self worth

When You Judge Someone By Their Past It Can Make That Past Impossible To Escape

I’ve been thinking about this one for a while.

When someone works to change their life—truly change it—few things are more disheartening than being treated like they’re still the person they used to be. I’ve witnessed this over the years, most recently with someone I love. It’s a painful thing to watch: someone trying to climb out of the hole they once lived in, only to be reminded—through judgment, dismissal, or condescension—that some people refuse to see the progress they’ve made.

The truth is, when we judge someone by their past, we make it that much harder for them to escape it.

The Weight of Someone Else’s Words

I’ve written before about how some people in our lives might not want us to change. Not because they don’t love us—but because our growth disrupts the status quo they’ve grown comfortable with. Sometimes people don’t want us to get better because they liked the version of us who needed them. Or maybe they’re not ready to face their own discomfort, so they keep us boxed into the role they’re used to playing.

I’ve seen this happen recently to someone close to me. They’ve done the hard work to better themselves—mentally, spiritually, emotionally—but a family member still treats them like they’re stuck at their lowest point. The conversations aren’t supportive. They’re diminishing. And I’ve seen the toll it takes. That judgment acts like a chain, pulling them backward into a version of themselves they’ve outgrown.

Words matter. How people speak to us—and about us—can either reinforce our progress or unravel it.

Breaking the Cycle

When I committed to getting better, I was fortunate to have strong support. I leaned on my people hard in the beginning. And as I grew stronger, I leaned less—but that circle still stood beside me. Eventually, I began to notice who was genuinely happy for me and who wasn’t. And let me tell you: not everyone will cheer for your growth.

Some people liked me better when I was lost, because it made them feel more in control. Others preferred the version of me who didn’t challenge the status quo. But I had to remind myself that my healing wasn’t up for debate. I wasn’t going to stay stuck to keep someone else comfortable. And neither should you.

We are allowed to outgrow roles, relationships, and narratives that no longer serve us. We are allowed to heal—and to demand that the people in our lives meet us where we are now, not where we used to be.

Let Yourself Grow

You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not the version of yourself that someone else insists on remembering.

You are your growth. You are your progress. You are your present—and your future.

Surround yourself with people who celebrate that. People who speak life into your healing, not those who try to hold you hostage to your history. Anyone who truly loves you will root for the best version of you. And that’s the kind of energy you deserve to have around you.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do the people in your life support your growth?
  • Are there voices in your circle that try to tie you to your past?
  • How do those interactions make you feel?
  • What can you do to distance yourself from that energy?
  • Who are the people that celebrate your healing? How can you keep them close?

You’re not defined by where you’ve been. You’re defined by who you choose to become.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve broken free from someone else’s perception of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to grow but feels weighed down by old narratives, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be seen for who we are becoming.

You Can Get Anything Done If You Don’t Need Credit For It

We live in a world obsessed with recognition—likes, shares, shout-outs. But what if your greatest impact comes from what no one sees? What if your legacy isn’t built on applause, but on quiet action? What if you stopped needing credit and just… did the thing?

That was a tough pill for me to swallow. I used to chase validation like it was the prize. If I didn’t get credit, did it even count? I justified everything I did—calling it generous, kind, helpful—but really, I wanted to be seen. I wanted acknowledgment. I wanted control. But all of that masked a deeper truth: I needed to feel enough.

When I began my recovery journey, I was given a powerful suggestion: do something kind for someone—and don’t tell anyone about it. At first, that felt… impossible. If no one knew, how could I feel worthy? But I tried it anyway. And you know what? It worked. Doing good for the sake of doing good shifted something in me.

You Don’t Need Credit to Be Powerful

Let’s be real—most of us were raised in a world where “good behavior” came with gold stars. We learned that praise = worth. But here’s the truth:

When you stop seeking applause, you start discovering real power.

Doing the right thing just because it’s right builds integrity, resilience, and self-trust. It silences the inner critic. It quiets the noise. And it rewires our motivation—not for performance, but for purpose.

If your only fuel is someone else’s approval, you’ll run out of gas fast. But when you’re moved by values, by love, by truth—you become unstoppable.

Get Focused On the Mission—Not the Applause

Too often we place the success of something on whether or not it’s recognized. We post, we share, we wait for the reaction—and when it doesn’t come? We question ourselves. We downplay the win. We wonder if it was worth it.

But here’s the thing: You get to be proud even if no one claps.

The moment you detach from needing praise, you become free. Free to create. Free to give. Free to lead. When your validation comes from within, the outside world can’t shake you.

That’s how you build self-esteem—by doing esteemable acts, especially when no one is watching. Your self-worth isn’t in their hands. It never was.

Do It for You—And Let That Be Enough

Start by asking yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it to feel connected? To make a difference? To step into your purpose? Let that be your anchor.

And when you do something kind, bold, or brave? Sit with it. Let the moment speak for itself. No need to announce it. No need to chase praise. You already did the thing.

That’s the win. That’s the reward. That’s the work.

You are enough—without the tag, the trophy, or the credit. Just you, showing up in quiet, powerful ways. That’s the kind of SLAY that shifts the world.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you struggle with needing validation after you’ve achieved something?
  2. How does seeking credit impact your relationships—with others or yourself?
  3. Have you ever done something anonymously or without recognition? How did it feel?
  4. What motivates you more—acknowledgment or impact?
  5. What would change if you started measuring success by how you feel rather than how you’re seen?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Serve from a place of purpose, not praise.
  • Let go of the need for credit.
  • Act with integrity—especially when no one’s watching.
  • You define your own worth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever done something powerful without needing credit? How did that change you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for approval, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Giving Love To Get Love

We often hear that love is meant to be unconditional—yet many of us struggle to live that truth. Giving love can feel risky. What if it’s not returned? What if it’s overlooked? But here’s the hard truth: when we give love with the expectation of getting it back, we cancel out the purity of the love we are offering.

Love that comes with strings attached isn’t love at all—it’s manipulation in disguise.

The Motives Behind Our Love

If you’ve ever caught yourself giving love to gain approval, recognition, or affection, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into people-pleasing or approval-seeking patterns without realizing it. But true love is not a transaction.

When you give love only to get it back, you’re no longer operating from the heart. You’re playing a game of give-and-take that diminishes both your sense of worth and the authenticity of the connection. Love is love, period. Anything else is a tactic—not truth.

Learning to Check Your Heart

I’ve been there. I’ve given love with the secret hope of getting something in return: validation, security, even power. It took honesty and accountability for me to see that this wasn’t really love—it was ego.

Early in my recovery, I was told something that stopped me in my tracks: “Don’t give love if you expect anything in return.” At first, that sounded impossible. How could I give without hoping for even a little acknowledgment? But the more I practiced it, the more I understood: love without expectation is the only love that strengthens both the giver and the receiver.

And here’s the surprising part—when love did come back to me, it felt even more powerful. Because I knew it wasn’t coerced or earned—it was freely given, just as mine was.

The Freedom of Pure Love

We all have motives. That doesn’t automatically make our love wrong. But when love becomes a tool for control—when it’s about getting rather than giving—it loses its meaning. It won’t fill the void we’re trying to fix.

The truth is, love doesn’t need to be returned to be valuable. Every time you give love without expectation, you affirm your own worth. You remind yourself that your heart is strong enough to love without conditions. And when love does return, it’s not a reward—it’s a gift.

SLAY Reflection

  • Do you give love without expecting it in return—or do you secretly hope for something back?

  • When you’ve given love with motives, how did it feel different from giving freely?

  • What happens to your sense of self when you love without conditions?

  • Can you recall a time you received love that was given without expectation? How did it impact you?

  • How can you begin practicing unconditional love today, even in small ways?

S – Stop and check your intentions before giving love.
L – Let go of the scorecard. Love isn’t a tally sheet.
A – Accept that love is enough on its own.
Y – Yield to the freedom that comes from giving without strings.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself giving love to get something back? What shifted when you began to love without expectation?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.