Good morning SLAYER! What we give out is what comes back to us, you’re greatness is not what you have, it’s what you give.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
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Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYERS! Weren’t able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, here’s what you missed
Also, for those of you wanting to take a look at or purchase the Christmas ornament inspired by my episodes of SUPERNATURAL by Jodi Zulueta, click the link: Eldwenne’s Fantasy – Christmas Ball
Also, here are a latest “Sleigh Gear” I just added to the SLAY STORE today.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! For many of us, just trying to do something we haven’t done before is the victory, and in trying we may receive the gift of belief. Belief in ourselves, and the belief that we can change and become the person we want to be. It all starts with the act of just doing it.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay With Me In Person
Hey SLAYER! You can SLAY with me in person this month at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con in Modesto, California October 27-29th.
Get your tickets here: Comic Con Tickets
Photographer: Bianca Dorso
Before You Do Something, Say Something
I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.
It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.
My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.
No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.
If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Always speak your truth, your voice deserves to be heard, live authentically, never apologizing for doing what is right for in each moment, especially to yourself.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Emotional Vampires: They’ve Come To Suck Your Life
We’ve all encountered them, we may have been them from time to time, or maybe we still are. For me, before setting out on this path I would isolate more than anything, but I do see times when I held people hostage, wanting and needing attention because I was feeling empty and less than. Emotional vampires are out there, looking to lock us in and not let us go, they have many tactics and try different angles to engage with us and suck us in to their life with no intention of letting us go. How do we know we’ve encountered an emotional vampire? We feel it, we feel like the life has literally been sucked out of us, they feed off of us, our energy, our interest, or caring natures, and keep taking until we are depleted, exhausted, and can’t take anymore. It is up to us to spot these vampires and not let them take control of time and energy, to set a boundary with them, and, even better, to recognize them for what they are and not engage with them in the first place.
So, who are the emotional vampires? They come in various forms, they may come in the form of Continuous Chatter. This person is always talking, always has something to say, and typically talks so fast, and over you that you never get a word in edgewise. They also can be space invaders, talk so close to us that they invade our personal space, putting us on edge and while we’re trying to get away. We all know these people, they’re only concerned with talking about themselves and what’s happening with them, they never ask you what’s happening for you and how you are, and even if they do, they just talk over you with something else they think is more important. Then there’s the Drama Mama. Everything with these people is a 911 emergency, a breaking news event full of headlines, sirens, and epic details, even if they’re just walking the dog. These people always have something going on, something amazing, or something devastating they just need to tell you about, again, never really wanting your opinion unless it consists of praise or consolation, but only if you’re brief, there’s always more to their story. There’s the Egoist. The person who thinks the world revolves around them, that everything they are doing is bigger, better, and brag worthy, they are out to impress, and if you don’t give them what they want, they turn mean and ugly, shooting arrows at you and claiming you’re jealous of their accomplishments and life. There’s also the Victim or Martyr, always hard done by, always had the best of intentions, but were quashed, thrown to the side like trash, the world is always against them and they’re looking to you for validation as a friend, and again, never letting the conversation steer anywhere in your direction, for fear that you could take the spotlight from this constant victim. And then there’s the Master Manipulator. This person is constantly trying to control the narrative, control how you feel by invalidating your feelings and turning the spotlight back to them. No matter what we say, they are there to offer their unsolicited advice to show us how we’re living life wrong and they’ve got all the solutions. Any of these sound familiar?
So, how do we protect ourselves from these people? Well, we need to asses who these people are and decide whether or not they stay in our lives, if some of them do, we need to recognize what they’re doing, and, we need to set boundaries with them to protect our own life, peace, and serenity. Typically these people are very limited emotionally, they don’t get emotionally connected and involved, so it’s important that we don’t either. Once you’ve identified who they are and what they want, you have to counter that, so if they often cut you off it’s up to you to speak up and let them know that you’re willing to listen, but they always have to be willing to listen to you as well, to your thoughts, opinions, concerns, whatever you may have going on in your life at that time. It’s also about letting them know that your time is valuable, if it isn’t a good time to talk, if you’re working, if you’re with your family, or in the middle of something, let them know that, excuse yourself from the conversation. If they’re insisting on talking and telling you what to do you have every right to tell them that it isn’t a good time, you can thank them for their advice but tell them you need to work through it on your own. Don’t be afraid to be assertive, this is your time, energy, and serenity you’re protecting, and it, as well as you, are important. Don’t be shy about protecting yourself and your peace of mind.
At the end of the day this again goes back to my blog People Picker, it’s about making sure we’re choosing the right people to share our lives with, we need to be on the lookout for Emotional Vampires, and spot the signs of what they are and what they’re trying to do, when we are able to pinpoint it, we are able to counter their behavior with healthy choices for ourselves, and also look for the signs when we might be slipping into some of their behavior looking for an outside fix to an inside problem. Stay open, honest, and in the light, the vampires don’t like it there. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have Emotional Vampires in your life? Write down all the people who fall into this category and write down which one or ones they are? Have you fallen prey to their actions in the past? How so? What can you do to protect yourself in the future? How have you been an Emotional Vampire in the past? What do you think you were looking for and why? How can you make sure you don’t continue that behavior in the future? Be strong in who you are, and project yourself from anyone who does not respect you, your time, and your peace of mind.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
It’s OK To Say You Don’t Know
I used to think I always had to have an answer for everything, so if I didn’t I would make one up or rush to judgement. I was always afraid to say I didn’t know, or wasn’t sure about something, like life was a game show and if I didn’t have an answer a loud buzzer was going to go off pronouncing me a bigger loser than I already thought I was. Life isn’t a game show, and sometimes we don’t know, and, that’s OK.
There’s so much freedom in saying we don’t know, it takes the pressure off of always have to know, to have an opinion, or to have an answer right there on the spot. Sometimes it does take time, sometimes we need more information, and sometimes, we just don’t know. I had a close friend who I admired a lot for the way she handled things she wasn’t sure of, I remember asking her about a situation I was going through, something I was struggling with and asked for her guidance and opinion on it, she turned to me and said, “Carrie I don’t know, but let’s find the answer,” I thought, wow, what an incredible response, one I appreciated for it’s honesty and her openness to learn with me and investigate further. And that’s how I try to look at things I don’t know, an investigation, going back to what I’ve talked about in the past, finding out the facts, what I know to be true, and once I’ve got all of that I then can usually find an answer, even if my answer still is, I don’t know, I need more time. Life, many times, isn’t black or white, as I’ve mentioned, so it isn’t always clear on what the next right thing is, or where we stand on that. Like most things, life is a process, and sometimes that process takes time, and our process is moving at the time and speed unique to us, as is everyone else’s, so we might not have the answers that everything else may have at the same time, and that’s OK.
What we are responsible for is being true to ourselves, being honest with people in our lives, and doing the work to find the answers we need to make the best decisions, we also owe it to ourselves to let those answers come when they are meant to and not jumping the gun and blurting out something just to have an answer.
Once I got over the fear of saying I didn’t know I found a freedom there, I gave myself permission to learn and grow in that place, to discover, to find out, and that felt exciting, and I knew I would know when and what I supposed to, it took so much pressure off of me to always know everything, or to make up something that sounded like I did. I found that I was a lot less embarrassed later on or had to make less apologies because I hadn’t made up something that possibly wasn’t true just to not be the person who didn’t know. No one knows everything, the whole point of life to learn, to grow, to experience new things to help us on our journey, if we knew everything there would be nothing left to strive for, to push us, to challenge us, it’s not knowing that drives us and pushes us forward to new things, new experiences, new challenges we might never have had before.
There’s no shame in saying you don’t know, in fact, the only shame is not living your truth, and, feeling like you have to make something up to cover up who you really are and what you really think. If you don’t know, say it, you might be opening yourself up to discovering the answer with someone who also doesn’t know, opening yourself up to a new friendship, or a chance to get closer to someone already in your life who also is seeking the answers you are, or, just discovering the answers on your own, but by giving yourself the gift of time to find them you allow yourself to move forward in your own time and honor where you are at on your path or journey . That, I know.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you always have to have an answer? What is your fear of not having one? What are some things you don’t have an answer for? What do you think will happen if you were asked about them and you would say you didn’t know? Do you think those fears are real? Challenge yourself SLAYER to be open and honest about the things you know and don’t know, challenge yourself to say you don’t know if you don’t, and be open to finding out. SLAY on
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We all get knocked down from time to time, but it’s how we come back that makes us SLAYERS. Dig your heels in and come back strong, you hold the key to your destiny.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Which Wolf Are You Feeding?
I was recently with a group of friends and we were talking about the fight that many of us face each day, the internal struggle, the fight of good versus evil, one of them shared a story their Grandfather used to tell him as a child, an old Cherokee legend, it goes:
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
It made me think, which wolf was I feeding each day? Typically I’m feeding the good wolf, but on days when nothing seems to go my way, when I have a “run of bad luck” or I can’t seem to get out of a bad mood that’s a sign that I’ve been feeding the bad wolf, that I’m not taking care of myself and falling into old behaviors, because no matter what’s going on the outside, how I react, how I feel on the inside is in my control, and if I am loving, caring, and nurturing to myself, the bad wolf doesn’t come out, the bad wolf doesn’t take control, the bad wolf goes away and is chased away by the good wolf.
We have a choice each day, to feed the good wolf or the bad, it truly is up to us, we sometimes like to say it’s not, blaming others and outside things for our bad mood or attitude, but the bad is going to happen regardless, it’s the ebb and flow of life, it’s the energy we put into ourselves that determines if we are going to succumb to it or rise above it, because even in a bad situation, the good wolf can turn things around into something good, or at least see some light in the darkness. Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy, they can lead us down the darkest path, and keep us there if we let them, that’s why it’s so important to stay in the light, to live in a place of gratitude, even on a bad day, to share with others, and to give back, when we do these things we stop listening to those voices in our heads, we stop thinking about ourselves and we start thinking about how we can be of service to others, and when we do, we step into the light. If we live our lives in the light we find others there, others who are also living in the light, or at least trying to, others who will love and support us as we navigate through the choppy waters of life, they’ll be there with a boat or a hand to help us to safety. But we have to do the work to stay in that place, it’s our choice and in our control in the end.
We get out of life what we put into it, and if we’re feeding the bad wolf bad is what we’ll keep getting, if we focus on feeding the good wolf, good will come, bad will also come, but, it will be a lot more manageable with the good wolf on our side, and there will be a whole group of others, feeding their good wolves, to surround us and help us through our dark day. SLAY on my wolverines!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to feed the good wolf or the bad wolf? If you’re feeding the bad, why are you doing that? Do you see how it is your choice what you feed? Do you see that if you focus on the good that your life will get better? What holds you back from feeding the good? What are you afraid of? Challenge yourself SLAYER, to feed the good wolf this week, to focus on the good, and live in gratitude, no matter what comes your way, keep feeding the good wolf, and watch a pack surround you with love.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
