personal development

Be A Light, Not A Fixer

It’s in our nature to want to help—especially when someone we care about is struggling. We offer advice. We brainstorm solutions. We try to fix what’s broken. But more often than not, people don’t want to be fixed. They want to be seen. Heard. Accepted. And the greatest gift we can offer them isn’t a fix—it’s our light.

When Advice Isn’t What’s Needed

Before walking this path, I never wanted advice.

When someone tried to tell me how to live or what to do, I’d shut down. My ears would ring with resistance. I wasn’t ready to hear it—even when it came from love.

What did make a difference? Watching someone who had been where I was… live differently. Heal differently. Shine differently. Their life, not their advice, became the spark that lit something in me. It was their example—not their instruction—that showed me another way was possible.

We’re Not Here to Fix

Seeing someone in pain can awaken our need to act. We want to step in. To fix. To redirect. But when that urge becomes overwhelming or obsessive, it’s worth asking: What’s really going on inside me?

Being a fixer can sometimes be about control—about our discomfort with someone else’s struggle. But healing doesn’t work that way. It can’t be forced. It can only be chosen.

We’re most powerful when we walk the walk. When we focus on our own healing, our own growth, our own joy—and let that speak for itself.

Let Your Light Speak

Years ago, someone from my past reached out unexpectedly. We hadn’t always gotten along, and they’d never asked me for advice before. But something had shifted. They saw how I’d changed. How I was living. And they wanted to know how.

That conversation never would’ve happened if I’d tried to force a message down their throat. But because I simply lived my truth—and shared my light—they were able to find their own courage to ask for more.

Being a light isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. Radiating kindness. Living with integrity. And creating space where others can feel safe enough to begin their own healing.

So the next time you feel the pull to fix someone, pause. Instead, ask yourself how you can shine a little brighter today—and trust that your light is doing more than you think.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Are You a Fixer or a Light?

  • Do you often feel the urge to fix others? Where does that come from?
  • What usually happens when you try to solve someone else’s problems?
  • Have you been inspired by someone simply by the way they live? What stood out?
  • Are you open to letting others find their path in their own time?
  • How can you focus more on being an example rather than a solution?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to shine instead of fix?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling the weight of wanting to fix it all, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a shift—from fixing to shining.

Words Can Hurt And Words Can Heal

Words can build bridges.
Words can burn them down.

They can make someone feel seen, valued, loved—or they can tear open wounds that never fully heal. The truth is, words are some of the most powerful tools we have. And yet, many of us throw them around carelessly, forgetting that once spoken, they can’t be taken back.

We’re living in a world that feels more divided and reactive than ever. Which is why this matters so much: the way we speak—to others and to ourselves—matters. It always has. And it always will.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Language of My Past

Before I began walking this path, I used words as weapons.
I used them to hurt, to manipulate, to control the narrative.

Even more painfully, I used them on myself. Quietly. Cruelly. I would tell myself I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t deserve love, that I was destined to fail. And those words? They stuck. They festered. They kept me small.

I remember being told early in my recovery that I had a barbed tongue. At the time, I almost wore it like a badge of honor—proof I could defend myself in any verbal battle. But really, I was just scared. I was always in fear. And fear made me lash out. It made me forget that love—real love—starts with what we say when no one else is listening.

The Way You Speak to Yourself Shapes Everything

If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, why say it to yourself?

That was the question that changed everything for me. Because the truth is, we’re always listening to our own inner dialogue. And when we speak harshly to ourselves, our body, heart, and mind all take that in.

So I started small.
I started with one kind sentence a day.
Sometimes I didn’t believe it. Sometimes it felt fake.
But I kept going.

And eventually, those gentle words turned into something bigger: compassion. Forgiveness. Even love.

Speak Like It Matters—Because It Does

When I shifted the way I spoke to myself, something else changed: the way I spoke to others. And sometimes that was easier—giving kind words to others, even when I couldn’t give them to myself. But what I found is that the more kindness I gave away, the more I saw myself as someone capable of kindness. The cycle slowly started to shift.

Today, I try to ask myself before I speak:
Will these words hurt or heal?

That one question has the power to change a conversation. A relationship. A life. Let your words be the ones that bring light—not pain.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you pause before you speak, or do your words just pour out?
  • Have your words ever hurt someone you love? What happened?
  • How do you speak to yourself—especially when you’re struggling?
  • Can you remember a time when your words helped someone heal?
  • What would change if you made kindness your default language?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small way you can use your words today to heal instead of hurt—either for yourself or someone else?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been hard on themselves lately, send this to them.
Sometimes, the right words come at the right time—and change everything.

Are You Disappointed With The Results Of The Work You Didn’t Do?

It’s easy to feel disappointed when things don’t work out the way we’d hoped. But here’s the hard truth: sometimes we’re disappointed not because life let us down, but because we didn’t show up and do the work. We wanted the results, but skipped the steps it takes to earn them.

I know this because I lived it. For years, I clung to magical thinking—believing that somehow, some way, the good things I wanted would just appear. I thought if I wished hard enough or hoped long enough, the change I needed would show up without me having to actually do anything different.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

Wishing Isn’t Working

Looking back, I realize how much time I wasted waiting for something to happen instead of making something happen. I was stuck in the cycle of perfectionism and low self-worth—telling myself there was no point in trying if I couldn’t do it perfectly, or that I wasn’t worthy of the outcome anyway. So I stayed stuck, watching others get the results I wanted while doing nothing to change my own situation.

Scrolling through social media didn’t help. I saw people thriving, hitting milestones, sharing wins. And I wanted that. But instead of getting inspired, I got resentful. Why not me?

The truth: I hadn’t done the work. They had.

The Shift Begins with a Step

It took hitting a true bottom—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—for me to finally reach out and ask for help. I didn’t know what the path looked like, and I didn’t need to. I just had to take the first step. That single act—picking up the phone and admitting I needed support—set everything into motion.

As I walked this new path, I started to do the work. And the results came. Slowly at first, but with each effort, my life began to change. The more I invested in myself, the more I believed I was worthy of what I was building. And that belief—that self-worth—became the true result of the work I was doing.

Results Take Action

No one can do this for you. Not your friends, not your partner, not your mentor. The transformation starts with you. It might feel overwhelming to imagine all the work it takes to change your life, but you don’t have to do it all at once. You only have to do what’s in front of you. One step, one moment, one decision at a time.

Doing the work shifts your mindset. It silences the doubts and empowers you to keep going. Even when the results aren’t immediate or perfect, the effort is building something better. Something sustainable. Something real.

If you want change, you have to move. Wishful thinking might feel comfortable, but real change requires real effort. The work is where the transformation happens.

So ask yourself: Are you ready to stop hoping for results and start working for them?

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Time to Get Honest

  • Do you expect results from work you haven’t done?

  • Have you used magical thinking to justify inaction? How has that worked for you?

  • Can you remember a time when hard work led to a positive result? How did that feel?

  • What first step can you take today toward a goal you’ve been avoiding?

  • How might your life change if you committed to action instead of waiting for a miracle?

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to start.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve been hoping would change without putting in the work? And what’s one step you can take today to shift that?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the wishing phase, send this to them.
Sometimes, we just need a reminder that we already have what it takes.

Looking Through Your Own Tinted Glasses

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we see life through our own lens. How easy it is to adjust the tint to suit the story we want to tell—or the one we’re trying to avoid.

Because the truth is, when we keep those glasses on, we keep ourselves from seeing what’s real.

The Comfortable Distortion

When I was living in the dark, I wore every shade of tinted glasses you can imagine. I’d change the lens to match my mood, my fears, or the lies I was telling myself.

Reality? I didn’t want to face it. It was too painful. Too overwhelming. Too raw.

So I hid. I convinced myself that my version of the story—my distorted, safer version—was enough. I ignored the cracks in my life, the hurt I was causing myself and others, and I justified it all with the filters I chose to wear.

But eventually, the truth caught up with me. And when it did, I realized how small and dark my world had become.

Taking Off the Glasses

It wasn’t easy. Seeing life without those filters meant facing the choices I’d made, the damage I’d done, and the lies I’d told. It meant admitting that I was the one holding myself back.

But in that hard truth, I found something I hadn’t expected: hope.

I discovered that even when the view was painful, it was honest. It was real. And it gave me a path forward.

As I began my journey of recovery, I learned to live in reality. To lean on others who were also learning to live in their truth. To reach out for help when my reality felt overwhelming.

And over time, I realized that reality—messy, uncomfortable, imperfect—is where life really happens.

Seeing Life Clearly

These days, I still feel the temptation to slip those tinted glasses back on when life gets hard. But I remind myself that hiding doesn’t solve anything. It just keeps me stuck.

Reality can be painful. But it’s also where growth lives. It’s where connections deepen, where healing begins, and where we finally get to see ourselves—truly see ourselves.

And the more I practice living in the clear, the more I realize how much beauty there is in truth.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you tend to hide behind tinted glasses to avoid facing your truth?
What fears or stories are you using those lenses to cover up?
What might your life look like if you took them off today?
How can you begin practicing honesty with yourself and those around you?
What’s one small step you can take today to start living in the clear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one truth you’re ready to face today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to see reality, send this to them.
Sometimes, a small nudge is all it takes to lift the veil.

H.O.W. – Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness

Before walking this path, I constantly asked myself how.

How did I let things get this bad? How had I lost control of my life? How could I stop the pain?

What I didn’t realize was that the answer was in the question itself: H.O.W.—Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.

It was right in front of me the whole time. I just wasn’t ready to see it.

The Missing Ingredient

Back then, I wasn’t practicing any of those things. I was stubborn. I wasn’t being honest about my part in my suffering. And I wasn’t willing to change.

I had to fall a lot further before I finally landed on my knees and asked for help. That pain—the kind I had a hand in creating—was the very thing that pushed me to take action. Once I committed to getting better, I was told I had to live by H.O.W.

To get rigorously honest. To stay open to new ways of doing things. To be willing to do the work.

It didn’t all come at once. Sometimes willingness was all I had—and that was enough to begin. Because willingness almost always leads to action, and action leads to change.

A Lifelong Practice

Today, I still check in with myself using H.O.W. I ask:

  • Am I being honest about where I am?
  • Am I open to the next right step?
  • Am I willing to take action even when it’s uncomfortable?

Because here’s the truth: we don’t graduate from this work. We stay in it. We grow from it. And we live better because of it.

You Already Have the Answer

No matter where you are on your journey, ask yourself: Are you living with H.O.W.?

Are you stuck somewhere because it feels comfortable—or because you think it’s where you deserve to be?

When you get honest about your answers, stay open to new perspectives, and become willing to act, you can change your entire life.

H.O.W. isn’t just a tool. It’s the roadmap.

You hold the key. SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: What’s Your H.O.W. Check-In?

  • Do you keep asking how you got to where you are—and how to break the cycle?
  • Are you being truly honest about your patterns and choices?
  • How open are you to doing things differently—even if it’s unfamiliar?
  • What small action can you take today with willingness at the center?
  • What would your life look like if you really leaned into H.O.W.?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready for change but doesn’t know where to start, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a roadmap—and a nudge.

Be The Attitude You Want To Be Around

We’ve all felt it—that lift you get from someone’s positive energy. The kind of vibe that makes a room feel warmer, lighter, better. We seek it out, gravitate toward it, and sometimes, we depend on it. But here’s a truth that changed everything for me:

Instead of waiting to be around the energy you want, be it.

Don’t get me wrong—we need good people in our lives. Community, support, and encouragement are vital. But real change happens when you stop outsourcing your attitude—and start showing up as the person you wish you could find.

I Wasn’t Always That Person

When I was deep in my darkness, I avoided positive people. They annoyed me. I didn’t trust their joy. I assumed it was fake. And, if I’m being honest, I didn’t want them to see the way I was living.

But beneath all that judgment was jealousy.

I admired them. I just didn’t believe I could ever be like them.

Recovery taught me otherwise.

It showed me that joy can be genuine. That light isn’t fake—it’s earned. And I could earn it, too.

So I made a promise to myself: I would become the person I wanted to be around.

Not overnight. But one day at a time.

Give What You Wish to Get

In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I had much to offer. I was still shaky, still figuring it out. But someone reminded me:

Even if you’re just a few steps in, you’ve got something to share.

Because someone else is just starting out. And to them, you might look like a mile ahead.

So I showed up. I told the truth. I dropped the act and chose transparency. And little by little, I built trust in myself by being accountable, being honest, and shifting from asking, “What can I get?” to “What can I give?”

And I found that even on my worst days, if I could help someone else, it helped me too.

Sometimes, two bad days colliding can spark one good one.

Attitude Is Energy

Gratitude was a big part of this shift. When I started focusing on what I had instead of what I lacked, everything changed.

Even the hard things didn’t feel impossible anymore—because I wasn’t tackling them alone. I learned to ask for help. That was huge for me.

Asking for help didn’t make me weak. It made me real.

And in asking, I often gave someone else the gift of showing up. We got closer. We built something.

Because we all need help sometimes.

Become the Energy You Admire

Think about the attitudes you’re drawn to. What do you admire in others? What kind of energy lifts you up?

Now ask yourself:

What if that’s already inside of me?

What if the very thing you’re craving is something you’re meant to cultivate and share?

Start there. Be that. You might just find your truest self waiting on the other side.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • What attitude or energy am I most drawn to?
  • Do I embody that energy—or just chase it in others?
  • What’s stopping me from becoming that kind of person?
  • How can I use gratitude and service to shift my own energy?
  • What’s one small step I can take today to be the vibe I want to be around?

S – L – A – Y

S: See the energy you admire in others.
L: Listen to how your own attitude shows up.
A: Act in alignment with the energy you want to attract.
Y: Yield to your inner strength—it’s always been there.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s the attitude you want to be around—and how are you choosing to embody it in your own life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on becoming their best self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Creativity Takes Courage

It takes real courage to put your creativity out into the world. When we express ourselves creatively—whether through art, writing, music, or any other outlet—we’re exposing a part of ourselves. We’re showing something personal and vulnerable. And that can be scary.

The fear of criticism, rejection, or being told we’re “not enough” can stop us from ever taking that leap. So many people let their creative spark die out because they’re afraid of what others might say—or worse, what they might say to themselves. But here’s the truth: your creativity is a gift. And the world needs to see it.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Overcoming the Fear

Before I found my own courage, fear kept me small. My creative fire was there, but it was often snuffed out by my own doubts. Opportunities would come my way, and instead of stepping into them, I let the voice in my head—the one telling me I wasn’t good enough—hold me back.

That voice, that negative “committee” in my head, whispered things like: “You’re wasting your time,” “You’re not talented,” or “You’ll embarrass yourself.” And for a while, I listened. I let those fears rob me of moments where I could have shined. I let them convince me that I wasn’t worthy of good things.

It wasn’t until I started learning to love myself—truly love myself—that I found the strength to fight back against those lies. I realized that fear was never the truth. The antidote was embracing vulnerability, leaning into my creative spark, and trusting that I was enough as I was.

Your Unique Light

Every single one of us is born with talents. They’re uniquely ours, and it’s up to us to nurture them and share them with the world. When you embrace your creativity and let your voice be heard, you give others permission to do the same.

It may feel like a leap of faith at first. But every time you step into your creativity—whether it’s a small act or a grand gesture—you’re building confidence. You’re feeding that inner flame.

Trust in the creative force inside you. Let it guide you. Believe that what you have to offer is not only enough, but valuable. When you embrace your gifts, fine-tune them, and share them, you inspire others to do the same. And sometimes, your greatest talent is simply having the courage to show up and express who you are.

SLAY OF THE DAY

  • Do you believe in yourself and your creative talents?
  • When opportunities arise, do you share your creativity, or do you hold back? Why?
  • What inspires you about the creativity of others?
  • Have you had a positive experience sharing your creative gifts? How did that make you feel?
  • If a past experience wasn’t positive, what could you have done differently to change that?
  • How have you grown by expressing your creativity?
  • What’s one courageous step you can take today to share your creative fire?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one creative step you’ll take today that makes you feel brave?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to let our creative flames burn brighter.

And if you know someone who’s holding back their creative gifts, share this with them.
Sometimes, we all need a reminder that we’re capable of more.

It’s Not The Pain That Helps Us Grow, It’s Our Response To It

Before I stepped onto this path, I walked through a lot of pain.

Not gracefully.
Not reflectively.
More like a storm spinning out of control—reactive, destructive, and exhausting.

I told myself, and was often told by others, that the pain was making me stronger. That suffering was proof of growth. That endurance alone was somehow building character.

But looking back, I can see the truth much more clearly now:

The pain wasn’t strengthening me.
My response to it was weakening me.

And in many cases, I was the source of my own pain.

That realization wasn’t comfortable—but it was freeing. Because it showed me that growth was never about how much pain I endured. It was about what I did after the pain showed up.

Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional

Pain is part of being human.

We get hurt.
We get disappointed.
We get blindsided—sometimes by others, sometimes by life itself.

But pain alone doesn’t create growth.

Pain without awareness creates repetition.
Pain without reflection creates cycles.
Pain without honesty keeps us stuck.

What determines growth isn’t the pain itself—it’s whether we react from old wounds or respond with clarity.

And there is always a choice.

Reaction Keeps Us Stuck Response Moves Us Forward

There’s a difference between reacting and responding.

Reaction is impulsive.
It’s emotional.
It’s driven by fear, old stories, and survival patterns.

Response is intentional.
It’s grounded.
It’s guided by truth instead of triggers.

When I reacted to pain, I made choices that caused more pain—burning bridges, sabotaging myself, repeating patterns I swore I wanted to escape.

When pain wasn’t self-inflicted, that was where growth became possible—if I was willing to respond instead of explode.

The Myth That Pain Builds Strength

One of the most damaging stories we tell ourselves is that pain itself makes us stronger.

That belief often keeps us tolerating what we shouldn’t.
It keeps us in harmful relationships.
It keeps us justifying self-destructive behavior.

Pain doesn’t build strength.

Choices build strength.

The strength comes from what you learn.
From what you release.
From what you decide not to repeat.

The old narrative—that suffering proves worth or resilience—often keeps us returning to the same sources of harm, believing it’s “part of the process.”

It isn’t.

Getting the Facts Is How We Grow Safely

One of the core truths I return to again and again is this:
When we have the facts, we are safe.

Not the feelings.
Not the assumptions.
Not the stories shaped by past wounds.

The facts.

Looking at pain honestly—without embellishment, blame, or denial—allows us to understand its source. And once we understand the source, we gain power.

Power to choose differently.
Power to set boundaries.
Power to walk away instead of reenacting.

Pain becomes useful only when it’s investigated.

We Always Have More Control Than We Think

Here’s the part that changes everything:

We don’t control whether pain shows up—but we do control how much we let it stay.

We can:

  • Let it fester

  • Turn it into resentment

  • Use it for sympathy

  • Or learn from it and release it

Sometimes simply letting pain go is growth.

Not every wound needs a deep dive. Some lessons are learned by choosing not to engage again.

And when you’re living from self-love and honesty, destructive reactions stop feeling good. Self-sabotage loses its appeal.

Because why tear down something you’re finally learning to build?

Pain Is a Teacher Not a Home

Pain is meant to inform you—not define you.

It shows you where boundaries are needed.
It highlights what isn’t aligned.
It reveals patterns asking to be broken.

But pain is not meant to be lived in.

When you respond with curiosity instead of chaos, pain becomes data. And data leads to discernment. And discernment leads to peace.

That’s growth.

Turning Pain Into a Gift

You may have never paused to ask yourself how you typically respond to pain.

So the next time it shows up, try this:

Strip away the story.
Remove the emotional overlay.
Look at the facts.

What actually happened?
What role did you play?
What part was within your control?
What can you learn?

When you do this, pain stops being something that happens to you—and becomes something that works for you.

The greatest gift pain can offer is information.

And information, used wisely, changes everything.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What do you believe is the main source of pain in your life right now?
L: How much of that pain are you creating, allowing, or repeatedly engaging with?
A: When pain shows up, do you tend to react or respond—and how is that serving you?
Y: What could change if you chose to learn from pain instead of letting it control you?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has your response to pain shaped your growth—or where do you feel called to respond differently now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck believing pain itself is the path, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Pushing Yourself Until You Break

I used to push myself until I broke.

Whether it was exercise, my to-do list, or unrealistic expectations, I was constantly competing with myself to do more, to be more. Sure, it’s healthy to set goals, but not at the cost of your well-being. I thought pushing myself to the limit proved my worth. But it wasn’t sustainable—and it wasn’t healthy.

When You Don’t Like Yourself, You Push Too Hard

The truth was, I didn’t like myself.

I set impossible expectations and used them as a weapon against myself. I’d force myself to work out, even when sick. I’d overschedule until I was drowning. And when I couldn’t meet those unrealistic goals, I’d berate myself for failing. I never let myself rest or breathe—I was always on the go, always one step from a breakdown.

I realize now that this was my way of proving something to myself and to the world. I wanted people to see me as a superwoman who could do it all. I hoped to impress or intimidate them enough to avoid questions. But deep down, I was trapped in a toxic cycle.

Learning to Love Myself—and Find Balance

When I learned to love myself, I also learned to adjust my expectations.

I started practicing self-care, giving myself breaks, and embracing my human limitations. I realized that not completing everything on my to-do list didn’t make me a failure—it made me human. Today, I still feel frustrated when I don’t get everything done, but I’ve learned to let it go. I can always tackle it tomorrow.

Now, I focus on balance. I still juggle a lot, but I make space for flexibility. I prioritize moments with myself or someone I care about. I no longer need a completed list to feel worthy. My worth comes from listening to what I need each day, not what my ego demands.

Honor Yourself and Your Limits

Listen to yourself. Push where you want to grow, but not at the expense of your peace. Set goals and do your best—but know your best will change from day to day. The key is to put you at the top of your to-do list.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? List three.

  • What makes them unrealistic? Why do you set them?

  • What can you do to make them more realistic?

  • What can you do to continue setting realistic goals in your life?

  • How do you react when you don’t meet a goal?

  • Do you feel the need to one-up others? Why?

  • Does your ego push you past your limits to exhaustion? What can you do to stop?

Self-love and self-care should always come first. The goals you reach will be sweeter because you’ll achieve them when you’re ready—not when your ego says so.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small step you can take today to prioritize self-care and set realistic goals?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other.

And if you know someone pushing themselves too hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, the best reminder is a simple “You’re enough.”

Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right

There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.

So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.

But sometimes, the opposite is true.

Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.

Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.

Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right

We are creatures of habit.

We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.

Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.

But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.

Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.

New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.

The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route

For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.

I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.

But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.

I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.

What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.

And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.

People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution

Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.

So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.

But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.

They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.

And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.

That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.

I did too.

I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.

But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.

The Truth Always Finds You

We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.

But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.

And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.

But those difficulties aren’t punishments.

They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.

New Difficulties Mean New Growth

The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.

They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.

But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.

Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.

That doesn’t mean stop.

It means keep going.

Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand

Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.

If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.

And if they don’t — that tells you something too.

Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.

That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.

Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You

Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.

Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.

So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.

You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.