It’s OK To Ask For Help

I never used to ask for help. In my mind that was a sign of weakness, that I couldn’t do it alone, that it meant I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, or just not enough. I would struggle or suffer in silence, slowly slipping away in the darkness of my mind, of feeling alone and disconnected from the world. My stubbornness and determination to not ask anyone for help appeared in every aspect in my life, not just with emotional or mental issues, I remember moving into a new apartment and needing to put together an entertainment center, this thing was heavy, and big, and I strained, sweated, and contorted my way through it’s assembly alone until it was finally done. I remember standing in front of it proud that I didn’t ask for help, but sore and full of bruises and scrapes from lifting and trying to balance the heavy pieces of wood. It was ridiculous, it would have been so much easier, and faster, to have just asked someone to help me, but then a lot of my life would have been a lot easier if I had just asked for help, and it wasn’t until I did that my life got better.

Many of us seem to have this fear of asking someone to help us. We don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, that things aren’t good, or how bad they’ve gotten, we put on this act that we show the world, we smile and put on a show. I know I did, it was that act, the show, that almost cost me my life, because I was so good at it, most of the people in my life never suspected anything was wrong, or that things had gotten as bad as they were. I had so much fear of letting anyone know how lost I was, how low I felt, and how scary my thoughts had become. This goes back to one of my previous blog, You’re Only As Sick As Your Secrets, we hold the power to change our circumstances, to make them better, and there is no shame in asking for help. When I made that phone call to a trusted friend and finally told someone what I was doing and how I was feeling, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me, it was out, and it no longer had the power over me it did, it took some work until it didn’t have any power over me, but that was a huge first step, my admission and willingness to let it go.

There is no shame in asking anyone for help, for anything, in fact, you may also be helping someone else by doing so. By giving someone the opportunity to be of service, to help, the other person also receives something from that, they may learn something, they may get the opportunity to teach you something, or just the chance to get to know you better and feel a deeper connection. Many of us have this idea that we’re constantly bothering someone if we reach out for help, that needs to stop, if we need help reach out and ask, no matter what it is. Sometimes just the act of reaching out helps us to solve the problem, or by talking it out, a solution can sometimes come out of that, but if we sit with it alone, and spin our wheels with it, over and over, we won’t get anywhere, there’s a reason why we’re all different, why we all shine in different areas, so we can bring some knowledge or a different perspective to a situation, use those opportunities, to not only get some assistance, but to learn, to grow, to take control of a situation that is hanging over you, there is a solution out there, reach out for help.

I know the power of asking for help, had I not done that I would not be here. No matter what the issue is, or task, if you can’t do it alone, can’t figure it out, or just don’t want to do it alone, ask for help. Give yourself that gift to not carry the burden alone, and you may also be giving a gift to the person you ask. Nothing happens by accident, the situations we find ourselves are all part of your journey, your broader plan, and if you find yourself in situations that consistently find you in need of help and you’re not asking for it, perhaps that is the universe trying to tell you something, or trying to nudge you to do what you’re supposed to do. If you need help, ask for help.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you reluctant to ask for help? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to have anyone help you? Is it your pride that stops you from reaching out? What stops you from asking for help? Have there been times you’ve asked for help? What were the results of that? Do you see that asking someone for help can also help them? Challenge yourself SLAYER to ask for help this week, not matter how big or small the task or issue, be willing and open to help, and, ask for what you want and need. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

6 thoughts on “It’s OK To Ask For Help

  1. Perfect, you hit the nail on the head. I thought it was a Virgo thing but burdening someone is always the thought out in front when needing but not reaching for help.

    I Most aleays read people In correctly. The thought that inhibits me is actually my own judgement. I say they dont have time and if they do they’ll only help you out of pity and it’ll mess with the day or later they will become unavailable if uou bother them with your need for help. I Worried others will think im weak and pride takes over, as I struggle through my thoughts or tasks.

    Thank you for the big reminder to Ask for help.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am also a Virgo, so I identify M.

      We are all worthy of help, and at times, all in need of some sort of help, everyone, for me it became a matter of life and death, I was forced to reach out for help, but it was a good example to me of where I had gotten, all on my own, without anyone’s help, to the brink of suicide. There was no better, or more powerful example, of what happens when we don’t reach out and suffer alone for years and years, my best thinking, my pride, my solitude got me there.

      Now, not everyone’s need for help is that dire, but in a sense it is, because when we don’t believe we deserve help, or are bothering those around us by asking, we slip deeper into isolation, and those negative voices in our heads get louder each time we don’t do what we need or what serves us, and we can fall down into a very dark pit, one we may not get out of, well, certainly not alone.

      It also goes back to a previous blog People Picker, https://stateofslay.com/2017/06/20/people-picker/, it’s about having the right people in our lives, right for us, people who love and support us, and understand where we’re coming from, if we have those people in our lives they’re going to help when they can and not judge us, they will help and the act of them helping may in fact help them too.

      I had to learn all of this, and then make a commitment to myself to practice it. It took me years and years to stop hesitating to ask for help, but each time I did ask, something came out of that. Most times I did get the help I needed, and maybe a new friendship too, or a deeper one, and when I didn’t get the help that also gave me something, it gave me insight into that person I had chosen to be in my life, and gave me insight about them, a lot of those people are no longer in my life because I realized they had other motives, or weren’t a true friend, it’s always interesting who steps up and who doesn’t.

      The challenge here SLAYER is to ask when you’re in need, the act of asking is a loving act to yourself, you do deserve the help when you need it, and each time you ask solidifies that worthiness within yourself. Walk through the uncomfortableness of it and try something different, after all, what you’re doing now, by not asking, isn’t helping anyone.

      SLAY on!

      Like

  2. This is so spot on, especially the part about giving others the opportunity to help.

    A few years ago, I needed a ride hone from the hospital and I called my friend Pam. Her husband answered and told me Pam was out of town on business. I didn’t tell him why I called, just saying I’d catch up with her at another time. He was home with their three small girls and it was cold and dinner time. I called a cab. I mentioned it to Pam in passing and didn’t think about it again until Chris called me a week later. He was hurt that I didn’t consider him a good enough friend to ask a favor from. I felt terrible, but I have very rarely not asked friends for help since this experience. It is important to remember that people WANT to help. They will decline if they don’t have time, but we all like to be helpful to our friends and family.

    Just reach out, you will learn that asking for help is appreciated.

    Debbi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a great example Debbi. Yes, we get so caught up in not wanting to bother anyone else that we don’t realize that we might be offending those around us who care and want to help, and, we’re also cheating them out of the opportunity to help.

      Life is a two way street, help goes both ways, for the person asking, and for the one helping that person.

      Thank you for sharing your story, you may have helped someone else by posting your words.

      SLAY on!

      Like

  3. This has been the root many times of me not reaching out to others. I’m stubborn & independent, wanting to always handle it on My Own. This stubbornness has lead to emotion & physical injury. Like the time I fractured a vertebra trying to release a broken garage door. Then there’s the time I broke a rib versus asking someone to help me move furniture. Or maybe the time I fractured my foot instead of asking someone to help me do home repairs. The list goes on. I am totally aware of the reasons – not wanting to be a bother, not wanting to be judged, not wanting to be let down & the famous “Dammit I can do it All on my own”.
    I struggle daily with reaching out to ask for help, but I know I must. I am getting better each day with who I surround myself with & being who I want to be.
    And Carrie, thank you to you. I know I can still slay while asking for help. Always love & respect

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can absolutely SLAY while asking for help! In fact, that’s a part of being a SLAYER, honoring what you need, and sometimes that’s help.

      I relate a lot to your post, but have learned to reach out, and because I have I have forged new friendships and strengthened others through me reaching out.

      Continue to practice asking when you feel you need to, and don’t get discouraged if you don’t get the response you’re hoping for, ask someone else.

      Love having you SLAY along with me Lisa, you’re on the right path, stay in your journey.

      SLAY on!

      Liked by 1 person

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