self care

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

No matter who we are, what we look like, or how much we take care of ourselves, there are always things about our bodies we don’t like. And for some, things we hate. Even typing the word hate when talking about body image makes my whole body recoil. I used to hate my body. It never looked the way I thought it should. I realize now, those expectations I had were unrealistic, and those women who I compared myself to, on TV or in magazines, likely didn’t look that either, I know because I work in a profession where there are many paid professionals to make us look our best, and better than we look in life. But I can still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. What is it about our brains that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough?

This goes back to my favorite topic self-love, something that I know may make a lot of you take a step back, and it also goes to acceptance. We’ve all been made in different shapes and sizes. And all of those shapes and sizes are beautiful, and all have traits and features that others don’t have. We tend to always be drawn to what we don’t have. But what if we focused on what we do have? And how we can make the most of what we have and showcase our assets in the best way?

I used to place the utmost importance on being thin, no matter what the cost. That obsession manifested itself in an eating disorder, and even at my lowest weight, it still wasn’t good enough. For me, now, it’s about being healthy and happy. I do eat well, I watch what I eat, I exercise, but I’ll also allow myself a piece of chocolate cake, it’s not something I eat every day, but every now and again, when I come across one particularly enticing, I indulge, and enjoy that. It no longer makes me feel guilty if I eat that cake, and I no longer punish myself for it like I used to. It’s about moderation today and enjoying life.

I used to use food as a reward or a way to punish myself. I would reward myself for something I had done with food I loved, but maybe deprived myself of, and I would also use it to punish myself when I wanted to feel bad about myself and I would eat things that would make me feel sick, or overeat for the same result. Neither of these actions are healthy eating, or way of finding a healthy body image. We should love the body we’re in, it allows us to do a lot of things, maybe not all the things we would like, but it gets us around, it brings us to the ones we love, it protects us from harm, so why don’t we protect and love it for doing all that it does for us? Why can’t we accept it for what it is?

No matter what your body looks like there is always something beautiful about it. Whether you’re athletic, or curvy, tall or short, there is something to celebrate, something that you can make your own, and own it! Find those parts of your body, or things your body enables you to do, and be grateful for all that your body does, and find things about your body to love. There is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence, so be proud SLAYER of the body you’re in and show it some love as you continue to use it to walk this journey and this path. You are beautiful, just as you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you like your body? If yes, what do you love? If not, why not? What don’t you like? Why? Are those things something you can change or work on? Have you worked on them? If not, why not? Are there things you’ve always struggled with in terms of body image? What specifically? Why do you think that is? Are these current reasons or stories from your past? SLAYER, you’re body may not always look exactly how you would like, but if you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself you can feel confident in how you look. We’re not all meant to look the same. We are meant to be healthy and happy, and when that priority is put before body image, you may be surprised how beautiful you find your body, and how grateful you are to have the body you’re in.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

What Are You Craving? What Are You Trying To Hide?

We’ve all reached for something—food, alcohol, social media, shopping, chaos—just to feel something else. Or to feel nothing at all. But what if that craving isn’t about the thing you’re reaching for… but the feeling you’re avoiding?

Back then, I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I told myself I was “treating” myself after a hard day. I said I deserved it. But the truth is, I was hiding. I didn’t want to feel what I was actually feeling. I just wanted to be numb.

And sometimes? I even punished myself—intentionally making myself sick or miserable—because I believed I deserved to feel bad. I couldn’t have told you that then, of course. I was too busy drowning it all out. But beneath the noise was pain. Shame. Grief. Fear. All buried under years of distractions I labeled as self-care.

The Cost of Avoiding Our Feelings

It makes me sad when I look back on those years. Because today, I feel everything—and I’m no longer afraid of it. Feelings aren’t enemies; they’re messengers. When I numb out, it’s a sign I need to slow down and listen. Because if I’m hiding from my feelings, I’ve lost touch with my authenticity.

We all use outside things to shift our mood. That’s human. But when it becomes a lifestyle—when we rely on numbing to avoid discomfort—it becomes a problem. And eventually, it all catches up to us.

I know. I hit the wall. Hard. And I’m lucky to have survived the crash.

Facing the Tsunami

The scariest part of healing was removing all those distractions. I took away every single thing I used to hide behind—and the feelings came rushing in. It felt like standing on a beach watching a tsunami race toward me, with no life jacket, no boat, no plan.

But I survived.

I didn’t survive it alone. I had support—others who were just learning how to feel again too. We held each other up. We practiced sitting with emotions that terrified us. We learned that feelings won’t kill you—but avoiding them might.

Learning to Listen

Now, even the hard emotions teach me something. They tell me when I need rest. When I need to set a boundary. When I owe someone an apology. When I have more work to do.

But they also show me joy. Love. Gratitude. They remind me I deserve to feel good—and that I must be open to feelings in order to receive them.

Feelings don’t control me today. I listen. I feel. I ask myself what they’re trying to tell me. And then I take action that honors who I am now—not who I used to be.

That’s what healing looks like. That’s what owning your power looks like. And that is a feeling worth sitting with.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What feelings do you avoid or try to numb?
  2. What do you reach for when you’re uncomfortable—and what are you really seeking?
  3. How has avoiding your emotions impacted your life in the past?
  4. What might happen if you allowed yourself to fully feel today?
  5. Are you ready to listen to what your feelings are trying to tell you?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Slow down and check in with your emotions.
  • Listen to what they’re telling you.
  • Acknowledge the urge to numb—and choose a different path.
  • You are allowed to feel everything.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one feeling you’ve been avoiding lately—and what do you think it’s trying to tell you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel their feelings, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

If You Feel Like Shining A Flashlight, Pick Up A Mirror

There are times when we all judge people in our lives, we think we have a better solution, or better way of living, or we don’t agree with the decisions they are making. Before stepping on this path, I often had opinions of how others should be doing things, but never wanted anyone to do the same to me, and I certainly didn’t want to do it to myself. It made me feel better about myself to tell others what they should be doing, what they were doing wrong but that behavior was really must a smokescreen, what I was doing in my own life also could have been done better, and I was doing plenty of things wrong, even though I wouldn’t have admitted it then.

What I’ve learned on this path is that when those urges to direct other people’s lives comes up for me, that’s an indication that I need some direction myself. That I’m not practicing my own self-care and because of that old behaviors are coming up to deflect those feelings that I am not doing the work to give myself what I need to live a healthy life. For me, my mental health hinges on me taking care of myself and when I don’t, those voices, that negative bullshit committee, starts to chime in and get rowdy. It will tell me that I’m fine and have me look out instead of in. I used to fall for those voices, listen to them, and even though there were times I knew they were lying to me, it seemed easier to focus on everyone else’s life and what I thought they were doing wrong, than turn the spotlight on myself. Now, having been on this path for over 12 ½ years, I know when I start to have those thoughts or urges to direct others today, I need to look back at myself, because there is probably some work to do there.

What we typically find wrong with other people’s lives are the same things we also should change or look at within ourselves. We find those things in others so offensive because we recognize our own behavior in them and want to fix them, but may recoil at the thought of applying those same fixes to ourselves. We may have gotten comfortable being stagnant, we may have dug ourselves in there, thinking that’s where we belong, but to truly be happy, to truly reach our full potential and to truly live authentically we need to be constantly checking in to make sure we’re doing all the things we need to do to give ourselves what we need to be happy and healthy, and that does require some work. It’s funny how, when we’re in a lot of pain, we’re willing to be to great lengths to find a solution, but when things get good we can get lazy, and that’s when the bad sneak can sneak back in and find a home, because as much as we’re learning so is whatever drives the negativity of our mental health, it’s learning right along with us, and it’s always trying to figure out the workaround and how to crash that bus.

In those times when you feel the need to tell others how to fix their lives, pause, and use that opportunity to look within and make sure that all those things you like to do tell others to do, you are doing yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to show or tell people how to run their life? Why do you think you do that? Do you take your own advice? How well do you receive direction or suggestions from other people? How does it feel when someone does it to you? Do you think about what is said? Do you take action on what they suggest? Do you see how your need to tell others what to do can be a deflection of work you should be doing and are not? Write down some examples of when you’ve noticed this. What was the result of not doing the work? Did you finally do the work? How did that feel? When you recognized what need to be done, was it the same work that you have suggested others do? When you have the urge to look out SLAYER, use that as an indicator to look within, to take inventory and see if there is work there that you have been putting off, or should do to be your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Talk To Your Younger Self

I’ve brought this up before, especially for those struggling with self-care and negative self-talk, to talk to your younger self, or care for your younger self, because sometimes it’s easier to start there, you wouldn’t treat that little you as harshly as you would the you of today. I’ve often thought about what I would say to myself, and I guess, by doing the speaking I do, I do get to do that in a sense. I get to share what I know now with those like myself who are perhaps still struggling, or just starting on their path. Whenever I am called on to speak in front of group, I always ask to myself before I begin, what would I want to hear. But, I think that’s a good approach in learning to talk to ourselves in a healthier and more positive way. What would you want to hear?

For me, I think back to the scared and unsure girl, so full of hopes and dreams, and not sure she had what it takes to get them, just wanting to escape, to be somewhere else, to hide. I think back to her, see her in my mind, and think about what I would say to her today, how I would care for her, what I would make sure she knew. But I can do that, because she is in me, she’s there, and it’s that little girl who I fight for every day. Who I protect. Encourage. Cheer on. And comfort. She is who I SLAY for. She is worth everything in the world. She is my heart.

So now, when I get in my head, when the negative self-talk kicks in, and it still does from time to time, I think about her, and I think about those negative things I’m saying to myself being said to her and it breaks my heart. That stops it for me. The puts it to an end.

I also talk to my younger self when I have self-doubt. I think back to the fear I had as a child and I think about what I would say to her now, and then I say it. Because no matter what my age is, that girl is still there, she’s fighting each day along with me, she’s laughing with me, she’s winning with me, and she’s losing with me. She’s doing it all. But she is the source of my shine, she radiates light at my core, her excitement, her love of adventure, her big heart, she is the life force that keeps me going. To do something to hurt her would kill my core self, my heart, my soul.

It is important to acknowledge and talk to our younger selves. When we get knocked down, it’s those younger selves who need comforting, who need to be picked up again and told it’s going to be OK. It’s our younger selves who can teach us the importance of self-care and self-love, and when we may feel it’s selfish, our younger selves remind us it is not. It is our younger selves who remind us who we truly are, before life got in the way and stripped us of that goodness and innocence, but we can regain that, only now we have some amour to protect it, and them. Let your younger self shine, celebrate them and who they are, because they, are we and our most pure. Never say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to your younger self, care for, nurture, stand by those young versions of us, they are the key to everything we want and work for. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk to you younger self? If yes, what do you say? If not, have you ever thought about it? How do you feel about talking to your younger self? If you could say something, what would you say today? How would you protect your younger self? What can you do today to protect your younger self? Is self-care and self-love easier to practice when you visualize you saying and doing what you are to your younger self? Do it SLAYER. I challenge you to think about your younger self over the next week. Talk to them, care for them, remember what makes them so special and why they shine so bright, and remind yourself that that younger you lives inside of you, it is the center of who you are, so let that little light shine from your younger self and let it turn into beacon of hope, love, and your best you. Let your light shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Not able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? No problem, here’s what you missed!

Refresh, Relax, Recharge

We all lead busy lives, wear a lot of hats, and we put ourselves under enormous pressure each day to be all things to all people, but we often forget to be there for ourselves. To unwind. To practice self-care. To recharge.

My schedule has been really busy, and I thrive on busy, but I do need to take time for myself each day to give back to myself. Some days that is harder than others. But I look for ways, even if it’s small, to do something nice for myself, or do something that I will thank myself for later. But every so often I get caught up in the rat race and I feel rundown. That feeling hit me like a ton of bricks a few days ago. I just hit a wall. Now the old me would have pushed through, not been present, probably would have been resentful, but gotten it done. My ego would have said, “well done,” but my spirit would have been gasping for air…or a nap. I am thankful that many years of work and practicing self-care gave me enough awareness that I saw the warning signs, felt them, and canceled my afternoon to take of myself for the rest of the day. And that, felt amazing.

It is easy to forget to take care of ourselves, often we are at the bottom of our own list. We run around, busy, doing things for everyone else, and forget to check in to see what we need. Or, we may feel guilty for needing anything at all. We shouldn’t. We all need some rest from time to time. That doesn’t make us weak, that doesn’t make us a loser, or less-than, it makes us healthy, self-loving individuals who make sure we are balancing our lives with stuff we need to do, stuff we want to do for others, and, stuff that let’s us unwind, and gets our torch burning again. I’ve said this many times, here at STATE OF SLAY and on my livestream SLAY TALK LIVE, we can’t offer someone something we don’t have. If our tank is empty there is nothing we give to someone else. It is of great importance that we make sure we are getting that, and doing that for ourselves. It is not selfish, it is self-love.

I know from experience, for me, that when I rundown, I start to disconnect from myself, as a way to push through the exhaustion, or pain, or stress, but when I do that I am not listening to my own wants and needs, I am just propelling myself forward, and that is when I can get hurt. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I know, from doing it many times in the past, that I am headed for trouble when I’m in that state, and, I have put myself in dangerous situations when I’m walking around without an awareness of my own needs.

It is OK to take time for ourselves. It is OK to nourish ourselves, to love ourselves enough that we do what’s best for us. Even if that comes before someone else’s needs. Sometimes we need to slow down, and sometimes that means we have to tell someone we can’t do something, or need to reschedule for another day, and all of that is OK, it’s more than OK, it’s great. Anyone who loves you will understand, and should understand, that you need to take care of you, but most importantly, you need to understand that it is OK to take care of you. It’s great to do things for others in your life, but not that the cost of your own self-care, make sure you are taking the time in your life to refresh, relax, recharge. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you over-schedule your life? When you’re planning your days or weeks, to you schedule time to rest, do something you like, or take a break? If not, why not? Do you see that if you are run down that you don’t have much to give someone else? What can you do to refresh, relax and recharge this week? Why don’t you write that into your schedule SLAYER, schedule some YOU time, and see if that makes a difference in how smoothly your days go.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Thank you to all of you who joined me tonight for a SLAY TALK LIVE full of love!

For those who weren’t able to join us, here’s what you missed.

Slay Talk Live Video

Good evening SLAYERS! For those of you who didn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, here’s what you missed! Hopefully you can join us next month, until then…SLAY on.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are two types of pain, pain that hurts you, and change that changes you. You decide how your pain will affect you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stuck (1)

 

Pain Can Be A Good Thing

Crazy concept right? How can pain be good? In my case it turned out to be. It took being in the excruciating pain I was in for me finally to surrender and ask for help. Now, I wish I had surrendered long before I did, I realize now how much self-inflicted pain I caused myself, but, it took that amount of pain, for that amount of time, for me to finally say enough. And for that, I am grateful. Pain is a big indicator that something is wrong, either with us, or the circumstances we are in. It’s a red flag that something is wrong. I do not believe we are meant to live in pain, but many times it’s what finally gets us to a place where we’re open to change, and in those cases, pain is good.

It seems like we go through much of our lives trying to avoid pain, so much so that some of us disengage from life to avoid it, and there are others out there who seem to run to it head on, leaving a path of destruction behind them, including, sometimes, themselves. The trick is to use pain to our advantage, as an indicator that something is wrong, and to allow it encourage us to make changes, or to reflect on our own decisions and actions that have gotten us to a place of pain. When we are in pain it’s time to put on that detective hat again and find out the facts. What is really going on? What is causing our pain? Why are we feeling pain? What can we do to stop the pain? Remember, we are in control of how we feel, and if something is wrong, it’s time to investigate why and then take action to make it better. Finding yourself in pain can also help you recognize what you want in life, and what your needs are. Pain can shine a light on needs that might not be met, so, there is another area to look at, what are your needs and are they being met? If they’re not, how do you change that? It’s also time to look at whether the pain you’re feeling is real or if it’s fear-based. We can suffer so much pain at our own hands and it can be all just worrying and fear we’ve created in our heads. Again, what are the facts? Have you created unnecessary pain in your life because of worrying about things you have no control over? And finally pain can bring us closer to others, or help us build a community around us. I know it did for me. Because I reached out and connected with others who were also in pain, or had been where I was, I started to build a new circle of friends who not only understood my pain, but had some suggestions of how to stop it, from that I learned how to be a better friend and how to get out of the painful cycle I was in.

Like most things, it’s all a matter of perspective, and pain is no different. Use the pain you may be feeling to your advantage, use it to get yourself to a better place, one in which you can thrive and continue to expand your world. When we are open to change, and open to looking, truthfully, at our own actions, we are in a position to stop the cycle that may have led us down a painful road. Take charge of your pain and take the time to learn about yourself so that you can make better choices down the road, and maybe, stop being so fearful of the pain that pops up in your life in the future, looking at it as an opportunity to examine the pain in your life and to take action to leave it behind.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hide or run away from pain or painful situations in your life? Do you see by looking at the pain and dealing with hit head on it can be used to make positive changes in your life? How can you change your attitude toward pain to look at it as more of a tool rather than something to hide from? Or, do you invite pain into your life willingly? Do you purposely cause yourself pain? Why? Does this seem like healthy behavior? What can you do to change that behavior? SLAYER, challenge yourself to think of pain differently, use it to your advantage and see how much of a happier and healthier life you have. We all will experience pain, it’s how we react to it that makes us SLAYERS. Pick up your sword be brave and face it, be strong to change it, and be humble enough to ask for help when you need it. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you