State Of Slay

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Embrace Your Flaws

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are two kinds of days: good days, and character builders.

SLAY on!

Chapter 20

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The question isn’t “what can I achieve?” but “what can I contribute?”

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Contribute Our Gifts

What Can You Do To Contribute To Life?

This is a question I ask myself every single day.

It’s the question that grounds me, guides me, and pushes me forward—especially on the days when I feel stuck. It’s what led me to start this blog years ago, and what continues to lead me through my recovery and beyond:

What can I contribute to life—today?

From Survival to Service

When I began my journey in recovery, I was surrounded by support—more than I expected, and more than I felt I deserved. I was told early on how important it was to give back. And I did. But it wasn’t until I survived a night I shouldn’t have that I truly understood what that meant.

That night changed everything.

Working through the survivor’s guilt was heavy. But eventually, I asked myself a new question—not why I survived, but how I was going to use that survival to make a difference. That shift pulled me out of guilt and into action.

Today, it’s still what gets me out of my own head. When I ask, “How can I be of service?”, I’m no longer obsessing over what I lack, who hurt me, or what I wish was different. I’m shifting my energy outward—into purpose, into connection, into change.

The Ego Step-Aside

When we approach our day with a heart of service, we get a powerful gift in return: perspective.

Instead of reacting out of ego or trying to control a situation that isn’t ours to fix, we can pause and ask, Is there a way I can contribute here? And sometimes, the answer is to step back. Not every contribution is loud. Sometimes it’s simply holding space, offering silence, or choosing not to escalate a moment that’s not about us.

That humility keeps us grounded. It keeps us teachable. And it reminds us that our greatest impact isn’t in being right—it’s in being present.

Why We’re Here

I believe we’re here to help each other.

To lift each other.
To challenge each other.
To remind each other what love and support feel like.

When we stay self-centered, we cut ourselves off from that connection. We lose the gift of being part of something bigger. But when we stay open to giving—whether it’s our time, our wisdom, or simply our kindness—we stay rooted in community, perspective, and purpose.

When you ask how you can contribute to life, life responds.

Even on our hardest days, we have something to offer. Something to give. A kindness to share. A light to pass along. And when we choose to shine that light outward, it often finds its way back to us—brighter than before.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you ask yourself what you can give, rather than what you need?

  • What do you do each day to contribute to the world around you?

  • If you don’t yet, what’s one small way you could start?

  • Have you noticed a shift in your mindset when you act in service?

  • How has giving back changed your life, your relationships, or your attitude?

  • What part of your story could help someone else feel seen or supported?

We’re not here to do life alone. Contribution connects us. Let’s start showing up—for each other.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can contribute to life today—no matter how big or small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling stuck or unmotivated, send this to them.
Sometimes, the shift we need is in simply asking a better question.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To show your weakness is to show your strength.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Vulnerablity is the birthplace

The Language Of The Heart

I was talking with someone recently about truth—
that raw, honest place inside where there are no walls, no masks, no pretending.
That space where we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to let our truth speak to someone else’s truth.

That, to me, is the language of the heart:
one heart speaking to another.

Before I Could Speak From the Heart

Before walking this path, I didn’t speak that language. I couldn’t.
I was too afraid to let anyone see the real me.

I believed vulnerability was weakness.
I was convinced that if you saw who I really was, you’d run.
So I kept my heart closed. I played roles. I wore masks.
I hid behind a version of myself I thought the world would accept.

But all that hiding left me feeling even more isolated. Even more alone.
And the more I suppressed my truth, the more painful it became to carry it.

It took a long time to let that fear go.
To open the door—even just a crack—and let the truth come through.

Surrender Is Where It Began

I had to surrender.
Admit that my way wasn’t working.
That my silence, my pretending, my performance—it was keeping me stuck. Sick.

That surrender became a turning point.
The moment I let go of control was the moment I took my power back.

From there, I was told something that has stayed with me:
You have to be rigorously honest if you want to get better.

No more pretending. No more hiding. No more playing small.

And that honesty? It wasn’t just about speaking truth to others.
It was about telling the truth to myself. Every day. Even when it felt uncomfortable. Even when it was messy.

The Power of Speaking From the Heart

The more I spoke from the heart, the more comfortable I became living in that truth.
And the more honest I was, the deeper my connections became.

But I won’t lie—it wasn’t always easy.
There were still times I held things back, thinking I wasn’t ready to let them go.
But each time I did, I felt the disconnection.
The space it created. The wall it built between me and the people who loved me.

Now, I know better.
When I’m not honest, I lose those connections.
I lose myself.

Honesty—heart-led honesty—is what keeps me aligned, connected, and free.

Your Truth Is Beautiful

It can feel scary to speak from the heart. To show someone your truth.
But that is the place where our most beautiful, powerful self lives.

Even when our truth is sad. Or messy. Or uncertain.
If it’s honest, it’s real.

And when we speak from that place, we give others permission to do the same.

So open your heart.
Speak your truth.
Let your light guide you—and light the way for someone else.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you speak your truth—or do you hide behind what you think others want to hear?

  • What fears keep you from being fully seen?

  • Are those fears yours—or were they passed down to you?

  • How has sharing your truth helped you or someone else?

  • What would it look like to speak more from your heart—today?

The language of the heart is honest, raw, and real.
When we speak it, we don’t just heal ourselves—we create space for others to heal, too.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you speak the language of your heart?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been afraid to share their truth, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is permission to be real.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s cool to be kind.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Be pretty kind

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for love.

SLAY on!

Always Leave People

Is It True, Is It Right, Is It Selfish, Is It Loving?

I was speaking with someone recently in recovery about something that was weighing heavily on my heart. I was stuck in my head, unsure what to do, and she gently asked me if I had run it through The Four Absolutes.

That gave me pause.

It had been a while since I’d thought about those—honesty, unselfishness, purity, and love.
She reminded me that those four questions are meant to help guide us in times of emotional confusion:

  • Is it true or false?

  • Is it right or wrong?

  • Is it selfish or unselfish?

  • Is it loving or unloving?

So, I did just that. I ran my situation through this filter. And what had felt so emotionally tangled began to make sense. The noise fell away, and I could finally see what mattered—and what didn’t.

When Feelings Take the Wheel

Before walking this path, I never questioned my feelings.
If I felt it, I believed it.
If I believed it, I acted on it—no pause, no reflection.

The problem? Feelings aren’t facts.

And when you let feelings run the show, especially feelings fueled by fear, pain, or ego, you can spiral down a path that leads to more chaos, not clarity.

That’s why these Four Absolutes matter. They strip away the fluff—
the defensiveness, the assumptions, the justifications—and leave only truth.

They allow us to pause before reacting.
They offer perspective.
And sometimes, they stop us in our tracks—before we say or do something we can’t take back.

Why the Pause Matters

These days, I try to run my emotions through this lens before I act.

  • Is it true?

  • Is it right?

  • Is it selfish?

  • Is it loving?

If I can’t answer those honestly, I pause.
If I can’t say yes to “Is it loving?”—I definitely pause.

That moment of stillness, of reflection, can be the difference between peace and regret.

And it’s not just about being kind to others.
It’s about being kind to ourselves.

Because we’re the ones who have to live with the aftermath of our actions. And when we move through life with intention, we create space for clarity, connection, and growth.

Pause. Reflect. Then Proceed.

In a world that often rushes us toward reaction, pausing is powerful.

Especially during stressful times—when everything feels heightened and emotions are raw—it’s even more important to approach life with intention and grace.

Lead with compassion.
Be passionate, yes.
But don’t let your passion cloud your perspective.

Let your response come from a place of truth, righteousness, selflessness, and love.

Ask yourself:
Is it true? Is it right? Is it selfish? Is it loving?
Then act—with clarity and care.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you pause before reacting—or do you tend to jump in headfirst?

  • What’s your typical emotional response when you’re triggered?

  • Have you ever reacted quickly and later realized your feelings were misdirected?

  • How could using the Four Absolutes have changed that outcome?

  • What tools or “safety nets” can you put in place to help you pause before reacting?

  • How can examining your feelings—rather than acting on them—help you grow?

When we respond from a grounded place, we create a ripple of calm in a chaotic world.
Let your next action reflect the best version of yourself.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever used the Four Absolutes to guide a difficult decision?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who could use a moment to pause and reflect—send this their way.
Sometimes, all it takes is a question to shift our perspective.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

When you try to control