Giving love should be it’s own reward. It shouldn’t matter whether that love is returned or not, it’s nice, and it’s preferable, but should not be the intention behind the love you give. If you’re giving love only to get it in return your intentions or motives cancel out the love you are giving, it’s not pure of heart, unconditional or given because it is how you truly feel or hope the other person feels upon receiving it. If you have the capacity to give love than any return of that love is a bonus, and by giving it freely, with no expectation of return, we build our own self-love and inner spirituality of who we truly are and what your purpose is.
Giving love only to get it, or expect it in return, is taping into our people-pleasing or approval-seeking motives. It is not truly love if we are giving it with the expectation of getting back what we’ve given. Love is love, period. To give anything else is not love, but a manipulation to get an expected response or attention to make ourselves feel better. It’s selfish and self-centered. And yet, it can be easy to do if we don’t keep ourselves in check and maintain what our motives truly are for the love we give. Only real love does not ask for love back. It is our pride that throws itself in the way of love and redirects it’s pure of heart. the give-and-take games we play, the scorecard we keep of the love that is seemingly returned to us only destroys love and our sense of self-worth.
I look at these words and recognize myself in this behavior from my past. I too was guilty of giving love with the expectation of receiving it or something else in return. I used to it to manipulate, to look favorably to others and to try to force something into being that wasn’t genuine or authentic. I also used it to make myself feel better, to pump up my ego or sense of importance. I was told, early in my recovery, that I was only to give love if I wasn’t expecting anything in return and that made me pause each time I thought I wanted to share or give my love to someone, what were my true intentions? I was told that unless I had no expectations of getting anything at all in return, even credit, I should not give love. That seemed like a tall order, but it kept my honest, and, it also made the love I received even more special, because I knew that love had come from my heart and not my head trying to force a particular outcome. I also was able to realize how incredible it felt to give love without expectations, and even if nothing came back, I knew my heart was in the right place. I talk a lot about being rigorously honest, and this is an area where the practicing of it really comes into play. Pause, and ask yourself, why you are truly wanting to give love, is it because that is how you feel, or is there something more selfish behind your love?
We all can have motives behind our love, that doesn’t mean the love we give is bad, or wrong, but when we start to use love as a way to get what we want or get a response we want, and use it get love, it is false, it is not true love and it will never fill that void you are looking to fill. It’s only when we give love from our hearts, with no expectations in return do we truly know the meaning of love, and when that love is returned, that love will fill your heart with love. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you give love without expecting it in return? Or, do you have other motives for giving your love? Have you thought about why you give love? Why do you do it? Are you afraid to do it? When, in the past, have you given love with a motive behind it. What was the result? When have you given love without any expectation? What was the result of that? If you received something back in both scenarios, how did it feel different? What did you prefer? We are beings full of love and when we give that love to others, from our heart, without any other reason, but to share our love, our own love inside us to those who cross our path and touch our hearts, it’s then, and only then, our love is given in the right way.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you