Be A Light Not A Fixer

For many of us, it is in our nature to want to fix things, to offer advice, or to help someone see there is another way. That can often come at the price of our own happiness or someone else’s who may not want to be our project or the target of our unsolicited advice, but where we can be of maximum service to others, and ourselves, is by living by example, not trying to force that example down someone else’s throat.

When I was living in the dark I was never open to hearing opinions about how I should be living my life, the moment someone started down that road my ears seized up and I began to recoil, I didn’t want to hear what you thought I was doing wrong, even though, many times, that advice was right. Ultimately, what inspired me to finally reach out for help was someone showing me, by example, that there was another way, and not someone pointing a finger at me telling me I’m doing it all wrong, I had to come to that conclusion myself, but I could see how things could be by this one individual, possibly, and knowing where that person had come from, it seems like there might also be a solution for me.

Most of us do not like being told what to do, or that we’re wrong for thinking or doing something the way we are. Seeing someone struggle or heading down the wrong path can kick up our own desires of wanting to fix someone, or enlighten them, but that is not our job, and, if we feel an uncontrollable urge to step in then that is something we need to look at in ourselves. The best way to help is to live our best lives. Be the light. Live your life in a way that is true to you, your spirit, health and allows you to be of service to others. When you live in that place we will inspire others to ask questions, to look at their own lives and to possibly seek answers. For me, that has certainly been the case, in my own recovery and in my life on this path. It is not my job to fix anyone, nor can I, and, there have been many times it has been difficult to watch someone stumble or fall on their journey, but that strength, stamina and drive has to come from them to find a solution, we can’t offer it to them unless asked. It’s like that expression that you attract more flies with honey, which is referring to something else, but it applies to this situation as well, when our lives appear to be sweet to those around us we attract a lot of flies who want to know what we’re doing to have gotten that sweet life. For example, years ago, as I was still somewhat new on my own path, but had made significant changes, someone reached out to me who was struggling with accepting a health diagnosis. This person and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye in the past and certainly had never asked me for advice on anything, as, many times, we butted heads with differing opinions, but because this person could see how much my life had changed and how much happier I was, they reached out to ask me how they could find some of that for themselves. To me, it was a big moment, one that still brings tears to my eyes, as it was the work I had been doing and the changes that were noticed that opened the door for this person to reach out and have a conversation we had never had before, and an understanding of that person that brought me some understanding and compassion.

We all want the best for those in our lives, but it’s not up to us to force upon them what we think that is, nor is it to force our opinions of what we think is right. We are of most use to those around us when we are walking the walk, when people can see a difference in us, see our light, and when we are not only doing what’s best for us, but taking into consideration those around us, as a community. When we make good choices for ourselves, we invite others to do the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to fix people in your life? How do you try to do this? What typically is the result? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? Do you think you always have the right answers or a better way of doing things? Why do you think this? Do you allow others to find their own path and have a differing of opinions? Or do you feel you are always right? How do you feel if someone tells you how to do something? Do you take their advice? We are of service the most by living our best life and sharing who we are with those around us, we can do the most good by leading by example instead of dictating what we think it should be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

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