solution can sometimes come out of that, but if we sit with it alone, and spin our wheels with it, over and over, we won’t get anywhere, there’s a reason why we’re all different, why we all shine in different areas, so we can bring some knowledge or a different perspective to a situation, use those opportunities, to not only get some assistance, but to learn, to grow, to take control of a situation that is hanging over you, there is a solution out there, reach out for help.

I know the power of asking for help, had I not done that I would not be here. No matter what the issue is, or task, if you can’t do it alone, can’t figure it out, or just don’t want to do it alone, ask for help. Give yourself that gift to not carry the burden alone, and you may also be giving a gift to the person you ask. Nothing happens by accident, the situations we find ourselves are all part of your journey, your broader plan, and if you find yourself in situations that consistently find you in need of help and you’re not asking for it, perhaps that is the universe trying to tell you something, or trying to nudge you to do what you’re supposed to do. If you need help, ask for help.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you reluctant to ask for help? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to have anyone help you? Is it your pride that stops you from reaching out? What stops you from asking for help? Have there been times you’ve asked for help? What were the results of that? Do you see that asking someone for help can also help them? Challenge yourself SLAYER to ask for help this week, not matter how big or small the task or issue, be willing and open to help, and, ask for what you want and need. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  When we don’t speak our truth, what we keep inside has power over us, it controls us, keeps us in fear, isolation, anger, shame, and regret. When we share those secrets with others, those things that used to bind us to our past are set free, and we are released from the bondage that used to control us.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Haunt.jpg

We’re Only As Sick As Our Secrets

For a long time, my entire life was a secret.

I hid what I was thinking.
I hid what I was doing.
I hid how I was really feeling.

I carried shame, confusion, and anger quietly, convincing myself that keeping everything inside was somehow safer than letting anyone see the truth. I believed secrecy gave me control.

Instead, it made me sick.

Very sick.

And the hardest truth to accept was this:
I was the one holding myself there.

The Illusion of Control That Secrets Create

When we keep secrets, it often feels like protection.

We tell ourselves we’re avoiding judgment.
We think we’re sparing others.
We believe silence keeps us in control.

But secrets don’t protect us — they isolate us.

They keep us from asking for help.
They keep us from being known.
They keep us trapped in our own minds.

I believed that if no one knew, I could manage it on my own. But what I was really doing was cutting myself off from the very things that could have helped me heal.

The Moment the Truth Lost Its Power

Everything changed the first time I asked for help.

The first time I said out loud what I had been hiding.

That’s when I heard a phrase that landed like a weight in my chest:

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.”

It was devastating — and freeing — all at once.

Because suddenly, I could see how much suffering I had endured not because of what I’d done, but because I refused to speak it. The moment I shared my truth, it lost its grip on me.

There was nothing left to hide.

And in that openness, I found freedom.

Shame Thrives in Silence

Secrets feed shame.

They whisper that we are bad people.
That we’re unlovable.
That no one would understand.

But shame lies.

There is nothing you’ve done that someone else hasn’t already done, felt, or survived. We like to believe our pain makes us uniquely broken — but the truth is, our experiences connect us far more than they separate us.

When we share our truth, what we usually meet is not punishment — but understanding. Compassion. Connection.

And sometimes, in telling our story, we give someone else permission to tell theirs.

Why I’m Not Afraid to Share My Story

People often ask me if I’m afraid to share my truth publicly.

Do I worry about judgment?
Do I fear what people might think?

And the answer is no.

Because the people who matter most in my life already know my story — the broad strokes, the truth of where I’ve been and who I am now. I told them years ago, and in doing so, I was released from the bondage of my past.

I own my story.
I own my choices.
And I also know I am no longer that person.

There is power in that clarity — far more power than silence ever gave me.

Secrecy Makes Us Vulnerable Honesty Makes Us Safe

The kind of “power” secrets give us is false.

It feels like control, but it actually leaves us exposed — to ourselves, to our darkness, and sometimes to people who would exploit what we hide.

Honesty removes that leverage.

When you are open, there is nothing to hold over you. No threat. No fear of being found out. You get to stand in truth instead of hiding behind it.

And that truth doesn’t just heal you — it protects you.

Sharing Your Truth Builds Real Connection

Being honest about where we’ve come from allows people to understand us more fully.

It deepens relationships.
It opens communication.
It builds trust.

Sometimes it also keeps us physically or emotionally safe — especially when others need to understand our boundaries, our triggers, or the reasons we must protect ourselves from certain people or situations.

Your truth gives context to your needs.

And context invites compassion.

Freedom Lives on the Other Side of Secrecy

At the end of the day, you hold the key to your freedom.

Keeping secrets you believe are “unshareable” doesn’t protect you — it imprisons you. It keeps you from intimacy, from support, and from fully living your life.

You don’t have to tell everyone everything.
But you do need to tell someone.

Because secrecy keeps pain alive — and truth allows it to heal.

You are only as sick as your secrets.

Don’t let them own you.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Are there parts of your life or past you’ve never shared with anyone?
L: What fears keep you holding those secrets?
A: What do you believe would happen if you spoke your truth out loud?
Y: How might your life change if you chose honesty over hiding?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after sharing something you thought you had to hide?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying secrets that are weighing them down, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to have emotions, to have feelings, to hurt, to love, to be who you are at any given moment, give yourself permission to be true to your heart and honor your truth.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Cry

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be courageous, ask for what you want, you may not get everything you ask for, but nothing will change if you stay the same. Speak up, make your voice heard and get to work.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ask

Ask For What You Want

I used to be guilty of never asking for what I wanted, either because I didn’t think I really deserved it, or I just thought you should know. Either way, many times I didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t ask for it, or tell people what what I was hoping to receive in any given situation. As a result I got angry or became resentful sinking into a pity party pit of despair and anguish as I watched, what I thought, was everyone else getting what they wanted while I wasn’t. But, I had no right to be angry if I didn’t ask in the first place. It isn’t anyone else’s job to make sure I get what you want, that job is for only one person, and that person is me, and SLAYER, it’s your job to make sure you get what you want as well, so, what’s holding you back?

What are we so afraid of? The worst thing that can happen is someone can say no. That’s it. We’ve all heard no before, and will many more times in our lifetime, so why do we get so afraid to ask for what we want? Well, as I’ve already mentioned, we may not feel like we deserve it, we do, we deserve to get the things we want, we work hard, we’re good people, why can’t we ask for what we want? We can. That doesn’t mean we’re always going to get it, and, that’s OK, but it we don’t let our intentions be known people aren’t going to know that it’s something we want unless they just guess or somehow or are on the same page as we are, but why leave your wants up to chance? You shouldn’t, you should be clear about what you want so there aren’t any misunderstandings or unrealistic expectations. This was something I had to learn, to speak up for myself, and to clearly ask, and know that I do deserve good things, I do deserve to ask for what I want, and once I got over the fear of asking and started doing it, things became more clear, my communication with other people was better, I did get what I wanted, not all of the time, but more than I was, and at the very least it started a conversation with someone who I wouldn’t have had before, and sometimes, out of that, came a compromise, or something else that I hadn’t even thought of, but was also good.

It’s the fear, I think, more than anything, of getting turned down, or being laughed at, or someone thinking we’re arrogant for even asking. The exercise here is just to ask, to stay out of the results of it, or how it’ll be received, those are beyond our control, but what we are in control of is letting our needs and wants be known, and then standing back to see what comes back, and learning to be OK with whatever that is, but knowing that you did ask, you stood tall and asked for what you wanted.

It’s easy to sit back with envy over what other people are getting, and letting yourself sink down in resentment, but you have the power to get yourself out of that hole of despair, you have the power to say, “hey, I want this,” and working to make that happen. I have so much respect for people who come out and ask for what they want, some new friendships have started because of it, because someone found the courage to just reach out, and generally people tend to respect and listen to people who are strong enough to stand up and ask for what they want, they start to listen to those people and ask their opinions and want to collaborate with them. It’s the start of a shift of how people view us and communicate with us.

There are certainly guidelines for your asking that typically are good to follow; make your requests reasonable, keep it simple, believe you are worth it, take into consideration the other person’s needs, find a nice way to deliver your request, be honest about it, and, don’t huff and puff and stomp away if you don’t get what you want, see if you can find a compromise, or if there isn’t, say thank you, or OK, and walk away. There’s a right way to ask and a wrong way, but when we are concise and clear many times it can be a simple conversation, and one the other person will appreciate for your honesty and courage to come out and ask for what you want.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ask for what you want? Why not? Do you think you deserve to have what you want? What was a time you asked for what you wanted and got it? What stops you from doing that each time? What has been the result of you asking for what you wanted in the past? Do you think you may have approached it in the wrong way? What did you learn from that? I challenge you SLAYER, to ask for what you want, when something comes up, and it’s a reasonable request, ask, see what happens, and, if you don’t get what you want, know that just the act of asking is a win, keep doing it and see how things will change for you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed SLAY TALK LIVE tonight? Not to worry, you can watch what you missed below!

Also, here is the link for tickets to Modesto’s Classic Comic Con where I’ll be appearing October 27-29th, hope to see you SLAYERS there! Comic Con Tickets